Share Santa and Banta Jokes

[shilpa]

Hi friends, I have started one thread for Santa and Banta Jokes.. Please share your favorite jokes. I am sharing some of my favorites.

[shilpa]

Santa and Banta are riding through the desert on their horses. As they ride along, Banta smells something horrible. He stops his horse and turns around.

He says, "Hey, you shit your pants?"

Santa says, "No."

He believes him and they keep riding. As they go on, the smell gets worse. The smell is so bad, flys begin to swarm. Banta stops his horse and turns around.

He then says, "Are you sure you did not shit your pants?"

Santa, "Yes, I am sure."

They keep going and now the smell is getting to be unbearable. Santa is swatting the flys away. Banta stops his horse and gets off his horse. He then says, "Get of your horse. Pull down your pants. I thought you said you did not shit your pants?"

Santa replies, "I thought you meant today!"

[shilpa]

Q. Explain 2 tier and 3 -tier Architecture ?
A. Two wheelers like scooters will have 2 tyres and autorickshaws will have 3 tyres.

Q. I want to store more than 10 objects in a remote server? Which methodology will follow?
A. Send it through courier.

Q. Can I modify an object in CORBA?
A. As you wish , I do not have any objections.

Q. How to communicate 2 threads each other ?
A. Sorry, Non living things can't communicate.

Q. Explain RMI Architecture?
A. I am a computer professional not an architect student.

Q. What is the use of Servlets ?
A. In hotels, they can replace servers.

Q. What is the dif ference between Process and Threads?
A. Threads are small ropes. Make a rope from threads is an example for process.

Q. What is JAR file ?
A. File that can be kept inside a jar.

Q. What is JINI?
A. A ghost which was Aladdin's friend.

Q. How will you call an Applet from a _Java Script?
A. I will give invitation.

Q. What is bean ? Where it can be used ?
A. A kind of vegetable. In kitchens for cooking they can be used.

Q. Write down how will you create a binary Tree ?
A. When we sow a binary seed, a binary tree will grow.

[shilpa]

Banta, “All of the thrill is gone from my marriage.”

Santa, “Why not add some intrigue to your life and have an affair?"

Banta, “But what if my wife finds out?”

Santa, “Heck, this is a new age we live in. Go ahead and just tell her about it.”

Banta goes home to his wife and says, “Preeto, I think an affair will help bring us closer together.”

Preeto, “Forget it, I’ve already tried that. It didn’t work.”

[shilpa]

Banta called his friend, Santa, and told him that he recently met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do?

Santa said, "Send her some flowers, and on the card invite her for a home-cooked meal."

Banta liked the idea, so he invited the woman.

The day after the meal Santa calls Banta and asks about the meal.

Banta, "It was a flop idea."

Santa, "Didn't the girl come to your house?"

Banta, "She did, but she refused to cook!"

[shilpa]

A cop stops his patrol car when he sees Banta and his girlfriend sitting on the curb. Banta is laying on his side with his pants pulled down, the girl has her finger in his butt, and she's reaming away with a vengeance.

The cop says, "What the hell is going on?"

The girl says, "This is my date. When I told him I wouldn't spend the night with him, he started pounding down the booze. Now, he's too drunk to drive me home, so I'm trying to sober him up by making him puke."

The cop says, "That's not going to make him puke."

She says, "Yeah? Wait till I switch this finger to his mouth."

[shilpa]

Having snuck out with a very cute young woman that he met at a party, Banta, exhausted from hours of hot sex, woke up at her apartment at 3 A.M.

"Oh God!" Banta thought, "Jeeto's gonna kill me!"

Trying to figure out how he would explain this to Jeeto without getting whacked with a frying pan, inspiration struck first.

Banta dashed out to the nearest pay phone, dialed his home number quickly, and breathlessly said, "Jeeto, Jeeto! Don't pay the ransom!!! I escaped!!!"

[rajesh]

Santa and Banta were looking at a catalog and admiring the models.

Santa says to the Banta, "Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalog?"

Banta replies, "Yes, they are very beautiful. And look at the price!"

Santa says, with wide eyes, "Wow, they aren't very expensive. At this price, I'm buying one."

Banta smiles and pats him on the back, "Good idea! Order one and if she's as beautiful as she is in the catalog, I will get one too."

Three weeks later, Banta asks Santa, "Did you ever receive the girl you ordered from the catalog?"

Santa replies, "No, but it shouldn't be long now. I got her clothes yesterday!"

[rajesh]

Once Banta asked Santa, "What is the secret behind your happy married life?"

Santa said, "You should share responsibilities with due love and respect to each other. Then absolutely there will be no problems."

Banta asked, "Can you explain?"

Santa said, "In my house, I take decisions on bigger issues where as my wife decides on smaller issues. We do not interfere in each other's decisions."

Still not convinced, Banta asked, "Give me some examples" Santa said, "Smaller issues like which car we should buy, how much amount to save, when to visit home town, which Sofa, air conditioner, refrigerator to buy, monthly expenses, whether to keep a maid or not etc are decided by my wife. I just agree to it"

Banta asked, "Then what is your role?"

Santa said, "My decisions are only for very big issues. Like whether America should attack Iraq, whether Britain should lift sanction over Zimbabwe, whether to widen African economy, whether Sachin Tendulkar should retire etc. Do you know one thing, my wife NEVER objects to any of these".

[rajesh]

Each Friday night after work, Santa would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a tandoori chicken and some meat kebabs. But, all of his neighbours were strict Catholics and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating chicken and meat on a Friday.

The delicious aroma from the grilled meats was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their Priest. The Priest came to visit Santa, and suggested that he become a Catholic.

After several classes and much study, Santa attended Mass and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, “You were born a Sikh, and raised a Sikh, but now, you are a Catholic."

Santa’s neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived. The wonderful aroma of tandoori chicken and meat kebabs filled the neighbourhood.

The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors and, as he rushed into Santa's backyard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.

There stood Santa, holding a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meats and chanted: "Oye, you waz born a chicken, and you waz born a lamb, you waz raised a chicken, and you waz raised a lamb but now yara, you are a potato and tomato"!

[rajesh]

Santa took his wife and son into to the big city shopping one saturday. As they approached town, they were astonished by the sky scrapers.

Santa never having been to the big city himself decided to let the wife out at the local mall while he and the son did some sight- seeing.

They entered a large building with an enormous lobby. The son noticed this door on the wall and ask Santa what it was for?

Santa not knowing decided to get closer for better observation. A few minutes later a old lady with a cane comes over and presses a button located near the door, the door opens and the old lady enters a small room. The door proceeds to close and Santa and son stand there amazed as lights blink over the door when all of a sudden the door opens and a very beautiful young lady exits.

Astonished, Santa looks at his son while scratching his head, and say's, "Son, I don't know what just happened, but run fast and fetch your mother."

[rajesh]

Once Santa & Banta were travelling along with their friends Monty & Jaggi. On a road surrounded by forests on both sides, their car was attacked by robbers. Santa & his friends were pulled out of the car. The robbers blasted the car and took Santa, Banta and their friends in the middle of the forest where their boss was residing.

Now, this boss was fond of jokes. So, he put the condition that whoever tells a joke that makes every single person laugh should be left unharmed and alive, but if one single person doesn't laugh then the joke-teller would be shot to death.

Banta started telling the funniest joke he had ever heard, "One day........." and when he was finished, everybody were falling with laughter except Santa. So according to the vow, the boss shot poor Banta.

Now, it was the turn of Monty. He also told the best joke he had ever heard. Again everybody laughed including the boss & his robbers, but still Santa was quite as a statue. So the boss shot him.

Then came Jaggi. As he opened his mouth to tell the joke, Santa suddenly burst into laughter. Everyone was puzzled. Santa was laughing madly.

The boss asked him, "Why the hell are you laughing without hearing the joke?"

Santa said laughing and giggling, "Oh! How funny Banta's joke was!"

[rajesh]

After just a few years of marriage, filled with constant arguments, Banta and his wife Preeto decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counseling. They had been at each others throats for some time and felt that this was their last straw.

When they arrived at the counselor's office, the counselor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion.

"What seems to be the problem?"

Immediately, Banta held his long face down without anything to say. On the other hand, Preeto began talking 90 miles an hour describing all the wrongs within their marriage.

After 10-15 minutes of listening to the wife, the counselor went over to her, picked her up by her shoulders, kissed her passionately for several minutes, and sat her back down.

Afterwards, Preeto sat there - speechless. He looked over at Banta who was staring in disbelief at what had happened.

The counselor spoke to Banta, "Your wife NEEDS that at least twice a week!"

Banta scratched his head and replied, "I can have her here on Wednesdays and Saturdays."

[rajesh]

Banta wanted to board his horse. The first farmer he asked said he would keep it at Rs 250 a day, plus he would keep the manure.

Banta thought that was too high and went to another farmer. His price was Rs 200 per day plus he would get to keep the manure.

Then he went to Santa who asked just Rs 50 a day.

Banta asked, "Don't you want to keep the manure?"

Santa said, "At Rs 50 a day, there won't be any!"

[omkumar]

Santa is sitting at a bar having a few drinks when he notices a very attractive lady sit down at the other end of the bar and order a drink.

Santa calls the bartender over and says, "Whatever she is drinking give her another one and tell her it is on me."

The bartender replies, "I don't think you want to do that."

"What do you mean?" yells Santa, "Send her the drink!"

"O.K." the bartender replies, "but I don't think it is a good idea."

"And why not?" asks Santa.

The bartender leans over the bar and very softly says, "Because she's a lesbian."

"I don't care, send her the drink." says Santa

So after the lady gets her drink Santa very casually strolls down to the other end of the bar and sits down next to her and says, "So what part of Lesbia are you from?"

[omkumar]

Santa went to a local bar, sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne.

The woman perked up and said, 'How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!'

'What a coincidence' Santa said. 'This is a special day for me. I am celebrating.'

'This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating,' said the woman.'

'What a coincidence!' said Santa.

As they clinked glasses he added, 'What are you celebrating?'

'My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynecologist told me that I am pregnant!'

'What a coincidence!' said Santa. 'I'm a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs.'

'That's great!' said the woman, 'How did your chickens become fertile?'

'I used a different cock,' he replied.

The woman smiled, clinked his glass and said, 'What a coincidence!'

[omkumar]

A Doctor wanted to get off work and go hunting, so he approached his assistant, "Banta, I am going hunting tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all of our patients".

"Yes, sir!!!" answers Banta.

The doctor goes hunting and returns the following day and asks, "So, Banta, How was your day?" Banta told him that he took care of three patients.

"The first one had a Headache so I gave him Analgin."

"Bravo Mate, and the second one?" asks the doctor.

"The second one had running nose and I gave him Coldarin, sir" says Banta.

"Bravo, bravo! You're good at this and what about the third one?" asks the doctor.

"Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opens and a woman enters like a flame, she undresses herself, taking off everything including her bra and her panties and lies down on the table and shouts:

HELP ME! For 5 years I have not seen any man!!!!!"

And what did you do Banta?" asks the doctor.

"I put drops in her eyes!!!

[omkumar]

Three friends were sitting in a bar, drinking Beer, and discussing how stupid their wives were.

The first guy, "I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last week she went to the market and bought meat worth 1000 bucks because it was on sale, and we don't even have a fridge to keep it in."

The second agrees that she sounds pretty thick, but says his wife is thicker.

"Just last week, she went out and spent 4 lacs on a new car," he laments, "and she doesn't even know how to drive!"

Banta nods sagely, and agrees that these two women sound like they both walked through the stupid forest and got hit by every branch. However, he still thinks his wife is dumber.

