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internetpremi
10-01-2014, 10:47 PM
(Incident described in "From the Pavilion End" by Harold "Dickie" Bird)

"Bomber" Wells, a spin bowler and great character, played for Glocuestershire and Nottinghamshire. He used to bat at No.11 since one couldn't bat any lower.

Of him, they used to paraphrase Compton's famous words describing an equally inept runner;

"When he shouts 'YES' for a run, it is merely the basis for further negotiations! "

Incidentally, Compton was no better. John Warr said, of Compton "He was the only person who would call you for a run and wish you luck at the same time."

Anyway, when Wells played for Gloucestorshire, he had an equally horrendous runner as the No.10. During a county match, horror of horrors..... ..both got injured. Both opted for runners when it was their turn to bat.

Bomber played a ball on the off, called for a run, forgot he had a runner and ran himself. Ditto at the other end. In the melee, someone decided that a second run was on. Now we had *all four* running.

Due to the confusion and constant shouts of "YES" "NO" , eventually, *all* of them ran to the same end.

Note - at this point in time, the entire ground is rolling on the floor laughing their behinds out. One of the fielders - brave lad - stops laughing for a minute, picks the ball and throws down the wicket at the other end.

Umpire Alec Skelding looks very seriously at the four and calmly informs them " One of you buggers is out . I don't know which. *You* decide and inform the bloody scorers!" .

(To be continued)

internetpremi
10-01-2014, 10:56 PM
Greg Thomas was bowling to Viv Richards in a county game. Viv slashed at a superb outswinger and missed it completely. Thomas taunted him "It's red and round and weighs about 5 1/2 ounces."

Next ball Viv hits Greg Thomas out of the ground for a 6 and replies, " Greg, you know what it looks like. Go ahead and find it!"

To be continued

internetpremi
10-01-2014, 11:00 PM
Gavaskar had decided to relinquish his opening position and come in at no 4 for that test. But, Malcolm Marshall bowling at his fiery best, got Anshuman Gaekwad and Dilip Vengsarkar out for ducks, setting the stage for Gavaskar to walk in at
0 for two.

And Gavaskar thought there would be less pressure!

" Man, it doesn't matter where you come in to bat, the score is still zero."
- Viv Richards to Sunil Gavaskar at Madras 1983.

(To be continued.)

internetpremi
11-01-2014, 12:08 AM
This was after Shane Warne had become overweight.

Shane Warne: "Daryll, I've been waiting years for the chance to embarrass you again."

Cullinan: "Really? It looks like most of the time you spent eating."


(To be continued.)

internetpremi
11-01-2014, 12:14 AM
Sachin sent the then young leg spinner Mustaq Ahmed hiding for cover (he had hit two sixes in one over.)

The frustated mentor of Mustaq Ahmed the legendary Abdul Qadir challenges Sachin saying

बच्चों को क्यों मार रहे हो? जरा हमें मारके दिखाओ।


Sachin was silent. We all have come to know that he lets his bat do the talking.

Abdul Quadir had made a simple request and Sachin obliged, and how! Sachin hit Quadir for 4 sixes in the over, making the spinner look the kid in the
contest. The over read 6, 0, 4, 6 6 6.


To be continued

internetpremi
11-01-2014, 12:15 AM
In an England v Australia Test during early 1960's Trueman was fielding close to the gate from the pavilion.

As a new batsman came out he turned to shut the gate, Trueman said "Don' t bother son, you won't be out
there long enough."


To be continued

internetpremi
11-01-2014, 12:20 AM
Most cricketers, who are not comfortable in conversing in English, prepare for some standard questions that are asked to them when commentators chat with them during the awards ceremony.

Inzamam was once asked a different question after Pakistan won the match, for which he was not prepared. He always used his standard response to the first question after winning.

But, this time,
After Winning the Match

Tony Greg: So Inzi, that's fantastic, your wife is pregnant for the second time and u must be happy!

Inzamam: Bismillah-e- Rehman-e- Rahim! All credit goes to the boys. Everyone worked hard for it, especially Afridi. It was tight situation when he went in.

Also Bob Woolmer was keeping close watch on progress and giving instructions. It's all team effort. Insha Allah, we all will work together as a team, put in big effort and deliver good result all the time and will be able to REPEAT the same result.

Tony fainted!!!!! !

To be continued
(Note: this is just joke! Not really true)

internetpremi
11-01-2014, 07:56 AM
There was an Indian batsman. India was playing a match at the Wankhede Stadium, but on the same day his wife was having a baby. He could not bear to miss the match so he decided to watch the game and visit his wife later on.

