View Full Version : Forwarded ईमेल का सूत्र
:welcome: दोस्तों
बहुत दिनों बाद फुर्सत मिली है, तो सोचा एक नया थ्रेड ही बना लू. यहाँ मैं नए नए forwarded इ मेल लेकर आऊँगी जो मुझे मेरे दोस्त ईमेल करते हैं. तुसी लोग भी इसमें अपने ईमेल पोस्ट करना.
कुछ मेल अंग्रेजी भाषा में भी हो सकते है.
थैंक्स,
तेजी
नए ज़माने की ABCD
A: APPLE
B: BLUETOOTH
C: CHAT
D: DOWNLOAD
E: EMAIL
F: FACEBOOK
G: GOOGLE
H: HP
I: IPHONE
J: JAVA
K: KINGSTON
L: LAPTOP
M: MESSENGER
N: NERO
O: ORKUT
P: PICASSA
Q: QUICKHEAL
R: RAM
S: SERVER
T: TWITTER
U: USB
W: WIFI
V: VISTA
X: XP
Y: YOUTUBE
Z: ZORPIA
चंगी बात ये है की अभी भी A फॉर APPLE ही है. :crazyeyes:
sagar -
26-03-2011, 10:13 PM
तेजी जी काफी दिनों बाद वापसी की हे सब खेरिया तो हे ना
pankaj bedrdi
26-03-2011, 10:21 PM
आइ बहुत दिन के बाद र्दशन हुआ
कॉलेज में एक्साम था, इसलिए नहीं आ रही थी.
Corporate meanings..
1.”We will do it” means” You will do it”
2.”You have done a great job” means” More work will be given toyou”
3.”We are working on it” means” We have not yet started working it”
4.”Tomorrow first thing in the morning” means” Its not getting done ,At least not till tomorrow!”.
5.”After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views” means” I have already decided, I will tell you what to do.
6.”There was a slight miscommunication” means” We lied”
7.”Lets call a meeting and discuss” means” I have no time to talk now”
8.”We can always do it” means” We cannot do it on time”
9.”We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline” means “We screwed up, we cannot deliver on time.”
10.”We had slight differences of opinion “means” We fought”
11.”Make a list of the work that you do and let’s see how I can help you” means” find a way out yourself, no help from me”
12.”You should have told me earlier” means” Well even if you told me earlier that would not have mattered!”
13.”We need to find out the real reason” means” I will tell you where your fault is”
14.”Well Family is important, your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected,” means,” You are not going home unless you finish your job”
15.”We are a team,” means,” Everybody shares the blame”
16.”That’s actually a good question” means “I do not know anything about it”
17.”All the Best” means” You are in trouble”
MURDER OF ENGLISH….Its really funny…enjoy
The Leave Applications ; )
Infosys, Bangalore: An employee applied for leave as follows:
“Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave.”
———————————————— —————————–
This is from Oracle Bangalore: >From an employee who was performing the “mundan” ceremony of his 10 year old son:
“as I want to shave my son’s head, please leave me for two days..”
———————————————— —————————–
Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter’s wedding:
“as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week’s leave..”
———————————————— —————————–
From H.A.L. Administration Dept:
“As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave.”
———————————————— —————————–
Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
“Since I’ve to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave”
———————————————— —————————–
An incident of a leave letter:
“I am suffering from fever, please declare one-day holiday.”
———————————————— —————————–
A leave letter to the headmaster:
“As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today”
———————————————— —————————–
Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
“As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day.”
———————————————— —————————–
Covering note:
“I am enclosed herewith…”
———————————————— —————————–
Another one:
“Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below…”
———————————————— —————————–
Actual letter written for application of leave:
“My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave”.
———————————————— —————————–
Letter writing:-
“I am well here and hope you are also in the same well.”
———————————————— —————————–
A candidate’s job application:
“This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ‘ Typist and an Accountant – Male or Female’… As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying for the post
Husband: aaj khane mein kya banaogi?
Wife: Jo aap kaho
H: Dal chawal bana lo
W: Abhi kal hi to khaye the
H: to sabji roti bana lo
W: bacche nahi khayenge
H: to chhole puri bana lo
W: mujhe heavy heavy lagta hai
H: eggs bhurji bana lo
W: aaj guruvaar hai
H: paraanthe?
W: raat ko paraanthe kaun khata hai??
H: Hotel se mangwa lete hain?
W: roz roz hotel ka nahi khana chahiye
H: kadhi chawal?
W: dahi nahi hai
H: idly sambar?
W: usme time lagega.pehle bolna chahiye tha na!!
H: maggi hi bana lo, usme time nahi lagega
W: woh koi meal thodi hai? Pet nahi bharta
H: phir ab kya banaogi?
W: wo jo aap kaho
1. SSC + HSC + BCOM + MBA = UNEMPLYOMENT
2. An Idea + An Idiot = A Dot com.
4. Sushmita Sen - 1.2 feet = Salman Khan.
5. Special Effects in Shampoo ads = Special effects in Jurassic park.
6. 4 weeks in Switzerland + London + New Zealand + Canada = a 4
minute song in Hindi movie.
7. Ajay Devgan + cosmetic surgery + acting ability + personality +
own production company = Kajol
8. Rona dhona x Bewafai x Badle ki aag = Your mum's favourite serials.
9. Amitabh Bachchan - Mrityudaata + Kaun Banega Crorepati = A SUPERSTAR.
10. Amitabh Bachchan + Jaya Bachchan - Talent = Abhishek Bachchan
11. Any actor + Any actress + many movies = David Dhawan
12. 1 smile + 32 teeth = Govinda
13. 1 person - shirt = Salman Khan
14. 1 person + straight hair + un-straight walk = Sanjay Dutt
15. 1 hand + 10 kg weight = Sunny Deol
16. One engagement + Two weddings + Three wedding songs + Four
hundred Relatives + A house bigger than Buckingham Palace =
One sooraj Barjataya Film
ndhebar
26-03-2011, 10:44 PM
बढ़िया सूत्र बनाया है
अब लगता है हमें भी अपने मेल खंघालने होंगे
http://myhindiforum.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=9592&stc=1&d=1301161611
http://myhindiforum.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=9593&stc=1&d=1301161775
Facebook kaamwali baai.
Madam: Useless bai!!!.. Why didn’t you come last week? And that too without informing me????
Kaamwali bai: O Myadam... I had updated my Facebook status to "Will be out of town for a week..." Saaheb knows it. He even commented "Come soon... miss U!!"
ndhebar
26-03-2011, 10:50 PM
http://myhindiforum.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=9592&stc=1&d=1301161611
Too good
:clapping::clapping:
:laughlaugh:
:fantastic:
A Raja on Facebook
http://myhindiforum.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=9594&stc=1&d=1301161953
Mail Sent By Narayan Murthy To All Infosys Staff
It's half past 8 in the office but the lights are still on...
PCs still running, coffee machines still buzzing....
And who's at work? Most of them ??? Take a closer look....
All or most specimens are ??
Something male species of the human race....
Look closer... again all or most of them are bachelors....
And why are they sitting late? Working hard? No way!!!
Any guesses???
Let's ask one of them...
Here's what he says... 'What's there to do after going home? Here we get to surf, AC, phone, food, coffee that is why I am working late...Importantly no bossssssss!!!!!!!!!!!'
This is the scene in most research centers and software companies and other off-shore offices.
Bachelors 'Passing-Time' during late hours in the office just because they say they've nothing else to do... Now what are the consequences...
'Working' (for the record only) late hours soon becomes part of the institute or company culture.
With bosses more than eager to provide support to those 'working' late in the form of taxi vouchers, food vouchers and of course good feedback, (oh, he's a hard worker... goes home only to change..!!).
They aren't helping things too....
To hell with bosses who don't understand the difference between 'sitting' late and 'working' late!!!
Very soon, the boss start expecting all employees to put in extra working hours.
So, My dear Bachelors, let me tell you, life changes when u get married and start having a family.... office is no longer a priority, family is... and that's when the problem starts... b'coz u start having commitments at home too.
For your boss, the earlier 'hardworking' guy suddenly seems to become a 'early leaver' even if u leave an hour after regular time... after doing the same amount of work.
People leaving on time after doing their tasks for the day are labeled as work-shirkers...
Girls who thankfully always (its changing nowadays... though) leave on time are labeled as 'not up to it'. All the while, the bachelors pat their own backs and carry on 'working' not realizing that they r spoiling the work culture at their own place and never realize that they would have to regret at one point of time.
So what's the moral of the story??
* Very clear, LEAVE ON TIME!!!
* Never put in extra time ' unless really needed '
* Don't stay back unnecessarily and spoil your company work culture which will in turn cause inconvenience to you and your colleagues.
There are hundred other things to do in the evening..
Learn music...
Learn a foreign language...
Try a sport... TT, cricket.........
Importantly, get a girl friend or boy friend, take him/her around town...
And for heaven's sake, net cafe rates have dropped to an all-time low (plus, no fire-walls) and try cooking for a change.
Take a tip from the Smirnoff ad: "Life's calling, where are you??"
Please pass on this message to all those colleagues and please do it before leaving time, don't stay back till midnight to forward this!!!
IT'S A TYPICAL INDIAN MENTALITY THAT WORKING FOR LONG HOURS MEANS VERY HARD WORKING & 100% COMMITMENT ETC.
PEOPLE WHO REGULARLY SIT LATE IN THE OFFICE DON'T KNOW TO MANAGE THEIR TIME. SIMPLE !
What Would Happen If One Rupee Equalled 45 Dollars?
SCENE 1
Venue : Microsoft Corporation, New York , USA. Some S/w engineers are seeing some photographs.
S/w engr 1 : What's that?
S/w engr 2 : Bob's photographs from India
S/w engr 1 : Wow. Let me see. Which is this place?
S/w engr 3 : (Sees the photo) This is Mumbai
S/w engr 1 : Fundoo yaar! And what is this? He got Bajaj Pulsar also.
S/w engr 2 : Let me see (sees). This guy enjoys life maan...
S/w engr 3 : You know how much an Bajaj Pulsar costs? Nearly 60K..... Say it in dollars... (60000*45 = 27,00,000 dollars)
S/w engr 2: Oops. We can't dream of such a thing here.
S/w engr 1 : Let's go to India & try for a job.
[Everybody excited.]
SCENE 2
Venue: Sun Microsystems, San Francisco , California , USA
S/w engr 1: I'm with you man. My Visa is expected anytime. Soon I will fly to India.
S/w engr 2 : Ohhh.... When is the party?
S/w engr 1: When I get it on hand.
S/w engr 2: Where will you be working?
S/w engr 1 : I'll be working in a company in Sadashiv Peth there....
S/w engr 2 : Oh! Sadashiv Peth. Great yaar. where it is it?
S/w engr 1 : It is in Pune ...
S/w engr 3 : Fundoo place yaar. Nice climate Not like California .. You'll love the weather yaar.
S/w engr 2 : Who is the client yaar?
S/w engr 1: You know Municipal Corporation of Pune ?
S/w engr 3 : Yeah. MCP. One of my friends is there in the Road Repair & Cleaning Division. Most challenging job yaar. People are working in the cutting edge of technology there.
S/w engr 1 : I'll be writing software for the accounts department of the GCU.
S/w engr 2: GCU? what it means...?
S/w engr 1 : that is Garbage Collecting Unit.
S/w engr 3 : : Great yaar. That's what I like about that country. You can get a job which requires all your skill. Not like here. See I'm writing software for the space shuttle remote control. I hate this.
S/w engr 1 : Don't worry guys. I'll give you my Hotmail ID. You can send your resume to me and I'll forward it to the HRD.
[Everybody takes down his Hotmail id.]
SCENE 3
Venue: IBM, New York , USA (Conversation between a Male S/w engr. and Female S/w engr.)
Male : Hi!
Female: Hi. You know. I'm planning to settle in India soon.
Male : What??
Female : Yeah. My marriage will be here in America only. He is doing hisPh.D in J.N.T.U and he's coming here for a month. His study will be over in 2 months. He's already got a job in MSEB. We planned to settle in Pune itself... I'm also planning to work there. Let's see...
Male: Good luck... don't forget us & US...
SCENE 4
Venue: Intel Corp. USA
S/w engr 1: Great news guys. Our George has got admission in the IGNOU with scholarship for B.A History. A great new field yaar... All are excited...
George : Got my Visa yesterday. It's all finalized now.
S/w engr 2 : Congrats yaar. So you are out of this country.
S/w engr 1 : B.A in Histroy...ohh. ....man, enjoy your life there?
S/w engr 2 : : Got full aid, eh?
George : Yeah. Got the UGC scholarship That will be 1200 Rupees per Year.
S/w engr 1 : Great. Enjoy.
S/w engr 2 : (Thinking loud): 1200 Indian Rupees...! That means 1200 * 45 = 54000 Dollars... with that amount I can buy a three bed-room flat & a Mercedes here...!!! Enjoy the good life!!
Munni vs. Sheela.
http://myhindiforum.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=9595&stc=1&d=1301162368
ndhebar
26-03-2011, 11:02 PM
पापा कंट्रोल करो आपकी बहु है
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http://myhindiforum.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=9596&stc=1&d=1301162496
Bond007
26-03-2011, 11:02 PM
:welcome: दोस्तों
बहुत दिनों बाद फुर्सत मिली है, तो सोचा एक नया थ्रेड ही बना लू. यहाँ मैं नए नए forwarded इ मेल लेकर आऊँगी जो मुझे मेरे दोस्त ईमेल करते हैं. तुसी लोग भी इसमें अपने ईमेल पोस्ट करना.
कुछ मेल अंग्रेजी भाषा में भी हो सकते है.
थैंक्स,
तेजी
बहुत अच्छा सूत्र है तेजी जी! अब तक हमें काफी सारे मिले लेकिन फटाफट डिलीट मार देते थे| अब लगता है एक बार यहाँ पोस्ट करने के बारे में जरूर सोचना पड़ेगा| :good: :cheers:
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_-LTyRMNdW-o/TORiXA1XGuI/AAAAAAAAIB0/3K6Q4A7J2t8/s1600/iphone_vs_android_vs_blackberry.png
Rajini Style.
http://myhindiforum.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=9598&stc=1&d=1301162742
http://myhindiforum.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=9599&stc=1&d=1301162848
15 reasons why alcohol should be served at work:
1. It's an incentive for staff to show up.
2. It leads to more honest communications.
3. It reduces complaints about low pay.
4. Employees tell management what they think, not what they want to hear.
5. It encourages car pooling.
6. Increase job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you don't care when you are pissed.
7. It eliminates leave time because people would rather come to work.
8. It makes fellow employees look better.
9. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.
10. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are drunk.
11. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.
12. Employees work later since there's no longer a need to relax at a bar after work.
13. It makes everyone more open with their ideas.
14. Eliminates the need for employees to get drunk only on their lunch break.
15. Employees no longer need coffee to sober up if they can stay drunk (upto a limit... of course)
http://myhindiforum.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=9600&stc=1&d=1301162997
http://myhindiforum.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=9601&stc=1&d=1301163056
ndhebar
26-03-2011, 11:11 PM
Umbrella Thief
A man gave all of his seven umbrellas for repair at one time and told the shopkeeper he would pick it up in the evening while back from work. On the way to work in Bus, out of habit he grabbed the umbrella of the woman sitting next to him, got up and started walking. The woman started yelled, "Umbrella thief, Umbrella thief."
The embarrassed guy returned the umbrella and apologized, before getting abused and beaten up by other woman loving passengers.
In the evening he picked up all his umbrellas repaired, put them under his arms and started walking towards home. Unfortunately the morning lady returning from work bumped into him.
The lady commented, "Seems, you had a profitable day at work today."
What If IPL Was Nationalized?
What would happen if the Indian Premier League (IPL) was nationalized? Knowing our country's politics, here are a few guesses!
1. The new Commissioner of the IPL, replacing Lalit Modi, will be an IAS officer, 1989 batch, transferred from the Food Corporation of India.
2. Mayawati will demand, however, that the new Chairman should be her own candidate, Mr Dalit Modi.
3. The name of Mumbai Indians will immediately be changed to Mumbai Manus. It will, naturally, field only Maharashtrians (preferably Maharshtrian Brahmins). All other players will have their legs broken.
4. The Chennai Super Kings team will renamed Dravida Cricket Kazhagam. Subsequently one faction will break away and the team will split into DCK (DMK) and AIADCK, owing allegience to Karunanidhi and Jayalalitha respectively.
5. Each political party will have its own team: BJP Bandits, Congress Cobras, CPI Cadres, Samajwadi Strikers, CPM Challengers, Trinamul Tigers etc.
6. Auction of players will be replaced by teams calling for tenders for players. The lowest priced players will be picked.
7. Extraaa Innings will be replaced by honourable ministers who will give speeches during breaks in the match.
8. Sonia Gandhi will insists that 30% of each team should be reserved for women.
9. Mayawati will demand that SC/ST players will need to run for only 18 yards instead of 22 yards between the wickets.
10. Third Umpire requests will have to be filled in triplicate and duly notarized.
11. All Third Umpire decisions will be referred to a Joint Parlimentary Commission.
12. IPL tickets will henceforth be available at all post offices and BSNL centers from 10 a.m. to 12.45 p.m. The facility to purchase tickets on your cell-phone will immediately be withdrawn.
13. Replacing an injured foreign player can be done only through a Tatkal application submitted 48 hours after a Govt doctor examines him.
14. Cheerleaders will be replaced by retired Air-India flight attendants.
15. These new cheerleaders will perform the folk dances of the states they represent during breaks.
16. IPL matches will be shown only on Doordarshan. They will be telecast the day immediately following the match, from 4 a.m. to 7.30 a.m. and subsequently from 3.30 a.m. to 7p.m, subject to satellite link-up availability.
17. Between each innings break Doordarshan will telecast the news in Hindi, followed by news for the hearing impaired.
18. There will be no matches on weekends or on national/regional holidays.
19. The three stumps will be painted saffron, white and green.
20. Pakistan will immediately announce its intention to start its own version of the tournament called PPL and Mr Zardari will make a visit to Washington to meet President Obama and seek an additional grant of $1 billion to fund it.
ndhebar
26-03-2011, 11:14 PM
Aur Batao Syndrome
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Guess we all r suffering frm it..
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Conversation between 2 software engg Friends:
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Sw1---hello
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SW2---hi
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Sw1---hey h r u???
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SW2---m fine!!! Wht abt u???
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SW1---m fine too
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SW2---cool
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SW1---so howz life???
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SW2--gud
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SW1--hmmmm
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SW1--aur batao? ( passing the ball to the other
side)
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SW2--hmmm everything as usual
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SW2--so wht else???
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SW1--nothing much
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SW2--ok
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SW2--aur batao? ( passing the ball to the other
side)
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And it goes on like this until they give up
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Are u also having such conversation with ur frnds,
then I guess u r also
suffering from aur batao syndrome It means ur life
is all screwed up
following the usual monotonous routine.
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Probably u need a change in ur life something which
is exciting,something
which is adventurous, something which really makes u
feel gud
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Correct????
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yeh sab to thik hai
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AUR BATAO :-)
बॉस हमेशा बॉस ही होता है.
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_-LTyRMNdW-o/S-Mpb0ciHlI/AAAAAAAAH5A/UduvtTv1E_M/s1600/boss_will_be_boss.gif
http://myhindiforum.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=9603&stc=1&d=1301163551
More Sidhu-isms!
Some lines from his Sidhu's commentary:
"He is as confused as a baby in a topless bar!"
Told about Geoffrey Boycott: "If he were put in a bucket full of nipples he would come out sucking his own thumb."
"Statistics are like mini skirts, they hide more than what they reveal."
"The Indian batting is like a cycle stand; one falls and the others follow."
"Indian team without Sachin (Tendulkar) is like giving a kiss without a squeeze."
"Geoffrey, you're old. The last time you celebrated your birthday, the candles cost more than the cake."
This quote was made after Ganguly called Dravid for a run and midway sent him back and Dravid was run out in the third test against the West Indies at Barbados: "Ganguly has thrown a drowning man both ends of the rope."
"It is better to prevent and prepare than repent and repair!"
"Agar ullu din main nahin dekh sakta to ismain surya bhagwan ka kya dosh!"
"Don't murder a man who is going to commit suicide."
"In India we drive on the left and in England we drive on what is left."
"The condition of the Indian team is not as bad as it looks - it's worse."
http://myhindiforum.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=9604&stc=1&d=1301163808
ndhebar
26-03-2011, 11:24 PM
Which one is Female?
Which of the two birds is a female?
Below are two birds.
Stu dy them closely..... ....
See if you can spot which of the two is the female.
It can be done.
Even by one with limited bird watching skills.
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http://myhindiforum.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=9605&stc=1&d=1301163836
Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?
Jayalalitha:
"From reliable sources I've learned that the chicken actually belongs to Karunanidhi. He is making his chicken cross the road just to create law and order problems. The chicken has now been arrested under POTA."
Bal Thackeray:
"Chickens crossing the roads is totally against our culture. My sainiks will see to any chickens that try to cross the road"
Vatal Nagaraj:
"No Tamilian or outside chickens will be allowed to cross our roads. Our roads are meant only for Kannadiga chickens."
Venkiah Naidu:
"That the chicken crossed the road clearly demonstrates the fact that the people and chickens have lost confidence in the Congress Government. The Government should own moral responsibility and resign."
George Fernandes:
"I am deeply hurt that this question is being asked after my 40 clean years of public life. I don't own a house, or a car, leave alone a chicken."
Mulayam Singh:
"I demand a 50% reservation of the road for the chicken class, so that they can cross the road freely, and in dignity, without their motives being questioned"
L.K.Advani:
"I definitely see a Pakistani hand in this chicken crossing business ..."
Sonia Gandhi:
"We are very sure of the fact that the chicken did not cross the road. It's just a conspiracy by the BJP to bring the Government down. The poor chicken has been made a scapegoat in this whole issue"
H.S.Surjeet:
"We are adopting a wait and watch policy. We have convened a meeting of the Left parties today. We will decide the future course of action after the chicken comes back"
Abdul Kalam:
"Yes, why did the chickens cross the road? Please tell me why? They crossed to get to the other side of the road. Now children, repeat after me...."
Menaka Gandhi:
“The poor chicken had to cross the road. If a vehicle had run over it, we would have lost one of our most precious creatures. We must therefore ban all vehicles from using the road."
Gabbar Singh:
"Arrey oh Sambha! Kitne chicken thhey?
Amitabh Bachchan:
"The chicken has crossed the road? Are you sure? Pakka? Lock kiya jaaye?"
"India must be the only country in the world, where people fight to be called backward."
- Narayan Murthy
http://myhindiforum.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=9606&stc=1&d=1301164201
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ndhebar
26-03-2011, 11:37 PM
Misomi Kopur Mai Ukama Makaya Fula Ukiya Paristo Yal Xambo.
Soch Kya Rahe Ho? Mail free hai Mere ko..Jo Dil Karega Bhejunga. Chup chap padho..
30 Real Feelings of Girls
1. When a girl says she's sad, but she isn't crying, it means she's crying in her heart.
2. When she ignores you after you've done something wrong, it's best to give her some time to cool down before touching her heart with an apology.
3. A girl can't find anything to hate about the guy she loves (which is why it is so hard for her to 'get over him' after the relationship' s over.)
4. If a girl loves a guy, he will always be on her mind every minute of the day, even though she flirts with other guys.
5. When the guy she likes smiles and stares deep into her eyes, she will melt.
6. A girl likes to hear compliments, but usually not sure how to react to them.
7. When a particular guy flirts with a girl very often, a girl would start thinking the guy likes her. So if you treat a girl just as a friend, go easy on the smiles and stare ok?
8. If you don't like a girl who likes you, break it to her gently.
9. If a girl starts avoiding you after you reject her, leave her alone for a while. If you still treat her as a friend, talk to her.
10. Girls enjoy talking about what they feel. Music, poetry, drawings and writing are ways of expressing themselves (which explains why most girls like writing journals).