"Ah, it kills me every time I think of it," he chuckles. "My wife just left to go on a holiday in Germany. I watched her packing her bag, and she must have put about 100 condoms in there. And she doesn't even have a penis!

[omkumar]

Pappu attended a horse auction with his father, Santa. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs, rump, and chest.

After a few minutes, Pappu asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?"

Santa replied, "Because I'm buying horses. I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy."

Pappu looked worried, "Then I think we'd better hurry home right away."

"Why?" said Santa.

"Because Banta uncle stopped by yesterday, I think he wants to buy Mom."

[omkumar]

Santa and son, Pappu, were always in competition with each other. One day Pappu left to take an entrance exam at a university. He wanted to major in medicine. A week later he returned from his trip looking very down in the dumps.

"How was the exam?" asked Santa.

"They asked quite a lot of 'fill in the blank' questions about first aid and stuff. I got a score of 70%. It wasn't good enough to get accepted," he replied.

"Well in that case I better take that exam myself," Santa said. So off to the university he went. A week later Santa returned from his trip looking very down in the dumps.

"How was the exam?" asked Pappu.

"They asked quite a lot of 'fill in the blank' questions about first aid and I got them all wrong but one."

"Which question was that?"

"The question was...", started Santa, "What do you do when you come across a woman which has fainted. You feel her pu_s_?"

"That's easy", Pappu replied. "The answer is pulse."

"Oh, hell," said Santa," I got that one wrong as well."

[omkumar]

Young Banta was on his way home from the market when he saw a girl from the next village and offered her a ride.

Pretty soon, they came to a clump of trees, and she asked him to stop.

Seeing that he was bashful, she took his face in her hands and kissed him. Then she asked, "Do you want to go a little farther?"

He said, "Yep, Get up Rita."

So they rode a little farther, and she asked him to pull up at another shady spot.

Then she took one of his hands and placed it inside her bosom and his other hand on her thigh, and asked, "Do you want to go a little farther?"

Again he said, "Yes, get up Rita."

So, when they stopped at the third bushy place, she reached over and opened his fly and took his pecker out.

She spread herself before Banta and asked, "Now do you want me to put it in for you?"

Banta replied, "Yes. My dad would kill me if I came home with it hanging out."

[omkumar]

On having business trip to the Orient, Banta decided to spend his last night having wild sex with a Chinese prostitute in Hong Kong. Upon returning home three weeks later, he noticed a very weird, green, festering sore growing on his penis.

He went to Dr. Jones, who, after hearing of his Orient trip and extracurricular activities, told him he had Hong Kong Dong and the only cure was complete amputation.

Banta was horrified, and decided to get a second opinion. Banta contacted Doctor Smith and showed him the green growth.

Doctor said, "I am sorry but Doctor Jones is correct. We must amputate right away."

Banta could not accept this. His friend suggested that he visit an oriental doctor. They must deal with this all the time. He went to Doctor Chu Wong.

Doctor Wong agreed with the diagnosis of Hong Kong Dong, but said, "These Western doctors - so quick to Chop, Chop, Chop. Amputation not necessary."

Banta was relieved. Doctor Wong said, "You wait three weeks and it fall off on its

[omkumar]

Santa and Banta were screwing the same girl at the same time and they were greeted with the sad news one day that their girlfriend is pregnant. Having no way of knowing who's th father, they chipped in and sent her out of town to have the little bastard.

Several months passed without either of the two hearing from the girl, so Banta decided to find her and get some news about the pregnancy.

The next day, Santa got a call from Banta. "I've got some good news and some bad news," Banta said on the telephone.

"Well, give me the good news first," replied Santa.

"The good news is that she's fine, and she had twins," came the reply.

"And the bad news?"

"Mine died."

[neha]

Santa in Library

http://liveajoke.files.wordpress.com/2008/03/cartoon-1.jpg

[neha]

Santa's License.

http://www.interestingmails.com/image_gallery/sardar1.gif

[sumit]

http://z.hubpages.com/u/322995_f520.jpg

[sumit]

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_a8mwWVwaZRY/Sw9uSxPxAgI/AAAAAAAAGgg/hRN1dnQ_MwA/s1600/Singh+i+king+14.JPG

[sumit]

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_a8mwWVwaZRY/Sw9uTXoLZBI/AAAAAAAAGgw/aVVZQj2pTdo/s1600/Singh+i+king+12.JPG

[sumit]

Barack Obama

http://smsjokes.co.in/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/Santa-Banta-Jokes-300x242.jpg

[sumit]

http://timepass.onlyfanpics.com/s/santa-banta-comic-jokestoo-good/part-006.jpeg

[sumit]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v211/manishsaluja/cartoon12-1.jpg

[goinggud@33]

really hilarious man......:bakar:

[goinggud@33]

mast hai yaar.....:iagree:

[sudhir]

Some more jokes

http://i297.photobucket.com/albums/mm204/j4jokes/jokes/jokes07.jpg

[sudhir]

mast hai yaar.....:iagree:

:iagree:
:iagree::iagree:
:iagree::iagree::iagree:

I Agree

[sumit]

:iagree:
:iagree::iagree:
:iagree::iagree::iagree:

I Agree

Thanks Bro.. Keep visiting myhindiforum.com

[gaurav]

Once it was announced on a railway platform that rajdhani express is coming on platform One, Suddenly Santa Singh jumped on the train tracks.

A man shouted to Santa "what the hell are you doing?".

Santa Singh said to the man that you are going to die as the train is comming on the platform and not on the railway track.

:lol::lol::lol:

[swati.]

Each Friday night after work, Santa Singh would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a tandoori chicken and some meat kebabs. But, all of his neighbours were strict Catholics ... and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating chicken and meat on a Friday.

The delicious aroma from the grilled meats was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their Priest.
The Priest came to visit Santa, and suggested that he become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Santa attended Mass ... and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You were born a Sikh, and raised a Sikh, but now dear, you are a Catholic."

Santa's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived.
The wonderful aroma of tandoori chicken and meat kebabs filled the neighborhood. The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors and, as he rushed into Santa's backyard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.

There stood Santa, holding a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meats and chanted:
"Oye, you waz born a chicken, and you waz born a lamb,
you waz raised a chicken, and you waz raised a lamb
but now dears.... you are a potato and tomato"!

[swati.]

INTERVIEWER: give me the opposite words.
SARDAR: ok.
INTR: made in india.
SARDAR: destroyed in pakistan.
INT: gud keep it up.
SARDAR: bad put it down.
INT: maximum.
SARDAR: minidad.
INT: enough, take ur seat.
SRDAR: insufficient, dont take my seat.
INT: idiot! take ur seat.
SARDAR: clever, dont take my seat.
INT: i say u get out!
SARDAR: u didnt say i come in.
INT: i reject u!
SARDAR: U appoint me.

[raju]

Dear Mr Bill Gates

This letter is from Banta Singh from Punjab. We have bought a computer for our home and we found problems, which I want to bring to your notice.

1. After connecting to internet we planned to open e-mail account and whenever we fill the form in Hotmail in the password column, only ******appears, but in the rest of the fields whatever we typed appears, but we face this problem only in password field. We checked with hardware vendor Santa Singh and he said that there is no problem in keyboard. Because of this we open the e-mail account with password *****. I request you to check this as we ourselves do not know what the password is.

2. We are unable to enter anything after we click the 'shut down ' button.

3. There is a button 'start' but there is no "stop" button. We request you to check this.

4. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friend clicked 'run ' has ran up to Amritsar! So, we request you to change that to "sit", so that we can click that by sitting.

5. One doubt is that any 're-scooter' available in system? As I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.

6. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot for tracing the key with this ' find', but unable to trace. Is it a bug??

7. Every night I am not sleeping as I have to protect my 'mouse' from CAT, So I suggest u to provide one DOG to kill that cat.

8. Please confirm when u are going to give me money for winning 'HEARTS'(playing cards in games) and when are u coming to my home to collect your money.

9. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when u will provide that?

10. Hey what is this, I brought computer, cpu, mouse and keypad, but there is only one icon with 'MY Computer', what happened to the remaining?

11. There is not even single photo of mine in the 'MY Pictures'.. when u will keep my photo in that.

12. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME'

Thanking you,

Yours
Banta Singh

[priya]

The act of unlocking

A customer arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up their car, They were told that the keys had been accidentally locked in it.
He went to the service department and found a mechanic, Mr Santa working feverishly to unlock the driver`s side door.
As the customer watched from the passenger`s side, he instinctively tried the door handle and discovered it was open.
"Hey," he announced to the technician, "It`s open!"
"I know," answered Santa.- "I already got that side."

[sony]

Santa Singh with two red ears went to his doctor.

The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear.."
"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But .. what happened to your other ear?"
"The scoundrel called back."

[shefali]

Santa and Banta boasting of their parents achievements to each other

Santa : 'Have you ever heard of the Suez Canal?'
Banta : 'Yes, I have'
Santa : 'Well, my father dug it.'
Banta : 'That's nothing, have you ever heard of Dead sea?'
Santa : 'Yes, I have.'
Banta : 'Well, my father killed it.'

[abhishek]

santa's special
by nakool » Thu Mar 04, 2010 6:56 pm



Banta: Yeh chaaku kyon ubaal rahe ho?
Santa: Suicide karne ke liye
Banta: To phir ubalne kui kya zaroorat hai?
Santa: Kahin infection na ho jaaye


Santa: Today is Sunday I wanna njoy, so I bought 3 movie tickets
Jeeto: Why 3?
Santa: For you and your parents


A man to Santa: Aao ji chess khelein
Santa: Tu chal mein sports shoes pehen kar aaya.


At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Santa: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?


Santa applied for the position of Mechanical Engineer. In interview:
Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Santa: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. ....
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Santa: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup...


Banta: Yaar teri wife ki maut ka bada afsos hua, vaise hua kya tha?
Sant: Goli lagi thi mathe main.
Banta: Bhagwan ka shukar kar ke aankh bach gayi.


Santa apni khoobsurat Bibi k saath car mein baitha.
Driver ne sheesha set kiya.
Santa gusse mein bola, meri bibi ko dekhkta hai,
piche baith, car mein chalaoonga!


Sadhu: Bachcha teri biwi ko chuddail chipak gayee hai.
Upaaye karvaao.
Banta: Upayaye? Baba, agar do behenein gale mil rahi hain to is mein harz hi kya hai?


Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Santa: George Washington's skeleton.
Tourist: Whose that smaller skeleton next to it?
Santa: That was Washington's skeleton when he was a child.


Banta: Yeh AUTOMATICALLY kya hota hai?
Santa: Oye tujhe yeh bhi nahin pata,
Jab auto mein koi ganji ladki ja rahi ho to use kehte hain AUTO-ME-TAKLI


Santa went to battery shop
and asked to change battery.
The shopkeeper asked: Exide laga du?
Santa: Dusri side tera baap lagayega kya?


Santa was busy in removing a wheel from auto
Banta asks: Why r u removing a wheel from ur auto?
Santa: Can't u read 'Parking for two wheelers only'

[abhishek]

Punch me
Santa and Banta are at work, digging a hole. Banta asks Santa other, "Why is that guy up there sitting under the tree while we do all the work?"

Santa said that he doesn't know, so he goes up and asks him why.

The guy under the tree says, "Because I have intelligence."

Santa says, "What's that?"

So the guy under the tree stands up and says, "Punch me as hard as you can."

Santa winds up and punches him, but the intelligent guy moves away and the digger punches the tree. His hand is now killing him.

Santa says, "Oh, I think I know what it is now."

He goes back down to Banta.

Banta asks, "So why are we doing all the work?"

Santa replies, "Because he has intelligence."

Banta says, "What's that."

Santa looks around for a tree, but doesn't see one, so he puts his hand in front of his face and says, "Punch my hand as hard as you can."