The match began, two quick wickets fell. The man was disappointed and he remembered his wife he picked up the phone and quickly dialed the hospital number.

He had meant to call the hospital but accidentally phones the stadium, and he asks the man on the other end thinking him to be the doctor, 'So what's the result?'

The man replies, 'It' s still in process, two are out nine are left and the last one was a duck.

To be continued

internetpremi
11-01-2014, 08:01 AM
Then there's this wicketkeeper who quietly asked the new batsman:

"So how's your wife, and my kids?"

Guess who......... Rod Marsh....to Ian Botham!

Botham's repartee: "My wife's fine. Your kids are retarded."



To be continued

rajnish manga
11-01-2014, 12:54 PM
Abdul Qadir has won the show hands down. Inzamam missed it narrowly thanks to the footnote in red ink. Thank you very much for another dose of a wonderful laugh-line, Vishwanath Ji.

internetpremi
11-01-2014, 10:08 PM
Thank you Rajnishji.
I have some more but they are all "non vegetarian" and I don't want to create a controversy here and am avoiding posting them.

Let me see if I can collect a few more "vegetarian" anecdotes.
Regards
GV

internetpremi
11-01-2014, 10:12 PM
It was the 80s, Pakistan were making great strides forward in cricket. Albeit not completely with their skills in the game but with their poor standards in umpiring.

During one of those days,Imran Khan,the captain of the Pakistan team met Allan Border, the aussie counterpart in a pre-match meeting in Sydney.

During the chat Imran told Allan Border “Allan, give me Sunil Gavaskar and B.S.Chandra Shekhar from India, we will beat Australia..”

Allan Border replied “..Imran, just give me two Umpires from Pakistan and we will beat the whole world..” Imran Khan was left speechless.

Later, the furious Imran Khan complained to the Australian board. On pressure from Cricket Australia Allan Border tendered apologies to Imran Khan and Pakistan Cricket Board.

rajnish manga
11-01-2014, 10:17 PM
बहुत खूब. इससे मिलता जुलता जोक मैं पहले भी कहीं पढ़ चुका हूँ. दोबारा पढ़ कर भी उतना ही मजा आया.

internetpremi
11-01-2014, 10:18 PM
Merv Hughes & Javed Miandad

1991 Adelaide Test: Javed called Merv a fat bus conductor. A few balls later Merv dismissed Javed. "Tickets please," Merv called out as he ran past Javed.
===========

Shane Warne : I've waited two years for another chance to humiliate you.

Daryll Cullinan : Looks like you spent it eating.
=======
The sound of the ball hitting the batsman's skull was music to my ears.

Jeff Thomson
=============
Shane Warne's idea of a balanced diet is a cheeseburger in each hand.

==========

internetpremi
13-01-2014, 08:36 AM
पति पत्नि रात को बिस्तर पर खामोशी से लेटे हुए थे।
आपस में कोई बातचीत नहीं...

पत्नि के मन की चिंताएं :
१) यह मुझसे बात क्यों नहीं कर रहे है?
२) क्या अब मैं पहले जैसी खूबसूरत नहीं रही?
३) कहीं मेरा वजन तो नहीं बढ गया?
४) कहीं मेरे चेहरे की झुर्रियों पे इनका ध्यान तो नहीं गया?
५) कहीं इनके जीवन में मेरे अलावा कोई और तो नहीं है?
६) कहीं यह मेरी रोज़ की किच - किच से तंग तो नहीं आ गए?

और पति के मन की चिंता:

आखिर धोनी ने इशान्त शर्मा को ओवर दिया ही क्यों?

internetpremi
13-01-2014, 08:51 AM
पत्नि को क्रिकेट का बहुत शौक था और पूरे ध्यान से t20 मैच देख रही थी
पति बाहर जाने की तैयारी कर रहा था और सज धज कर अपनी पत्नि से पूछा
"कैसा लग रहा हूँ मैं?"
पत्नि का ध्यान टीवी स्क्रीन पर ही था और उत्तेजित होकर चिल्लाई "छक्का!"

internetpremi
13-01-2014, 08:56 AM
अफ़्रीदी : हम सचिन को किसी भी हाल में १०० रन नहीं बनाने देंगे।
मिस्बाह: मगर हम उसे कैसे रोकेंगे? वह तो आजकल पूरा form में है।
अफ़्रीदी: हम सब १०० रन के अन्दर all out हो जाएंगे।

internetpremi
13-01-2014, 07:25 PM
Hypothetical Battles: Arnab Goswami vs Navjot Singh Sidhu (in a debate of course), who wins? (http://www.quora.com/Hypothetical-Battles/Arnab-Goswami-vs-Navjot-Singh-Sidhu-in-a-debate-of-course-who-wins)

By: Sudhir Srinivasan (http://www.quora.com/Sudhir-Srinivasan), Features Writer, Fledgling Author .