11. Never tell a girl that she is useless in anyway.
12. Being too serious can turn a girl off.
13. When the guy she likes calls her for the first time, the girl may act uninterested during the call. But as soon as the phone is back on the hook, she will whoop with joy and immediately start telephoning her friends to spread the news.
14. A smile means a lot to a girl.
15. If you like a girl, try making friends with her first. Let her get to know you.
16. If a girl says she can't go out with you because she has to study, leave.
17. But if she still calls you or expect a call from you, stay.
18. Don't try to guess a girl's feelings. Ask her.....
19. Hearing the words "I love you" is a great reassurance to a girl that she is beautiful.
20. After a girl falls in love with a guy, she'll wonder why she never noticed him before.
21. If you need tips on how to flirt with a girl, read romance stories.
22. When class pictures come out, a girl would first check who is standing next to her crush before actually looking at herself.
23. A girl's ex-crush will always be in her memory, but the guy she loves now stays in her heart.
24. Girls love having fun!
25. A simple 'Hi' can brighten a girl's day.
26. A girl's best friends usually know best what she is feeling and going through.
27. Girls hate it when a guy pays attention to them just to get close to their 'prettier' friend.
28. Love means devotion, caring and happiness to a girl, in that order.
29. Some girls care about looks, some care about brains, but ALL girls want a guy who will love and care for them.
30. Girls want nothing more than to feel loved.
69 Fun things to do at Wal-Mart ( or Super Target)
1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
4. Start playing Football; see how many people you can get to join in.
5. Run up to an employee ( preferably a male) while squeezing your legs together and practically yell at him " I need some tampons!!"
6. Try on bras in the sewing/fabric department.
7. Try on bras over the top of your clothes.
8. Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms.
9. While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible " sex and candy".
10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, " I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.
11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all on and turn the volumes to "10".
12. Play with the automatic doors.
13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, " Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, " Who BUYS this shit, anyway?"
15. Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.
16. Try putting different pairs of women's panties on your head and walk around the store casually.
17. Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the mannequins.
18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.
19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, " Wow. Magic!"
20. Put M&M's on layaway.
21. Move " Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
23. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
24. Nonchalantly " test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "......I'm Batman. Come, Robin--to the Batcave!"
26. TP as much as the store as possible.
27. Randomly throw things into neighboring aisles.
28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down.
29. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, " Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
30. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them yelling, " Red Rover!"
31. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
32. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
33. Take bets on the battle described above.
34. Set up another battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. G.I. Janes. ( Red lipstick might give an interesting effect!!!)
35. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.
36. While no one's watching quickly switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the restroom.
37. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from " Mission: Impossible".
38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
40. Fill your cart with boxes of condoms, and watch everyone's jaws drop when you attempt to buy them.
41. Set up a " Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
42. Two words: " Marco Polo."
43. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc.
44. " Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.
45. In the auto department, practice your " Madonna" look with various funnels.
46. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like " the fat man walks alone," and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them.
47. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and get into a very serious conversation. Exp: The person is breaking up with you and you begin crying " How could you do this to me? I thought you loved me! I knew there was another girl, but I thought I had won. You kissed ME darling." Then act as though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground screaming and having convulsions.
48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream " No, no! It's those voices again!"
49. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.
50. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
51. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying " Good girl, good Bessie."
52. Go over to the shoe department and try on every pair of shoes, not putting one pair back. Take the paper from the boxes and throw it in various aisles.
53. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.
54. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.
55. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
56. Test the fishing rods and see what you can " catch" from the other aisles.
57. In the makeup department, spray yourself with every perfume there is, then walk up to a boy who is with another girl and start flirting with him in that annoying, ditsy way. " Hi!!!! ( giggle) What's your sign? ( giggle)." When the boys shows no interest, start hitting on the girl the exact same way. " Hi!!!! ( giggle) What's your sign? ( giggle)."
58. Hold indoor shopping cart races.
59. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
60. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles.
61, Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.
62. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
63. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.
64. Say things like, " Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"
65. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e. , " Do you have any Schnerples here?"
66. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a " test drive."
67. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
68. Get boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when they don't realize it!
69. Drive around the entrances screaming out the window, " The British are coming!"
Baap of All Chain Emails!!!
I want to thank all my friends and other unknown people who have forwarded chain letters to me from 2003, to 2010 and still continue doing so….
Because of your kindness:
I stopped drinking Coca-Cola after I found out that it’s good only for removing toilet stains.
I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected with AIDS
I smell like a wet dog since I stopped using deodorants because they cause cancer.
I also stopped answering the phone for fear that they may ask me to dial a stupid number and then I get a phone bill from hell with calls to Uganda , Singapore and Tokyo.
I also stopped drinking water outside for fear that I will get sick from the rat shit and urine.
When I go to parties, I don’t look at any girl, no matter how hot she is, for fear that she will take me to a hotel, drug me, then take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.
I also donated all my savings to the Amy Bruce account. A sick girl that was about to die in the hospital about 7,000 times. (Poor girl! she’s been 7 since 1993…)
My free Nokia phone never arrived and neither did the free passes for a paid vacation to Disneyland.
Made some Hundred wishes before forwarding those Dalai Lama, Ganesh Vandana, Tirupathi Balaji pics etc..
Now most of those “Wishes” are already married (to someone else)!
If ORKUT deletes my account, it doesn’t matter BUT PLEASE DON’T SEND me
“Orkut is deleting accounts: Due to sudden rush…” Otherwise I’ll delete my E-Mail account!
Team Work
http://myhindiforum.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=9615&stc=1&d=1301165256
Resignation Poem
The name is good, the brand is big
But the work I do is that of a pig
The work or the brand;
what is my way?
I don’t know if I should stay. To work, they have set their own way
Nobody will care to hear what I say
My will be NULL, they wont change their way
I don’t know if I should stay.
The project is in a critical stage
But to do good work, this is the age
This dilemma is killing me day by day
I don’t know if I should stay.
The money is good, the place is great
But the development is at a very small rate
Should I go for the work, or wait for pay
I don’t know if I should stay. !
The managers don’t know what they talk
The team doesn’t know where they walk
That’s a bad situation, what say?
I don’t know if I should stay.
I can go to any other place
But what if I get the same disgrace
I can’t keep switching day by day
I don’t know if I should stay.
The -ves are more, the +ves are less
Then why have this unnecessary mess
No more will I walk their way,
It’s all done, I won’t stay.
21 reasons y FRIENDS are better than GirlFriend / BoyFriend
1.You don’t have to call them every day, just to let them know you’re not fighting
2.You don’t have an anniversary-you just sort of “became” best friends.
3.When someone calls your girlfriend/boyfriend your “partner” it makes you think of marriage. When they call your best friend our partner, it’s more like cops.
4.You never have to touch your best friend when it’s hot outside, but you can still huddle close when it’s freezing.
5.Your parents usually like your best friend.
6.Your best friend doesn’t care if you get fat, you’re ugly, or if you get a ard haircut.
7.You don’t have to get jealous of “girls only” night or “guys only” night — You’re part of it!
8.You can laugh at your best friend with no consequences.
9.You can burp/fart in front of your best friend on any occasion.
10.You can plan on still having a relationship with your best friend in 20 years.
11.Never in your life will you need “space” from your best friend.
12.Your best friend won’t be mad if you want some time alone, and will only ask you “what’s wrong?” once.
13.Your best friend is someone you get in trouble with; your boyfriend/girlfriend is someone you get in trouble with if you get in trouble.
14.You don’t have to get dressed up to go anywhere with your best friend.
15.You’re allowed to have multiple best friends.
16.No one ever spreads rumors or talks about you and your best friend’s relationship.
17.Borrowing any amount of money from your best friend is okay, no questions asked.
18.Your best friend will never refer to you as “the ball and chain,” “the old lady/man,” or “the whip.”
19.No one is ever trying to fix you up on blind dates for a new best friend.
20.It doesn’t matter what your “other” friends think about your best friend.
21. Your best friend is the first person you call when you get a new boy friend / girl friend, and when you break up with them
These are taken from real CVs and cover letters and were printed in the July 21,1997 issue of Fortune Magazine.. Enjoy!!
1. “I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.”
2. “I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreasheet progroms.”
3. “Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.”
4. “Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.”
5. “Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.”
6. “Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.”
7. “It’s best for employers that I not work with people.”
8. “Let’s meet , so you can ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ over my experience.”
9. “You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.”
10. “Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.”
11. “I was working for my mom until she decided to move.”
12. “Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments.”
13. “I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.”
14. “I am loyal to my employer at all costs…Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail.”
15. “I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing.”
16. “My goal is to be a meterologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.”
17. “I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant.”
18. “Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far.”
19. “As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments.”
20. “Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.”
21. “Note: Please don’t misconstrue my 14 jobs as ‘job-hopping’. I have never quit a job.”
22. “Marital status: often. Children: various.”
23. “Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 am every morning. I couldn’t work under those conditions.”
24. “The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers.”
25. “Finished eighth in my class of ten.”
26. “References: none. I’ve left a path of destruction behind me.”
Long back,
a person who sacrificed his sleep,
forgot his family,
forgot his food,
fogot laughter were called
“Saints”
But now they are called..
“IT professionals”
Creative Voicemail Messages
I'm not at home today, and I might not be home tomorrow. So please leave a message after the tone. I didn't take a shower today, and I might not take one tomorrow. So if you don't leave a message after the tone, you might have to deal with me in person.
I'm only here in spirit at the moment, but if you'll leave your name and number, I will get back to you as soon as I'm here in person.
I'm sorry but my answering machine is out of order. I am leaving a broken CD player in its place. It can't take messages either. In fact, it can't even play you a nice tune while you wait to not leave a message.
I'm sorry; my answering machine is out of order. May I take a message?
I'm unable to take your call in person because I'm having an out-of-the-body experience. In fact I'm standing right behind you and I can hear everything you say. But leave me a message anyway to help me reconnect when I get back.
I'm writing the definitive work on pain. I would like you to tell me how this machine makes you feel. Remember, be honest. This is for posterity.
In Japan, the hand can be used like a knife. (Heeeeee-YAH! Sound of smashing box of kleenex.) But this method doesn't work with a telephone call... (Dial tone.) Introducing the all-new Ginsu answering machine! It cuts, it chops, it slices, it dices your incoming calls! How much would you pay? Don't answer, because if you leave your name and number when you hear the tone, we'll throw in a return phone call ABSOLUTELY FREE!
is so much better & that’s why they're not here. All I can say is leave me a
Just put on a recording of a busy signal.
Kemosabe no in tipi now. You leave'um message after little smoke signal, and Kemosabe get back for pow-wow real fast.
Knock, knock. (Pause. Caller thinks, "Who's there?") Isn't that *my* question? (Pause.) Please leave a message...
Leave a message or I'll send 30,000 volts through your phone. I am an electrical engineer. I can do that.
let the machine get it.
like, wait, gosh. This is so confusing.
Lindsey's not home now. This is his domestic droid speaking. I'm not programmed to answer the phone, so just leave a message, and Lindsey will get back to you as soon as possible.
Lindsey's not home now. This is his domestic droid speaking. I'm not programmed to answer the phone, so just leave a message, and Lindsey will get back to you as soon as possible .
Lucifer speaking. Who in hell do you want?
Me no here. Me go bye. Leave me message. Me reply.
My time is billed at $125 per hour. Please begin your message with your MasterCard or Visa number, card type, and date of expiration. I'll get back to you pending credit approval. Hi, this is Jim. Welcome to my Fun Phone Line, where you can talk to my answering machine for only $0.95 per minute! Please leave your credit card number at the tone...
Next on Public Radio 91 we'll be hearing music of Antonin Dvorak, his "Beep Serenade in C-Sharp Minor, Opus 72."
No! NO! Not THAT! Anything but that! Not the beep! No! Please! Not the beep! Anything but the beep! AAAAIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Please leave your name, phone number, the time you called, and your favorite color of underwear. We'll get back to you if we like the color.
Prepare for alpha test of Beep Software revision 2.05. Counting down to test: 5...4...3...2...1...
Rub-a-dub-dub, Just got in the tub, Rick is out playing; the kids are misbehaving, and can't come to the phone.
Sorry, Chris and Susan aren't here right now. Please leave your name and number after the tone. If you are calling regarding an outstanding debt, please leave your message BEFORE the tone.
Starship Enterprise, Uhura here, can you hold please? -- Captain, there is a transmission coming in on hailing frequency seven, do you want it on screen?
Steve has been captured by a flying saucer and can't come to the phone right now, but if you leave your name, phone number, and a message, I'll have him call you back as soon as he gets away. Read all about it in next week's National Enquirer.
Steve is reassembling Elvis' brain and can't come to the phone right now, but if you leave your name...
Suicide Hotline...please hold.
Susan and I are not here right now. We're in the bathroom having some fun. She likes it up and down and I like it back and forth. Leave a message at the beep and we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished brushing our teeth. Thank you.
Thank you for calling 555-2322. If you wish to speak to Tim, push 1 on your touch tone phone now. If you wish to speak to Lynn, push 2 on your touch tone phone now. If you have a wrong number, push 3 on your touch tone phone now. All of this button pushing doesn't do anything, but it is a good way to work off anger, and it makes us feel like we have a big time phone system.
Thank you for calling Santa's workshop. Santa can't come to the phone right now, and the elves are out back barbecuing Blitzen. After the tone, please leave your Christmas list, and maybe we'll get back to you!
Thank you for calling Soviet Embassy. No KG... Er, no diplomats are able to answer phone, so at sound of capitalist tone, leave name, telephone number, and short description of secrets you wish to sell.
Thank you for calling the Confessional Hotline. Father Durway's not here right now, but if you'll leave your name, number, and confession at the tone, he'll get back to you with absolution as soon as possible. And remember, confession doesn't count unless you confess all of your sins in vivid, graphic detail!
Thank you for calling the Metropolitan Church of the Holy Bible. Today's commandment is Number 6, Thou shalt not... er... Bear a... er... Shalt not witness thy... uh... Neighbor's ass, Oh, I mean, false... er... Shalt not commit a bear... Dern...
Thank you for calling the Satanic Hotline. All of our operators are busy at the moment. If you would like, leave a brief message after the tone, and someone will get back to you... When hell freezes over.
Thank you for calling Uncle Tom's Mortuary and Delicatessen. You stab 'em and we slab 'em. We have specials on Mondays and Thursdays. We are currently unable to come to the phone, but if you leave your number and address at the tone, we'll be by to pick up the corpse as soon as possible.
Thank you for phoning the Save the Sasquatch Hotline. Our operators do not exist at the moment, but if you wish to make a contribution, please leave your name, number, and the amount of your bequest at the sound of the beep, and something will get back to you shortly. Your help will enable us to bring these delightful creatures back from the brink of fantasy and find them suitable positions in the forest product industry. Your gift is, of course, reality deductible. Thank you again, and have a nice day.
Thank you for reaching out to us. Nobody is home now. However, if you leave a message, we'll reach out and touch you.
Thanks for calling Dial-An-Asshole. Right now, all our assholes are busy. After the tone, leave your name and number, and we'll have an asshole return your call as soon as possible.
Thanks for calling Dial-A-Shrink. I can't come to the phone right now, so after the tone, please leave your name and number, then talk briefly about your childhood and tell me what comes to mind when you hear the following words: orange... mother...unicorn...computer. I'll get back to you with my diagnosis as soon as possible.
The machine answering this message is connected to a 5000 volt power supply, and a relay which is wired to this small kitten. (Sound of a kitten meowing.) If you hang up before you leave a message, it will complete the circuit and fry the kitty. The choice is YOURS!
The President is not in his office at this time. Please leave your name, phone number, the name of the country you wish to invade, and the secret password.
These are the messages of Chad's answering machine. Its two semester mission: To seek out your name and your telephone number.
These words are lovely dark and deep, but I've got promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep, so leave a message at the beep.
This answering machine message is for all you psychics out there... (Long silence...) BEEP
This is 321-1234, and no, it's not Pete's Pizzaria. It's not the Credit Union either, and no one named Pam lives here. You can leave a message though.
This is a test. This is a test of the Answering Machine Broadcast System. This is only a test.
This is Alan. Leave me a message and tell me what I can do to... I mean, do FOR you.
This is Dan Cassidy's answering machine. Please leave your name and number, and after I've doctored the tape, your message will implicate you in a federal crime and be brought to the attention of the FBI.
This is Dr. Ruth, Sexually Speaking, you're on the air...
This is Fred. We are not... excuse me a moment, please. Put your sister down. PUT YOUR SISTER DOWN! (Sound of window breaking.) Great! What a mess. I'll have to get back to you later.
This is not an answering machine -- this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling, and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call.
This is the Literacy Self Test Hotline. After the tone, leave your name and number, and recite a sentence using today's vocabulary word. Today's word is "supercilious".
A mouse looked through the crack in the wall to see the farmer and his
wife open a package.
“What food might this contain?” The mouse wondered – he was devastated
to discover it was a mousetrap.
Retreating to the farmyard, the mouse proclaimed the warning.
“There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!”
The chicken clucked and scratched, raised her head and said, “Mr.
Mouse, I can tell this is a grave concern to you
but it is of no consequence to me. I cannot be bothered by it.”
The mouse turned to the pig and told him, “There is a mousetrap in the
house! There is a mousetrap in the house!”
The pig sympathized, but said, I am so very sorry, Mr. Mouse, but there
is nothing I can do about it but pray.
Be assured you are in my prayers.”
The mouse turned to the cow and said, “There is a mousetrap in the
house! There is a mousetrap in the house!”
The cow said, “Wow, Mr. Mouse. I’m sorry for you, but it’s no skin off
my nose.”
So, the mouse returned to the house, head down and dejected, to face
the farmer’s mousetrap — alone.
That very night a sound was heard throughout the house — like the
sound of a mousetrap catching its prey.
The farmer’s wife rushed to see what was caught. In the darkness, she
did not see it was a venomous snake whose tail the trap had caught.
The snake bit the farmer’s wife. The farmer rushed her to the hospital
and she returned home with a fever. Everyone knows you treat a fever
with fresh chicken soup, so the farmer took his hatchet to the farmyard
for the soup’s main ingredient.
But his wife’s sickness continued, so friends and neighbors came to sit
with her around the clock. To feed them, the farmer butchered the pig.
The farmer’s wife did not get well; she died. So many people came for
her funeral, and the farmer had the cow slaughtered to provide enough
meat for all of them.
The mouse looked upon it all from his crack in the wall with great
sadness.
So, the next time you hear someone is facing a problem, and think it
doesn’t concern you, remember — when one of us is threatened, we are
all at risk.
We are all involved in this journey called life. We must keep an eye
out for one another and make an extra effort to encourage one another.
REMEMBER:
EACH OF US IS A VITAL THREAD IN ANOTHER PERSON’S TAPESTRY;
OUR LIVES ARE WOVEN TOGETHER FOR A REASON.
One of the best things to hold onto in this world is a friend.
Islamic Extremist Kills Innocent American Dog!
A man is taking a walk in Central park in New York. Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog .
He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl’s life.
A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says: “You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers: “Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl”
The man says: – “But I am not a New Yorker!”
“Oh ,then it will say in newspapers in the morning: ‘Brave American saves life of little girl’” – the policeman answers.
“But I am not an American!” – says the man.
“Oh, what are you then? ”
The man says: – “I am a Pakistani !”
The next day the newspapers says: “Islamic extremist kills innocent American dog!”
WINNER VERSUS LOSERS
The Winner is always part of the answer;
The Loser is always part of the problem.
The Winner always has a program;
The Loser always has an excuse.
The Winner says, “Let me do it for you”;
The Loser says, “That is not my job.”
The Winner sees an answer for every problem;
The Loser sees a problem for every answer.
The Winner says, “It may be difficult but it is possible”;
The Loser says, “It may be possible but it is too difficult.”
When a Winner makes a mistake, he says, “I was wrong”;
When a Loser makes a mistake, he says, “It wasn’t my fault.”
A Winner makes commitments;
A Loser makes promises.
Winners have dreams;
Losers have schemes.
Winners say, “I must do something”;
Losers say, “Something must be done.”
Winners are a part of the team;
Losers are apart from the team.
Winners see the gain;
Losers see the pain.
Winners see possibilities;
Losers see problems.
Winners believe in win-win;
Losers believe for them to win someone has to lose.
Winners see the potential;
Losers see the past.
Winners are like a thermostat;
Losers are like thermometers.
Winners choose what they say;
Losers say what they choose.
Winners use hard arguments but soft words;
Losers use soft arguments but hard words.
Winners stand firm on values but compromise on petty things;
Losers stand firm on petty things but compromise on values.
Winners follow the philosophy of empathy: “Don’t do to others what you
would not want them to do to you”;
Losers follow the philosophy, “Do it to others before they do it to you.”
Winners make it happen;
Losers let it happen.
Winners plan and prepare to win.
The key word is preparation.
Politically Correct Jokes On America, China, India & Pakistan
1.The Prime Minister of China called President Bush to console him after the attack on the Pentagon:
‘I’m sorry to hear about the attack. It is a very big tragedy. But in case you are missing any documents from the Pentagon, we have copies of everything.’
2.Indian PM Vajpayee and Bush are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman,
‘Isn’t that Bush and Vajpayee?’
The barman says ‘Yep, that’s them.’
So the guy walks over and says, ‘Hello, what are you guys doing?’
Bush says, ‘We’re planning world war 3.’
The guy says, ‘Really? What’s going to happen?’
And Vajpayee says, ‘Well, we’re going to kill 14 million Pakistanis and one bicycle repairman.’
And the guy exclaimed, ‘A bicycle repairman?!! !’
Vajpayee turns to Bush and says, ‘See, I told you no-one would worry about the 14 million Pakistanis!’
Please forward this email to as many Indians!!!
Right now, India is the richest country in the world! Wondering how?
It's really amazing.
(1) It's due to Mr. G Vaidyaraj, who donated all his wealth, about which he actually did not know. He is a descendent of Raja Krishnadev Raya from Mysore district.
For the last 300 years or so, three stones were worshipped in his house.But nobody tried to see what it was, except this person, who is a lawyer by profession.
One day, when there was nobody in his house, he took the stone out to see what it was that they worship.
Due to the dust deposited on it, from many many years, it looked only like a simple stone.
But when he touched it, some portion of the stone was cleansed. And he saw a bright ray of light.
He saw something which attracted his attention. And he was amazed when he cleaned all of them.The whole room was filled with light.
He discovered they were diamonds of about 4600 carats each.
He informed the Govt. of India and the news is censored with its security.
It's now deposited in a Swiss Bank. The cost of single diamond exceeds the GDP of USA + UK .
Even World Bank does not have enough money to buy it. India can buy virtually 7 developing nations.
One diamond costs thrice the debt of World Bank over India . One such diamond can buy 10 Bill Gates to you.
And the World Bank has proposed the Indian Govt. that it can pay India in Installment if it wishes to do so. India 's GDP is 34.25 billion dollars.
Bill Gates property is 95 billion dollars approximate so that is the way 'nature changes'. Our Prime Minister has refused to sell it.
He said it will be sold or mortgaged for credit when we need it. Otherwise right now we have no problems. You can go through Times of India with a small column on it a week ago.
Star TV presented a 115 min documentary on it about 15 days ago.
The Hindu with its half page article in it. After that it was censored as classified.
(2) Another good news is that in the Desert of Thar a deposit of Oil and Natural gas have been found. This stores what Kuwait has in its stomach.
India can go with this ONGC energy reserve with another 30 years. And moreover it can export it to other counties. It's incredible!! But true.
(3) An Indian boy in his 12th standard has disproved Einstein's 'Theory of Relativity'. Shocked? Read on...
Sudarshan Reddy has theoretically proven the existence of a sub-atomic particle, which can travel at speed greater than that of light, thereby challenging one of the fundamental postulates of the 'Theory of Relativity'.