[abhishek]

In a Test between India and Australia, the fiery Bret Lee was sending quivers down the Indian spine. The new batsman, our Santa, walked slowly to the crease, not feeling unlike a lamb at the slaughter house.
As Lee thundered in, suddenly Santa stood up in the crease, and signalled that he wanted the sight screen adjusted. Adjustments were made and Brett Lee was ready to come in again.
Once again, in the middle of his run-up, Santa found something disturbing in the sight screen. Indeed, this went on a few times before the irritated umpire, Steve Bucknor walked up to the batsman and enquired, "Where do you want the sight screen, for God's sake?"
Santa asked, with an ounce of fear, "Could I have it between Lee and me?"

[abhishek]

Banta lost both ears in an accident. No plastic surgeon could offer him a solution. He heard of a very good one in Mumbai, and went to him.
The new surgeon examined him, thought a while, and said, " Yes, I can put you right."
After the operation, bandages off, stitches out, he goes to his hotel.
The morning after, in a rage, he calls his surgeon, and yells, "You bastard, you gave me a woman's ears."
"Well, an ear is an ear, it makes no difference whether it is a man's or a woman's."
"You're wrong, I hear everything, but I don't understand a thing!"

[abhishek]

Santa and Banta were sitting in a bar getting really drunk. After a while, just drinking gets boring, so Santa looks at the Banta and says, "Hey, you want to go up for a ride in my airplane?"

Banta says, "Wow, you have an airplane? Let's go!"

So they get some more beer and go for a tour around the city in the plane. Eventually they get bored with this too, so they decide to land. The drunk Santa starts circling around looking for a place to land, and he sees an airstrip close by.

Santa says, "Let's land here. It looks like it's as good a place as any."

So he circles around and goes in for a landing, but at the last minute he swerves and pulls back up

"sh*t!" he says, "That is the SHORTEST runway I have ever seen! How is anyone supposed to land on it?"

But since it's the only runway nearby, he decides to try again, with the same result.

Getting pretty irritated, Santa says to Banta, "All right, I'm going to try ONE more time, and if I can't land it we're just going to crash and hope we don't die."

So they end up crashing, and miraculously neither is hurt. When they crawl out of the wreckage, Santa swears and gesticulates wildly at the runway.

"I'm gonna find whoever designed this crazy runway and wring his neck! He must be total moron! No one could land on anything that short!"
Banta looks around and says "Yeah, but look how wide it is!"

[abhishek]

Santa and Banta sitting in the bar at Raja Sansi Airport, Amritsar.

"I've come to meet my brother," said the Santa. "He's due to fly in from Canada in an hour's time. It's his first trip home in forty years."

"Will you be able to recognize him?" asked the Banta.

"I'm sure I won't," said Santa, "after all, he's been away for a long time."

"I wonder if he'll recognize you?" said the Banta.

"Of course he will," said Santa. "Sure, I haven't been away at all."

[priya]

बंता: क्या यह हो सकता है कि आप 50 फुट की सीढ़ी से कूदें और आपको चोट भी न लगे?
संता: हाँ.. नीचे से पहले स्टैप से कूदो!

[sumit]

Santa : I tried your number so many times, it always said ‘Switched Off’!”
Banta : Nahi Pape, it’s my HELLO TUNE!

Daku Mangal Singh Banta Ke Ghar Mein Ghu Ayaa..
Daku : Sona kahan hai, Jaldi Bataao..!
Banta : Pura Ghar Khali Hai Malko, Jithe Marzi So Jao!



Santa : Kaisi Sabzi Banai Hai, Bilkul Gobar Jaisa Swad Hai !
Jasmeet : Hey bhagwan! Na Jane Inhone Kya-Kya Kha Ke Dekha Hua Hai.
Gobar Ka Swad Bhi Pata Hai..!

Banta : Praji, Jab Main Paida Hua Tha To Military Walon Ne 21 Topein
Chalayeen Thi.
Santa : Kamaal Hai ! Sab Ka Nishana Kayse Chook Gaya..?

Santa meets his friend Bunta
Santa : A & B, A & B, A & B, A & B, A & B…!
Bunta : Oye, Iska Matlab ?
Santa : Kuch Nahin Yaar, I Mean Long Time No C..!

Santa : Drinking-n-Driving Dono Nalo Naal Nai Ho Sakde.
Banta : Kyoo Ji ?
Santa : Je SpeedBbreaker Aa Gaya Taa Peg Dul Jau.

Phone Ki Ganti Baji.
Santa : Phone Mere Liye Ho To Kehna Mein Ghar Pe Nahin Hoon.
Jasmeet : Wo Ghar Pe Hain.
Santa : Maine Mana Kiya Tha Ke…
Jasmeet : Phone Mere Liye Tha!

Santa : Aapne Nurse Bahut Changi Rakhi Hai, Uska Haath Lagtey Hi Mein
Theek Ho Gaya.
Doctor: Jaanta Hoon, Thappad Ki Awaaz Mujhe Bhi Sunai Di Thi.

Santa : Oh Yaar Main Badi Mushkil Mein Hoon…
Meri Biwi Mujhse Ek Pappi Ka Ek Rupeya Leti Hai..!
Banta : Oh Yaar Tu Bada Lucky Hai, Auron Se To Woh 5 Rupye Leti Hai.

Santa : Yaar! Main Apna Purse Ghar Bhool Aaya, Mainu 1000 Rs Chahide Si.
Banta : Dost Hi Dost De Kam Aunda Hai, Le 10 Rs, Riksha Kar Te Purse Le
Aa.

Banta : Wo Ladki Deaf Lagti Hai. Main Kuch Kehta Hoon, Woh Kuch Aur Hi
Bolti Hai.
Santa : Kaise?
Banta : Maine Kaha I Luv U, To Woh Boli ‘Maine Kal Hi Naye Sandal kharide
hain’

A crow shits on Banta. Preeto gives tissue paper to him.
Banta: Koi Fhayda Nahin, Kauwa Toh Udd Gaya..!

Santa : When I get mad at you,you never fight back.How do you control
your anger?
Jasmeet : I clean the toilet bowl.
Santa : How does that help?
Jasmeet : I use your toothbrush!

[jitendragarg]

Santa : Oh Yaar Main Badi Mushkil Mein Hoon…
Meri Biwi Mujhse Ek Pappi Ka Ek Rupeya Leti Hai..!
Banta : Oh Yaar Tu Bada Lucky Hai, Auron Se To Woh 5 Rupye Leti Hai.


:lol: nice one.

[jitendragarg]

Bhai log, joke khatam ho gaye kya?? koi post kyun nahi kar raha. :cry:

[sony]

Santa came to know about his wife's affair and decided to kill her and himself

First he pointed the gun towards himself. His wife started laughing. He said "stop laughing, next is your turn."

[sony]

SANTA: there is hole in my bucket
DOCTOR: why did you bring it to me?
SANTA: because you are plastic surgeon

[sony]

Gang of SARDARS broke a Bank.
Instead of cash they found Botles full of Chilled Red Wine,
Happily they drank & went away.
Next day Headline aai: Blood Bank lutya gya.


************************************************** ******************


Ek Sardar ne ek bachy se pucha k tum ko A,B,C Aaty hai to bachy ne keha k mujy 9 tak aty hia..
Sardar ne bachy se keha k oyee Ullu k pathy 9 A,b,c main nahe aata. yeh to Alif,, Be,,Main ata hai:



************************************************** ******************


Sardar Ne Jalte Hue Makan Se 6 Logo Ko Apni Jaan Pe Khelkar Bahar Nikala

Fir Bhi Usko Jail Ho Gayi

Kyun...

Kyun..Ki Vo Sab Firebrigade Wale The

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Santa-Oye!what R U doing?

Banta-Recording this babys voice.

Santa-Why?

Banta- When he grows up, I shall ask him what he meant by this

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Santa ki ladai apne baap se ho gayi

To usne apne baap ki photo kabristan me 1 ped pe latka diya

Aur Niche Likha

"COMING SOON”

------------------------------------------------------------------------

SARDAR:- Yar iska matlab kya hota hai, "I AM GOING"?

FRIEND:- Main jaa raha hun.

SARDAR:- Saaley, aise kaise jayega, 20 aur bhi aise ja chuke hain....answer bata ke jaa..


------------------------------------------------------------------------

Santa went to temple & saw people puting coin in box & praying

Santa: Wow! How amazing. People are talking to God through coin phone without receiver


------------------------------------------------------------------------

Waiter gives bill to Sardar

Sardar: "Take my card."

Waiter: "But sir, this is Ration Card."

************************************************** *************

SardarJi: Ghar mai Mera he Hukam chalta hai.
Mai Kehta hon, Garam paani le aao, woh le aati hai,

Dost: Garam pani Q?

Sardar: Garam pani se Bartan Achay Dhultay hain.

************************************************** ***************

A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans"..
"My father grows beans," said one student.
"My father cooks beans," said another.

Then a Little Sardarji spoke up: "We are all human beans."

************************************************** **************

Sardar k 12 bachon mein 1 alag dikhta tha:

Jab uski biwi marnay wali thi to Sardar ne poocha: Ab to bata do ye kis ka hai?

Sardarni: Sartaj, sirf yehi aapka hai.

************************************************** **************

Sardar: Mery dada ny 1857 ke jang main dushman ki tangain kaat di thin.

Dost: Gardanien q nai katin?


Sardar: Wo pehly he kati hui thin...

************************************************** *************

Sardar: Muje E-Mail bnana hy. Sardar, Sardarg, Sardar123, Sardarabc Koi bhi nhe mil rha.

Major Rohail: Tum "Akalmand_Sardar" try kro 100% mil jye ga.

************************************************** *************

Computer Lesson:

Major Rohail: Plz turn ON your computer

Sardar: OK kar liya.

Major Rohail: Now Plz click on MY Computer.

Sardar: OK! Kaha hai "AAP" ka computer?

************************************************** *************

Sardar to wife: rat ko mene 1 horror movie dekhi, 1 chudeil kabhi mere age kabhi piche aur kabhi sath chal rahi thi,
Wife: Kaun si movie thi?
Sardar: Apni shadi ki

************************************************** ************

Sardar ki wife inspecter se!
Mera husband ek hafte pehle aaloo lene gaya tha abhi tak wapis nahi aaye

Inspector bhi sardar tha bola:- to behan kuch or paka lo:

************************************************** *************

Judge: why did u shoot ur wife, instead of shooting her lover?
Sardar: Your honour, it's easier to shoot a woman once, than shooting one
man every week.

[sony]

Santa: Mujhe shadi me BMW mili hy,
Banta: Par tumhare pas to koi car nhi,

Santa: Aby ghadhe BMW ka matlab hy,
BOHAT MOTI WIFE.

************************************************** ****************

Maths Teacher Was Teaching Mathematical Conversions

Teacher: If 1000 Kgs = Ton. Then

For 3000 Kgs =How Much?

Santa:
Ton! Ton! Ton!

************************************************** ****************

Santa ke ghar Ladki ne janam liya..

Banta: jab ladki badi hogi to ladke ise chedenge.
Santa: Maine iska intejaam kar liye hai.
Banta: kya kiya?



Santa: Ladki ka naam DIDI rakh diya hai.

************************************************** ***************

Santa: Jail ko "Hawalaat" kyu kehte hy?


Banta: Kyu k jail me khane ko sirf

"Hawa" aur "Laat" hi milti hai.