It's pretty easy really.
Arnab, all the way, but not in the traditional way you win a debate.

Let's say Navjot S. Sidhu and Arnab Goswami are debating an incident that just occurred in a India-Pakistan cricket match. Ganguly has just run Tendulkar out very evidently, and while Sidhu believes it's Ganguly's fault, Arnab doesn't think so.

Sidhu: Come on, Arnab. It's quite clear that Ganguly has thrown both ends of the rope to a drowning Sachin!
Arnab: (takes a moment to understand the analogy; doesn't, but goes on anyway) But India needs an answer, Sidhuji! India needs an answer! Is Ganguly the answer to this problem? I don't think so!
Sidhu: My point seems to have buzzed past your nose like a bumblebee breaking wind.
Arnab: (decides not to take any more time on live television to understand analogies) You're blaming this on Ganguly? Sachin needs to own up! There was no run there! He let the entire Indian population down! Poor people are watching this match on the roads, Mr. Sidhu. And Tendulkar has let them down!
Sidhu: Boss, Sachin was simply trying to make hay when things were going haywire.
Arnab: That's not the answer Mr. Sidhu! India NEEDS AN ANSWER! A billion Indians need to know why Sachin ran himself out. Will he own up to the mistake?

-Advertisements-

Arnab: Welcome back. We have Mr. Sidhu here, and the question on all your lips, "Why did Sachin run himself out against Pakistan?" Is there an ulterior motive here Mr. Sidhu? Are things not what they seem? A billion Indians will go to bed crying tonight, Mr. Sidhu! Marriages could end tonight! Suicides could occur! Examinations will be failed! Can you imagine the disastrous repercussions this will have on the minds of the bourgeois, Mr. Sidhu? Sachin has let crores of people down. Period.
Sidhu: Sachin must have realised now that at times of prosperity, your friends know you. At times of adversity, you know your friends.
Arnab (ignores the analogy again): What about the crores of poor Indians, Sidhu? What about them? They have remained hungry, they have skipped work, they have taken time off their daily lives...
Sidhu: Men of genius are admired. Men of wealth are envied. Men of power are feared. Men of character are trusted. Sachin is a man of ...
Arnab: He should've not taken that run, Sidhu! Pakistan have won the match now! Why did he not run himself out against Sri Lanka last week, but Pakistan this week? Clearly, the situation seems much more dire and sinister, Mr. Sidhu. Even you cannot ignore the possibilities!
Sidhu: Mind is like a parachute, my -
Arnab (interrupts again): It's the sad state of affairs here, Mr. Sidhu. People spend their lives cheering for a cricket team, and this is how their God, Sachin, repays them.
Sidhu: If you throw a good character and football-
Arnab (interrupts again, and has decided not to let Sidhu have too much time): What about the lakhs of children who'll cry themselves to sleep tonight? Do the powers that be have an explanation for the massive tragedy that has gripped the nation tonight?

-Advertisements-

Arnab: Welcome back. Mr. Sidhu is as shocked as I am by the suspicions lingering around Sachin's run out. He -
Sidhu: No, I am -
Arnab: It's all right, Mr. Sidhu. We're all as shocked as you are. This has come as a rude surprise to all the Indians. WE NEED AN ANSWER, AND WE'RE NOT LETTING THIS GO!

And so on and so forth. Sidhu will eventually become a mute spectator, with every attempt at talking being interrupted by Arnab who launches a passionate, extremely loud attack on the powers-that-be, wondering why Sachin let down crores of Indians, and demanding an answer from Sidhu! He'll wonder what sinister agenda the Government of Pakistan had in this matter. He'll DEMAND ANSWERS.
And people in the International Space Shuttle, apart from perhaps being able to see the Great Wall of China, will also be able to hear Arnab ask, "Why? Why were a billion Indians let down? WEEEE NEEEEEDDDD AAAANNNN AAAANNNSSSSWWWEEERRRR!"

internetpremi
13-01-2014, 09:50 PM
The history of cricket humour goes back into the dark ages of the game, one of cricket's original wits, W.G. Grace, on being bowled stated: "Twas the wind which took the bail off, good sir."

To which the umpire replied, "Indeed, doctor, and let us hope thy wind helps the good doctor on the journey back to the pavilion."