In his recent research paper submitted to the Institute of Advanced Physics (IAP) at Trieste ( Italy ), Sudarshan has proved the existence of a class of sub-atomic particles called leptons', which can travel faster than light. The international physics community is shocked by this discovery.
Dr.Massimo Martelli, President of the IAP has this to say about the paper submitted by Sudarshan. 'After long, careful and critical analysis, I can confidently say that Sudarshan's research papers show tremendous leap in our understanding of physics. His investigation mounts up on 'leptons'..
His work builds substantially on the work of Einstein and others in the field of relativity.'
When physicists from Princeton University tried to measure Sudarshan's IQ with an IQ-meter (at the American Embassy in Delhi ), the meter broke down. Sudarshan, incidentally, is the brother of Madhu Reddy, the Indian whiz kid who developed an operating system superior to Microsoft Windows. We should all be very proud of these boys.
sagar -
27-03-2011, 06:32 AM
तेजी जी हिंदी में लिखती तो अच्छा होता हम अनपड़ लोग भी पढ लेते ....
ABHAY
27-03-2011, 09:15 AM
तेजी जी हिंदी में लिखती तो अच्छा होता हम अनपड़ लोग भी पढ लेते ....
बैसे सब तो ठीक है मगर हिंदी में रहता हो जो लोग इंग्लिश नहीं जानते है उन्हें पढ़ने में आसानी होती बहना इन सब बातों पे ध्यान दिया करो !
khalid
27-03-2011, 10:46 AM
तेजी जी हिंदी में लिखती तो अच्छा होता हम अनपड़ लोग भी पढ लेते ....
सागर भाई जैसे थ्रेड के नाम से पता चलता हैँ ईमेल का कोपी कर के पोस्ट करना होता हैँ इसलिए इंगलिस मेँ हैँ
VIDROHI NAYAK
27-03-2011, 11:31 AM
सागर भाई जैसे थ्रेड के नाम से पता चलता हैँ ईमेल का कोपी कर के पोस्ट करना होता हैँ इसलिए इंगलिस मेँ हैँ
हाँ सही कहा ! हर अनुवाद सही नहीं ही होता है ! कुछ अनुवाद तो रोचकता ही समाप्त कर देते हैं !
Bholu
28-03-2011, 06:09 AM
नए ज़माने की abcd
a: Apple
b: Bluetooth
c: Chat
d: Download
e: Email
f: Facebook
g: Google
h: Hp
i: Iphone
j: Java
k: Kingston
l: Laptop
m: Messenger
n: Nero
o: Orkut
p: Picassa
q: Quickheal
r: Ram
s: Server
t: Twitter
u: Usb
w: Wifi
v: Vista
x: Xp
y: Youtube
z: Zorpia
चंगी बात ये है की अभी भी a फॉर apple ही है. :crazyeyes:
क्या नेट की
abcd
बताई
sagar -
28-03-2011, 08:25 AM
क्या नेट की
abcd
बताई
नही ये चटनी के मुरब्बे के ऐ बी सी डी हे
Bholu
28-03-2011, 09:42 AM
नही ये चटनी के मुरब्बे के ऐ बी सी डी हे
कौन सी चटनी मीठी बाली या खट्टी बाली
THINGS ONLY A MOM CAN TEACH
My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION:
"Just wait until your father gets home."
My Mother taught me about RECEIVING:.
"You are going to get it when we get home!"
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going toThe store with me."
My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE:
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."
My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD:
"If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job."
My Mother taught me ESP:
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you're cold?"
My Mother taught me HUMOR:
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT:
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
My Mother taught me about SEX:
"How do you think you got here?"
My Mother taught me about GENETICS:
"You're just like your father."
My Mother taught me about my ROOTS:
"Do you think you were born in a barn?"
My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE:
"When you get to be my age, you will understand."
My Mother taught me about JUSTICE:
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you. Then you'll see what it's like."
My mother taught me RELIGION:
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL:
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
My mother taught me FORESIGHT:
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
My mother taught me IRONY:
"Keep crying and I'll *give* you something to cry about."
My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS:
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"
My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM:
"Will you *look* at the dirt on the back of your neck!"
My mother taught me about STAMINA:
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is finished."
My mother taught me about WEATHER:
"It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."
My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS: "If I yelled because
I saw a meteor coming toward you, would you listen then?"
My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY:
"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times: Don't Exaggerate!!!"
My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE:
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION:
"Stop acting like your father!"
My mother taught me about ENVY:
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"
Now this is called Performance Pressure.........
Poultry farm ke malik ne Sari Murgiyon ko Order diya
"Agar tum logon ne kal se Do -- Do ande nahi diye to kal se tumhara dana pani band "
Murgiya dar gayi ....sab ne do do ande diye magar ek ne sirf ek anda diya "
Malik bola "tum ne 1 anda hi kyon diya "
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Jawab mila.
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"Sir ye aapke dar ki wajah se diya hai waise main to Murga hoon"
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The 50 Dumbest Things George W. Bush Has Ever Said
50. "I promise you I will listen to what has been said here, even though I wasn't here." -at the President's Economic Forum in Waco, Texas, Aug. 13, 2002
49. "We spent a lot of time talking about Africa, as we should. Africa is a nation that suffers from incredible disease." -Gothenburg, Sweden, June 14, 2001
48. "You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test." -Townsend, Tenn., Feb. 21, 2001
47. "I am here to make an announcement that this Thursday, ticket counters and airplanes will fly out of Ronald Reagan Airport." --Washington, D.C., Oct. 3, 2001
46. "Tribal sovereignty means that; it's sovereign. I mean, you're a -- you've been given sovereignty, and you're viewed as a sovereign entity. And therefore the relationship between the federal government and tribes is one between sovereign entities." --Washington, D.C., Aug. 6, 2004
45. "I couldn't imagine somebody like Osama bin Laden understanding the joy of Hanukkah." --at a White House menorah lighting ceremony, Washington, D.C., Dec. 10, 2001
44. "You know, one of the hardest parts of my job is to connect Iraq to the war on terror." --interview with CBS News' Katie Couric, Sept. 6, 2006
43. "The same folks that are bombing innocent people in Iraq were the ones who attacked us in America on September the 11th." --Washington, D.C., July 12, 2007
42. "I'm the commander -- see, I don't need to explain -- I do not need to explain why I say things. That's the interesting thing about being president." --as quoted in Bob Woodward's Bush at War
41. "F*ck Saddam. We're taking him out." --to three U.S. senators in March 2002, one year before the Iraq invasion, as quoted by Time magazine
40. "Oh, no, we're not going to have any casualties." --discussing the Iraq war with Christian Coalition founder Pat Robertson in 2003, as quoted by Robertson
39. "I will not withdraw, even if Laura and Barney are the only ones supporting me." --talking to key Republicans about Iraq, as quoted by Bob Woodward
38. "I hear there's rumors on the Internets that we're going to have a draft." --presidential debate, St. Louis, Mo., Oct. 8, 2004 (Watch video clip)
37. "I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family." --Greater Nashua, N.H., Chamber of Commerce, Jan. 27, 2000 (Listen to audio clip)
36. "Do you have blacks, too?" --to Brazilian President Fernando Cardoso, Washington, D.C., Nov. 8, 2001
35. "This foreign policy stuff is a little frustrating." --as quoted by the New York Daily News, April 23, 2002
34. "My plan reduces the national debt, and fast. So fast, in fact, that economists worry that we're going to run out of debt to retire." --radio address, Feb. 24, 2001
33. "I don't think anybody anticipated the breach of the levees." --on "Good Morning America," Sept. 1, 2005, six days after repeated warnings from experts about the scope of damage expected from Hurricane Katrina
32. "I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully." --Saginaw, Mich., Sept. 29, 2000
31. "I would say the best moment of all was when I caught a 7.5 pound largemouth bass in my lake." --on his best moment in office, interview with the German newspaper Bild am Sonntag, May 7, 2006
30. "They misunderestimated me." --Bentonville, Ark., Nov. 6, 2000
29. "Because the -- all which is on the table begins to address the big cost drivers. For example, how benefits are calculate, for example, is on the table; whether or not benefits rise based upon wage increases or price increases. There's a series of parts of the formula that are being considered. And when you couple that, those different cost drivers, affecting those -- changing those with personal accounts, the idea is to get what has been promised more likely to be -- or closer delivered to what has been promised. Does that make any sense to you? It's kind of muddled." --explaining his plan to save Social Security, Tampa, Fla., Feb. 4, 2005
28. "For every fatal shooting, there were roughly three non-fatal shootings. And, folks, this is unacceptable in America. It's just unacceptable. And we're going to do something about it." --Philadelphia, Penn., May 14, 2001
27. "This is an impressive crowd -- the haves and the have mores. Some people call you the elite -- I call you my base." --at the 2000 Al Smith dinner
26. "Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream." --LaCrosse, Wis., Oct. 18, 2000
25. "I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe -- I believe what I believe is right." --Rome, Italy, July 22, 2001
24. "See, in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda." --Greece, N.Y., May 24, 2005
23. "People say, how can I help on this war against terror? How can I fight evil? You can do so by mentoring a child; by going into a shut-in's house and say I love you." --Washington, D.C., Sept. 19, 2002
22. "I wish you'd have given me this written question ahead of time so I could plan for it...I'm sure something will pop into my head here in the midst of this press conference, with all the pressure of trying to come up with answer, but it hadn't yet...I don't want to sound like I have made no mistakes. I'm confident I have. I just haven't -- you just put me under the spot here, and maybe I'm not as quick on my feet as I should be in coming up with one." --after being asked to name the biggest mistake he had made, Washington, D.C., April 3, 2004
21. "You forgot Poland." --to Sen. John Kerry during the first presidential debate, after Kerry failed to mention Poland's contributions to the Iraq war coalition, Miami, Fla., Sept. 30, 2004
20. "We've got a lot of rebuilding to do. First, we're going to save lives and stabilize the situation. And then we're going to help these communities rebuild. The good news is -- and it's hard for some to see it now -- that out of this chaos is going to come a fantastic Gulf Coast, like it was before. Out of the rubbles of Trent Lott's house -- he's lost his entire house -- there's going to be a fantastic house. And I'm looking forward to sitting on the porch." (Laughter) --touring hurricane damage, Mobile, Ala., Sept. 2, 2005
19. "The British government has learned that Saddam Hussein recently sought significant quantities of uranium from Africa." --State of the Union Address, Jan. 28, 2003, making a claim that administration officials knew at the time to be false
18. "The most important thing is for us to find Osama bin Laden. It is our number one priority and we will not rest until we find him." --Washington, D.C., Sept. 13, 2001
17. "I don't know where bin Laden is. I have no idea and really don't care. It's not that important. It's not our priority." --Washington, D.C., March 13, 2002
16. "Can we win? I don't think you can win it." --after being asked whether the war on terror was winnable, "Today" show interview, Aug. 30, 2004
15. "I just want you to know that, when we talk about war, we're really talking about peace." --Washington, D.C. June 18, 2002
14. "I trust God speaks through me. Without that, I couldn't do my job." --to a group of Amish he met with privately, July 9, 2004
13. "Major combat operations in Iraq have ended. In the battle of Iraq, the United States and our allies have prevailed." --speaking underneath a "Mission Accomplished" banner aboard the USS Abraham Lincoln, May 1, 2003
12. "We found the weapons of mass destruction. We found biological laboratories ... And we'll find more weapons as time goes on. But for those who say we haven't found the banned manufacturing devices or banned weapons, they're wrong, we found them." --Washington, D.C., May 30, 2003
11. "Those weapons of mass destruction have got to be somewhere!" --joking about his administration's failure to find WMDs in Iraq as he narrated a comic slideshow during the Radio & TV Correspondents' Association dinner, Washington, D.C., March 24, 2004
10. "Rarely is the questioned asked: Is our children learning?" --Florence, South Carolina, Jan. 11, 2000
9. "As yesterday's positive report card shows, childrens do learn when standards are high and results are measured." --on the No Child Left Behind Act, Washington, D.C., Sept. 26, 2007
8. "If this were a dictatorship, it'd be a heck of a lot easier, just so long as I'm the dictator." --Washington, D.C., Dec. 19, 2000
7. "I'm the decider, and I decide what is best. And what's best is for Don Rumsfeld to remain as the Secretary of Defense." --Washington, D.C. April 18, 2006
6. "There's an old saying in Tennessee -- I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee -- that says, fool me once, shame on --shame on you. Fool me -- you can't get fooled again." --Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002
5. "Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country." --Poplar Bluff, Mo., Sept. 6, 2004
4. "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." --Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004
3. "You work three jobs? ... Uniquely American, isn't it? I mean, that is fantastic that you're doing that." --to a divorced mother of three, Omaha, Nebraska, Feb. 4, 2005
2. "Brownie, you're doing a heck of a job." --to FEMA director Michael Brown, who resigned 10 days later amid criticism over his handling of the Hurricane Katrina debacle, Mobile, Ala., Sept. 2, 2005
1. "My answer is bring them on." --on Iraqi insurgents attacking U.S. forces, Washington, D.C., July 3, 2003
Dormitory = Dirty Room
Dictionary = Indicatory
Schoolmaster = The classroom
Elvis = Lives
Listen = Silent
Clint Eastwood = Old West Action
Madam Curie = Radium came
A telephone girl = Repeating "Hello"
Western Union = No Wire Unsent
The country side = No City Dust Here
Evangelist = Evil's Agent
Astronomers = Moon starers / No more stars
A telescope = To see place
The eyes = They see
The cockroach = Cook, catch her
Waitress = A stew, Sir?
The centenarians = I can hear ten "tens"
Desperation = A Rope Ends It
The Morse Code = Here Come Dots
The Meaning of Life = The fine game of nil
Slot Machines = Cash Lost in'em
Conversation = Voices Rant On
Disraeli = I lead, Sir.
Clothespins = So Let's Pinch
Mr. Mojo risin' = Jim Morrison
(from the Doors song, "L.A. Woman")
The Great New York Rapid Transit Tunnel = Giant Work in Street, Partly Underneath
Florence Nightingale = Nigel, Fetch an Iron Leg / Flit on Cheering Angel
(Richard Stilgoe in "The Richard Stilgoe Letters")
MacDonalds = Clam and Sod
Darling I love you = leaving your idol / Avoiding our yell
Butterfly = Flutter-by
Heavy Rain? = Hire a Navy!
Tom Cruise = So I'm Cuter
Animosity = Is No Amity
Mother-in-law = Woman Hitler
Funeral = Real Fun
Protectionism = Nice to imports
A Domesticated Animal = Docile, as a Man Tamed it
The Railroad Train = Hi! I Rattle and Roar
The Hilton = Hint: Hotel
A Rolling Stone Gathers No Moss = Stroller on Go, Amasses Nothing
Sunshine and Shadow = Show in Sun and Shade
The Check is in the Mail = Claim "Heck, I sent it (heh)"
The United States Bureau of Fisheries = I Raise the Bass to Feed Us in the Future
Snooze Alarms = Alas! No More Z's
Vacation Times = I'm Not as Active
Software = Swear Oft
Silicon Graphics = A Long Chip Crisis / Can logic ship, sir? / Gosh, sir, I can clip!
Alec Guinness = Genuine Class
(Dick Cavett)
The Detectives = Detect Thieves
The Hospital Ambulance = A Cab, I Hustle to Help Man
Semolina = Is No Meal
The United States of America = Attaineth its cause, freedom
Christmas tree = Search, Set, Trim
A Gentleman = Elegant Man
Presbyterian = Best In Prayer
The Public Art Galleries = Large Picture Halls, I Bet
A Decimal Point = I'm a Dot in Place
The Earthquakes = That Queer Shake
Salman Rushdie = Read, Shun Islam
Martin Scorsese = Screen is a storm
Barbie doll = I'll bare bod / Babe I'd roll / Liberal bod
Student Information Processing Board = Computation Transgression Forbidden
Statue of Liberty = Built to Stay Free
Eleven plus two = Twelve plus one
Patrick Stewart = A Crap Trek Twist
Mel Gibson = Bong Smile
Admirer = Married
Indomitableness = Endless ambition
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Once a man was waiting for a taxi.
A beggar came along and asked him for some money. The man ignored him. But being a professional, the beggar kept on pestering him. The man became irritated when he realized that the beggar would not leave him alone unless he parts with some money.
Suddenly an idea struck him.He told the beggar, "I do not have money, but if you tell me what you want to do with the money, I will certainly help you."
"I would have bought a cup of tea", replied the beggar.
The man said, "Sorry man. I can offer you a cigarette instead of tea". He then took a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and offered one to the beggar.
The beggar told, "I don't smoke as it is injurious to health."
The man smiled and took a bottle of whisky from his pocket and told the beggar, " Here, take this bottle and enjoy the stuff. It is really good".
The beggar refused by saying, "Alcohol muddles the brain and damages the liver".
The man smiled again. He told the beggar, " I am going to the race course. Come with me and I will arrange for some tickets and we will place bets. If we win, you take the whole amount and leave me alone".
As before, the beggar politely refused the latest offer by saying, "Sorry sir, I can't come with you as betting on horses is a bad habit."
Suddenly the man felt relieved and asked the beggar to come to his home with him. Finally, the beggar's face lit up in anticipation of receiving at least something from the man. But he still had his doubts and asked the man, " Why do you want me to go to your house with you".
The man replied, "My wife always wanted to see how a man with no bad habits looks like."
99 Classic 'Yo Momma' Jokes: Insult Humor from the 'Hood
Yo momma so fat her bellybutton gets home 15 minutes before she does.
That’s a prime example of a 'Yo Momma' joke, a genre so popular it became the basis for a series of no-holds-barred competitions on MTV. Produced and hosted by actor Wilmer Valderrama, matches were held on successive seasons in Los Angeles, New York and Atlanta.
From Monday to Thursday, the show pitted the toughest trash talkers against one another. Each team of contestants battled it out in front of a rowdy live audience of their peers. The four winners then came back on Friday for a Best of the Week. Here are 98 more prime examples of Yo Momma humor:
Yo momma so fat,
1. she had to go to Sea World to get baptized.
2. when she tripped over on Fourth Avenue, she landed on Twelfth.
3. she's got her own area code.
4. when she talks to herself, it's a long distance call.
5. she's got smaller fat women orbiting around her.
6. whenever she goes to the beach, the tide comes in.
7. she was born on the fourth, fifth, and sixth of March.
8. she was floating in the ocean, and Spain claimed her for the New World.
9. she wears aluminum siding.
10. she could fall down and wouldn't even know it.
***
11. she got hit by a VW and had to go to the hospital to have it removed.
12. the sign inside one restaurant says, "Maximum occupancy, 512, or Yo momma."
13. she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
14. the back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs.
15. her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard.
16. she has to iron her pants on the driveway.
17. when she goes to a restaurant, she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate.
18. when she ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton.
19. she was zoned for commercial development.
20. when she sings, it's over for everybody.
***
21. she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagen.
22. when she was walking down the street and I swerved to miss her, I ran out of gas.
23. when she dances, she makes the band skip.
24. when she got her shoes shined, she had to take the guy's word for it.
25. she gets group insurance.
26. she's on both sides of the family.
27. she can't reach her back pocket.
28. she was born with a silver shovel in her mouth.
29. when she fell over, she rocked herself to sleep trying to get up again.
30. when she hauls a*s, she has to make two trips.
***
31. when she was diagnosed with a flesh-eating disease, the doctor gave her ten years to live.
32. we're in her right now.
33. when she sits around the house, she really sits around the house.
34. her bellybutton’s got an echo.
35. when she turns around people throw her a welcome back party.
36. her belly button doesn't have lint, it has sweaters.
37. the last time she saw 90210 was on a scale.
38. a picture of her would fall off the wall.
39. when she gets on the scale, it says "To be continued."
40. she sat on a dollar, and when she got up there were four quarters.
***
41. she fell in love and broke it.
42. when she takes a shower, her feet don't get wet.
43. you have to grease the door frame and hold a Twinkie on the other side just to get her through.
44. when she goes to an all-you-can-eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps.
45. when she wears a yellow raincoat people holler, "Taxi."
46. when she gets in an elevator, it has to go down.
47. she could sell shade.
48. people jog around her for exercise.
49. she gets runs in her jeans.
50. when she wears a Malcolm X T-shirt, helicopters try to land on her back.
***
51. she eats Wheat Thicks.
52. light bends around her.
53. when she was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks.
54. her graduation picture was an aerial photograph.
55. her job title is spoon and fork operator.
56. she left the house in high heels, and when she came back she had on flip-flops.
57. you have to take a train and two buses just to get on her good side.
58. she has to wake up in sections.
59. she sat on a quarter and a booger popped out of George Washington's nose.
60. she walked into the Gap and filled it.
***
61. she has to put her belt on with a boomerang.
62. she comes at you from all directions.
63. when she was growing up she didn't play with dolls, she played with midgets.
64. she uses two buses for roller-blades.
65. when she goes to a buffet, she gets the group rate.
66. she doesn't eat with a fork, she eats with a forklift.
67. Weight Watchers won't look at her.
68. the last time the landlord saw her, he doubled the rent.
69. she put on some BVDs and by the time she got them on, they spelled "boulevard."
70. I ran around her twice and got lost.
***
71. the shadow of her butt weighs 100 pounds.
72. the National Weather Service names each one of her farts.
73. when she's standing on the corner police drive by and yell, "Hey, break it up."
74. she's been declared a natural habitat for condors.
75. she sets off car alarms when she runs.
76. when she goes to the zoo the elephants throw her peanuts.
77. her blood type is Ragu.
78. they had to let out the shower curtain.
79. when she runs the fifty-yard dash she needs an overnight bag.
80. she can't even fit in the chat room.
***
81. she gets her toenails painted at Lucky’s Auto Body.
82. she doesn't have a tailor, she has a contractor.
83. she measures 36-24-36, and the other arm is just as big.
84. she was in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade...wearing ropes.
85. she went on a light diet. As soon as it's light she starts eating.
86. she's half Italian, half Irish, and half American.
87. when her beeper goes off, people think she's backing up.
88. when she goes to the movies, she sits next to everyone.
89. when she goes in a restaurant she looks at the menu and says, "Okay.”
90. she puts her lipstick on with a paint roller.
***
91. she has to pull down her pants to get in her pocket.
92. her waist size is the Equator.
93. she’s got her own zip code.
94. she has to buy two plane tickets.
95. she stands in two time zones.
96. she fell and created the Grand Canyon.
97. she can’t even jump to a conclusion.
98. she fell out of both sides of her bed.
When Insults Had Class
“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.”
–Winston Churchill
“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.”
–Clarence Darrow
“He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.”
–William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)
"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?"
—Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)
“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.”
–Groucho Marx
“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”
–Mark Twain
“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.”
–Oscar Wilde
“I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend... if you have one.”
–George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
“Cannot possibly attend first night; will attend second, if there is one.”
–Winston Churchill’s response to George Bernard Shaw
“I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.”
–Stephen Bishop
“He is a self-made man and worships his creator.”
–John Bright
“I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.”
–Irvin S. Cobb
“He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.”
–Samuel Johnson
“He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.”
–Paul Keating
“He had delusions of adequacy.”
–Walter Kerr
“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?”
–Mark Twain
“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.”
–Mae West
“Winston, if you were my husband, I would poison your coffee!”
–Lady Astor to Winston Churchill at a dinner party
“Madam, if I were your husband, I would drink it!”
–Winston Churchill’s response to Lady Astor
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."
—Moses Hadas
"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure."
—Jack E. Leonard
"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt."
—Robert Redford
"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge."
—Thomas Brackett Reed
"He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them."
—James Reston (about Richard Nixon)
"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."
—Charles, Count Talleyrand
"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."
—Forrest Tucker
"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any one I know."
—Abraham Lincoln
"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts — for support rather than illumination."
—Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
—Billy Wilder
“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.”
–Oscar Wilde
"You, Mr. Wilkes, will die either of the pox or on the gallows."
–The Earl of Sandwich
"That depends, my lord, whether I embrace your mistress or your principles."