[sony]

A sardar is traveling via train. On his way, he feels the urge to go to the bathroom. So he goes and opens the bathroom door, which happens to have a mirror in the front. The sardar thinks there is another sardar bhaiwaal in there, quickly shuts the door and returns to his seat. 5 minutes later he goes again, only to find the same sardar bhaiwaal. An hour passes away, he's made 20 trips to the bathroom, only to find that the same person is still there. So he finally gets ticked off, goes to the last
compartment and tells the TC (Ticket Checker) what's been going on. The TC, which also happens to be a sardar, feels bad for him and promises to throw the bum out. The TC walks down to the compartment with the troubled bathroom to get the resident bhaiwaal out. Few minutes later the TC comes back and tell the sardar "I'm
sorry, I can't do anything. The guy in there is a railway staff member".

[sony]

Bobby returns from his first day at school and immediately questions his father. " Dad, today we had a Spelling Class - All the other kids could only say half the alphabet, but I knew the whole thing. Is that because I am Sardar?" "No son, that's because you are intelligent. " Bobby seeming content with the answer, asks his father another question, "Dad, today we had Math class - All the other kids could only count from 1-10, I could count from 1 to 20. Is this because I am Sardar ??"
"No son, that's because you are intelligent," replies his father. Happy with the answer, Bobby poses another question to his father, "Dad, today we had Gym class. All the other boys had little small 3 inch penises, mine is at least 3 or 4 times that size. Is that because I am Sardar ??" The father replies, "No son, that's because you are 31 years old."

[sony]

Sardarji is selected to play for the Indian cricket team as an opening batsman. He opens the batting against West Indies. He is asked to face the very first over (with one Sunil Gavaskar as the non-striker!) from Marshall who is bowling at his fiercest...

First ball : Whizzes past Sardarji's off-stump. Sardarji doesn't move an inch. Ball goes to wicket-keeper. Second ball : Goes right over the Sardarji's bat and just over the middle stump, somehow missing both the bat and the stumps. Sardarji is again unmoved.

Third ball : Is a bouncer. Almost decapitates the Sardarji, missing his head by a fraction of an inch. Ball goes to wicket-keeper. Sardarji doesn't move a muscle.

Fourth ball : Outside the leg-stump. Sardarji again doesn't move, and the ball shoots past him to the wicket-keeper. But this time, the umpire shouts "No Ball!"

Sardarji walks up to the umpire and tells him, "So you discovered it now!You see, I know from the very beginning that the guy has no ball in his hand!"

[sony]

Santa Caught by Taliban.
Talibani (To Santa) - Islam Kabul Karo, Warna Gala Kaat diya jayega.
Santa - Yaar ye v ajeeb dharam hai, Kabul karo to Lulli Kat dete ho, na karo to Gardan!!!

************************************************** ******************************************

Banta: Kee Gal hai Sante. Kalle Kalle samosey kha reyan
Santa : Nahin yaarr, Chutney De Naal.

************************************************** ******************************************

JIS KE DIL MEIN DARD HAI WOH DILDAAR HAI. JIS KE DIL MEIN DARD HAI WOH DILDAAR HAI. JIS KE SAR MEIN DARD HAI WOH SARDAAR HAI. WAH WAH WAH .......

************************************************** *******************************************
Sardar Hari Singh and Gani Singh walked toward each other
on a country road. Hari Singh carried a bag over his shoulder. "Hey Bhai," Gani Singh drawled,
"what's in the bag?"
"Chickens," was the reply.
"If I guess how many, can I have one?"
"You can have both of them."
"OK, Five?"

************************************************** *****************************************

I can kiss u without even touching u.
Gal: U can't
Santa: Lagi 10-10 ki
Gal: Ok
Santa kisses her lips
Gal: Touch kar liya, touch kar liya
Santa: Aah lai 10 Rs.

************************************************** **********************

Jeeto: Ek baat batani hai, par plz muje marna nahi.
Santa: Bolo.
Jeeto: Mein Pregnant hu!
Santa: It's a gud News.
Jeeto: Shadi k pahle pitaji ko bataya to bahut maar padi thi.

************************************************** **********************

Santa bought a car on loan...
He didn't pay the dues, the bank took away his car.
Santa: If I knew this,
I'd have taken a loan for my marriage also!

************************************************** **********************

A cute Nurse came 4 the interview.
Dr: What salary U Xpect?
Nurse: Rs.10,000.
Dr was overjoyed & said: My Pleasure.
Nurse: With pleasure it’s 25,000

************************************************** *********************

Sardar ji says I love u to his girl friend and suddenly falls on the floor.

Girl Friend: What is this?

Sardarji: O ji, I'm falling in love!

************************************************** ********************

Ek sardar ka 20 saal baad beta hua. Who udas hogaya.

2nd dost : yaar udas kyon ho?

Sardar: 20 saal baad beta hua tay "oh vi inna chota"

************************************************** *******************

Sardarji got the 4th child. He fills data in the birth certificate "Mother: Sikh. Father: Sikh. Kid: Chinese." "How come you write "Chinese" when both parents are Sikh?" "Aah, Sardarji read a newspaper,it says that every 4th person born on the Earth now is a Chinese."

************************************************** ********************

Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his knees and started thanking God. A passerby saw him and asked, "Your donkey is missing; what are you thanking God for ?" The sardarji replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it had I wasn't riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been missing too.

************************************************** ************************

Sardarji is at a feast arranged by the Queen of England. One of the dignitaries present requests the Queen, "Pass the Wine you Devine !". Sardarji thinks to himself - "How poetic !". Sardar also wants to say a rhyming sentence. He tells the British ambassador sitting next to him, "Pass the custard you bastard".

************************************************** ***************

Sardarji went to US to live with his brother. Sardarji's Brother owns a apple shop in US. One day he asked his brother to stay at the shop because he had to go somewhere. He asked his brother if somebody comes to shop and ask for the apple's price, tell them $2 a pound. If somebody questions wheter these apples are sweet or sour, tell them some are some are not. If some body says I do not want to buy, tell them somebody else will buy.

Now the sardarji was ready to sell the apples. A lady comes and asks sardarji, Do you know what time it is ? Sardarji replied $2 a pound. Lady said; all sardarji's are idiot and fools.Sardarji replied, some are some are not. Lady got frustrated and said, I will take you to police station. Sardarji replied, if you will not take some body else take.

************************************************** ***************
GAMBLER Surjit Singh saw that his friend Baljit Singh was very depressed.
"What happened ?" asked Surjit.
"Yaar, I lost Rs. 1000 in a bet yesterday."
"How come ?"
"Well, yesterday, the one-day match between India and England was being shown live on TV. I bet Rs.500 that India would win, but I lost the bet."
"But thats only Rs. 500, where did the rest go ?"
"Yaar, I bet on the highlights too "

************************************************** ***************

ones sardarji saw a very soni kudi in the market & thought..……kash k ye meri maa hondi to main v inna sona honda..

************************************************** ***************

Transferring Files

Santa once wanted to transfer some files form one PC to another. Following was the steps followed by him.

1) Right clicked the mouse on the file which he wanted to transfer and selected CUT option.

2) Disconnected the mouse from that PC.

3) Took that mouse carefully and connected it to the other PC where he wanted to copy that file.

4) Right clicked the mouse and selected the PASTE option!!

[sony]

We have our famous friend Santa Singh qualifying for the hot seat. ( He pressed the buttons by accident and managed to qualify).

Amitabh Bachchan : OK Santa I congratulate you for this opportunity here with us.

Santa : Oh ji Wahe guru da khalsa wahe guru di fateh. Chak denge phatte aaj. Tusi start karo ji.

Amitabh Bachchan : OK Santa this is your first question for 1000 Rs. - 'Which state has the largest sikh population ?' and your options are:

A. Punjab
B. Punjab
C. Punjab
D. Punjab

Santa : Oh ji how much time do I've to answer this question

Amitabh Bachchan : Samay ki koi pabandhi nahi hai Santa ji, you can take your time.

Santa (giggles) : Sir ji tricky sawaal puchha hai aapne. I would like to use my lifeline.

Amitabh Bachchan : I'm not surprised on this , which one wud U like to use.

Santa : Audience poll

Amitabh Bachchan : OK audience please be ready with your voting pads, and your time starts now.

After a minute we have a graphic presentation on the board.
A. 25%
B. 25%
C. 25%
D. 25%

Amitabh Bachchan : Santa ji, this is a no good situation for you, I can share your
disgust here.

Santa : Yeh mere saath hi kyon hota hai. Fasa diya Sirji aapki audience ne. I think I've to use my second lifeline - 50 50.

Amitabh Bachchan : Very good ! 50 50 ka istemal karna chahenge. OK computer ji do galat jawab mita diye jayen.

Computer displays A. Punjab and C. Punjab

Santa : Badi chalu machine hai aapki sar ji. Mein chodoonga nahi aaj isko. Wahe guru de kasam mereko third life line bhi chahiye.

Amitabh Bachchan : Kamal hai Santa ji, I must congratulate you, You have record of using all the lifelines in the very first question.This is great . OK phone a friend - kisko phone karna chahen ge aap.

Santa : My one and only one... mera langotiya yaar., Banta Singh.

Amitabh Bachchan : OK Banta ko phone lagaya jaye. Phone rings. Banta picks it 'Hulloooooo, kon hai oye adhi raati,???'

Amitabh Bachchan : Hello Banta ji , mein Amitabh Bachhan bol raha hoon Star Plus ke Kaun Banega Crorepati se.

Banta : OOOOOOOOOO Bachan ji Sasriyakal, koi hor hota to uski to mein.... #_^_%_#_%_%_&. Ki hal chal he sar ji.

Amitabh Bachchan : Mein thik hoon Banta ji, par ye ek family show hai is liye aap
apshabdon ka prayog na karen to behtar hoga. Aapke dost yahaan bethe hain mere saath aur.................

Banta (Interrupts) : Aur wo sala pehle hi question pe atak gayahoga, khota hai sala. Sawal pucho ji.

Amitabh Bachchan : Aapko sirf tees second .,.............chaliye mein aapko special
case karte hue 1 minute doonga. Aur aapka samay shuru hota hai aab.

Santa : Oye bante ke ho raya hai yaar ??

Banta : Oye ullu de dum, saale bahar se taala laga gaya khote. Sawere dud wala aaya si, paise mang raya si, aur khotya tu meri kameez pehen gaya. Sale chakki se aata lana tha, tera baap layega kya ??.

Amitabh Bachchan: Santa ji kya kar rahe hain samay khatam ho raha hai.
Santa : Yes Yes. Oye chod use yaar question hai ..... (he tells him the
question).

Banta : Saale sari zindagi tere nakal mar ke fail hota raha hoon, par iska answer mujhe aata hai. Kalank hai tu Punjab ke naam pe. Iska answer Punjab hai lallu.

Santa : oye par ......... (and the clock stops).

Amitabh Bachchan : Samay khatam, aapke mitr ne jawab de diya hai , ab to mujhe pakka confidence hai ke aap kam se kam 1000 to le ke jayenge hi aaj.

Santa : Ullu ka patha hai ji, ye to mujhe bhi pata hai par sale ne yeh to batya nahin ke A hai ya C hai.

And this was the last episode of KBC as most of the audience died laughing...

[sony]

Banta sent sms to Santa: Bhejnewala mahan, padhnewala gadha.
Santa got angry and replied: Bhejnewala gadha, padhnewala mahan.

************************************************** *******************************

Santa & Banta got tired of mobile & decide 2 use pigeons. 1day a pigeon
reaches Banta without message. Angry Banta calls Santa!
Santa: Oye, this was a missed call

************************************************** *******************************

Santa standing on platform suddenly jumps on the railway track.
Banta: Santa u'll die.
Santa: U'll die bcoz haven't u heard train is coming on platform?

************************************************** *******************************

Santa: I kiss my wife everyday before leaving for office, what about u?
Banta: Me too, after u leave.