–John Wilkes's response to The Earl of Sandwich
"A modest little person, with much to be modest about."
—Winston Churchill
http://img144.imageshack.us/img144/1380/jaihoib2.jpg
http://img186.imageshack.us/img186/5691/theymusthaveorderedthesiv3.jpg
Before Marriage .... ..
Boy : Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
Girl : Do you want me to leave?
Boy : NO! Don't even think about it.
Girl : Do you love me?
Boy : Of course! Over and over!
Girl : Have you ever cheated on me?
Boy : NO! Why are you even asking?
Girl : Will you kiss me?
Boy : Every chance I get!
Girl : Will you hit me?
Boy : Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!
Girl : Can I trust you?
Boy : Yes.
Girl : Darling!
After Marriage ...... SIMPLY READ FROM BOTTOM TO TOP !!!
Bucknor: (n) (adj)
1. Temporary blindness leading to missing out on the obvious.
2. To be at the wrong place at the wrong time.
3. Situations leading to grave judgmental errors.
Usage: I feel bucknored by my boss; Life often throws a bucknor at you.
Benson: (n) (adj)
1. Something that legitimises a severe bucknor.
Usage: First they bucknored me and then they bensoned it! I am toast.
Also see bucknor
Ponting: (n) (adj)
1. A substance or entity or even a person of unquestionable integrity
2. An act of uncivilised behaviour. [Also, pontingness (n)]
Symonds: (n):
A subset of the monkeys, Symonds are long-tailed primates found in the
interiors of Australia known for wailing and crying at being called names.
Symonds are extremely sensitive creatures and need to be handled with
extreme care or else they'll break down at the mere exposure to the
Indians (who happen to be higher up in the food chain).
They are usually nestled by Pontings in their little chest pouch
which gives then additional protection against the Indians.
Symonds: (v):
Randomly wail and weep at every whichever chance one gets.
Present Continuous: symonding
Usage: The child took to symonding when the mother denied him money to buy a kite.
A man and his wife were spending the day at the zoo. She was wearing
a loose-fitting pink dress, sleeveless with straps. He was wearing
his usual jeans and t-shirt.
As they walked through the ape exhibit, they passed in front of a
large, silverback gorilla. Noticing the wife, the gorilla immediately
went crazy. He jumped on the bars and, holding on with one hand and 2
feet, he grunted and pounded his chest with his free hand. He was
obviously very excited by the pretty lady in the pink dress.
The husband, noticing the excitement, thought this was funny. He
suggested that his wife tease the poor fellow some more by puckering
her lips and wiggling her bottom. She played along and the gorilla
got extremely excited, now making noises that would wake the dead.
Then the husband suggested that she let one of her dress straps fall
to show a little more skin. She did ... and the gorilla was about to
tear the bars down!
"Now, show your thighs and sort of fan your dress at him," he said.
This drove the gorilla absolutely crazy, and he started doing flips
and charging the bars!
Then the husband grabbed his wife, ripped open the door to the cage,
flung her in with the gorilla, slammed the cage door shut and
said, "Now, tell him you have a headache and you are not in the mood now”
The Resignation Letter
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Boss looking through his Mail Box was astonished to see a mail from an
Employee who was supposed to be busy working at Client side on a critical
project. It had the subject - "TaTa - Bye Bye". With the worst premonition
he opened the mail and read the content with trembling hands:-
Dear Sir,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you, but I'm leaving the
job. The offer was too lucrative and attractive for me to turn down. I had
to abscond because I wanted to avoid a scene with the HR and you. I am sorry
but I had no choice.
The project is working fine. There are only 108 issues pending, out of which
only 38% issues are High Priority. Hence I am sure there is no need to worry
about. The next Phase of major enhancements I have been working upon, have
been completed halfway. I am sure the new person who would replace me would
not understand what all I had done so far. Hence, for his and your
convenience, I have taken care to remove all the work that I had been doing
this far for nearly 3 months now. I am sure you will appreciate my insight
and "big heart".
I am of course retaining the Originals that I had retrieved for the purpose
of Passport verification with me, considering it as a parting gift from you.
Of course, I will not pay the bond amount that I owe the company (since I Am
breaking the bond). But I will consider this as a parting gift from our Dear
company. I moving out of town since the new company is situated in another
City.
Also, I have changed my contact number. So you will not be able to get in
touch with me, to congratulate me. But I know your blessings are always with
me. Last but not the least. I also have the Rs 12000 entrusted to me by our
company's cultural events group, for the upcoming movie event. I am sure you
would have wanted me to keep it with myself as an added bonus from our
company. I respect you very much, hence your wish is my command.
Don't worry sir. I am 2 years experienced now, learning so much from your
company. So I will surely use this knowledge to write better programs for
the new company. Someday I'm sure we will meet sometime in the future. If
you wish, I will surely be glad to give my employee reference for you to
apply for a job in the new company which I am joining.
Your faithful employee,
S. W. Engineer
At the bottom of the page were the letters "PS". Hands still trembling, the
Boss read:
PS: Dearest Boss, none of the above is true. I'm am still busy working at
client side. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life
than my "Request to reconsider my Salary Appraisal" attached with this mail.
Please approve it and call when it is safe for me to come to our Office to
discuss this.
My respect and Best Regards to you!
The following is the transcript of an actual radio conversation in
October 1995, between a US Navy ship off the coast of England, and the British
authorities.
The transcript was released by the MoD on 10/10/95.
BRITS: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South, to avoid a collision.
AMERICANS: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North, to avoid a collision.
BRITS: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
AMERICANS: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
BRITS: Negative. I say again. You will have to divert your course.
AMERICANS: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN. THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES ATLANTIC FLEET. THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS ACCOMPANY US.
I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH. THAT'S 15 DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
BRITS: This is a lighthouse. Your call.
Two Nuns
One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM),
and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).
It is getting dark and they are still far away from
the convent.
SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us
for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder
what he wants.
SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.
SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15
minutes at the most! What can we do?
SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk
faster.
SM: It's not working.
SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only
logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.
SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach
us in one minute.
SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go
that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us
both.
So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.
Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is
worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.
Then Sister Logical arrives.
SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here!
Tell me what happened!
SL: The only logical thing happened.
The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me
SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?
SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run
as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he
could.
SM: And?
SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.
SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?
SL: The only logical thing to do.
I lifted my dress up.
SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?
SL: The only logical thing to do.
He pulled down his pants.
SM: Oh, no! What happened then?
SL: Isn't it logical, Sister?
A nun with her dress up can run faster than man
with his pants down.
And for those of you who thought it would be dirty,
say two Hail Marys!
http://static.pyzam.com/img/funnypics/4/pyzambabycare.jpg
Got as a forward in my email today:
Bewde Zameen Par...!!
Sabhi Bewdon ko samarpit...
Every glass is special
Main Kabhi Batlata Nahin
Bar main dailyy jaata Hoon Main Maa ...
Yun To Main, Dikhlata Nahin
Daru peekar roz aata hun Main Maa ....
Tujhe Sab Hai Pata, Hain Na Maa...
Tujhe Sab Hai Pata, Meri Maa...
Theke pe Yun Na Chhoro Mujhe ,
Ghar Laut Ke Bhi Aa Naa Paoon Main Maa...
Pauwa lene Bhej Na Itna Door Mujko Tu,
Ghar bhi bhool jaun main Maa...
Kya Itna Bura Hoon Main Maa...
Kya Itna Bura...Meri Maa..
Scotch main ,itna peeta nahi,
Peg Se Seham Jaata Hoon Main Maa
Chehre Pe Aane Deta Nahin
Lekin kabhi ludak jaata Hoon Main Maa
Tujhe Sab Hai Pata...Hai Naa Maa
Tujhe Sab Hai Pata, Meri Maa ...
A lady approaches her priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem.
I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one
thing."
"What do they say?" the priest inquired.
"They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Want to have some
fun?"'
"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a solution to
your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I
will put them with my two male talking parrots. I have taught them to
pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop
saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will also learn to
praise and worship."
"Thank you!" the woman responded.
The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the priest's
house. His two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in
their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male
parrots. Immediately, the female parrots say, "Hi, we're prostitutes,
want to have some fun?"
One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put
the beads away, Jack. Our prayers have been answered!"
http://i272.photobucket.com/albums/jj164/yrajmail/29led5u.png
http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y287/ssiscool/1.jpg
http://img152.imageshack.us/img152/9819/4e6c318601c7a90cccb4a7aqc3.jpg
Have a nice day!
----- * Achcha din lo!
What's up?
----- *Uppar kya hai?
You're kidding!
----- *Tum bachcha bana rahe ho!
Don't kid me!
----- * Mera bachcha mat banaao!
Yo, baby! What's up?
-----* Beti Yo, uppar kya hai?
Cool man!
-----* Thandaa aadmi!
Check this out, man!
----* Iskee chaanbeen karo, aadmi!
Don't mess with me, dude.
----- * Mere saath gandagi mat karo, e vyakti.
She's so fine!
----- * Woh itnee baareek hai!
Listen buddy, that chick's mine, okay!?
----- * Suno dost, woh chooza mera hai, theek?
Hey good looking; what's cooking?
----* Arrey sundarta ki devi; kya pakaa rahee ho?
Are you nuts?
----- * Kya aap akhrot hain?
Son of a gun.
----- * Bachcha bandook ka.
Rock the party.
---- * Party mein patthar feko.
And the best ones are.....
How do you do?
----- * Kaise karte ho?
Keep in touch!
----- * Chhoote Raho.
Lets hang out!
----- * Chalo bahar latake
http://img169.imageshack.us/img169/6074/atgaaacbm85get8yhoz7yy4ki1.jpg
http://static.scribd.com/profiles/images/5h5061emxnzb0-large.jpg
http://www.allowe.com/images/ComputerMsgs/ErrorMsg01.jpg
what is the cube of 13?
Its : SUROOR
wandaring how?
thats bcoz....
TERA * TERA * TERA = SUROOR
Nitikesh
09-04-2011, 01:23 PM
In a divorce court a woman requested the judge: "Your honor, I want to divorce my husband."
"But why ?" asked the judge. She replied, "Because he is not faithful to me."
The judge asked, "How do you know ?" She replied, "My lord, not a single child resembles him."
*********
From his death bed, the husband called his wife and said, "One month after I die I want you to marry Samy."
"Samy! But he is your enemy !" "Yes, I know that ! I've suffered all these years so let him suffer now."
*********
At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger? "
The other replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man."
*********
" Dad, I was away for a week. Yesterday I sent a fax to my wife I'd be home that night, and when I got into my room I found my wife in another man's arms.
" Why, Dad ? Tell me why!" Dad kept silent for a few minutes, then coolly said, "Maybe, Son, she didn't get the fax."
*********
A husband visited a marriage counselor and said, "When we were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking.
Now after ten years it's all different, I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking."
"Why complain?" said the counselor. "You're still getting the same service!"
*********
One woman told another : "My neighbour is always speaking ill of her husband, but look at me, my husband is foolish, lazy and a coward; but have I ever said anything bad about him?"
*********
A wife, one evening, drew her husband's attention to the couple next door and said,
"Do you see that couple? How devoted they are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don't you do that?"
"I would love to." Replied the husband. "But I don't know her well enough."
*********
A man was telling his friends, "When my wife is infuriated, she starts shouting at me, my children and even at our dogs and nobody dares answer her."
One of his friends asked."And when you are angry, what do you do?" The man replied, "I also shout angrily at the windows and doors of the house and none of them dares to answer back.
*********
A woman was complaining to the neighbour that her husband always came home late, no matter how she tried to stop him.
"Take my advice," said the neighbour, "and do what I did. Once my husband came home at three o'clock in the morning, and from my bed I called out: "Is that you, Jim?" And that cured him.
"Cured him !" asked the woman, "but how?" The neighbour said, "You see, his name is Bill."
*********
"You looked troubled," I told my friend, "what's your problem?" He replied,
"I'm going to be a father." "But that's wonderful," I said. "What's wonderful? My wife doesn't know about it yet.
Nitikesh
09-04-2011, 01:34 PM
SIZE does matter but satisfaction counts!! However, it's better to have a SMALL ONE!
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http://myhindiforum.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=10195&stc=1&d=1302338036
A Mom comes to visit
her son Kumar for dinner....who lives with a room mate, a girl named
Samanta.
During the course of
the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Kumar's
roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between
the two, and this had only made her more curious.
Over the course of the
evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if
there was more between Kumar and his roommate than met the eye.
Reading his mom's
thoughts, Kumar volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I
assure you, Samanta and I are just roommates."
About a week
later, Samanta came to Kumar saying, "Ever since your mother came to
dinner, I've been unable to find the silver chutney jar. You don't
suppose she took it, do you?" Kumar said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll
email her, just to be sure...."
So he sat down and
wrote:
Dear Mother: I'm not
saying that you 'did' take the chutney jar from my house, I'm not
saying that you 'did not' take the chutney Jar. But the fact remains
that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love, Kumar
Several days later,
Kumar received an email from his Mother which read
Dear Son:
I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Samanta, and I'm not saying
that you 'do not' sleep with Samanta. But the fact remains that if she
was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the chutney jar by
now under the pillow...
Love, Mom.
Lesson for ur life :
Don't Lie to Your Mother...... ........especially if she is an Indian!
Quick Tips to Improve Self Confidence
Here are some quick tips to improve your Self Confidence. If we are committed to have a healthy self confidence there are many things you can do every day to boost your self confidence, each small steps that will help you to reach your goal. The good news is that self-esteem is not fixed and can be improved, try some of the steps below to boost your confidence and self-esteem.
1) Identify your successes. Everyone is good at something, so discover the things at which you excel, then focus on your talents. Give yourself permission to take pride in them. Give yourself credit for your successes. Inferiority is a state of mind in which you've declared yourself a victim. Do not allow yourself to be victimized.
2) Look in the mirror and smile. Studies surrounding what's called the "facial feedback theory" suggest that the expressions on your face can actually encourage your brain to register certain emotions. So by looking in the mirror and smiling every day, you might feel happier with yourself and more confident in the long run.
3) Exercise and eat healthy. Exercise raises adrenaline and makes one feel happier and healthier. It is certainly an easy and effective way to boost your self-confidence.
4) Turn feelings of envy or jealousy into a desire to achieve. Stop wanting what others have just because they have it; seek things simply because you want them, whether anybody else has them or not.
5) When you're feeling superbly insecure, write down a list of things that are good about you. Then read the list back. You'd be surprised at what you can come up with.
6) Don't be afraid to push yourself a bit - a little bit of pressure can actually show just how good you are!
7) You can try taking a martial arts or fitness class/course (or both). This will help build confidence and strength.
8) Invest in some new clothing and donate some of your old clothing to send a message to yourself that you both look sharp and feel sharp.
9) Try to make yourself talk positively at all times. When you hear yourself saying you can't do something, stop and say you can. Unless you try, you will never know whether you are able to or not.
10) Don't get wrapped up in your mistakes and dwell on bad points; they can contrast your good points or even give you something to improve. There's no feeling like being good at something you were really bad at.
11) Don't confuse what you have with who you are. People degrade their self worth when comparing possessions.
12) Surround yourself with nurturing friends, not overly critical individuals who make you feel inadequate or insecure. This could do great harm and damage to your self confidence.
http://img456.imageshack.us/img456/2326/pinkheart3em7.gif
Here is a beautiful Valentines Day Poem.. Spread the love
If you were my valentine
I'd search the endless skies
to find the perfect starlight
that would compliment your eyes
and keep it in a wishing well
created just for you
and filled with my desires
to make all your dreams come true
if you were my valentine
I'd find the softest rose
to gently brush against
those sweetest lips, the angels chose
my heart is like a flower
craving for your morning kiss
mere words cannot pay homage
to a passion such as this
if you were my valentine
I'd treasure every day
the arms that open to me
and the tender words you say
I can't imagine dreaming
of another soul so sweet
for, if your were my valentine
my life would be complete...
Have Passion!
It was probably the April of 1974. Bangalore was getting warm and
gulmohars were blooming at the IISc campus. I was the only girl in my
postgraduate department and was staying at the ladies' hostel. Other girls
were pursuing research in different departments of Science.
I was looking forward to going abroad to complete a doctorate in
computer science. I had been offered scholarships from Universities in the
US. I had not thought of taking up a job in India.
One day, while on the way to my hostel from our lecture-hall complex,
I saw an advertisement on the notice board. It was a standard job-requirement
notice from the famous automobile company Telco (now Tata Motors).
It stated that the company required young, bright engineers, hardworking and
with an excellent academic background, etc.
At the bottom was a small line: "Lady candidates need not apply."
I read it and was very upset. For the first time in my life I was up
against gender discrimination.
Though I was not keen on taking up the job, I saw it as a challenge. I had
done extremely well in academics, better than most of my male peers. Little
did I know then that in real life academic excellence is not enough to be
successful.
After reading the notice I went fuming to my room. I decided to inform the
topmost person in Telco's management about the injustice the company was
perpetrating. I got a postcard and started to write, but there was a
problem: I did not know who headed Telco.
I thought it must be one of the Tatas. I knew JRD Tata was the head of the
Tata Group; I had seen his pictures in newspapers (actually, Sumant
Moolgaokar was the company's chairman then). I took the card, addressed it
to JRD and started writing. To this day I remember clearly what I wrote.
"The great Tatas have always been pioneers. They are the people who started
the basic infrastructure industries in India, such as iron and steel,
chemicals, textiles and locomotives. They have cared for higher education
in India since 1900 and they were responsible for the establishment of the
Indian Institute of Science. Fortunately, I study there. But I am surprised
how a company such as Telco is discriminating on the basis of gender."
I posted the letter and forgot about it. Less than 10 days later, I
received a telegram stating that I had to appear for an interview at
Telco's Pune facility at the company's expense. I was taken aback by the
telegram. My hostel mate told me I should use the opportunity to go to Pune
free of cost and buy them the famous Pune saris for cheap! I collected Rs
30 each from everyone who wanted a sari. When I look back, I feel like
laughing at the reasons for my going, but back then they seemed good enough
to make the trip.
It was my first visit to Pune and I immediately fell in love with the city.
To this day it remains dear to me. I feel as much at home in Pune as I do
in Hubli, my hometown. The place changed my life in so many ways. As
directed, I went to Telco's Pimpri office for the interview.
There were six people on the panel and I realised then that this was
serious business.
"This is the girl who wrote to JRD," I heard somebody whisper as soon as I
entered the room. By then I knew for sure that I would not get the job. The
realisation abolished all fear from my mind, so I was rather cool while the
interview was being conducted.
Even before the interview started, I reckoned the panel was biased, so I
told them, rather impolitely, "I hope this is only a technical interview."
They were taken aback by my rudeness, and even today I am ashamed about my
attitude. The panel asked me technical questions and I answered all of
them.
Then an elderly gentleman with an affectionate voice told me, "Do you know
why we said lady candidates need not apply? The reason is that we have
never employed any ladies on the shop floor. This is not a co-ed college;
this is a factory. When it comes to academics, you are a first ranker
throughout. We appreciate that, but people like you should work in research
laboratories."
I was a young girl from small-town Hubli. My world had been a limited
place.
I did not know the ways of large corporate houses and their difficulties,
so I answered, "But you must start somewhere, otherwise no woman will ever
be able to work in your factories."
Finally, after a long interview, I was told I had been successful. So this
was what the future had in store for me. Never had I thought I would take
up a job in Pune. I met a shy young man from Karnataka there, we became
good friends and we got married.
It was only after joining Telco that I realized who JRD was: the uncrowned
king of Indian industry. Now I was scared, but I did not get to meet him
till I was transferred to Bombay. One day I had to show some reports to Mr
Moolgaokar, our chairman, who we all knew as SM. I was in his office on the
first floor of Bombay House (the Tata headquarters) when, suddenly JRD
walked in. That was the first time I saw "appro JRD". Appro means "our" in
Gujarati. This was the affectionate term by which people at Bombay House
called him.
I was feeling very nervous, remembering my postcard episode. SM introduced
me nicely, "Jeh (that's what his close associates called him), this young
woman is an engineer and that too a postgraduate.
She is the first woman to work on the Telco shop floor." JRD looked at me.
I was praying he would not ask me any questions about my interview (or the
postcard that preceded it).
Thankfully, he didn't. Instead, he remarked. "It is nice that girls are
getting into engineering in our country. By the way, what is your name?"
"When I joined Telco I was Sudha Kulkarni, Sir," I replied. "Now I am Sudha
Murthy." He smiled and kindly smile and started a discussion with SM. As
for me, I almost ran out of the room.
After that I used to see JRD on and off. He was the Tata Group chairman and
I was merely an engineer. There was nothing that we had in common. I was in
awe of him.
One day I was waiting for Murthy, my husband, to pick me up after office
hours. To my surprise I saw JRD standing next to me. I did not know how to
react. Yet again I started worrying about that postcard. Looking back, I
realise JRD had forgotten about it. It must have been a small incident for
him, but not so for me.
"Young lady, why are you here?" he asked. "Office time is over." I said,
"Sir, I'm waiting for my husband to come and pick me up." JRD said, "It is
getting dark and there's no one in the corridor.
I'll wait with you till your husband comes."
I was quite used to waiting for Murthy, but having JRD waiting alongside
made me extremely uncomfortable.
I was nervous. Out of the corner of my eye I looked at him. He wore a
simple white pant and shirt. He was old, yet his face was glowing. There
wasn't any air of superiority about him. I was thinking, "Look at this
person. He is a chairman, a well-respected man in our country and he is
waiting for the sake of an ordinary employee."
Then I saw Murthy and I rushed out. JRD called and said, "Young lady, tell
your husband never to make his wife wait again." In 1982 I had to resign
from my job at Telco. I was reluctant to go, but I really did not have a
choice. I was coming down the steps of Bombay House after wrapping up my
final settlement when I saw JRD coming up. He was absorbed in thought. I
wanted to say goodbye to him, so I stopped. He saw me and paused.
Gently, he said, "So what are you doing, Mrs Kulkarni?" (That was the way
he always addressed me.) "Sir, I am leaving Telco."
"Where are you going?" he asked. "Pune, Sir. My husband is starting a
company called Infosys and I'm shifting to Pune."
"Oh! And what will you do when you are successful."
"Sir, I don't know whether we will be successful." "Never start with
diffidence," he advised me. "Always start with confidence. When you are
successful you must give back to society. Society gives us so much; we must
reciprocate. I wish you all the best."
Then JRD continued walking up the stairs. I stood there for what seemed
like a millennium. That was the last time I saw him alive. Many years later
I met Ratan Tata in the same Bombay House, occupying the chair JRD once
did. I told him of my many sweet memories of working with Telco. Later, he
wrote to me, "It was nice hearing about Jeh from you. The sad part is that
he's not alive to see you today."
I consider JRD a great man because, despite being an extremely busy person,
he valued one postcard written by a young girl seeking justice. He must
have received thousands of letters everyday. He could have thrown mine
away, but he didn't do that. He respected the intentions of that unknown
girl, who had neither influence nor money, and gave her an opportunity in
his company. He did not merely give her a job; he changed her life and
mindset forever.
Close to 50 per cent of the students in today's engineering colleges are
girls. And there are women on the shop floor in many industry segments. I
see these changes and I think of JRD. If at all time stops and asks me what
I want from life, I would say I wish JRD were alive today to see how the
company we started has grown. He would have enjoyed it wholeheartedly.
My love and respect for the House of Tata remains undiminished by the
passage of time. I always looked up to JRD. I saw him as a role model for
his simplicity, his generosity, his kindness and the care he took of his
employees. Those blue eyes always reminded me of the sky; they had the same
vastness and magnificence.
(Sudha Murthy is a widely published writer and chairperson of the Infosys
Foundation involved in a number of social development initiatives. Infosys
chairman Narayana Murthy is her husband.)