************************************************** *******************************

Frog: Tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai & jumps into the well.
Santa: Isme suicide karne waali kya baat thi.?

************************************************** *******************************

Banta ek ! sadhu se bola" Baba, meri biwi bahut pareshan karti hai, koi
upay batao.
Sadhu: Beta, upaay hota to main sadhu kyun banta?

************************************************** *******************************

Preeto: Raat ko aap peeke gutter mein gir gaye the.
Banta: Kya bataoon, sub galat sangati ka asar hai, hum 4 dost... 1 bottle,
aur woh teeno kambhakt peeten nahin.

************************************************** *******************************

Santa:Q: Why dogs don't marry?
BantaA: Because they are already leading a dog's life!

************************************************** *******************************

Pappu, while filling up a form: Dad, what should I write against mother tongue.?
Santa: Very long!

************************************************** *******************************

Santa Singh while riding a cycle suddenly hit a girl!
The girl shouted: Ghanti nahi maar sakta tha!!!
Santa: Poori cycle to maar di ab ghanti alag se maroon??!!!

************************************************** *******************************

Santa: "Hi, Main Bol Raha Hoon".
Banta: "Kamaal Hain, Ithe Vi Main Bol Raha Hoon!"

************************************************** *******************************

Santa : Sitting on The Top of the Mountain and Studying.... When Banta asked what he was doing.... He replied... Oye!! Higher Studies Yaar...!!!

************************************************** *******************************

Santa Singh sent his bio data to America to apply for a post in Microsoft. A few days later he got this reply:- Dear Mr. Singh, You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained. Thanks

Santa singh jumped with joy on receiving this reply. He arranged a party and when all the guests had come, he said Bhaiyon aur Behno,aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki mujhay america mein naukri mil gayee hai." Everyone was delighted. Santa singh continued Ab main aap sab ko apnaa appointment letter padkar sunaongaa par letter english main hai isliyen saath-saath hindi main translate bhee kartaa jaongaa.

Dear Mr. Singh-----pyare singh sahab

You do not meet----aap to miltay hee naheen ho

our requirement----humko to zaroorat hai

Please do not send any furthur correspondance----ab letter vetter bhejnay kee zaroorat nahee hai.

No phone call ----phone vone kee bhee zaroorat nahee hai

shall be entertained----bahut khaatir kee jayegi.

Thanks----aapkaa bahut bahut shukriya
************************************************** ************************

A Sardarjee buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Delhi to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number. The Sardar says, "I want my 20 lakhs. The man replied, "No, sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you one lakh today and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 weeks." The Sardar said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it." Again, the man explained that he would only get a lakh that day and the rest during the next 19 weeks. The Sardar, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I want my money! If you're not going to give me my 20 lakhs right now, then I want my five rupees back!"

.

[sony]

************************************************** *******************************

Once a Sardarji was going to his office. On the way he slipped on a banana peel and was badly hurt. Next day , on his way to the office, he noticed a banana peel and exclaimed "sala aaj bhi phisalna hoga". Later after two days, he noticed two banana peels and exclaimed "ari sala, aaj to choice hai"!!!!!!

************************************************** ******************************

Sardarji zebra crossing ke black & white patte par bar bar idhar-udhar chalte the, woh kya rahe honge....think............. "SALA YE PIANO BAJTA KYO NAHI"

************************************************** *******************************

What is the chemical formula 4 water? Sardar: HIJKLMNO.

Teacher: what r u talking about?

Sardar: Yesterday u said H to O.

************************************************** ********************

One day a sardarji was sitting in his office on the thirteenth floor building when a man came running in to his office and shouted "Santa Singh your daughter Preeto just died in an accident" Sardarji was in panic. Not knowing what to do he jumped from his office window. While coming down when he was near the tenth floor he remembered he didn't have a daughter named Preeto. When he was near the fifth floor he remembered he was not married.When he was about to hit the ground he remembered he was not Santa Singh.

************************************************** ***********************

Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled NAME,AGE,ADDRESS etc. Then he the column SEX. He was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought he wrote THRICE A WEEK. On seeing this in his appln. form, he was told that it was wrong and what they wanted it to be filled was either MALE or FEMALE. Again our sardar thought for a long time before coming up with the answer PREFERABLY FEMALES.

************************************************** *********************

Sardar : What is the name of your car ?
Lady : I forgot the name, but is starts with "T".
Sardar : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai. Hamaara gaadi petrol se start hoti hai.

************************************************** ****

Sardar was busy removing a wheel from his auto. A man asks sardar why are you removing a wheel from your auto.
sardar : Cant you read the board. Parking is only for 2 wheeler

************************************************** *

Interviewer : When is your birthday.
Sardarjee : 13th Oct.
Interviewer : which year ?
sardarjee : Oye Ullu ke patte : Every year.

************************************************** *

2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.
Sardar 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
sardar 2 : Don't worry, I have a one more.

************************************************** **

Doctor to patient ( sardar) : You will die within 2 hours. Do you want to see any one before you die?
Patient (Sardar) : Yes. A good doctor.

************************************************** **

On a romantic day sardar's girlfriend asks him, "Darling on our engagement day will you give me a ring?"
Sardar : "Ya sure, from landline or mobile".

************************************************** **

Sardar1:- Marte Waqt Aadmi Ko Kya Dena Chahiye?
Sardar2:-Birla cement
Sardar1:-Kyun?
Sardar2:- Kyunki Is Cement Mein Jaan Hain
------------------------------------------------------------------------

A sardarji photographer focusing a dead body's face in a funeral > function, suddenly all relatives beat him why? He said "SMILE PLEASE"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sardarji gets ready ,wears tie, coat ,goes out, climbs tree, sits on the branch regularly. A man asks why he does this. Sardarji:"I've been promoted as branch manager."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sardarji standing below a tube light with a open mouth................. WHY?

because his doctor advised him "Todays dinner should be light"_-=
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SARDAR & FAMILY GO 2 A PARTY. HE INTRODUCES HIMSELF I SARDAR,SHE SARDARNEE, THE BOY MY KID & THE GIRL MY KIDNEY....
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
One sardarji professor asked a plumber to come to his college. U knw Why?

Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: It's already raining.
Sardar: So what take an umbrella and go.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sardar comes back 2 his car & finds a note saying "Parking Fine"

He writes a note and sticks it 2 pole "Thanks 4 d complement"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

How do you recognize a Sardar in School?

He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

once a Sardar was walking and had a glove on one hand and not on other so the man asked him why did he do so. He Replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sardarji bought a brand new Maruti and decided to drive down from Amritsar, where he lived, to Jalandar to meet his friend.

He reached there in a few hours. After spending a few days there, he decided to return, and called up his mother to expect him in the evening. But he didn't reach in the evening and not the next day either. When he finally reached home on the
third day, his distraught mother ran and asked him " Arre Puttar, ki hoya?"
(What Happened, My Son?)

The Sardarji got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said, "Oy, ye Marutti wale pagal hain, agge jaane waaste chaar gear banaate hain, aur pichche jaane waaste sirf ik?" (These Maruti Car people are crazy! They have four gears for going forward, but only one for going back!)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Santa Singh decided to start a chicken farm so he bought a hundred chickens to begin with. A month later he returned to the dealer for another hundred chickens because all of the first lot had died. A month later he was back at t he dealer for
another hundred chickens for the second lot had also died. 'But I think I know where I'm going wrong,' said Santa, 'I think I'm planting them too deep.'

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sardar to Shopkeeper: - Mujhe India Ka Flag Dikhao, Shopkeeper ne Flag
Dikhaya, Sardar: - Isme aur Colour Dikhao

[priya]

Sardar : My mobile bill how much?

Call Centre Girl : Sir, just dial 123 to know current bill status

Sardar : Stupid, not CURRENT bill, my MOBILE bill.

[priya]

Santa gets ready, wears his tie and coat; goes out, climbs a tree and sits on the branch regularly.

Banta asks why he does this.

Santa: "I've been promoted as branch manager."

[priya]

Santa and Sardarni

Sardarni caught his husband santa searching up and down in living room.
Sardarni: What are you searching?
Santa: Searching for hidden camera.
Sardarni: Why you think here is any hidden camera.
Sardar Santa: Because on tv always this guy is saying you are watching star world.

[Ripa]

http://media.santabanta.com//joke/visuals/10007.jpg
Prakash Jha is angry with Vasundhara Raje for playing a pirated Raajneeti to BJP MLAs and planning to take legal action!

[Ripa]

Teacher: Class, we will have only half days school this morning.
Class: Hooray
Teacher: We will have the other half this afternoon
ha ha ha ha.......................

[Ripa]

Mother: What did you learn in school today
Son: How to write
Mother: What did you write?
Son: I don't know, they haven't taught us how to read yet!

[Ripa]

How to save the airlines

Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first place.

Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking strippers! What the hell, they don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss?

The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a 'party atmosphere' going in the cabin. And, of course, every businessman in this country would start flying again, hoping to see naked women.

Because of the tips, female flight attendants wouldn't need a salary, thus saving even more money. I suspect tips would be so good that we could charge the women for working the plane and have them kick back 20% of the tips, including lap dances and 'special services.'

Hijackings would come to a screeching halt, and the airline industry would see record revenues.

This is definitely a win-win situation if we handle it right -- a golden opportunity to turn a liability into an asset.

Why didn't Bush think of this? Why do I still have to do everything myself?

[Ripa]

"I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her."

--Ellen DeGeneres

[Ripa]

"A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. 'You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too.'"

--Jake Johansen

[Ripa]

"My mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'"

--Paula Poundstone

[Ripa]

Q. What is Snoop Dog's favorite weather?
A. Drizzle

Q. Which famous celebrity has had the most children over the last 10 years?
A. Michael Jackson

Q. Why did Michael Jackson call Boys II Men?
A. He thought it was a home delivery service.

[Ripa]

Preparing for the Birth

1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.

2nd baby: You don't bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.

3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month.

[Ripa]

1st baby: At the first sign of distress - a whimper, a frown-you pick up the baby.

2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.

3rd baby: You teach your 3-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.

[Ripa]

Going Out

1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home 5 times.

2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.

3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

[Ripa]

A man being mugged by two thugs put up a tremendous fight! Finally, the thugs subdued him and took his wallet. Upon finding only two dollars in the wallet, the surprised thug said "Why did you put up such a fight?" To which the man promptly replied "I was afraid that you would find the $200 hidden in my shoe!"

[Ripa]

A couple was having a discussion about what to see and do now that they were safely in Florida on their honeymoon. Trying to assert himself rite off the bat, he exploded, "If it weren't for my money, we wouldn't be here at all!" The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money, not only would we not be in Florida, we wouldn't on a honeymoon, nor would
there be any "we" in the first place."

[Ripa]

Can I borrow that book of yours How To Become A Millionaire?
Sure. Here you are.
Thanks - but half the pages are missing.
What's the matter? Isn't half a million enough for you?

[Ripa]

Fred collected lots of money from trick-or-treating and he went to the candy store to buy some chocolate.
"You should give that money to charity," said the sales girl.
Fred thought for a moment and said, "No, I'll buy the chocolate. You give the money to charity."

[Madhu]

Santa: Why are you heating the knife.

Banta: To do suicide.

Santa: But why are you heating it?

Banta: To prevent infection.

[Madhu]

Santa & Banta got tired using mobile cell phones. For a change, they decided to use pigeons to send sweet messages. And this hilarious scheme worked very fine.

One day Santa sends his pigeon.

Banta sees, the pigeon is without any message. He picks his mobile and asks Santa: The pigeon is without any sweet message.

Santa: Oye khotey, that was a missed call.

[Madhu]

Banta to Lawyer: What is your fees?

Lawyer: Rs 5000/- for 3 questions.

Banta: Isn't it too high?

Lawyer: Yes, it is. What is your third question?

[Madhu]

Santa asks Priest: Why did god make women so beautiful?

Priest: So that you will love them.

Santa thinks for a short time...

Santa: But why did God make them so dumb?

Priest: So that they will love you.

[Madhu]

Santa: I got married because I was tired of cooking, clean ing home and washing clothes.

Banta: Amazing, I got divorce for the same reason.

[Madhu]

Santa was weeping at a grave, "Why did you die? Why did you die? Your death ruined my life."

Banta: For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent? Wife? or Girlfriend ?

Santa: My wife’s first husband.

[Madhu]

Santa: Why do you close your eyes while playing the piano?

Banta: I can't see the agony of the audience.

[Madhu]

Manager: Sorry, but I can't give u a job. I don't have any more work.

Santa: That's all right, sir. In fact I'm just the right person in this case. You see, I won't ask you to give me work anyway!!

[Madhu]

Santa to Banta: I and my girlfriend are getting married.

Banta: Oh great, but when is the marriage?

Santa: I am marrying on on 13th Jan and my girlfriend on 20th

[Madhu]

Santa: Hurry-up, hurry-up, give me a drink. Fight is about to start.

Bartender gives him a drink.

Santa again says: Hurry-up, hurry-up, give me drink. Fight is about to start.

Bartender again gives him a drink.

Santa again asks for a drink as the fight is about to star.

Bartender: When on earth the fight will start?

Naughty Santa: When you will ask for money.

[Madhu]

Santa: Why didn't you marry?

Banta: I was searching for an
ideal match.

Santa: So, you didn't find an ideal girl?

Banta: I found one.

Santa: Then?

Banta: She was also searching for an ideal match.

[Madhu]

Laloo was writing something very slowly.

Santa: Why are you writing so slowly?

Laloo: I am writing to my 5 years old kid Jhurlu, he can't read very fast.

[Madhu]

Santa: What is the difference between “complete and finish”?

Banta: When you marry a right person you are complete and when you marry the wrong one you are finished !!!!!

[Madhu]

Santa: So, you are distantly related to the family next door, are you?

Banta: Yes, their dog is our dog's brother.

[saurav]

Santa goes for a movie…

Santa and a friend are sitting in a cinema. Just before the break they see a cactus and in some distance a cowboy. During the break the friend says to

Santa: "I bet the cowboy will ride into the cactus."

Santa answers: "I do not believe that."

They agree that the loser invites the winner to a bottle of wine after the film.

It turns out that the friend wins. So after the film they drink together the bottle of wine in a restaurant near the cinema.

Then the friend says: "I must confess that the bet was not fair. I saw the film for the second time."

Then Santa replies: "And I saw it for the fourth time, but I did not think that this fool rides into the cactus again."

[shwetamishra]

Santa Car ki Battery change karwane gaya.
Mechanic: Sahab, Exide ki Daal doon?
Santa: Nahin yaar,
Dono side ki daal de warna phir Problem hogi.

[amol]

Santa- kal meri shadi hai aur ladki walo ne kam log bulaye hai.
Banta- to isme prob kya hai?
Santa-pata nhi papa mujhe le jaynge ya nhi

[amol]

santa aur banta k bich mai fight ho rahi thi
banta:- saale mai tere kapde phaad k tujhe naanga kar doonga
santa:- dekh serious ladai mai romantic baat mat kar

[amol]

SANTA:Lalaji dettol soap hai,
Lala:ha,
santa:acha vala hai,
Lala:ha,
Santa: achi quality ka hai,
Lala:ha bhai ha,
Santa: thik hai hath dhokr 1kg aata do..

[amol]

Santa: oye banta machli khayega?
Banta: nhi yaar usme kaante hote hain.
Santa: oye chadd yaar, chappal pahen ke kha lena.

[amol]

Santa Ko Beta Hua. Use Jyotish Ke Pass Le Gaye
Jyotish:Ye Jiska Naam Pehle Bolega Wo mar Jyega
Baccha Bola "PAPA" Aur Dusre Din Padosi Mar Gya

[amol]

Jaj : Suna hai pichale 10 saal se tmne apni biwi ko dara dhamka k rakha hai.
Santa : Par Janab
Jaj : Safai ki jarurat nahi bas itna batao ye tumne kiya kaise

[amol]

Ek baar santa ko koi 8th floor par bulata hai. Jb vo vaha jata hai to flat ke samne likha rehta hai "Santa April Fool" to
Santa likhta hai "Mai to yahan pr aya hi nhi tha.'

[amol]

Santa: Sharab pite pite rone laga
Banta: Kya hua kyo ro rahe ho?
Santa: Yaar ki kara jis ladki ko bhulane k liye pi raha tha,uska naam yaad nhi aa raha hai

[amol]

santa 2 doctor-apne kaha tha ki subah khelne se sehat thik rehti hai pr muje to koi fark nai pada?
doctor-konsa game khelteho?
santa-mobile mai snake wala

[amol]

santa=mere padosi ka bacha gum ho gaya
banta=fir kya kiya?
santa=maine kaha google pe search karlo, mil jaye to download kr lena.

[amol]

Banta Cigratte pe 2 metre pipe laga kr pe raha tha.
Santa : Tu pipe laga kar cig Q pe raha hai
Banta : Doctor ne kaha, Cig-Bidi se dur rehna.

[amol]

Santa pe bijli ka taar gir gaya.
Santa tarap tarap k marne hi wala tha ki use yaad aya ki bijli to 2 din se band hai....

[amol]

santa;mujhe us ladki se bachao
banta:kyo?
santa:jabse maine kaha dil cheer k dekh tera hi naam hoga sali chaku leke piche pad gyi hai

[amol]

Banta: Pareshan lag rahe ho.
Santa: Yaar baap ban ne wala hu.
Banta: Yeh to khushi ki baat hai.
Santa: Lekin biwi ko nhi pata

[amol]

Shopkeeper: This sweater's made of pure virgin wool sir.
Santa: You see I m not interested in the morals of the sheep.Just tell me, will it keep me warm?

[amol]

Santa ki chatri me hole tha, kisine pucha, umbrella mai hole kyu?
Santa bola: Oye barish ruk jayegi to pata kaise chalega.

[amol]

Jailor: Tumhe kal subah 5 baje phasi di jayegi.
Sardar: Ha Ha Ha!
Jailor: Kyon has rahe ho?
Sardar: Mai to uthta hi subha 9 baje hu!

[amol]

Santa went to battery shop n asked to change battery.
The shopkeep! er asked: Exide laga du?
Santa: Dusri side tera baap lagayega kya?

[amol]

Santa invested 2 Lakhs in a business and suffered huge Losses.
Do u know what the business was?
He opened a Saloon in Punjab!

[amol]

Santa was standing below a tube light with mouth wide open.........WHY?
Because his doctor advised him "Today's dinner should be light".

[amol]

Professor Banta asked a plumber to come to his college.
U know why?
Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking...

[amol]

A street dog was chasing Santa and he was laughing.
A bystander: why are u laughing? Santa: I have an Airtel phone, but still Hutch network is following me.

[amol]

The Teacher asked all the students in a class to write an essay on a cricket match.
All were busy writing except Banta.
He wrote "DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!"

[amol]

Photographer Santa was focusing on the dead body's face in a funeral function.
Suddenly all the relatives started beating him - why?
He said "SMILE PLEASE"

[amol]

Santa at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call Modern art?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, that's a mirror!

[amol]

Santa had a dream in which someone murdered him. Next day he closed his bank account. Know why?
Because the bank's slogan was: We make your dreams come true...

[amol]

santa in Coffee shop wth wife.
santar:Jldi Pi, Coffee thandi ho Jaye gi.
Wife:ki frk painda hai?
Srdar: Bywakof Rate List dekh
Hot coffee Rs.15
Cold coffee.45

[amol]

Srdar got new job:
1st day he spent 11 hours on computer:
Boss was happy & asked what he did?
Sardar replied: Keybord te ABC agy pichy lagi c, O sidi kiti ae.

[amol]

Train Chali, Santa 1 Dibbe Mai Char Gaye..
TT Bola: Kyun Paa Ji, Nazar Nhe Aate, Ye Ladies Ka
Dibba Hai.
Santa Ji: Sorry Ji, Mere Ko Laga Aap Mard Ho.

[amol]

Santa - My wife died yesterday..
Im trying to cry but tears are not come out,
what to do?
Banta - No Problem.
Just Imagine she Came Back.

[amol]

Santa:Train me raat bhar nind nhi ayi,
upr ki seat mili thi, garmi bahut thi.
Banta:To xchnge krna tha
Santa:Kisse krta?
Niche ki seat pe koi aya hi nahi.

[amol]

Banta: Yeh chaku kyu ubal rahe ho?
Santa: Suicide karne ke liye
Banta: To phir ubalne kui kya zarurat hai?
Santa: Kahin infection na ho jaye.

[amol]

Santa: Look a thief has entered our kitchen
and he is eating the cake I made.
Banta: Whom should I call now,
Police or Ambulance?

[amol]

Banta ped pe chada to upr baithey
Bandar ne poocha: Upr kyu aya?
Banta: Apple khane.
Bandar: Yeh to aam ka ped hai.
Banta: Pata hai, Apple sath laya hu.

[amol]

Santa ke ghar Ladki ne janam liya..

Banta: jab ladki badi hogi to ladke ise chedenge.

Santa: Maine iska intejaam kar liye hai.

Banta: kya kiya?


Santa: Ladki ka naam DIDI rakh diya hai

[amol]

Santa apni biwi k office gaya
to usne dekha k uski biwi
boss ki godi me baithi dictation le rahi thi.

Santa:- Chal LAajo, aisi jagah kaam nahi karna
jahan staff k liye kursi bhi na ho

[amol]

Santa: Woh ladki kitni sundar hai!
Banta: Mujhe uska naam pata hai.

Santa: Kyaa..

Banta: Woh bank mein kaam karti hai, uske counter ke upar uska naam likha tha "CHAALU KHAATA"

[amol]

Maths Teacher Was Teaching
Mathematical Conversions
Teacher-If 1000 Kgs= Ton.
Then , For 3000 Kgs
How Much?
Santa-
Ton!Ton!Ton!

[amol]

A Chini was in hospital.
SANTA went to meet him.
Chini said 'CHING CHONG, MOU.CHU CHA' And died.
SANTA went china 2 know the meaning,
that was:-
KUTTE OXYGEN KE PIPE SE PAIR UTHA.

[amol]

Sardar Apne Ghar Ka
Darwaza Kandhe Pe Utha
Kr Ja Raha Tha ..
Kisi Ne Poocha
Sardar g Kithy Ja Rhy Ho ???
Sardar g Ne Kaha:
Tala Khulwane ...

[amol]

Santa Ek Baraf Ka Tukda Utha Kar Use Gaur Se Dekh Raha Tha.

Banta- Kya Dekh Rahe He??

Santa- Dekh Raha Hu Ye Leak Kaha Se Ho Raha He!!

[amol]

Santa aur us Banta tange mai beth kr ja rhe the
k achanak ghodi ne gobar kr dia.
.
Yeh dekh kr santa banta se kehne laga
dekho dunia kitni tezi se tarki kr rhi hai
yaha bi kima nikalne ki mashin laga di.