Why beer is better than Jesus
10. No one will kill you for not drinking beer.
9. Beer doesn’t tell you how to have sex.
8. Beer has never caused a major war.
7. They don’t force beer on minors who can’t think for themselves.
6. When you have beer, you don’t knock on people’s doors trying to give it away.
5. Nobody’s ever been burned at the stake, hanged, or tortured to death over his brand of beer.
4. You don’t have to wait 2,000+ years for a second beer.
3. There are laws saying that beer labels can’t lie to you.
2. You can prove you have a beer.
1. If you have devoted your life to beer, there are groups to help you stop.
Onions…? In 1919 the flu killed 40 million people.
Very interesting…
A very Important Subject..especially for those who love to cook and
eat ONIONS!!!
In 1919 the flu killed 40 million people.
There was a doctor who visited many farmers to see if he could help
them combat the flu. Many of the farmers and their families had
contracted it and many died.
The doctor came upon this one farmer and to his surprise, everyone was
very healthy. When the doctor asked what the farmer was doing that
was different, the wife replied that she had placed an unpeeled onion
in a dish in the rooms of the home, (probably only two rooms back
then). The doctor couldn’t believe it and asked if he could have one
of the onions and place it under the microscope. She gave him one
and when he did this, he did find the flu virus in the onion. It
obviously absorbed the bacteria; therefore, keeping the family
healthy.
Now, I heard this story from my hairdresser in AZ. She said that
several years ago many of her employees were coming down with the flu
and so were many of her customers. The next year she placed several
bowls with onions around in her shop. To her surprise, none of her
staff got sick. It must work…(and no, she is not in the onion
business).
The moral of the story is, buy some onions and place them in bowls
around your home. If you work at a desk, place one or two in your
office or under your desk or even on top somewhere. Try it and see
what happens. We did it last year and we never got the flu.
If this helps you and your loved ones from getting sick, all the
better. If you do get the flu, it just might be a mild case..
Whatever, what have you to lose? Just a few bucks on onions!!!
Now there is a P. S. to this for I sent it to a friend in Oregon who
regularly contributes material to me on health issues. She replied
with this most interesting experience about onions:
Weldon, thanks for the reminder. I don’t know about the farmers
story…but, I do know that I contacted pneumonia and needless to say
I was very ill. I came across an article that said to cut both ends
off an onion, poke one end with a fork and then place the forked end
into an empty jar…placing the jar next to the sick patient at night.
It is said that the onion would be black in the morning from the
germs…sure enough it happened just like that…the onion was a mess
and I began to feel better.
Another thing I read in the article was that onions and garlic placed
around the room saved many from the black plague years ago. They have
powerful antibacterial, antiseptic properties.
This is the other note.
LEFT OVER ONIONS ARE POISONOUS
I have used an onion which has been left in the fridge, and sometimes
I don’t use a whole one at one time, so save the other half for later.
Now with this info, I have changed my mind….will buy smaller onions
in the future.
I had the wonderful privilege of touring Mullins Food Products, Makers
of mayonnaise. Mullins is huge, and is owned by 11 brothers and
sisters in the Mullins family. My friend, Jeanne, is the CEO.
Questions about food poisoning came up, and I wanted to share what I
learned from a chemist.
The guy who gave us our tour is named Ed. He’s one of the brothers Ed
is a chemistry expert and is involved in developing most of the sauce
formula.. He’s even developed sauce formula for McDonald’s.
Keep in mind that Ed is a food chemistry whiz. During the tour,
someone asked if we really needed to worry about mayonnaise. People
are always worried that mayonnaise will spoil. Ed’s answer will
surprise you. Ed said that all commercially- made Mayo is completely
safe.
“It doesn’t even have to be refrigerated. No harm in refrigerating it,
but it’s not really necessary.” He explained that the pH in mayonnaise
is set at a point that bacteria could not survive in that environment.
He then talked about the quaint essential picnic, with the bowl of
potato salad sitting on the table and how everyone blames the
mayonnaise when someone gets sick.
Ed says that when food poisoning is reported, the first thing the
officials look for is when the ‘victim’ last ate ONIONS and where
those onions came from (in the potato salad?). Ed says it’s not the
mayonnaise (as long as it’s not homemade Mayo) that spoils in the
outdoors. It’s probably the onions, and if not the onions, it’s the
POTATOES.
He explained, onions are a huge magnet for bacteria, especially
uncooked onions. You should never plan to keep a portion of a sliced
onion.. He says it’s not even safe if you put it in a zip-lock bag and
put it in your refrigerator.
It’s already contaminated enough just by being cut open and out for a
bit, that it can be a danger to you (and doubly watch out for those
onions you put in your hotdogs at the baseball park!)
Ed says, if you take the leftover onion and cook it like crazy you’ll
probably be okay, but if you slice that leftover onion and put on your
sandwich, you’re asking for trouble. Both the onions and the moist
potato in a potato salad, will attract and grow bacteria faster than
any commercial mayonnaise will even begin to break down.
So, how’s that for news? Take it for what you will. I (the author) am
going to be very careful about my onions from now on. For some reason,
I see a lot of credibility coming from a chemist and a company that
produces millions of pounds of mayonnaise every year.’
Also, dogs should never eat onions. Their stomachs cannot metabolize
onions Please remember it is dangerous to cut onions and try to cook
them the next day. It becomes highly poisonous for even a single night
and creates Toxic bacteria which may cause Adverse Stomach infections
because of excess Bile secretions and even Food poisoning.
Please pass it on to all you love and care
Nandan Nilekani’s dream – how the indian national ID card will work
The much awaited Card
Nandan Nilekani’s dream – how the national ID card will work ………
Operator : “Thank you for calling Pizza Hut . May I have your…”
Customer: “Heloo, can I order..”
Operator : “Can I have your multi purpose ID card number first, Sir?”
Customer: “It’s he…, hold…….. ..on….. .889861356102049 998-45-54610″
Operator : “OK… You’re… Mr Singh and you’re calling from 17 Jal Vayu…..Your home number is 2×26xxxx, your office 250xxxxx and your mobile is 09xxxxxxxx. Which number are you calling from now Sir?”
Customer: “Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?
Operator : “We are connected to the system Sir”
Customer: “May I order your Seafood Pizza…”
Operator : “That’s not a good idea Sir”
Customer: “How come?”
Operator : “According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir”
Customer: “What?… What do you recommend then?”
Operator : “Try our Low Fat Pizza. You’ll like it”
Customer: “How do you know for sure?”
Operator : “You borrowed a book entitled “Popular Dishes” from the National Library last week Sir”
Customer: “OK I give up… Give me three family size ones then, how much will that cost?”
Operator : “That should be enough for your family of 05, Sir. The total is Rs 500.00″
Customer: “Can I pay by! Credit card?”
Operator : “I’m afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank Rs 23,000.75 since October last year. That’s not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir..”
Customer: “I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives”
Operator : “You can’t Sir. Based on the records, you’ve reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today”
Customer: “Never mind just send the pizzas, I’ll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?”
Operator : “About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can’t wait you can always come and collect it on your Nano Car…”
Customer: “What!”
Operator : “According to the details in system ,you own a Nano car,…registration number GZ-05-AB-1107. .”
Customer: ” ?”
Operator : “Is there anything else Sir?”
Customer: “Nothing… By the way… Aren’t you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?”
Operator : “We normally would Sir, but based on your records you’re also diabetic…. … ”
Customer: #$$^%&$@$% ^
Operator : “Better watch your language Sir.. Remember on 15th July 2010 you were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman…?”
Customer: Faints….
abhisays
13-04-2011, 08:32 AM
I got this in my mail, all IT people must read this poem.
Appraisal के नाम पर एक लम्बी आह भरते हैं,
chaliye ab hum is "dukhad" kahani ki shuruat karte hain,
हमेह्सा की तरह 10 बजे ठुमकते हुए office आया,
11 बजे तक नाश्ता किया और बारह बजे तक mail ही पढ़ पाया ,
हमेशा की तरह आज भी मुझे आलस आ रहा था ,
और मेरा PM मुझे तिरछी निगाहों से देख -देख गुस्सा रहा था,
मैं बड़े concentration के साथ एक "Careful" mail पढ़ रहा था,
तभी देखा मेरे PM ke नाम का नया mail कोने मैं blink कर रहा था,
फिर कोई traini n g attend करनी होगी,ये क्या बकवास है,
क्या reply मैं लिख दूँ की मेरे mailbox का उपवास है?
मैंने आँखें बंद की और 10 bar "om" "om" bola,
और प्रणाम karate huye मैंने वो मेल खोला,
PM के इस s मेल मैं एक अजीब सा सुकून और भोलापन है,
likha है भाइयों appraisal letters आ गए,अब तो one -to-one hai,
मॅन मैं ऐसे बुरे बुरे ख्याल आ रहे थे ,
ऊपर से कुछ लोग मेरे"de-appraisal" की गन्दी affwah उड़ा रहे थे,
PM को letter लाते देख हर कोई useदेखता जाता है,
जैसे mallika के किसी नए गाने को देखा जाता है,
आखिर वो वक़्त आया,PM ने एक एक kar sabako ander बुलाया,
जो भी अंदर जाता हँसता हुआ जाता,
जो बहार आता,मुरझाया hua aata,
बहार आ कर इंसान संभल भी नहीं पता है,
की "कितना हुआ kitna मीला"हर कोई उसपे टूट जाता है,
किसी एक को appraisal मैं 2000 rupaye मिले थे , मैं उसकी हंसी उड़ा रहा था ,
तभी मैंने देखा मेरा PM इशारे से मुझे अंदर बुला रहा था ,
मैं confidence से उठा और आगे कदम बढाया ,
तभी मेरी belt का buckle टूट के नीकल आया ,
मेरी हालत तो अभी से ही बुरी हो गयी ,
साला इज्ज़त उतरना तो यही से शुरू हो गयी ,
मैं अंदर पहुंचा और PM ने मुझे बिठाया ,
उसने मेरा letter पढा और वो हंसी रोक न पाया ,
वोह इतना हंसा की usse आंसू आ गए ,
क्या मेरे appraisal digits usse इतने भा गए ,
जैसे ही उसने appraisal letter मेरी तरफ बढाया ,
मेरी आँखों के आगे घनघोर अँधेरा छाया ,
मुझे लगा जैसे मेरे dil की दीवार को किसी ने गोबर से पोता है ,
अरे यार "बीस rupaye" ? ये भी कोई increment होता है ?
ये software indusrty है , अखाडा नहीं है ,
ये "SALARY INCREMENT" है , दादर आने -जाने का भाडा नहीं है ,
मेरे चारों तरफ कलि घटा छायी ,तभी मेरे PM की soothing आवाज़ आई ,
तुम सोच रहे होगे के company mgmt का दिमाग फिर गया है ,
पर बेटा हम क्या करें , dollar का bha v 2 rupaye जो gir गया है ,
पर फिर भी मुझे लगता है , ये letter fake है ,
मुझे तो लगता है ये printing mistake है,
तुम HR मैं जाओ ,और ये confirm करके आओ ,
भाई HR मैं जाने के लिए तैयार होना पड़ता है ,
वही तो ऐसी जगह है जहाँ सुंदर लड़कियों से पला पड़ता है ,
shitt!! जहाँ "Renuka " बैठी है , आज वहां बैठा "Aftab" hai,
मैं समझ गया बेटा , आज अपना luck ही ख़राब है ,
उसने मेरा letter खोला ,और खुश हो के बोला ,
वो बोला sir आप के लिए खुशखबरी है ,
आप के letter ने "Printing mistake" पकड़ी है ,
मैंने कहा boss अब देर न लगाएं ,
और मुझे मेरा actual amount बताएं ,
sorry sir ये mistake just by एक्सीडेंट है ,
बीस rupaye नहीं , दो rupaye आप का increment है ,
मैं क्या करूं आप को ये बताते हुए मेरा dil रो रहा है ,
पर क्या करें dollar का भाव भी तो कम हो रहा है ,
मैं बस वहाँ खडा था ,कुछ समझ नहीं आ रहा था ,
मुझसे ज्यादा increment तो security वाला पा रहा था ,
मैंने खुद को संभाला , खुद को उठाया ,
मैं लौटा और सीधे PM के पास आया ,
मैं सीधा उसके केबिन गया और दरवाज़ा खोला ,
इस से पहले की वो बोले , मैं ही उस से बोला ,
sir ये पैसे वापिस ले लीजिये , बात करना फीजूल है,
मैं गरीब हूँ,पर भीख नहीं लेता ये मेरा उसूल है|.
Nitikesh
13-04-2011, 10:20 AM
सॉफ्टवेर इंडस्ट्री ने मंदी का अच्छा बहाना बनाया है/:cryingbaby:
Nitikesh
13-04-2011, 10:31 AM
What does
"Nine Pipe Pour Pour Pipe Pour Pipe Pour Pour Pipe"
Means????
(http://groups.fropki.com/)
Not a Tongue Twister :-) :-) (http://groups.fropki.com/)
. (http://groups.fropki.com/)
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Didn't get it????? (http://groups.fropki.com/)
. (http://groups.fropki.com/)
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. (http://groups.fropki.com/)
Lallu Prasad Giving his mobile number (http://groups.fropki.com/)
(http://groups.fropki.com/)"9544545445" (http://groups.fropki.com/)
"Keep smiling, It increases your face value" (http://groups.fropki.com/)
Nitikesh
19-04-2011, 06:02 AM
What is the world UP TO ????
Lovers of the English language might enjoy this. It is yet another example of why people learning English have trouble with the language. Learning the nuances of English makes it a difficult language. (But then, that's probably true of many languages.)
There is a two-letter word in English that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that word is 'UP.'
It is listed in the dictionary as being used as an [adv], [prep], [adj], [n] or [v].
It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP?
At a meeting, why does a topic come UP ? Why do we speak UP, and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report? We call UP our friends and we use ! it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.
At other times the little word has a real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.
To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special.
And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is choked UP.
We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.We seem to be pretty mixed UPabout UP !
To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP , look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4 of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions
If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.
When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP . When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP. When it rains, it wets UP the earth. When it does not rain for awhile, things dry UP.
One could go on & on, but I'll wrap it UP , for now........ my time is UP, so time to shut UP!
Oh...one more thing:
What is the first thing you do in the morning & the last thing you do at night?
U P
Don't screw UP. Send this on to everyone you look UP in your address book.
Now, I'll shut UP.
Lovers of the English language might enjoy this. It is yet another example of why people learning English have trouble with the language. Learning the nuances of English makes it a difficult language. (But then, that's probably true of many languages.)
There is a two-letter word in English that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that word is 'UP.'
It is listed in the dictionary as being used as an [adv], [prep], [adj], [n] or [v].
It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP?
At a meeting, why does a topic come UP ? Why do we speak UP, and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report? We call UP our friends and we use ! it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.
At other times the little word has a real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.
To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special.
And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is choked UP.
We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.We seem to be pretty mixed UPabout UP !
To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP , look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4 of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions
If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.
When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP . When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP. When it rains, it wets UP the earth. When it does not rain for awhile, things dry UP.
One could go on & on, but I'll wrap it UP , for now........ my time is UP, so time to shut UP!
Oh...one more thing:
What is the first thing you do in the morning & the last thing you do at night?
U P
Don't screw UP. Send this on to everyone you look UP in your address book.
Now, I'll shut UP.
Nitikesh
19-04-2011, 06:02 AM
God Doesn't Exist
A man went to a barbershop to have his hair cut and his beard trimmed.
As the barber began to work, they began to have a good conversation.
They talked about so many things and various subjects. When they eventually touched on the subject of God, the barber said: "I don't believe that God exists."
"Why do you say that?"asked the customer.
"Well, you just have to go out in the street to realize that God doesn't exist.
Tell me, if God exists,would there be so many sick people? Would there be abandoned children? If God existed, there would be neither suffering nor pain. I can't imagine loving a God who would allow all of these things."
The customer thought for a moment, but didn't respond because he didn't want to start an argument.
The barber finished his job and the customer left the shop. Just after he left the barbershop, he saw a man in the street with long, stringy, dirty hair and an untrimmed beard. He looked dirty and un-kept.
The customer turned back and entered the barber shop again and he said to the barber: "You know what? Barbers do not exist."
"How can you say that?"asked the surprised barber. "I am here, and I am a barber.And I just worked on you!"
"No!" the customer exclaimed. "Barbers don't exist because if they did, there would be no people with dirty long hair and untrimmed beards, like that man outside."
"Ah, but barbers DO exist! What happens is, people do not come to me."
"Exactly!"- affirmed the customer. "That's the point! God, too, DOES exist! What happens, is, people don't go to Him and do not look for Him. That's why there's so much pain and suffering in the world."
Nitikesh
19-04-2011, 06:07 AM
http://myhindiforum.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=10356&stc=1&d=1303175229
Nitikesh
22-04-2011, 01:02 PM
1.I am not a Mallu I am a Malayali
2.Shakeela is not from my state
3.Sreesanth is from my state,but I hate him.
4.My mother tongue is not Tamil.
5.I may like Rajnikanth or Shah Rukh Khan.....but I always prefer Mohanlal
6.I love cricket...but I love football more
7.I am an Indian....yes Sachin is God.....
8.All my uncles are not in Dubai...
9.I am not always a Nair
10.I am an alcoholic,unless I am gay impotent or just plainly scared of mom.
11.I may or may not be Marxist,but essentially a socialist
12.I may not laugh at your joke...no offenses..blame it on Jagathy Sreekumar..I have already heard them.
13.You may not laugh at my joke...no offenses...blame it on Sreenivasan...you would not understand.
14.I am a non vegetarian.....and Yes I eat beef
15.If you find me and another malayali shouting at each other animatedly at the top of our voices calling each other names...never bother we are just having a healthy discussion on Mammootty and Mohanlal.
16.When I was a student....I never bunked...we just called a strike...
17.Yes I use a lungi....and play football wearing it.....now you can't beat that.
18.I don't understand Kadhakali.......
19.I don't like you much,I may look down upon you...can't help it....that is how we are made....
20.When you are talking to me....never mention Poland....again blame it on Sreenivasan..you wouldn't understand.
ndhebar
06-05-2011, 12:38 PM
Today we have bigger houses and smaller families.
More conveniences, but less time.
(http://groups.fropki.com/)
We have more degrees, but less common sense.
More knowledge, but less judgment.
(http://groups.fropki.com/)
We have more experts, but more problems.
More medicine, but less wellness.
(http://groups.fropki.com/)
We spend too recklessly;
Laugh too little,
Drive too fast,
Get too angry too quickly,
Stay up too late,
Read too little,
Watch TV too much,
And pray too seldom!
(http://groups.fropki.com/)
We've multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.
We talk too much, love too little, and lie too often.
(http://groups.fropki.com/)
More leisure and less fun;
More kinds of foods, but less nutrition.
Two incomes, but more divorces.
Fancier houses, but broken homes.
(http://groups.fropki.com/)
That's why I propose, that as of today,
you don't keep anything for special occasions,
because every day you live is a special occasion.
Search for knowledge.
Read more.
Sit on your front porch and admire the
view without paying attention to your needs.
Spend more time with your family and friends.
Eat your favorite foods and visit the places you love.
(http://groups.fropki.com/)
Life is a chain of moments of enjoyment,
not only about survival.
Use your crystal goblets. Don't save your best perfume,
use it every time you feel you want it.
(http://groups.fropki.com/)
Remove from your vocabulary
phrases like 'one of these days' and 'someday'.
Write that letter you've thought about writing.
(http://groups.fropki.com/)
Don't delay anything that adds laughter and joy to your life.
Every day, every hour, and every minute is special.
You never know when it will be your last.
anjaan
26-06-2011, 10:13 AM
Unconditional Love - motivating story
A story is told about a soldier who was finally coming home after having fought in Vietnam. He called his parents from San Francisco.
"Mom and Dad, I'm coming home, but I've a favor to ask. I have a friend I'd like to bring home with me."
"Sure," they replied, "we'd love to meet him."
"There's something you should know the son continued, "he was hurt pretty badly in the fighting. He stepped on a land mind and lost an arm and a leg. He has nowhere else to go, and I want him to come live with us."
Friends are a very rare jewel, indeed. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed They lend an ear, they share a word of praise, and they always want to open their hearts to us.
anjaan
26-06-2011, 10:14 AM
DETERMINATON
In 1883, a creative engineer named John Roebling was inspired by an idea to build a spectacular bridge connecting New York with the Long Island. However bridge building experts throughout the world thought that this was an impossible feat and told Roebling to forget the idea. It just could not be done. It was not practical. It had never been done before.
Roebling could not ignore the vision he had in his mind of this bridge. He thought about it all the time and he knew deep in his heart that it could be done. He just had to share the dream with someone else. After much discussion and persuasion he managed to convince his son Washington, an up and coming engineer, that the bridge in fact could be built.
Working together for the first time, the father and son developed concepts of how it could be accomplished and how the obstacles could be overcome. With great excitement and inspiration, and the headiness of a wild challenge before them, they hired their crew and began to build their dream bridge.
The project started well, but when it was only a few months underway a tragic accident on the site took the life of John Roebling. Washington was injured and left with a certain amount of brain damage, which resulted in him not being able to walk or talk or even move.
"We told them so."
"Crazy men and their crazy dreams."
"It`s foolish to chase wild visions."
Everyone had a negative comment to make and felt that the project should be scrapped since the Roeblings were the only ones who knew how the bridge could be built. In spite of his handicap Washington was never discouraged and still had a burning desire to complete the bridge and his mind was still as sharp as ever.
He tried to inspire and pass on his enthusiasm to some of his friends, but they were too daunted by the task. As he lay on his bed in his hospital room, with the sunlight streaming through the windows, a gentle breeze blew the flimsy white curtains apart and he was able to see the sky and the tops of the trees outside for just a moment.
It seemed that there was a message for him not to give up. Suddenly an idea hit him. All he could do was move one finger and he decided to make the best use of it. By moving this, he slowly developed a code of communication with his wife.
He touched his wife's arm with that finger, indicating to her that he wanted her to call the engineers again. Then he used the same method of tapping her arm to tell the engineers what to do. It seemed foolish but the project was under way again.
For 13 years Washington tapped out his instructions with his finger on his wife's arm, until the bridge was finally completed. Today the spectacular Brooklyn Bridge stands in all its glory as a tribute to the triumph of one man's indomitable spirit and his determination not to be defeated by circumstances. It is also a tribute to the engineers and their team work, and to their faith in a man who was considered mad by half the world. It stands too as a tangible monument to the love and devotion of his wife who for 13 long years patiently decoded the messages of her husband and told the engineers what to do.
Perhaps this is one of the best examples of a never-say-die attitude that overcomes a terrible physical handicap and achieves an impossible goal.
Often when we face obstacles in our day-to-day life, our hurdles seem very small in comparison to what many others have to face. The Brooklyn Bridge shows us that dreams that seem impossible can be realised with determination and persistence, no matter what the odds are.
Even the most distant dream can be realized with determination and persistence.
anjaan
26-06-2011, 10:14 AM
The Window" (Author unknown)
Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room. One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour a day to drain the fluids from his lungs. His bed was next to the room's only window. The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back.
The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation. And every afternoon when the man in the bed next to the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.
The man in the other bed would live for those one-hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the outside world. The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake, the man had said. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Lovers walked arm in arm amid flowers of every color of the rainbow. Grand old trees graced the landscape, and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance. As the man by the window described all this in exquisite detail, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine the picturesque scene.
One warm afternoon the man by the window described a parade passing by. Although the other man could not hear the band, he could see it in his mind's eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words. Unexpectedly, an alien thought entered his head: Why should hehave all the pleasure of seeing everything while I never get to see anything? It didn't seem fair. As the thought fermented, the man felt ashamed at first. But as the days passed and he missed seeing more sights, his envy eroded into resentment and soon turned him sour. He began to brood and found himself unable to sleep. He should be by that window - and that thought now controlled his life.
Late one night, as he lay staring at the ceiling, the man by the window began to cough. He was choking on the fluid in his lungs. The other man watched in the dimly lit room as the struggling man by the window groped for the button to call for help. Listening from across the room, he never moved, never pushed his own button which would have brought the nurse running. In less than five minutes, the coughing and choking stopped, along with the sound of breathing. Now, there was only silence--deathly silence.
The following morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths. When she found the lifeless body of the man by the window, she was saddened and called the hospital attendant to take it away--no words, no fuss. As soon as it seemed appropriate, the man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.
Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look. Finally, he would have the joy of seeing it all himself. He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside the bed. It faced a blank wall.
Moral of the story:
The pursuit of happiness is a matter of choice...it is a positive attitude we consciously choose to express. It is not a gift that gets delivered to our doorstep each morning, nor does it come through the window. And I am certain that our circumstances are just a small part of what makes us joyful. If we wait for them to get just right, we will never find lasting joy.
The pursuit of happiness is an inward journey. Our minds are like programs, awaiting the code that will determine behaviors; like bank vaults awaiting our deposits. If we regularly deposit positive, encouraging, and uplifting thoughts, if we continue to bite our lips just before we begin to grumble and complain, if we shoot down that seemingly harmless negative thought as it germinates, we will find that there is much to rejoice about.
anjaan
26-06-2011, 10:15 AM
GENEROSITY
Mahatma Gandhi went from city to city, village to village collecting funds for the Charkha Sangh. During one of his tours he addressed a meeting in Orissa. After his speech a poor old woman got up. She was bent with age, her hair was grey and her clothes were in tatters. The volunteers tried to stop her, but she fought her way to the place where Gandhiji was sitting. "I must see him," she insisted and going up to Gandhiji touched his feet. Then from the folds of her sari she brought out a copper coin and placed it at his feet. Gandhiji picked up the copper coin and put it away carefully. The Charkha Sangh funds were under the charge of Jamnalal Bajaj. He asked Gandhiji for the coin but Gandhiji refused. "I keep cheques worth thousands of rupees for the Charkha Sangh," Jamnalal Bajaj said laughingly "yet you won't trust me with a copper coin." "This copper coin is worth much more than those thousands," Gandhiji said. "If a man has several lakhs and he gives away a thousand or two, it doesn't mean much. But this coin was perhaps all that the poor woman possessed. She gave me all she had. That was very generous of her. What a great sacrifice she made. That is why I value this copper coin more than a crore of rupees."
anjaan
26-06-2011, 10:15 AM
Touching life story.....
A young man was getting ready to graduate college. For
many months he had admired a beautiful sports car in a dealer's
showroom, and knowing his father could well afford it, he told
him that was all he wanted.
As Graduation Day approached, the young man awaited
signs that his father had purchased the car. Finally, on the
morning of his graduation his father called him into his private
study. His father told him how proud he was to have such a fine
son, and told him how much he loved him. He handed his son
a beautiful wrapped gift box.
Curious, but somewhat disappointed the young man
opened the box and found a lovely, leather-bound Bible. Angrily,
he raised his voice at his father and said, "With all your money you
give me a Bible?" and stormed out of the house, leaving the holy
book.
Many years passed and the young man was very successful in
business.
He had a beautiful home and wonderful family, but realized his
father was very old, and thought perhaps he should go to him. He
had not seen him since that graduation day. Before he could make
arrangements, he received a telegram telling him his father had
passed away, and willed all of his possessions to his son. He
needed to come home immediately and take care things.
When he arrived at his father's house, sudden sadness and
regret filled his heart.
He began to search his father's important papers and
saw the still new Bible, just as he had left it years ago. With
tears, he opened the Bible and began to turn the pages. As he
read those words, a car key dropped from an envelope
taped behind the Bible.
It had a tag with the dealer's name, the same dealer who had the
sports car he had desired. On the tag was the date of his graduation,
and the words...PAID IN FULL.
How many times do we miss God's blessings because they are not
packaged as we expected?
anjaan
26-06-2011, 10:16 AM
DON'T WE ALL
I was parked in front of the mall wiping off my car. I had just come
from the car wash and was waiting for my wife to get out of work.
Coming my way from across the parking lot was what society would
consider a bum.
From the looks of him, he had no car, no home, no clean clothes, and no
money. There are times when you feel generous but there are other times
that you just don't want to be bothered. This was one of those "don't
want to be bothered times."
"I hope he doesn't ask me for any money," I thought.
He didn't.
He came and sat on the curb in front of the bus stop but he didn't look
like he could have enough money to even ride the bus.
After a few minutes he spoke.
"That's a very pretty car," he said.
He was ragged but he had an air of dignity around him. His scraggly
blond beard keep more than his face warm.
I said, "thanks," and continued wiping off my car.
He sat there quietly as I worked. The expected plea for money never
came.
As the silence between us widened something inside said, "ask him if
he needs any help." I was sure that he would say "yes" but I held true
to the inner voice.
"Do you need any help?" I asked.
He answered in three simple but profound words that I shall never forget.
We often look for wisdom in great men and women. We expect it from
those of higher learning and accomplishments.
I expected nothing but an
outstretched grimy hand. He spoke the three words that shook me.
"Don't we all?" he said.
I was feeling high and mighty, successful and important, above a bum
in the street, until those three words hit me like a twelve gauge
shotgun.
Don't we all?
I needed help. Maybe not for bus fare or a place to sleep, but I
needed help. I reached in my wallet and gave him not only enough for bus
fare, but enough to get a warm meal and shelter for the day. Those
three little words still ring true. No matter how much you have, no matter
how much you have accomplished, you need help too. No matter how little you
have, no matter how loaded you are with problems, even without money or
a place to sleep, you can give help.
Even if it's just a compliment, you can give that.
You never know when you may see someone that appears to have it all.
They are waiting on you to give them what they don't have. A different
perspective on life, a glimpse at something beautiful, a respite from
daily chaos, that only you through a torn world can see.
Maybe the man was just a homeless stranger wandering the streets. Maybe
he was more than that.
Maybe he was sent by a power that is great and
wise, to minister to a soul too comfortable in themselves.
Maybe God looked down, called an Angel, dressed him like a bum, then said, "go minister to that man cleaning the car, that man needs help."
Don't we all?
anjaan
26-06-2011, 10:16 AM
FRIENDSHIP AND LOVE
Love starts with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear.
Don't cry over anyone who won't cry over you.
Good friends are hard to find, harder to leave, and impossible to forget.
You can only go as far as you push.
Actions speak louder than words.
The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love somebody else.
Don't let the past hold you back; you're missing the good stuff.
Life's short. If you don't look around once in a while, you might miss it.
A best friend is like a four leaf clover: hard to find and lucky to have.
If you think that the world means nothing, think again. You might mean the world to someone else.
When it hurts to look back, and you're scared to look ahead, you can look beside you and your best friend will be there
True friendship never ends.
Friends are forever.
Good friends are like stars....You don't always see them, but you know they are always there.
Don't frown. You never know who is falling in love with your smile.
What do you do when the only person who can make you stop crying is the person who made you cry?
NOBODY IS PERFECT UNTIL YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH THEM. (Isn't that the truth?)
Everything is okay in the end. If it's not okay, then it's not the end.
Most people walk in and out of you life. But only True friends leave footprints in your heart.
Send this on to everyone special in your life, even the people who really make you mad sometimes. Whether we realize it or not, everyone we know is very special to us.
When we look back on our younger years, we will remember the people who went to school with us, the people who made us laugh, the people who hung out with us when nobody else would, and the people who made our lives much better simply by being a part of it.
There may be somebody who is thinking about you RIGHT NOW and wishing that you were around. That's the wonderful thing about friendship-you always feel loved and cared about.
The most important thing to remember is... Always appreciate the friends that you have.
A fight may come and go very easily, but a friendship could last forever.
For every second spent in anger, a minute of happiness is wasted. So send this to your friends and let them know that you care.
anjaan
26-06-2011, 10:17 AM
THE BRICK
About ten years ago, a young and very successful executive named Josh was traveling down a Chicago neighborhood street. He was going a bit too fast in his sleek, black, 12 cylinder Jaguar XKE, which was only two months old.
He was watching for kids darting out from between parked cars and slowed down when he thought he saw something. As his car passed, no child darted out, but a brick sailed out and - WHUMP! - it smashed Into the Jag's shiny black side door! SCREECH..!!!! Brakes slammed! Gears ground into reverse, and tires madly spun the Jaguar back to the spot from where the brick had been thrown. Josh jumped out of the car, grabbed the kid and pushed him up against a parked car. He shouted at the kid, "What was that all about and who are you? Just what the heck are you doing?!" Building up a head of steam, he went on. "That's my new Jag, that brick you threw is gonna cost you a lot of money. Why did you throw it?"
"Please, mister, please. . . I'm sorry! I didn't know what else to do!" Pleaded the youngster. "I threw the brick because no one else would stop!" Tears were dripping down the boy's chin as he pointed around the parked car. "It's my brother, mister," he said. "He rolled off the curb and fell out of his wheelchair and I can't lift him up." Sobbing, the boy asked the executive, "Would you please help me get him back into his wheelchair? He's hurt and he's too heavy for me."
Moved beyond words, the young executive tried desperately to swallow the rapidly swelling lump in his throat. Straining, he lifted the young man back into the wheelchair and took out his handkerchief and wiped the scrapes and cuts, checking to see that everything was going to be OK. He then watched the younger brother push him down the sidewalk toward their home.
It was a long walk back to the sleek, black, shining, 12 cylinder Jaguar XKE -a long and slow walk. Josh never did fix the side door of his Jaguar. He kept the dent to remind him not to go through life so fast that someone has to throw a brick at him to get his attention. . . Some bricks are softer than others. Feel for the bricks of life coming at to you. For all the negative things we have to say to ourselves, God has positive answers.
anjaan
26-06-2011, 10:18 AM
BUTTERFLY
A man found a cocoon of a butterfly. One day a small opening appeared. He sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through that little hole. Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could, and it could go no further.
So the man decided to help the butterfly. He took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon.
The butterfly then emerged easily. But it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings.
The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body, which would contract in time.
Neither happened! In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings. It never was able to fly.
What the man, in his kindness and haste, did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening were God's way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.
Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our lives. If God allowed us to go through our lives without any obstacles, it would cripple us.
We would not be as strong as what we could have been. We could never fly!
I asked for Strength.........
And God gave me Difficulties to make me strong.
I asked for Wisdom.........
And God gave me Problems to solve.
I asked for Prosperity.........
And God gave me Brain and Brawn to work.
I asked for Courage.........
And God gave me Danger to overcome.
I asked for Love.........
And God gave me Troubled people to help.
I asked for Favors.........
And God gave me Opportunities.
I received nothing I wanted ........
I received everything I needed!
Trust in God. Always !
anjaan
26-06-2011, 10:18 AM
THE OBSTACLE IN OUR PATH
In ancient times, a king had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the king's wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it.
Many loudly blamed the king for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the big stone out of the way. Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. On approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. As the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the king indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The peasant learned what many others never understand.
Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve one's condition.
anjaan
26-06-2011, 10:18 AM
Value
A well known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $20 bill. In the room of 200, he asked, "Who would like this $20 bill?"
Hands started going up.
He said, "I am going to give this $20 to one of you but first, let me do this." He proceeded to crumple the dollar bill up.
He then asked, "Who still wants it?"
Still the hands were up in the air.
"Well," he replied, "What if I do this?" And he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe.
He picked it up, now all crumpled and dirty. "Now who still wants it?" Still the hands went into the air.
"My friends, you have all learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth $20.
Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way.
We feel as though we are worthless. But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value. You are special - Don't ever forget it!
anjaan
26-06-2011, 10:19 AM
You don't actually have to take the quiz. Just read straight through, and you'll get the point, an awesome one. .....
Take this quiz:
1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.
2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.
3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America contest.
4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.
5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best actor actress.
6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners.
How did you do?
The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. These are
no second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields.
But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten.
Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.
Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one:
1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.
2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.
3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.
4. Think of a few people who have made you feel, appreciated and special.
5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.
6. Name half a dozen heroes whose stories have inspired you. Easier?
The lesson: The people who make a difference in your life are not
the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards. They are the ones that care.
Pass this on to those people who have made a difference in your life.
anjaan
26-06-2011, 10:20 AM
Life Still Has A Meaning
If there is a future there is time for mending-
Time to see your troubles coming to an ending.
Life is never hopeless however great your sorrow-
If you're looking forward to a new tomorrow.
If there is time for wishing then there is time for hoping-
When through doubt and darkness you are blindly groping.
Though the heart be heavy and hurt you may be feeling-
If there is time for praying there is time for healing.
So if through your window there is a new day breaking-
Thank God for the promise, though mind and soul be aching,
If with harvest over there is grain enough for gleaning-
There is a new tomorrow and life still has meaning.
anjaan
26-06-2011, 10:37 AM
http://myhindiforum.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=11288&stc=1&d=1309066635
ndhebar
26-06-2011, 10:45 AM
अनजान भाई इस पत्र को पढ़ने के लिए तो उसी को बुलाना पड़ेगा जिसने इसे लिखा है
भाई हमारी आँखें तो इसे पढ़ने में अक्षम है
naman.a
26-06-2011, 11:00 AM
अनजान भाई इस पत्र को पढ़ने के लिए तो उसी को बुलाना पड़ेगा जिसने इसे लिखा है
भाई हमारी आँखें तो इसे पढ़ने में अक्षम है
इतने भी छोटे अक्षर नही है निशांत भाई ।
abhisays
26-07-2011, 11:34 PM
Put the glass down!
A professor began his class by holding up a glass with some water in it. He held it up for all to see and asked the students,' How much do you think this glass weighs?'
'50gms!'.... '100gms!'.....'125gms'...the students answered.
What would happen if I held it up like this for a few minutes?
'Nothing' the students said.
'Ok what would happen if I held it up like this for an hour?' the professor asked.
'Your arm would begin to ache' said one of the students.
You're right, now what would happen if I held it for a day?'
'Your arm could go numb, you might have severe muscle stress and paralysis and have to go to hospital for sure!' ventured another student and all the students laughed.
'Very good. But during all this, did the weight of the glass change?’ asked the professor.
'No'
'Then what caused the arm ache and the muscle stress?'
'Put the glass down!' said one of the students.
'Exactly!' said the professor.' Life's problems are something like this.Hold it for a few minutes in your head and they seem OK. Think of them for a long time & they begin to ache. Hold it even longer and they begin to paralyze you.'
It's important to think of the challenges (problems) in your life, but EVEN more important to 'put them down' at the end of every day before you go to sleep. That way, you are not stressed, you wake up every day fresh and strong & can handle any issue, any challenge that comes your way!
So, when you leave office today, remember to 'PUT THE GLASS DOWN TODAY!'
abhisays
17-09-2011, 11:36 PM
Namaste,
You might have read this before in your email, but I found it in mine and thought it was worth sharing with you all..
---------- Original Email ---------
Dear All,
This letter has been written by an Indian who is still an Indian by heart, hoping to make other Indians and non Indians understand 'us' better.
I remember in March 1993, when the skyline of Bombay was almost blown off with a series of bomb
blast...bombs went off at the Bombay Stock Exchange building, Air India building, Musjid Bunder, a bus
near Passport Office, a building near Poonam Chambers, Plaza cinema hall at Dadar, Centaur Hotel Juhu
and Sea Rock Hotel at Bandra ... to name a few. Thousands lost their lives, thousand others were
wounded and the poor became poorer still. We all knew who had done it but were asked by the 'powerful'
nations to retrain ourselves and not come to conclusions so fast. To rise above the situation and
carry on the teachings of our great leaders of the past like Gandhiji. And so, terrorist likes Dawood
and Tiger Memon were allowed to escape to Pakistan and flourish. The world carried on and no one
bothered.
A few years later Pakistan once again was at war with us. The Kargil War will be remembered for many
years by those Indians who lived with the fear of not knowing what will happen next. Horror stories of
any war are exactly what it says it is... horrifying! Once again we had great countries like the US
telling us to work for peace and that quick fix solutions or an eye for an eye is not the right
answer. When documents were produced stating that France continues to sell arms to Pakistan , no
embargo, no sanctions but "good advise' was given. We were reminded that we were the world's largest
Democracy and hence should be the big sister to a nation who in fact is a day older than us!
December 1999, Christmas time, the whole world was celebrating the end of the century and the
beginning to a new millennium, but many Indians were watching the news on television for any news on
those near and dear ones who were hijacked and suffering in the "cold' land of Khandahar. No help from
any nation.... The world has no solutions for India! India once again fends for herself. She cries out
to put a stop to terrorism that is rampantly increasing in neighboring Pakistan but what did the great
nations profess... show them the other cheek like Jesus Christ told us to do!
When, out of desperation, India carried out the Pokhrain II nuclear test, the whole world condemned
us, US sanctions were the first to be implemented. Pakistan was given as much support as required.
India was firmly told to cool down!
India has time and again spoken up for terrorism. The same country which has for centuries been far
ahead of the western world in its way of thinking .... almost like a mother who bears all the
sufferings and yet is the first to forget and forgive....
Isn't it ironical that the big bully who did not think twice before the Pearl Habour bombing, raced to
wipe out Vietnam, eagerly instigated the Palestines, time and again reminded their next generation
that they should fight for justice turns face about when it comes to their country?
America, the country who finds it difficult to swallow the same bitter pill, the DEVELOPED NATION who
had no clue of what was going to happen to them on a Tuesday morning, who had no inkling of events to
unfold..... the same country who has all along just given us lip service got full support from India
in its time of need , a country who has helped the US grow by letting the cream de la cream work in
their country... India stood by a nation in its time of need. India, you are a great country. You are
indeed sare jaha se acha.
I am proud to be an Indian. Are You?
Jai Hind!
abhisays
17-09-2011, 11:40 PM
Please try this one, quite interesting…
MATHS MAGIC…………..
259 x your age x 39 = ?
13837 X your age x 73 = ?
Just try it
YOU will get an Interesting answer
abhisays
17-09-2011, 11:47 PM
A wise man once sat in the audience & cracked a joke.
All laughed like crazy. After a moment, he cracked the same joke again and a little less people laughed this time.
He cracked the same joke again & again, when there was no laughter in the crowd, he smiled and said, “When u can’t laugh on the same joke again & again, then why do u keep crying over the same thing over and over again”
‘Forget the past & move on’
malethia
17-09-2011, 11:47 PM
please try this one, quite interesting…
maths magic…………..
259 x your age x 39 = ?
13837 x your age x 73 = ?
Just try it
you will get an interesting answer
ये तो बार बार एक ही बात दर्शाता है ,
कृपया महिलायें इसका प्रयोग न करें..............
abhisays
18-09-2011, 10:11 AM
Stephen Covey's Seven Habits of Highly Effective People
Habit 1 - be proactive
This is the ability to control one's environment, rather than have it control you, as is so often the case. Self determination, choice, and the power to decide response to stimulus, conditions and circumstances
Habit 2 - begin with the end in mind
Covey calls this the habit of personal leadership - leading oneself that is, towards what you consider your aims. By developing the habit of concentrating on relevant activities you will build a platform to avoid distractions and become more productive and successful.
Habit 3 - put first things first
Covey calls this the habit of personal management. This is about organising and implementing activities in line with the aims established in habit 2. Covey says that habit 2 is the first, or mental creation; habit 3 is the second, or physical creation. (See the section on time management.)
Habit 4 - think win-win
Covey calls this the habit of interpersonal leadership, necessary because achievements are largely dependent on co-operative efforts with others. He says that win-win is based on the assumption that there is plenty for everyone, and that success follows a co-operative approach more naturally than the confrontation of win-or-lose.
Habit 5 - seek first to understand and then to be understood
One of the great maxims of the modern age. This is Covey's habit of communication, and it's extremely powerful. Covey helps to explain this in his simple analogy 'diagnose before you prescribe'. Simple and effective, and essential for developing and maintaining positive relationships in all aspects of life. (See the associated sections on Empathy, Transactional Analysis, and the Johari Window.)
Habit 6 - synergize
Covey says this is the habit of creative co-operation - the principle that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts, which implicitly lays down the challenge to see the good and potential in the other person's contribution.
Habit 7 - sharpen the saw
This is the habit of self renewal, says Covey, and it necessarily surrounds all the other habits, enabling and encouraging them to happen and grow. Covey interprets the self into four parts: the spiritual, mental, physical and the social/emotional, which all need feeding and developing.
abhisays
18-09-2011, 10:11 AM
GOD gives beyond our expectations - An Inspirational story
Once a boy went to a shop with his mother. The shop keeper looked at the small cute child and showed him a bottle with sweets
and said 'Dear Child..u can take the sweets...
But the child didnt take. The shop keeper was surprised.. such a small child he is and why is he not taking the sweets from the bottle. Again he said take the sweets....
Now the mother also heard that and said.. take the sweets dear.. Yet he didnt take... The shopkeeper seeing the child not taking the sweets... he himself took the sweets and gave to the child. The child was happy to get two hands full of sweets.
While returning home the Mother asked the child... Why didnt you take the sweets, when the shop keeper told you to take?..
Can you guess the response: Child replies... Mom! my hands are very small and if i take the sweets i can only take few.. but now you see when uncle gave with his big hands.... how many more sweets i got!
Moral: When we take we may get little but when God gives... HE gives us more beyond our expectations... more than what we can hold..!!
abhisays
18-09-2011, 10:11 AM
Think out of the Box - An inspiration story
You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night, it's raining heavily, when suddenly you pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for a bus:
1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
2. An old friend who once saved your life.
3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.
Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing very well that
there could only be one passenger in your car?
Think before you continue reading...
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This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application.
1. You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first;
2. or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to ! pay him back.
3. However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again.
The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer. Guess what was his answer?
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He simply answered:
"I would give the car keys to my Old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams."
Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations. Never forget to "Think Out of the Box."
abhisays
18-09-2011, 10:12 AM
The Gift of TIME - A MUST READ
Imagine there is a bank which credits your account each morning with
$86,400. It carries over no balance from day to day, allows you to keep
no cash balance, and every evening cancels whatever part of the amount
you had failed to use during the day.
What would you do? Draw out every cent, of course! Well, everyone
has Such a bank. Its name is TIME. Every morning, it credits you with
86,400 seconds. Every night it writes off, as lost, whatever of this you
have failed to invest to good purpose.
It carries over no balance.
It allows no overdraft.
Each day it opens a new account for you.
Each night it burns the remains of the day.
If you fail to use the day's deposits, the loss is yours.
There is no going back. There is no drawing against the "tomorrow". You
must live in the present on today's deposits. Invest it so as to get from
it the utmost in health, happiness and success!
The clock is running. Make the most of today.
To realize the value of ONE YEAR, ask a student who has failed a grade.
To realize the value of ONE MONTH, ask a mother who has given birth to a
premature baby.
To realize the value of ONE WEEK, ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.
To realize the value of ONE DAY, ask a daily wage laborer who has kids to
feed.
To realize the value of ONE HOUR, ask the lovers who are waiting to meet.
To realize the value of ONE MINUTE, ask a person who has missed the train.
THE GIFT OF TIME
To realize the value of ONE SECOND, ask a person who has avoided an
accident.
To realize the value of ONE MILLISECOND, ask the person who has won a
silver medal in the Olympics.
Treasure every moment that you have! And treasure it more because you
shared it with someone special, special enough to have your time . . .
And remember time waits for no one . . .
Yesterday is history.
Tomorrow a mystery.
Today is a gift.
That's why it's called the present!
abhisays
18-09-2011, 10:12 AM
Short Stories ....but .....BIG morals
A child told the mother: “Mum you are very beautiful today.”
Replied the mother : “Why?”
The child said : “ Because you did not get angry today .”
Moral of the story:
1. It is easy to possess beauty:- do not get angry.
2. Anger is temporary madness.
A man attended an interview for a job.
Along the corridor, he picked up a piece and threw it into a dustbin.
The interviewer passed by and saw it.
This man got the job.
Moral of the story:
Live with good habits, and you will be recognised.
A small boy worked as an apprentice in a bicycle shop.
A man sent a bicycle for repair.