[amol]

Banta Singh: "Yaar Santa,
Last Year The Name-Plate Outside ur House Read Santa Singh B.A.
This Year It Read Santa Singh M.A.,
Wen Did u Finish urs Masters Degree?
Santa Singh: "You Don''t Understand.
Last Year My Wife Died,
I Put B.A. To Indicate Bachelor Again.
Den I Took A Second Wife, So M.A. Is Married Again

[amol]

Santa In a Plane
Feels Vomiting & ask 4 a
Vomit Bag, Air Hostess
Gives Him The Bag After
Few Minutes When She
Comes Back Evry1 Was
Vomiting Except Sardar g
She Was Surprisd & Askd
"Santa g In Sab ko Kia Hua?"
Santa: "Me Ulti Kiti Ena Lokan
Nu Buri Lagi Te Me Wapis Pee Gya ... "

[amol]

Boss: Where were you born?
Sardarji: India ..
Boss: which part?
Sardarji: What 'which part'? Whole body was born in India .

[amol]

Sardar: What is the name of your car?
Lady: I forgot the name, but is starts with 'T'.
Sardar: Oh, what a strange car, starts with Tea. All cars that I know start with petrol..

[amol]

Sardar: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Sardar: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says this is 'All India Radio! '

[amol]

In an interview, Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Sardar: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. .....
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Sardar: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup...

[amol]

SARDAR:- Yar iska matlab kya hota hai, "I AM GOING"?
FRIEND:- Main jaa raha hun.
SARDAR:- Saaley, aise kaise jayega, 20 aur bhi aise ja chuke hain....answer bata ke jaa..

[amol]

Santa went to temple & saw people puting coin in box & praying

Santa: Wow! How amazing. People are talking to God through coin phone without receiver

[amol]

SardarJi: Ghar mai Mera he Hukam chalta hai.
Mai Kehta hon, Garam paani le aao, woh le aati hai,

Dost: Garam pani Q?


Sardar: Garam pani se Bartan Achay Dhultay hain.

[amol]

Sardar k 12 bachon mein 1 alag dikhta tha:
Jab uski biwi marnay wali thi to Sardar ne poocha: Ab to bata do ye kis ka hai?
Sardarni: Sardarji, sirf yehi apka bacha hai.

[amol]

A lady asked Santa: LIPTON di chah hai?
Santa replied: Mainu ta nahi hai ji, tainu hai ta lipat ja...!

[amol]

A man to santa-- ur frnd is kissing ur wife in ur home,
he rushes to his home
and come with in half an hour n
slapped tat man n said--
he was not my frnd..

[amol]

Santa ki ladai apne baap se ho gayi
To usne apne baap ki photo kabristan me 1 ped pe latka diya
Aur Niche Likha
"COMING SOON

[amol]

Santa-Oye!what R U doing?
Banta-Recording this babys voice.
Santa-Why?
Banta- When he grows up, I shall ask him what he meant by this..

[amol]

Santa Ne Jalte Hue Makan Se 6 Logo Ko Apni Jaan Pe Khelkar Bahar Nikala
Fir Bhi Usko Jail Ho Gayi

Kyun...


Kyun..Ki Vo Sab Firebrigade Wale The..

[amol]

Gang of SARDARS broke a Bank.
Instead of cash they found Botles full of Chilled Red Wine,
Happily they drank & went away.


Next day Headline aai: Blood Bank lutya gya.

[amol]

A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans"..
"My father grows beans," said one student.

"My father cooks beans," said another.


Then a Little Santa spoke up: "We are all human beans."

[amol]

Sardarji: Me E-Mail bnana hu. Sardar, Sardarg, Sardar123, Sardarabc Koi bhi nhe mil rha.


Sardarji Friend : Tum "Akalmand_Sardar" try kro 100% mil jye ga.

[amol]

Santa was riding on a horse,
He jumped the red light & a cop whistles'
Santa lifts the tail of horse & says,

"Le Karle Number Note"..

[amol]

Sardar: in my dreams rats play football every night.
DR: take this tablet you will be ok.
Sardar: Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game.

[amol]

Inspector 2 Santa:
Phansi Se Pehly, Bata Teri Aakhri
Khwahish Kia Ha?
Santa:Mery Pair Uper Or Sir Neechy kr
K Phansi De Do-:)

[amol]

Santa and Banta in Examination Hall:
Santa: Exam Sheet pe Starting main kya likh Don?

Banta: "Is Answer Sheet Pe jo bhi likha hoga Wo kisi Ques aur Teacher aur School se related nahin hain And ye sub imiginary aur iska ksi se koi Sarokar Nahin Hai"

[amol]

Santa k Ghar NAVJOT SINGH SIDDHU ki Tasvir Lagi hui Thi.
Banta: Ye Kyon Laga Rakhi Hai?
Santa: LAUGHING BUDDHA Lene Gaya Tha.
Dukandar ne Kaha Ye LATEST Hai. :-)

[amol]

Santa to Banta: I have One Good News One Bad News.
Good News is That:Meri biwi ka ACCEDENT ho gaya.
Banta: Aur Bad News?
Santa: Woh ek SAPNA tha. :-(

[amol]

Santa Aur Banta Ne Zindagi Mai Pehli Baar Rickshaw Dekha.
Santa: Dekho Kitna Chhota Tanga.
Banta: Haan!
Aur Gadha to Dekho,
Aadmi Jaisa Dikhta Hai. :-)

[amol]

Santa: Mere Pass Gaddi Hai, Banglow Hai, Paisa Hai.
Tumhare Paas Kya Hai?

Banta: Mere Pass Bhi Gaddi Hai, Banglow Hai, Paisa Hai.
.
.
Santa: To Saaley Apni Maa Kiske Paas Hai?

[amol]

1 Aadmi Santa ki Betay Se Puchhta Hai:
Beta Papa Ghar Main Hain?

Santa Ka Beta Sprite Pete Huye
Uncle Seedha Bolo Mummy Se Milna Hai.

Seedhi Baat No Bakwas. :-)

[amol]

Santa On 60th Birthday:
Banta: Ye Cake Pe Bulb Q Lagaya Hai?
Santa: 60 Candles Lagane Me Mushkil Ho Rahi Thi.
.
.
Isliye 60 Watt k Bulb Laga Diya.

[amol]

Santa: Mobile me kuch MP3 Songs Load karwana hai.

Servicing Man: Memory card hai?

Santa: Nahi! Ration Card chalega kya?

[amol]

Santa sitting on the roadside:
Banta asks y r u wasting time?

Santa: I'm taking revenge?
Banta: How?

Santa: Waqt ne mujhe barbad kia he, ab mein waqt ko barbad karta hun.

[amol]

At the scene of an accident a man was crying:

O God! I have lost my hand , oh!

Santa: Control yourself. Don’t cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?

[amol]

Pappu: What''s the difference between Confidence and Confidential?

Santa: u r my son I''m Confident. ur friend is also my son, that''s Confidential.

[amol]

Santa waiting at bus stop in UK along with 3 women.
When bus arrived, conductor picked the women & said: No more, no more

Santa: Salea Morniya char liya, meri bari no more.

[amol]

Santa ws getting bitten by mosquitoes d whole night.
He got irritated… Drank poison said, “ab kato salo, sb maroge!”

[amol]

Patient: Santa, ye phulo ki mala kis k liye?
Santa: Ye mera pehla operation hai, success hua to mere liye, nhi to tmhare liye.

[amol]

Once Banta got a party invitation saying..... Black tie only !
At the party, Banta ws vry shocked 2 see othr ppl wearing suits also !!!!!!

[amol]

Santa ( to his son ) : Itne km marks? do thappad marne chayiye.......!
Santa's son : Haan papa.. chalo...mene us master ka ghr dekha hai.....!

[amol]

Santa nd Banta in a football stadium..
Santa : Paji, ye log ball se kya kr rhe hai?
Banta : goal kr rhe hain!!!
Santa :"lekin paji ball to pehle se gol hai , or kitni gol Krenge?"

[amol]

A donkey kicked a Sardar & ran awy
Sardar ran 2 catch d donkey.
He saw a zebra & startd beating it & said
"SALA Tracksuit pahn k dhoka De raha hai".

[amol]

Girl:- Jaldi khidki se kudo, papa aa gye hai.
Boy:- Lekin ye 13v mnzil hai,
Girl:- Janu ye shagun - apshagun sochne ka waqt nhi hai jaldi kudo.

[amol]

Santa-Beta agr tm fail ho jao to mujhe papa mt kehna
(Some days later)
Papa-Bete result ka kya hua?
Santa-Dimag kharab mt kr "MangiLal

[amol]

Santa: Agr tmhe kuch ho gya to mai Pagal ho jaunga.
Jeto: Dusri shadi to nhi kroge?
Santa: Pagal ka kya hai, kuch bhi kr skta hai..

[amol]

Masterji: kl school kyu nhi aya.
Santa: Gir gya tha or lg gayi.
Masterji: kaha gire, kaha lagi?
Santa: Takiye pe gira tha aur ANKH lg gyi..

[amol]

Santa: "God, if u give me 100 rs, I will donate 50 rs in tmpl".

(After waliking sm distance, he finds a 50 rs note)

Santa: "Shame on u God, u don't even trust me a little? u hv already takn ur share!"

[amol]

Master: Mai tenu kutte pe essay likhne ho
keha tha, Likh k kyu nhi liya ?
Santa: Ki krda master g,
kahi bhi mai kutte pe Pen rkha wo bhagya!!!

[amol]

Santa: I’m a proud father. My son is in medical college.
Banta: What’s he studying?"
Santa: He's not studying, they r studying him!

[amol]

Banta: Truck dekhkr tm kapte kyu ho?
Santa: Ek truck driver meri biwi lekr bhag gya tha, hr bar lgta hai jaise usko vaps krne aya hai.

[amol]

Sardar sent SMS to his BOSS:
“Me sick, no work”
Boss SMS back:
“When I am sick I kiss my wife try it”
2 hours later sardar sms 2 boss:
“Me ok, ur wife very sweet”

[amol]

One day Sardar went to a shop.
.
.
.
.
Let him go. You do ur job. Always dont expect jokes on him..

[amol]

Santa:Papa aaj meri Girl4nd ki birhday he. Use kya du..?
Papa:Dekhne me kaisi hai?
Santa:Mast hai..
Papa:Mera mobile number de de!

[amol]

Sardar to his friend.. I kiss my wife everyday before i go to office..

& u?

Friend: i kiss ur wife after u go to office.
Sardar: ha ha ha..i m the first..

[amol]

1 Chor Santa ka mobile le k bhag raha tha
Santa:Bhag sale Bhag bhag
Charger toh mere pas hai

[amol]

2 men were searching for their lost wife in a festival.
Santa:What does your wife look like?
Banta:She is 5'7", 36-24-36 **** figure, fair, sweet, beautiful, green **** eyes, brown hair, and yours?
Santa: Forget mine, let us look for yours.

[amol]

Santa: Will U marry, after I die.
Jeeto: No, I will live with my sister. Jeeto: Will U marry, after I die.
Santa: No, I will also live with your sister.

[amol]

Judge: Why were u arrested?
Santa: For shopping early.
Judge: Well, that's not a crime. Anyway, how early were u shopping?
Santa: Before the shop opened.

[amol]

SANTA Ur son is Dead.Aftr Hearing Dis Santa jumps frm 50th floor.
Wen he reachd 35th Flr he think "I dnt hav Son"
20th Floor:
I'm not married
&
3rd Floor:
Shit! I'm BANTA.

[amol]

Santa: Mere pass gaddi,bungla,paisa hai..tere pass kya hai?

Banta:Mere pass bhi gaddi,bungla,paisa hai

Santa:Mar gaye..Phir apni Maa kiske pass hai?

[amol]

Sardar is driving a jeep in jungle.

Tourist: If lion follows very close to us then how can we escape?
Sardar:Give right indicator & take left turn.:-)

[amol]

Santa traveling in a train gets down in evry station n buy ticket 4 next station.Guess Why?
Bcoz doctor told 2 him avoid Long Journey

[amol]

A Tamilian call up sardar and asks ' tamil therima??'
Santa got mad, angrily replied..
'Hindi tera baap!!!'