After repairing the bicycle, this boy cleaned up the bicycle and it looked like a new one.
Other apprentices laughed at him for doing redundant work.
The second day after the owner claimed the bicycle back, this boy was pinched and offered a job.
Moral of the story :
1.Go the extra mile to be successful.
2. Doing more gains more & Doing less loses more.
The owner of a farm asked his child to work everyday at the farm.
His friend said to him : “ You do not have to make your son work so hard. The crops would grow just as good.”
Owner of the farm replied: “ I am not cultivating my crops, but my child.”
Moral of the story:
1. A simple way to groom a child is to let him experience some hardships.
2. If not cut, jade would not turn into useful ware.
A shop is always brightly lit up.
Someone asked : “What brand of bulb are you using ? It is so lasting.”
The shop owner replied : “Our bulbs blew out frequently. We replaced them once a bulb blew out.”
Moral of the story:
1. It is simple to maintain brightness , change the bulbs regularly.
2. To brightening up everyday life : Endeavour to abandon unwholesome states of mind and make an effort to encourage wholesome states to grow.
abhisays
18-09-2011, 10:14 AM
Best Moments in Life
Here are Best Moments in Life:
1. Giving the 1st month salary to your parents with care.
2. Thinking your love with tears.
3. Looking old photos & smiling.
4. Thinking your past school and college days.
5. A sweet & emotional chat with friends
6. Finding money in old dress when needed.
7. Holding hands with your loved ones for a walk.
8. Getting a hug from one who cares you.
9. 1st kiss to your child when he /she born.
10. The moments when your eyes are filled with tears after a big laugh.
abhisays
18-09-2011, 10:15 AM
Does Love Need Reason?
Once a lady when having a conversation with her lover, asked:
Lady : Why do you like me..? Why do you love me?
Man : I can t tell the reason.. but I really like you..
Lady : You can t even tell me the reason... how can you say you like me? How can you say you love me?
Man : I really don t know the reason, but I can prove that I loveU.
Lady : Proof? No! I want you to tell me the reason. My friend's boyfriend can tell her why he loves her but not you!
Man : Ok..ok!!! Erm... because you are beautiful,
because your voice is sweet,
because you are caring,
because you are loving,
because you are thoughtful,
because of your smile,
because of your every movements.
The lady felt very satisfied with the man s answer.
Unfortunately, a few days later, the Lady met with an accident and went in comma.
The Guy then placed a letter by her side, and here is the content:
Darling,
Because of your sweet voice that I love you...
Now can you talk? No! Therefore I cannot love you.
Because of your care and concern that I like you..
Now that you cannot show them, therefore I cannot love you.
Because of your smile,
because of your every movements that I love you..
Now can you smile? Now can you move?
No, therefore I cannot love you...
If love needs a reason, like now,
There is no reason for me to love you anymore.
Does love need a reason? NO!
Therefore, I still love you...
abhisays
18-09-2011, 10:16 AM
Best, Hardest, Greatest things
The best day - Today
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Hardest thing to do - To begin
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The greatest handicap -Fear
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Easiest thing to do - Finding faults
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Most useless asset - Pride
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Most useful asset - Humility
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The Greatest Mistake - Giving Up
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The Greatest Stumbling Block - Egotism
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The Greatest Comfort - Work Well done
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Most disagreeable person - The complainer
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Worst Bankruptcy - Loss Of Enthusiasm
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Greatest Need - Common Sense
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Meanest Felling - Regret at another Success
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Best gift - Forgiveness
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The hardest & most painful to accept - Defeat
*******
The greatest knowledge - Experience
*******
The greatest thing - LOVE
*******
The greatest success in the world - PEACE OF MIND
*******
abhisays
18-09-2011, 10:18 AM
FAQ on Mumbaiya Language Slangs
A great thing about this language is that it's spoken universally through the whole of Bombay. However for Uppities or the college crowd its referred to as Binglish (for Bombay_English). It's, however, the same ! This list is perpetually incomplete since the evolution of this language can never possibly cease.
An FAQ about Bhindi / Binglish: Pronunciations are in brackets following the words.
Chava / Chavi - Actual meaning of a chava is a lion's cub.However, in Bhindi it would mean a Boyfriend/GirlFriend (normally the one that's steady). Chava, is also used to describe to a good looking chap or the normal stud in the locality. No, Chavi would still mean the steady one.
Chikna - Stands for any good looking fellow. Chikna actually means smooth. Chikni is the female version of the same word.
Dhapnya / Battery / double battery - Refers to a person wearing prescription glasses. Dhapnya is a marathi word. The Ghati way of saying this would be "bya-tree".
Chaayla ! - The original meaning is quiet demeaning. The contemporary meaning is so flexible that "Chaayla" can be used anywhere in a casual conversation. Pragmatically speaking this word doesnt have any meaning.
Haila ! - This originated from "Hai Allah !" but I don't think 99% of the users know about this. Haila would translate to "Oh God!"
Keeda / SulemaniKeeda - An absolute pest.
Jhakaas - Superb. Excellent.
Mandvali / Mandavli - Compromise.
Gangaram - For a barber. Gangaram is a guy's name. I guess some Gangaram must have played an immortal role in some play or movie for his name to stick on.
Chagan / Dhating / Hajaam - Hajaam in its true sense would mean a barber. It refers to anyone with a moronic intellect. I think the meaning of the word "Chagan" better be left unsaid.
Atrangi - One meaning of this word is similar to Hajaam. Atrangi also mean something extraordinary.
ChappanTikkli / Punter / Tapori / Shana - Roadside loafer. Tapori is among the most commonly used words in Bhindi.
Charsi / Fookda / Soootya - A smoker. Charas is exactly marijuana. Charasi would mean any guy who smokes though.
Raanti / Saand - A boisterous or an exceeding brash guy.
Bevada / Gutter / Taankee / Batli / JohnnyWalker - A Drunk. JohnnyWalker comes from either the actor by the name or the whiskey brand.
Rappak ( stress on "pp" ) - means Slap. ( eg. Kaan kay neechay rappak lagaoonga. )
Tapri - A road side shop.
Chotay - For any kid working in a Tapri. If the shop has more than one kid ... all would have to be Chotays.
Ramu - see "chotay"
Mava / (120 - 300) EkSauBees-TeenSau - This is a type of paan that you get here. 120 and 300 are the flavors of tabacco. Mava is everything that paan has without the betel-leaf. Terms also refer to the person who consumes it.
Manikchand - Manikchand is a famous brand of chewing tabacco. This term also stands for a person who consumes it.
Dhoop Chaav - Means Sun and Shade. Refers to the shops owned by the road side barbers who just have a rag for the Chaav and is obviously hole-ridden to let the Dhoop come in.
Chinese Gaadi - No ! this is not a Chinese make of an automobile!! Its the "Tapri" selling chinese food on the side of the road. You find one after every 10 meters. The best part is that all these Chinese Gaadis are red in color, have names like "Red Sun", "Red Dragon", "Fong's", or anything that sounds vaguely Chinese. The cook is normally a Nepali gurkha working as a night watchman in some nearby apartment complex. The only criteria to get a chef's job at a Chinese Gaadi is to have slanted eyes.
Mahim - Matunga / Vasai - Virar - This is a term used for squints. M-M and V-V are neighbouring localities in Bombay. The origin of this term is unknown.
Ghungroo Salmaan - This term is very new but catching on fast. Ghungroo refers to a curly haired guy. Salmaan (Khan) comes in the picture since the "Ghunroo Salmaan" fellow is obviously mistaking himself to be a Hindi film hero. It's used as a put-down.
Cutting - A little_more_than_half cup of Tea is a cutting. The Cutting concept would have been started by people who used to split a cup of tea between 2 people... and finally the tea vendor started selling half cup of tea and called it "cutting". A little_more_than_half is given to increase the patrons.
AndhaDhuni / Aadva-Patta - These are a cricketing terms. AadvaPatta comes from Pune, means "Cross batted shot". AndhaDhuni means "Blind shot". But nowadays these refer to any guy who doesn't bat well.
Mama / Maushi - Mama and Maushi translate to the maternal uncle and aunt. These words are thoroughly misused to get some work done. Normally used while speaking Marathi. Every other Marathi speaking street vendor would be a Mama or a Maushi.
Dada / Tai - Translate to elder brother or sister. Usage - see Mama / Maushi.
Uncle / Aunty - Usage similar to Mama/Maushi... just that this is used for the more sophisticated public. Normally with the Marathi ignorant.
Ghaati - Ghaatis are the residents of the hilly/rural regions of Maharashtra. In Bhindi, a Ghati would mean any person whose mother tongue is Marathi. It's quiet demeaning..... and thus heard more frequently.
Gujju / Ganda-Gujratis. The money men of Mumbai. These guys are easily spotted on the road - either in colorful shirts, embroidered trousers, against the mirror of a parked vehicle combing their hair, or something equally funny. These guys are the second largest community in Bombay after the Marathi-speaking people. Ganda acutally means mad. No need to explain why.
Madrasi - Madras is a place in the southern part of India. Madrasi refers to any guy from a place to the south of Maharashtra. Doesn't matter where he is from. If he is from Bangalore he is a Madrasi. If he is from Goa he is still a Madrasi. Doesn't matter. And the best part of being a Madrasi is that you are supposed to eat idli sambar for breakfast, lunch, AND dinner. And rasam-chaval is supposed to be the favourite dish.
Gulti - This is a fairly new term. Used for people from Andhra Pradesh. I don't have a clue about its origin or actual meaning.
According to a site visitor "well ... it is telugu ... say it Ulta .. anagram ... and u get gulti"
Bhaiya / Pandit - Any guy from UP / Bihar / MP / Delhi / Northern states is called a Bhaiya. Pandit is also used interchangeably but is mostly used for the guys at the Lassi/Doodh shops or for Panwallas.
Paapay / Papajee - A Sikh. Dont know what a paapay means. I am sure its not insulting or anything.
Bawa / Pestonjee - The Parsees. The most harmless. Jovial and great company. Definitely the most teased people on the Hindi silver screen. Every movie has to have at least one funny character called "Rustom" or "Pestonjee" who has to have a fat and an overtly boisterious wife. Incidently Parsees also are the most affluent and among the richest in the Indian community. Bombay is also called "ParseeSthan" since this is the place where you find most of them.
Cheena / Chapata / Nepali / Shaab-babu ( 'sh' as in 'huSH' )- Any slant-eyed guy is called Cheena or Nepali. Doesn't matter if he is from Kerala and some genetic disorder messed up his eye. He would still be a Nepali. The best part is many of the north eastern states and even West Bengal have people with slant eyes. However, if they happen to land in Bombay, they would be from Nepal. The Chinese/Japs/Koreans all fall in the same category. Shaab-babu comes from the fact that these Nepali gurkhas call every other person they see "Shaab-babu". I wouldn't be too surprised to find out that they call their parents that too.
Sai ( Saa-eeen - the second part is increasingly nasal ) - The Sindhis. The Partition-time migrants from Pakistan. If a Hindi movie doesn't have a Parsee... a Sindhi has to come at some point to lighten the spirits. These guys are known for all the Papads they consume.
Mia-bhai - The members of the Islamic faith.
Bong / Bonglababu / Babumoshai ( pronunciation should have maximum sounds of "O" as possible ) - for any Bangla.
Bambaiyya - Anything that relates to anything that even vaugely relates to Bombay. Bambaiyaa is something that every resident of Bombay would love to be called !
All toothpaste are called Colgate
All Tofee are called Choclate
All Choclates are called Cadbury
abhisays
18-09-2011, 10:19 AM
Why Ratan Tata's name is not on the billionaires list??
Why Ratan Tata's name is not on the billionaires list
Here is a Real Story of Ratan Tata:
So many people around the world want to know that "What is the Net Worth of Ratan Tata"?
TATA Group is running 96 businesses and out of which 28 Companies are publicly listed on the various stock exchanges.
Tata Group is world's top 50 Group according to Market capitalization and Reputation.
Have you ever thought why Ratan Tata's name is not in the list of billionaire' s club? why Ratan Tata is not a billionaire on the Forbes magazine list of billionaire people of the world?
The reason is that, TATA Group's 96 companies are held by its main Company "TATA Sons" and the main owner of this TATA Sons is not Ratan Tata but various charitable organizations developed and run by TATA Group.
Out of which JRD TATA Trust & Sir Ratan Tata Trust are the main. 65% ownership of TATA Sons which is the key holding company of the other 96 TATA Group Company is held by various charitable organizations.
So this 65% ownership ownership of Tata sons Limited is not reflected on Ratan Tata's personal Financial Statement but on the various charitable organizations. and this is the reason why Ratan Tata is not in the list
of Billionaire club..
if we put this 65% ownership of Tata Sons in Ratan Tata's own personal financial statement then Ratan Tata's Net worth can become more than $ 70 billion. and that's much more than the Warren Buffet's Current Net Worth of $ 62 billion, the world's richest person according to Forbes magazine 2008.
However, it doesn't mean that Ratan Tata is poor. In one interviews he had told the reporter that, "I have my own Capital". He is the chairman of Tata Group so obviously he earns lots of money every year as a bonus, remuneration and salary. However, Ratan Tata's Net worth is not $ 1 Billion.
He is not a billionaire on paper. but in reality he is the richest person of the world. His net worth in reality is more than Bill Gates and Warren Buffet
SO the good thing about Tata Group is that, They do Charity out of their Money...
And that is the reason TATA Group has generated so much of Goodwill over last 5 generations.
abhisays
18-09-2011, 10:20 AM
Balance sheet of your life
Your birth is your opening stock.
What comes in you is debit.
What goes out of you is credit.
Your ideas are your assets.
Your views are your liabilities.
Your happiness is your profit.
Your sorrow is your loss.
Your soul is your goodwill.
Your heart is your fixed assets.
Your duties are your outstanding expenses.
Your friendship is your hidden adjustment.
Your character is your capital.
Your knowledge is your investment.
Your patience is your interest.
Your mind is your bank balance.
Your bad thinking should be depreciated.
Your behaviour is your journal entry.
Your girl friend is your joint venture.
Your wife is your partner.
Your child is your admission of partner.
Your death is your closing stock.
abhisays
18-09-2011, 10:39 AM
http://myhindiforum.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=11691&stc=1&d=1316324344
abhisays
18-09-2011, 10:41 AM
The new Satyam nursery rhyme
Raju Raju sat on the wall
Raju Raju had a great fall
Balance sheet died
Shareholders cried
Raju Raju made a fraud
Raju Raju
Yes baba
Cheating us
No baba
Telling Lies
No baba
Open the balance sheet
HA HA HA
abhisays
18-09-2011, 10:41 AM
Ten Words For All
"The most selfish 1 letter "I"
Avoid It.
Most Satisfactory 2 letters "WE"
Use It.
Most Poisonous 3 letters "EGO"
Kill It.
Most used 4 letters "LOVE"
Value It.
Most Pleasing 5 letters "SMILE"
Keep It.
Fastest Spreading 6 letters "RUMOUR"
Ignore It.
Hard Working 7 letters "SUCCESS"
Achieve It.
Most Enviable 8 letters "JEALOUSY"
Distance It.
Most Essential 9 letters "PRINCIPLE"
Have It.
Most Divine 10 Letters "FRIENDSHIP"
Maintain It.
abhisays
18-09-2011, 10:45 AM
Life’s 50 little Instructions
1. Have a firm handshake.
2. Look people in the eye.
3. Sing in the shower.
4. Own a great stereo system.
5. If in a fight, hit first and hit hard.
6. Keep secrets.
7. Never give up on anybody. Miracles happen everyday.
8. Always accept an outstretched hand.
9. Be brave. Even if you’re not, pretend to be. No one can tell the difference.
10. Whistle.
11. Avoid sarcastic remarks.
12. Choose your life’s mate carefully. From this one decision will come per cent of all your happiness or misery.
13. Make it a habit to do nice things for people who will never find out.
14. Lend only those books you never care to see again.
15. Never deprive someone of hope; it might be all that they have.
16. When playing games with children, let them win.
17. Give people a second chance, but not a third.
18. Be romantic.
19. Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know.
20. Loosen up. Relax. Except for rare life-and-death matters, nothing is as important as it first seems.
21. Don’t allow the phone to interrupt important moments. It’s there for your convenience, not the caller’s.
22. Be a good loser.
23. Be a good winner.
24. Think twice before burdening a friend with a secret.
25. When someone hugs you, let them be the first to let go.
26. Be modest. A lot was accomplished before you were born.
27. Keep it simple.
28. Beware of the person who has nothing to lose.
29. Don’t burn bridges. You’ll be surprised how many times you have to cross the same river.
30. Live your life so that your epitaph could read, No Regrets
31. Be bold and courageous. When you look back on life, you’ll regret the things you didn’t do more than the one’s you did.
32. Never waste an opportunity to tell someone you love them.
33. Remember no one makes it alone. Have a grateful heart and be quick to acknowledge those who helped you.
34. Take charge of your attitude. Don’t let someone else choose it for you.
35. Visit friends and relatives when they are in hospital; you need to stay only a few minutes.
36. Begin each day with some of your favorite music.
37. Once in a while, take the scenic route.
38. Send a lot of Valentine cards. Sign them, ‘Someone who thinks you’re terrific.’
39. Answer the phone with enthusiasm and energy in your voice.
40. Keep a note pad and pencil on your bed-side table. Million- dollar ideas sometimes strike at 3 a.m.
41. Show respect for everyone who works for a living, regardless of how trivial their job.
42. Send your loved ones flowers. Think of a reason later.
43. Make someone’s day by paying the toll for the person in the car behind you.
44. Become someone’s hero.
45. Marry only for love.
46. Count your blessings.
47. Compliment the meal when you’re a guest in someone’s home.
48. Wave at the children on a school bus.
49. Remember that 80 per cent of the success in any job is based on your ability to deal with people.
50. Don’t expect life to be fair.
abhisays
18-09-2011, 10:46 AM
cL9Wu2kWwSY
abhisays
18-09-2011, 10:47 AM
A essay on poor family by a rich girl
1 Ameer Larki Ko School Mein
Gharib Family Pe Essay Likhnay Ko Kaha Gaya
ESSAY:
1 Gharib Khandaan Tha
Baap Gharib
Maa Gharib
Bachay Gharib
Khandaan Mai 4 Naukar Thay
Wo B Gharib
Car B Tooti Hui Safari Thi
Unka Gharib Driver Bachon Ko
Osi Tooti Car Mai School Chhor K Aata Tha
Bachon K Pas Puranay N95i Mobile Thay
Bache Hufte Mai Sirf 3 Bar Hi Chicken Khatay Thay
Ghar Mai Sirf 4 2nd Hand A.C Thay
Sara Khandaan Bari Mushkil Se Aish Kar Rha Tha..
abhisays
18-09-2011, 10:59 AM
"Kya aap paachvi paas se tez hai "...
IF
1 = 5
2 = 25
3 = 125
4 = 625
5 = ?
Please think twice before scrolling
------------------------------------------------------
------------------------------------------------------
------------------------------------------------------
------------------------------------------------------
Answer = 1
REMEMBER THE FIRST LINE.
1 = 5
MORAL OF THE PROBLEM:
DON'T COMPLICATE SIMPLE PROBLEMS IN LIFE
abhisays
18-09-2011, 11:21 AM
Don't copy if you can't paste!
A popular motivational speaker was entertaining his audience.
Said he: "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife!"
The audience was in silence and shock.
The speaker added: "And that woman was my mother!"
Laughter and applause.
A week later, a top manager trained by the motivational speaker tried to crack this very effective joke at home. He was a bit foggy after a drink.
He said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!"
The wife went wan with shock and rage.
Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the manager finally blurted out "... and I can't remember who she was!"
Moral of the story: Don't copy if you can't paste!
abhisays
18-09-2011, 11:21 AM
ONE BEDROOM FLAT... WRITTEN BY AN INDIAN SOFTWARE ENGINEER...- A Bitter Reality
ONE BEDROOM FLAT... WRITTEN BY AN INDIAN SOFTWARE ENGINEER...- A Bitter Reality
As the dream of most parents I had acquired a degree in Software Engineering and joined a company based in USA, the land of braves and opportunity.
When I arrived in the USA, it was as if a dream had come true. Here at last I was in the place where I want to be. I decided I would be staying in this country for about Five years in which time I would have earned enough money to settle down in India.
My father was a government employee and after his retirement, the only asset he could acquire was a decent one bedroom flat.
I wanted to do something more than him. I started feeling homesick and lonely as the time passed. I used to call home and speak to my parents every week using cheap international phone cards. Two years passed, two years of Burgers at McDonald's and pizzas and discos and 2 years watching the foreign exchange rate getting happy whenever the Rupee value went down.
Finally I decided to get married. I told my parents that I have only 10 days of holidays and everything must be done within these 10 days. I got my ticket booked in the cheapest flight. Was jubilant and was actually enjoying hopping for gifts for all my friends back home.? If I miss anyone then there will be talks. After reaching home I spent home one week going through all the photographs of girls and as the time was getting shorter I was forced to select one candidate.
In-laws told me, to my surprise, that I would have to get married in 2-3 days, as I will not get anymore holidays. After the marriage, it was time to return to USA, after giving some money to my parents and telling the neighbours to look after them, we returned to USA.
My wife enjoyed this country for about two months and then she started feeling lonely. The frequency of calling India increased to twice in a week sometimes 3 times a week. Our savings started diminishing.
After two more years we started to have kids. Two lovely kids, a boy and a girl, were gifted to us by the almighty. Every time I spoke to my parents, they asked me to come to India so that they can see their grand-children.
Every year I decide to go to India. But part work part monetary conditions prevented it. Years went by and visiting India was a distant dream. Then suddenly one day I got a message that my parents were seriously sick. I tried but I couldn't get any holidays and thus could not go to India. The next message I got was my parents had passed away and as there was no one to do the last rights the society members had done whatever they could. I was depressed. My parents had passed away without seeing their grand children.
After couple more years passed away, much to my children's dislike and my wife's joy we returned to India to settle down. I started to look for a suitable property, but to my dismay my savings were short and the property prices had gone up during all these years. I had to return to the USA.
My wife refused to come back with me and my children refused to stay in India. My 2 children and I returned to USA after promising my wife I would be back for good after two years.
Time passed by, my daughter decided to get married to an American and my son was happy living in USA. I decided that had enough and wound-up every thing and returned to India. I had just enough money to buy a decent 02 bedroom flat in a well-developed locality.
Now I am 60 years old and the only time I go out of the flat is for the routine visit to the nearby temple. My faithful wife has also left me and gone to the holy abode.
Sometimes I wondered was it worth all this? My father, even after staying in India, had a house to his name and I too have the same nothing more.
I lost my parents and children for just ONE EXTRA BEDROOM.
Looking out from the window I see a lot of children dancing. This damned cable TV has spoiled our new generation and these children are losing their values and culture because of it. I get occasional cards from my children asking I am alright. Well at least they remember me.
Now perhaps after I die it will be the neighbours again who will be performing my last rights, God Bless them. But the question still remains 'was all this worth it?'
I am still searching for an answer................!!!!
abhisays
18-09-2011, 11:22 AM
Engineering VS Management
A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost.
She reduced altitude and spotted a man below. She descended a bit more
and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would
meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am."
The man below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering
approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees
north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."
"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.
"I am", replied the man. "How did you know?"
"Well, answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically
correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact
is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If
anything you've delayed my trip even more."
The man below responded, "You must be in management."
"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," said the man, "You don't know where you are or where you're
going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot
air. You made a promise which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect
people beneath you to solve your problems."
abhisays
18-09-2011, 11:39 AM
Easy vs Difficult
EASY (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/coolsunny/join)
DIFFICULT (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/coolsunny/join)
Easy is to judge the mistakes of others
Difficult is to recognize our own mistakes
Easy is to talk without thinking
Difficult is to refrain the tongue
Easy is to hurt someone who loves us.
Difficult is to heal the wound...