[amol]

SLAM BOOK filled by Santa.

1.Strength:My wife,Jeeto.
2.Weakness:Banta ' s wife,Preeto.
3.Oppurtunity: When Banta is on tour.
4.Threat:When I am on tour

[amol]

Santa: "Madam these undergarments will look nice on U"
Lady: How can U be so sure?
Santa: i'have done diploma in interior designing

[amol]

Once Santa was trying 2 impress a young lady.

Santa:I have seen u some where.

Lady:Possible,i am a nurse working in MENTAL HOSPITAL!!

[amol]

Santa: Give Me An Idea
To Become Poor
Banta: Make A Hindi
Film With Himesh As
Hero ..
Santa: I Asked Idea To
Become Poor Not A
Beggar .. ;->

[amol]

Santa: Why Do Girls Look Beautiful? Is It Real Or Due To Make Up?
Banta: All False.
Girls Look Beautiful Because Boys Have Good Imagination

[amol]

Teacher: Who's A Terrorist?

Santa: Terrorist Is A Tourist Who Comes From Other CouNtry To Celebrate Diwali iN Our CouNtry.

[amol]

Man: How was your exam today ?
Sardar: Fine, except for one question which was difficult
Man: Which one ?
Sardar: What is the past tense of THINK ?
I thought..i thought ..i thought about it and wrote THUNK ;-)

[amol]

Computer teacher to sardar:What are the three latest versions of java ? Sardar: . . . . . . . . MarJava,MitJava,LutJava...

[amol]

Friend to sardar:
Yar Sir Ka Msg Aaya Hai K Aaj Extra Class Hogi Kya Karun?
.
.
..
...Sardar:-'Message sending failed' likh ke bhej de....

[amol]

Ek sardar ko koi mobile pe tang kar raha tha, Sardar ne new sim khareed kar usko sms kiya: "MAINE WO NUMBER BAND KAR DIYA HAI AB TERA BAAP BHI MUJHE TANG NAHI KAR SAKTA "

[amol]

Sardar:Mere liye koi achi si larki ka rishta bata. Friend:Yaar ek larki hai B.com ki, Sardar:Yaar Qom koi bhi ho par larki parhi likhi honi chahiye.

[amol]

Pathan:Yaar tum subha se zameen khod rahe ho kya baat hai aakhir ? . . . Sardar:Yaar abba kehta hai maine unka naam mitti mein mila dia hai so mein wohi dhoond raha hun.

[amol]

Sardar: Kal koi mera purse maar gaya us mein 2000 rupees thy, Pathan: Jhooty,1500 thy maine ghar ja kar khud giny thy. Sardar: Paise ka masla nahi hai bas tum admi ka pata karo.

[amol]

Sardar Was Sleeping In His

Bed Room With His Wife



Why Are You Scrolling Down
So Fast.

Let Him Sleep With His Wife

[amol]

Santa Shouting 2 His GF
" U Said V Will Do Register
Marriage And Cheated Me,
I Was Waiting 4 U
Yesterday Whole Day
In The Post Office...."

[amol]

Sardar Ki Maa
Puttar Tujhay Yahan Se
Jalindhar Janay Mein 1 Din Laga
Aur
Wapas Aanay Mein 3 Din Wo B Naye Car Se
Srdar : Maa Ye Car Bananay Wale Bhi
Pagal Hein Janay K Liay 4 Gear
Or Aanay Ke Liay Sirf 1 (Revers) Gear.

[amol]

Teacher:Wo Kon C Cheez Hay
Jo Insan Ke Izzat Ko Mazbooti

Say Jakray Rakhti Hay?
Sardar Je: MISS

"NARRA":-)

[amol]

Santa- Yaar!
A Auratein Sharab
Se Nafrat Q Karati Hai?
Banta- Islye Ki,
Sharab Pine Ke
Baad Chuhe Jaisa
Pati Bhi Sher
Ho Jata Hai.

[amol]

A Sardar Prays Daily For 2 Hours
"Hey Vahey Guru Meri Lottery Lagade.
After 11 Yrs Vaheguru Angrily Appears &
Says
-Oey Uloo De Pathay Ticket To Le Le.

[amol]

Santa-Oye Kya Kr Raha Ho?
Banta-Is Baby Ki Aawaz Record Kr Raha Hun!
Santa-Kyun?
Banta-Wo Jab Bada Ho Jaega,Use Iska Matlab Puchunga

[amol]

Santa - Yaar Uth Bhukamp Aa Raha Hai,
Sara Ghar Hil Raha Hai.
Banta- Soja-Soja Ghar Girega
To Makaan Maalik Ka,
Hum To Kirayedar Hain..

[amol]

SArdar In UK Hotel Khana Khane Gia

Wo Murgi Khana Chahta Tha Lekin Murgi Ki English Bhol Gia

Thy Askd Wht Do U Want SRdar G?

SArdar Replid: Éggs'' Mother

[amol]

Santa Invested 2 Lakhs
In A Business And Suffered Huge Losses.
Do U Know What The Business Was?
He Opened A Saloon In Punjab!

[amol]

Santa:Mujhe Tou Aankhey

Band Karney Par Bhi Dikhayi Deta Hai.

Banta:Achchaa, Kya Dikhta Hai?

Santa:Andhera.

[amol]

Sardar: Yar Mere Bal Boht Gir Rahe Hain

Frnd: Wo Kyun?

Sardar: Fikr Se?

Frnd: Konsi Fikr Hai Tume?

Sardar: Bal Girne Ki Fikr Se:-)

[amol]

Santa Ne Bus Me Ek Ladki Ko Chhed Diya.

Ladki- Tumhare Ghar Me Maa Behen Nahi He Kya??

Santa- Kya Pata Me To Subah Se Ghar Se Bahar Hu..

[amol]

Some1 Wrote 2 Sardar,

"Agr Tum Zaheen Ho To Rs100 Bhejo.

Hoshyar Ho To 200. Agr Dono Ho To 300 Bhejo"

Sardar Sent Rs 600 N Wrote,

"O-A Main Sabka Baap Hon

Read more: http://www.latestsms.in/jokes-on-sardar.htm#ixzz2DRpKH0UK

[amol]

Passenger-Tumne Mere Jeb Me Hath Kyu Dala?

Santa-Muje Machis Chahiye Thi.

Pasen-Tum Mujhse Mang Sakte The.

Santa-Me Ajnabi Se Bat Nhi Karta.

[amol]

Santa Opened Xerox Shop
And Put A Big Cool Board Outside:
.
.
.
.
.
Xerox Done In All Language

[amol]

Santa Police Se:
Kal Raat Chor Mere Ghar Se
TV Ke Ilaava Sab Samaan Le Gaye
Police:TV Kyon Nahi Legaya!?
Santa:TV To Me Dekh Raha Tha

[amol]

Sardar:I''ve Pain In Ma Ryt Leg
Doc:Its Nothin .Its Only Coz Of Old Age.
Sardar:As Far As I Know,
Both Ma Legs R Of Same Age [/LEFT]

[amol]

Fakeer 2 Srdar : Apk Parosi Ne
Pet Bhar K Khana Khlaya
Hai Ap B Kuch Khilao ?

Sardar : Ye Lo Hajimola . . . . .

[amol]

Salsman-Which Soap U Use?

Santa-BABA''S Soap,
BABA''S Paste,
BABA''S Brush.

Salsman-Is BABA''S A INTRNATIONAL Company?
Santa: Baba Is My Room Mate.

[amol]

Sardar K Truck K Peechay Likha Tha
"Chota Parivar Sukhi Parivar"
Or Uske Nechay
Tinu, Minu, Chintu, Chinky, Pinky, Guddu, Guddi, Sonu, Monu,
Te Sohan De Papa Di Gaddi!

[amol]

Santa:Ye Gandhi Bapu Har Note Me Haste Kyu Rehte Hai?
Banta:Simple Hai Yar
Royenge To Note Geela Ho Jayega Na

[amol]

Sardar ne shok me roza rakh lia
he asked 2 his son:vekh,suraj dooba
son:nai g
again asked: dooba kia
son:nai g
Sardar:lagda hay menu lay k he dubay ga

[amol]

Teacher: What Is The Difference
Between Landline & Mobile?
Sardar: Landline Par Number
Hum Ungli Se Dial Karte Han
Aur Mobile Par Anguthe Se..

[amol]

1 Sardar
Police Station K Bahar Se
Guzra Aur Poster Pe Parha
" Wanted For
RAPE & MURDER .."

Sardar Ne Andar Ja Ker Kaha:
" I Want To Apply For
This Job ..."

[amol]

Train mai santa apni wife se: Tujhse shaadi karke pachchhta raha hoo, dil karta hai k tujhe kutte ke daal du
Saamne Baitha passenger: Bhow, BHow, BhoW, Bbhow ...

[amol]

Santa: Pados ki Ladki ko dekh, wo Exam me first aayi hai.
Son: Usko hi to dekhta tha, tabhi to FAIL ho gaya

[amol]

Sardar Wrote BILL GATES
Abt PCS & WINDOWS Problmz
1- My Child Learnd
MS WORD Nw He Wants
MS SENTENCE
2 - Find Only RE-CYCLE
But No RE-SCOOTER
I Need It, As I Owe A
Vespa Scooter
3 - I See MS OFFICE But I
Need MS HOME, As I Use
PC At Home
4 - Finaly, Howz Dat
Ur Name Is GATES But
U r Selling WINDOWS ...

[amol]

Santa ki dadi mar gaye...
Ek admi bola:mujhe bhi sath le jati dadi...
Do char aur admio ne bola:mujhe bhi sath le jati dadi.
Santa: chup ho jao kamino,dadi kya tata suno se gaye hai jo tmhe bhi sath le jati....

[amol]

Banta: tm aaykr vibhag mai kyu aye ho..
Santa: Mai to yeh dekhne aya hu jinke liye mai din raat kaam karta hu woh kaise hai?

[amol]

Santa: tere pita ji tailor hai aur teri shirt fati hai,bade shrm ki baat hai..
Banta:Ishse bhi bade shrm ki baat yeh hai ki tere pita ji dentist hai fir bhi tera bhai bina dant k paida hua...

[amol]

Dad santa:tu exam mai pas ho ya fail,mai tujhe bike jaru dilaunga...
Banta: kaun si bike?
Santa: Pas hua to pulsar colg jane k liye,fail hua to rajdut dudh bechne k liye...

[amol]

Santa: yar,cal rate itna hai ki smbhl-smbhl kr phone lagana padta hai..
Banta: mai to hr roj 10-15 phone aise hi laga deta hai aur mera paisa bhi nahi lagta..
santa: woh kaise?
Banta: mai customer care mai no. lagata hu...

[amol]

Santa: agar patni k pita ko sasur krhte hai to gf k pita ko kya kahenge?
Banta: agar woh apni beti ki shadi tmse krnr ko raji ho gaye to sasur, nahi to assur..

[amol]

Santa Banta SMS, chutkule sms in Hindi, humour, jokes, are juicy spicy ingredient of life when think about santa banta a big laugh play on your face. Enjoy comedy Ka Tadka - Santa Banta comedy SMS free.

[amol]

2 Hijade ek shaadi ki badhai dene gaye.
Haye haye mai to 1100 lungi.
Dusri Boli mai to 2100 lungi.
Peeche se Santa bola Abey 2310 le lo usme FM bhi hai! new 2011 wala!

[amol]

Santa: I got married because I was tired of cooking, cleaning home and washing clothes.
Banta: Amazing, I got divorce for the same reason.