Easy is to forgive others
Difficult is to ask for forgiveness
Easy is to set rules.
Difficult is to follow them...
Easy is to dream every night.
Difficult is to fight for a dream...
Easy is to show victory.
Difficult is to assume defeat with dignity...
Easy is to admire a full moon.
Difficult to see the other side...
Easy is to stumble with a stone.
Difficult is to get up...
Easy is to enjoy life every day.
Difficult to give its real value...
Easy is to promise something to someone.
Difficult is to fulfill that promise...
Easy is to say we love.
Difficult is to show it every day...
Easy is to criticize others.
Difficult is to improve oneself...
Easy is to make mistakes.
Difficult is to learn from them...
Easy is to weep for a lost love.
Difficult is to take care of it so not to lose it.
Easy is to think about improving.
Difficult is to stop thinking it and put it into action...
Easy is to think bad of others
Difficult is to give them the benefit of the doubt...
Easy is to receive
Difficult is to give
Easy to read this
Difficult to follow
Easy is keep the friendship with words
Difficult is to keep it with meanings
abhisays
18-09-2011, 11:42 AM
FACTS TO MAKE EVERY INDIAN PROUD
Q. Who is the co-founder of Sun Microsystems?
Ans. Vinod Khosla
Q. Who is the creator of Pentium chip (needs no
Introduction as 90% of the today's computers run on it)?
Ans. Vinod Dahm
Q. Who is the third richest man on the world?
Ans. According to the latest report Lakshmi Niwas Mittal
Is the 3rd richest man in world in 2005.
Q. Who is the founder and creator of Hotmail (Hotmail
Is world's No.1 web based email program)?
Ans. Sabeer Bhatia
Q. Who is the president of AT & T-Bell Labs (AT &
T-Bell Labs is the creator of program languages such
As C, C++, Unix to name a few)?
Ans. Arun Netravalli
Q. Who is the GM of Hewlett Packard?
Ans. Rajiv Gupta
Q. Who is the new MTD (Microsoft Testing Director)
Of Windows 2000,responsible to iron out all initial problems?
Ans. Sanjay Tejwrika
Q. Who are the Chief Executives of CitiBank, Mckensey & Stanchart?
Ans. Victor Menezes, Rajat Gupta, and Rana Talwar.
**We Indians are the wealthiest among all ethnic groups in
America, even faring better than the whites and the natives.
There are 3.22 millions of Indians in USA (1.5% of population). YET,
38% of doctors in USA are Indians.
12% scientists in USA are Indians.
36% of NASA scientists are Indians.
34% of Microsoft employees are Indians.
28% of IBM employees are Indians.
17% of INTEL scientists are Indians.
13% of XEROX employees are Indians.
abhisays
18-09-2011, 11:42 AM
Never Loose Hope
If you can look at the sunset and smile,
then you still have hope…
If you can find beauty in the colors of a small flower,
then you still have hope…
If you can find pleasure in the movement of a butterfly,
then you still have hope…
If the smile of a child can still warm your heart,
then you still have hope…
If you can see the good in other people,
then you still have hope…
If the rain breaking on a roof top can still lull you to sleep,
then you still have hope…
If the sight of a rainbow still makes you stop and stare in wonder,
then you still have hope…
If the soft fur of a favored pet still feels pleasant under your fingertips,
then you still have hope…
If you meet new people with a trace of excitement and optimism,
then you still have hope…
If you give people the benefit of a doubt,
then you still have hope…
If you still offer your hand in friendship to others
that have touched your life, then you still have hope…
If receiving an unexpected card or letter still brings
a pleasant surprise, then you still have hope…
If the suffering of others still fills you with pain and frustration,
then you still have hope…
If you refuse to let a friendship die, or accept that it must end,
then you still have hope…
If you look forward to a time or place of quiet and reflection,
then you still have hope…
If you still buy the ornaments, put up the Christmas tree or cook the
turkey,
then you still have hope…
If you still watch love stories or want the endings to be happy,
then you still have hope…
If you can look to the past and smile,
then you still have hope….
If, when faced with the bad, when told everything is futile, you can still
look up and end the conversation with the phrase… yeah….BUT.. Then you still
have hope…
Hope is such a marvelous thing. It bends, it twists, it sometimes hides, but
rarely does it break… It sustains us when nothing else can… It gives us
reason to continue and courage to move ahead, when we tell ourselves we’d
rather give in…
Hope puts a smile on our face when the heart cannot manage… Hope puts our
feet on the path when our eyes cannot see it… Hope moves us to act when our
souls are confused of the direction….
Hope is a wonderful thing, something to be cherished and nurtured, and
something that will refresh us in return… And it can be found in each of us,
and it can bring light into the darkest of places…
Never lose hope…
abhisays
18-09-2011, 11:59 AM
Happy Friendship Day !!!
I was thinking of old friends today and how many of them
have slipped away. Moved, got married, or stopped calling
so much, found new friends, got busy, and just lost touch.
It reminded me of falling leaves.
Every autumn the leaves fall from the trees. Some stay
longer than others, but eventually - Each leaf must fall,
I'm told, leaving the tree alone to face the cold.
Why is it that in the time of utmost need the leaves would
seek to leave the tree? And when we need our friends around
us, we look and they cannot be found?
Of course these friendships come and go and in the spring
new leaves will grow. But I prefer autumn friends of old
with crackling laughter and colors bold.
It saddens me now I must admit how somehow, someway, I did
forget laughing with old friends of mine during summers
when the sun would shine.
And then I thought of you.
That one stubborn leaf that won't let go. That clings
despite the winds that blow. Fighting ice, and snow, and
winter's stings hanging on right through till spring.
So I guess that's what you are to me - The very last leaf
to leave the tree. I know it seems silly, but it's true.
When I see that last leaf...
I think of you...
Don't drift away... will you?
Happy Friendship Day
abhisays
18-09-2011, 12:01 PM
Real Name of Bollywood Stars
Aamir Khan - Aamir Hussain Khan
Ajay Devgan - Vishal Devgan
Ajit - Hamid Ali Khan
Akshay Kumar - Rajiv Bhatia
Amitabh Bachchan - Amit Srivastav
Ashok Kumar - Kumud Ganguly
Bobby Deol - Vijay Singh Deol
Dev Anand - Devdutt Pishorimal Anand
Dharmendra - Dharam Singh Deol
Dilip Kumar - Yusuf Khan
Govinda - Govinda Arun Ahuja
Jeetendra - Ravi Kapoor
John Abraham - Farhan Abraham
Johnny Lever - Badruddin Qazi
Kamal Haasan- Alwarpettai Aandavar
Kumar Gaurav - Manoj Tulli
Lucky Ali - Maqsood Mehmood Ali
Madhubala - Mumtaz Jehan Begum Dehlavi
Mahima Chaudhry - Ritu Chaudhry
Mallika Sherawat - Reema Lamba
Manoj Kumar - Hare Krishna Goswami
Nana Patekar - Vishwanath Patekar
Raj Kumar - Kulbushan Pandit
Rajesh Khanna - Jatin Khanna
Rajnikant - Sivaji Rao Gaekwad
Rekha - Bhanurekha Ganesan
Salman Khan- Abdul Rashid Salim Salman Khan
Sanjeev Kumar - Haribhai Jarivala
Shammi Kapoor - Shamsher Raj Kapoor
Shashi Kapoor - Balbirraj Kapoor
Sunil Dutt - Balraj Dutt
Sunny Deol - Ajay Singh Deol
Tuntun : Uma Devi Khatri
abhisays
18-09-2011, 04:58 PM
“Tips for Happy life”
1-Walk for 10-30 min daily
2-Sit quitly for atleast 10 min daily in isolation
3-Try to make laugh atleast 3 people daily.
4-Listen and recite prem blas daily to nourish your soul..
5-Drink green tea and plenty of water.
6-Read more books than last year.
7-Life is too short to waste time hating someone.
8-Eat Breakfast like king, Lunch like a prince & dinner like begger..
9-Smile more laaugh less
abhisays
18-09-2011, 04:59 PM
I pray This NAVRATRI gives 9 shower upon U
shanti
shakti
saiyam
sammaan
saralta
safalta
sam ridhi
sanskaar
swaasthya
Haappy Navratri
abhisays
18-09-2011, 04:59 PM
A Belated Teachers’ Day
Its A Humble Request
“80% Of Teachers r
Suffering From Throat
Pain By Teaching Students.”
So Plz
.
.
.
.
BUNK d Classes As Much
As Possible
n
Save Our Teachers
abhisays
08-03-2012, 05:49 PM
Why India Works
by Shekhar Kapoor
internationally acclaimed film director
A greater ‘hole in the wall’ you cannot imagine. A small fading sign on the top saying “Cellphoon reapars” barely visible through the street vendors crowding the Juhu Market in Mumbai. On my way to buy a new Blackberry, my innate sense of adventure made me stop my car and investigate. A shop not more than 6 feet by 6 feet. Grimy and uncleaned.
‘Can you fix a Blackberry ?”
‘Of course, show me”
”How old are you” ‘Sixteen’
Bullshit. He was no more than 10. Not handing my precious blackberry to a 10 year old in unwashed and torn T shirt and pyjamas! At least if I buy a new one, they would extract the data for me. Something I have been meaning to do for a year now.
‘What’s wrong with it?”
‘Well, the roller track ball does not respond. It’s kind of stuck and I cannot operate it”
He grabs it from my hand and looks at it
“You should wash your hands. Many customers have same problem. Roller ball get greasy and dirty, then no working’
Look who was telling me to wash my hands. He probably has not bathed for 10days, I leaned out to snatch my useless blackberry back..
”You come back in one hour and I fix it’.
I am not leaving all my precious data in this unwashed kid’s hands for an hour. No way.
“Who will fix it?”
‘Big brother’
‘How big is ‘big brother?’
‘big …. Umm ..thirty’
Then suddenly big brother walks in. 30 ??? He is no more than 19.
‘What problem?’ He says grabbing the phone from my greasy hand into his greasier hand. Obviously not trained in etiquette by an upmarket retail store manager.
‘Normal blackberry problem. I replace with original part now. You must wash your hand before you use this’. What is this about me washing my hands suddenly??
19 year old big brother rummages through a dubious drawer full of junk and fishes out a spare roller ball packed in cheap cellophane wrapper. Originalpart? I doubt it. But by now I am in the lap of the real India and there is no escape as he fishes out a couple of screwdrivers and sets about opening my Blackberry.
“How long will this take?”
”Six minutes”
This I have to see. After spending the whole morning trying to find a Blackberry service centre and getting vague answers about sending the phone in for an assessment that might take a week, I settle down next to his grubby cramped work space. At least I am going to be able to watch all my stored data vanish into virtual space. People crowd around to see what’s happening. I am not breathing easy anyway. I tell myself this is an adventure and literallyhave to stop myself grabbing my precious Blackberry back and making a quickescape. But in exactly six minutes this kid handed my Blackberry back. He had changed the part and cleaned and serviced the whole phone. Taken it apart, and put it together. As I turned the phone on there was a horrific 2 minutes where the phone would not come on. I looked at him with such hostility that he stepped back.
‘you have more than thousand phone numbers ?”
‘yes’.
‘backed up?’
‘no’
‘Must back up. I do it for you. Never open phone before backing up’
‘You tell me that now?’
But then the phone came on and my data was still there. Everyone watching laughed and clapped. This was becoming a show. A six minute show. I asked him how much.
‘500 rupees’ He ventured uncertainly. People around watched in glee expecting a negotiation.
That’s $10 dollars as against the Rs 30,000 ($ 600) I was about to spend on a new Blackberry or a couple of weeks without my phone. I looked suitably shocked at his ‘high price’ but calmly paid him. Much to the disappointment of the expectant crowd
‘do you have an I-Phone ? Even the new ‘4D one ?
‘no, why”
‘I break the code for you and load any ‘app’ or film you want. I give you 10 film on your memory stick on this one, and change every week for small fee’
I went home having discovered the true entrepreneurship that lies at what we call the ‘bottom of the pyramid’. Some may call it piracy, which of course it is, but what can you say about two uneducated and untrained brothers aged 10 and 19 that set up a ‘hole in the wall’ shop and can fix any technology that the greatest technologists in the world can throw at them. I smiled at the future of our country. If only we could learn to harness this potential.
‘Please wash your hands before use’ were his last words to me. Now I am feeling seriously unclean.
abhisays
08-03-2012, 05:53 PM
45 lessons from life
This is something we should all read at least once a week! Make sure
you read to the end. Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of the Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio.
"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught
me. It is the most requested column I've ever written.
My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:
1.. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick.Your friends and
parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9.. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry..
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their
journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God
never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger..
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one
is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no
for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie.
Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years,
will this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you
did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's,
we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come...
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.."
It's estimated 93% won't forward this. If you are one of the 7% who will,
forward this with the title '7%'.
I'm in the 7%. Friends are the family that we choose.
abhisays
08-03-2012, 05:58 PM
COLUMBUS agar married hota to kabhi America discover na kar pata - kyun ki Patni kahti:
Kahan jaa rahe ho?
Kyun jaa rahe ho?
Kiske saath jaa rahe ho?
Main bhi sath chalungi ...
Wapis kab aaoge?
Ghar reh kar hi discover karlo ..
Meri maa ko bhi le jao
Mere liye kya laoge?
Wapisi mein sabji lete aana
Pahunch ke phone karna
Tum hi kyon har baar discover karte ho .. Koi aur kyon nahi kar sakta?
abhisays
08-03-2012, 05:59 PM
It's a confused nation we live in........
Where a policeman kills a leopard that is attacking a villager and instead of being felicitated he is booked for the crime of saving a human being at the insistence of some Wildlife Organisations! Where Rice is Rs.40/- per kg and SIM Card is free.
Where a pizza you have ordered reaches home faster than an ambulance or police, even if you were being murdered or having a heart attack!
Where a car loan is charged at 5% but an education loan, so necessary for our youth is charged an interest of 12%!
Where students with 45% get into elite institutions through the quota system and those with 90% are sent away because of merit.
Where a millionaire buys a cricket team, spending crores instead of donating the money to any charity. Where two IPL teams were auctioned at 3300 crores, yet still a poor country where people starve for two square meals per day.
Where footwear is sold in AC showrooms, but the vegetables we eat, are sold on the footpath and very often next to garbage dumps!
Where everybody wants to be famous, not by doing good for others, but by looting others and finally getting their names in the newspapers through some scam or other!
Where assembly complex buildings get ready within a year while public bridges, flyovers and sea links take years even to get off the drawing board and a decade to be completed.
Where two brothers fight with each other for the nation’s spoils, but the nation doesn’t know that the two of them are cleverly looting the nation while we watch their mock battles.
Where we have malls and sky-rises, with slums forming their boundary wall.
Where men and women squat on railway tracks with no where else to go while watching them from windows, are couples with three bathrooms and one for the guests.
Where politicians who are supposed to serve the people accept money from the same people they are supposed to serve then take a salary from the government for their services to the people!
Where we talk in hushed whispers about the corruption in the country and then dig into our pockets to bribe a cop when we are caught cutting a red light.
Think about it; we are a confused nation, aren’t we?
abhisays
08-03-2012, 06:00 PM
U LIVE ONLY ONCE
An elderly man in Mumbai calls his son in New York and says,'I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 35 years of marriage... and that much misery is enough!'
'Dad, what are you talking about?' the son screams.
'We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,' the old man says.
'We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Hong Kong and tell her!'
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.
'Like heck they're getting divorced,' she shouts, 'I'll take care of this.'
She calls Mumbai immediately and screams at the old man, 'You are not getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then , don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR??' and she hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. 'Okay', he says, 'It's all set. They're both coming for
our anniversary and paying their own airfare!!'
MORAL:
No man / woman in this world is busy all 365 days.
The sky is not going to fall down if you take few days LEAVE and meet your dear ones.
OFFICE WORK IS NOT EVERYTHING IN LIFE and MONEY MAKING IS NOT EVERYTHING IN LIFE.
abhisays
08-03-2012, 06:02 PM
Desi patni is most wonderful
Husband: aaj khane mein kya banaogi?Wife: Jo aap kaho
H: Dal chawal bana lo
W: Abhi kal hi to khaye the
H: to sabji roti bana lo
W: bacche nahi khayenge
H: to chhole puri bana lo
W: mujhe heavy heavy lagta hai
H: eggs bhurji bana lo
W: aaj guruvaar hai
H: paraanthe?
W: raat ko paraanthe kaun khata hai??
H: Hotel se mangwa lete hain?
W: roz roz hotel ka nahi khana chahiye
H: kadhi chawal?
W: dahi nahi hai
H: idly sambar?
W: usme time lagega.pehle bolna chahiye tha na!!
H: maggi hi bana lo, usme time nahi lagega
W: woh koi meal thodi hai? Pet nahi bharta
H: phir ab kya banaogi?
W: wo jo aap kaho
abhisays
08-03-2012, 06:04 PM
Never look down on anybody, unless you're helping them up.
Read quietly then send it back on its journey
To realize
The value of a sister/brother
Ask someone
Who doesn't have one.
To realize
The value of ten years:
Ask a newly
Divorced couple.
To realize
The value of four years:
Ask a graduate.
To realize
The value of one year:
Ask a student who
Has failed a final exam.
To realize
The value of nine months:
Ask a mother who gave birth to a stillborn.
To realize
The value of one month:
Ask a mother
Who has given birth to a premature baby..
To realize
The value of one week:
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.
To realize
The value of one minute:
Ask a person
Who has missed the train, bus or plane.
To realize
The value of one-second:
Ask a person
Who has survived an accident.
Time waits for no one.
Treasure every moment you have.
You will treasure it even more when
You can share it with someone special.
To realize the value of a friend or family member:
LOSE ONE. we did
The origin of this letter is unknown,
But it brings good luck to everyone who passes it on.
Remember....
Hold on tight to the ones you love!
Do not keep this letter.
Send it to friends & family to whom you wish good fortune
And don't forget the one who sent it to you!
abhisays
08-03-2012, 06:07 PM
There is a place in India where food is really cheap ...
Who says Food is costly in India??
"There is a place in India where food is cheap.....
Tea Re 1.00
Soup Re 1.00
Daal Rs 1.50
Meals Rs 2.00
Chapati Rs 1.00
Chicken Rs 24.50
Dosa Rs 4.00
Veg Briyani Rs 8.00
Fish Rs 13.00
These items are meant for "POOR PEOPLE" and available at Indian Parliament Canteen. The salary of those poor people is Rs. 80,000 per Month!!
(This all money comes from our pocket)"
abhisays
08-03-2012, 06:13 PM
VERY URGENT - PLEASE READ - NOT A JOKE
VERY URGENT - PLEASE READ - NOT A JOKE
PASS THIS ON!IF A PERSON CALLED SIMON ASHTON ( SIMON25@HOTMAIL.CO.UK (SIMON25@HOTMAIL.CO.UK) ) CONTACTS
YOU THROUGH EMAIL DON'T OPEN THE MESSAGE. DELETE IT BECAUSE HE IS A
HACKER!!
TELL EVERYONE ON YOUR LIST BECAUSE IF SOMEBODY ON YOUR LIST ADDS HIM
THEN YOU WILL GET HIM ON YOUR LIST. HE WILL FIGURE OUT YOUR ID
COMPUTER ADDRESS, SO COPY AND PASTE THIS MESSAGE TO EVERYONE EVEN IF
YOU DONT CARE FOR THEM AND FAST BECAUSE IF HE HACKS THEIR EMAIL HE
HACKS YOUR MAIL TOO!!!!!.....
Please send it to everybody you know who has access to the Internet. You may receive
an apparently harmless e-mail titled 'Mail Server Report'
If you open either file, a message will appear on your screen saying:
'It is too late now, your life is no longer beautiful.'
Subsequently you will LOSE EVERYTHING IN YOUR PC,
And the person who o sent it to you will gain access to your name,
e-mail and password.
This is a new virus which started to circulate on Saturday afternoon.
AOL has already confirmed the severity, and the anti virus software's
are not capable of destroying it .
The virus has been created by a hacker who calls himself 'life owner'..
PLEASE SEND A COPY OF THIS E-MAIL TO ALL YOUR FRIENDS, And ask them to
PASS IT ON IMMEDIATELY!
Take Care
abhisays
14-04-2012, 09:13 PM
when a bird is alive....it eats ants,
when the bird is dead....ants eat the bird!
Time & circumstances can change at any time..............
Don't devalue of hurt anyone in life.
You may be powerful today....but remember,
time is more powerful than you!!!
One tree makes a million match sticks....
But when the time comes....
Only one match stick is needed to burn a million tress....
So be good and do good..........................
abhisays
14-04-2012, 09:14 PM
A Glass of Milk
One day, a poor boy who was selling goods from door to door to pay his way through school, found he had only one thin dime left, and he was hungry. He decided he would ask for a meal at the next house. However, he lost his nerve when a lovely young woman opened the door. Instead of a meal he asked for a drink of water.
She thought he looked hungry so brought him a large glass of milk. He drank it slowly, and then asked, "How much do I owe you?"
"You don't owe me anything," she replied. "Mother has taught us never to accept pay for a kindness."
He said..... "Then I thank you from my heart." As Howard Kelly left that house, he not only felt stronger physically, but his faith in God and man was strong also. He had been ready to give up and quit.
Year's later that young woman became critically ill. The local doctors were baffled. They finally sent her to the big city, where they called in specialists to study her rare disease. Dr. Howard Kelly was called in for the consultation. When he heard the name of the town she came from, a strange light filled his eyes. Immediately he rose and went down the hall of the hospital to her room.
Dressed in his doctor's gown he went in to see her. He recognized her at once. He went back to the consultation room determined to do his best to save her life. From that day he gave special attention to the case.
After a long struggle, the battle was won. Dr. Kelly requested the business office to pass the final bill to him for approval.
He looked at it, then wrote something on the edge and the bill was sent to her room. She feared to open it, for she was sure it would take the rest of her life to pay for it all. Finally she looked, and something caught her attention on the side of the bill.
She read these words.....
"Paid in full with one glass of milk"
(Signed)
Dr. Howard Kelly
Tears of joy flooded her eyes as her happy heart prayed: "Thank You, God, that Your love has spread abroad through human hearts and hands."
Suresh Kumar 'Saurabh'
15-04-2012, 05:42 AM
भ्राता श्री यह हिन्दी फोरम है तो हिन्दी में ईमेल अग्रेषित नहीं हो सकता?
abhisays
15-04-2012, 06:48 AM
भ्राता श्री यह हिन्दी फोरम है तो हिन्दी में ईमेल अग्रेषित नहीं हो सकता?
हिंदी के भी अग्रेषित ईमेल भी डालेंगे.
You don't actually have to take the quiz. Just read straight through, and you'll get the point, an awesome one. .....
Take this quiz:
1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.
2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.
3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America contest.
4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.
5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best actor actress.
6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners.
How did you do?
The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. These are
no second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields.
But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten.
Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.
Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one:
1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.
2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.
3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.
4. Think of a few people who have made you feel, appreciated and special.
5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.
6. Name half a dozen heroes whose stories have inspired you. Easier?
The lesson: The people who make a difference in your life are not
the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards. They are the ones that care.
Pass this on to those people who have made a difference in your life.
Life Still Has A Meaning
If there is a future there is time for mending-
Time to see your troubles coming to an ending.
Life is never hopeless however great your sorrow-
If you're looking forward to a new tomorrow.
If there is time for wishing then there is time for hoping-
When through doubt and darkness you are blindly groping.
Though the heart be heavy and hurt you may be feeling-
If there is time for praying there is time for healing.
So if through your window there is a new day breaking-
Thank God for the promise, though mind and soul be aching,
If with harvest over there is grain enough for gleaning-
There is a new tomorrow and life still has meaning.
abhisays
24-08-2012, 03:58 AM
Shree Mahakaleshwar Live Darshana
Live Darshan Time 4 A M.. To 11.00 P.M.(IST)
http://mahakaleshwar.org.in/livedarshanflv.htm
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