Humour Unlimited

[anjaan]

Mnagr-Sir pakistan se 15 inch ke condom ka order aaya h.

Owner-Ye log hume nicha dikhana chahte h,

ok,

bana do aur us par likh dena

"BABY SIZE"..

[anjaan]

http://i.imgur.com/kMfGV.jpg

[anjaan]

http://img.tapatalk.com/d/12/11/23/se4u6umy.jpg

[anjaan]

Girl : tumhe meri yaad aaye to kya krte ho?

Boy: tumhare pasand ki chocolate kha leta hu.. Tum kya krti ho?

Girl : me b ek choti gold flake pi leti hu..

[anjaan]

There was a man who had three sons. He gave each of them a duck and told
them to go out and sell their duck for as much as possible.


The first son went out and sold his duck for $5, went home and told his dad what he had done. His father congratulated him and told him to go and buy himself a beer.

The second son also sold his duck for $5. His father congratulated him and told him to go and buy himself a beer.

The third son went out and saw a gorgeous blonde woman on the side of the road. He went up to her and said I'll give you my duck if you have sex with me. She considered it and said "Ok". They had sex and when they were done she said wow that was good, I'll give you your duck back if you'll do me again. The boy agreed.

While they were having sex again, the duck got loose and ran out into the road. They saw the duck escape and pulled their pants on but not quickly enough to prevent the duck from getting run over by a car. The driver jumped out of the car and said "I'm so sorry I killed your duck. I'll give you $40 dollars to make up for it.

When the third son finally returned home, his dad asked how much he had made. He said "I got a f**k for a duck, a duck for a f**k, and forty bucks for a f**ked up duck...xD

[anjaan]

Beta: Papa apki shaadi ho gayi...??
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Papa: Haan.
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Beta: Kis se hui..??

Papa: Bewkoof teri mummy se..
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Beta: Wah papa ghar me hi setting kar li.

[anjaan]

Ladka ladki ko pataa ke car me jungle le gaya. Ladke ne sex shuru kiya to ladki boli: "Mein bataana bhool gayi ki mein Prostitute hu aur ek baar ke 500 leti hu."
Ladke ne majboori me paise diye aur thoka. Thokne ke baad ladka cigarette peene laga.
Ladki- chalona wapas nahi jaana kya?
"Ladka-Mein bataana bhool gaya tha ki mein Taxi Driver hu aur yaha se shahar ke 800 leta hoon.

[anjaan]

Akbar: Hamare ammi abba humse itni mohabt karte thhe,
ke hame sulane k lie sari sari raat jagte rehte, or hum fir b na
sote the.
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Birbal: Tbhi to aap eklote reh gaye huzoor.

[anjaan]

Santa TRAIN me chadne laga Akashwani hui:
"Isme mat chad
ye patri se utar jayegi"
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PLANE me chadne laga
Aawaj aayi
"Ye crash ho jayega"
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BUS me aawaj aayi
"Ye khai me gir jayegi"
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Santa gusse se-"Kaun hai?"
Aawaz aai-"GOD"
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Santa-"Shadi k waqt GHODI chad raha tha, tab tumhara gala baith gaya tha kya?

[anjaan]

http://i.imgur.com/vS871.jpg

[anjaan]

In USA
Indian mom asked elder kid to xplain Diwali
to his bro
He said "So luk, dis dude Ram had lyk a big
kul kingdm n ppl lykd him bt, lyk his step mom
or sumthin,
was kinda bitch n she forcd her hubby 2 send
Ram 2 sum jungle or sumthin
As he was goin for 14yrs, so his wife n bro
went along (U know, just 2 chill) Bt dude
forest was real scary sh*t, really man N was
full of devil n sh*t lyk dat
Bt dis dude kild dem wid arrows.
Bt den sum bad gangsta jerk- Ravan pickd up
his babe
Dis Dude n his bro got pissd off.. So dey got
an army of monkys.. dnt ask hw.. Attackd
dem, got d babe n returnd home..
Ppl thought
atleast dey deserve sumthin. Dey had no bars
or clubs or didnt smoke.
So dey lit lamps & dis is how it all started...
MOM FAINTED..

[anjaan]

http://myhindiforum.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=20190&stc=1&d=1354126734

[anjaan]

A woman staying in a hotel was taking a shower after a long days work when she heard a knock on her door. She went to the door, looked through the door-hole and saw it was her friend Steve. She wrapped a towel around her and opened the door.

"I finally got my racing licence!" exclaimed Steve.

"Good for you." the woman said, and closed the door, left the towel by the door and got back in the shower. A second knock came, and she saw it was John, another friend of hers. Again she wrapped the towel around her and opened the door.

"I won the lottery!" John said, and the woman congratulated him and went back to her shower. for the third time, a knock on the door came. she looked through the peephole and saw it was Tom, her blind friend. she didn't bother putting on a towel.

"What is it Tom?! This is the third time I have been interrupted while showering!"

Tom gleefully replied: "I can see!"

[anjaan]

Ultimate punjabi:

In Eng exam, Santa made sentences of Given WORDS as:
1. WHAT - Sita ko Ram k saath dekh kar Pappu k mathay par WHAT par gaye
2. KILL - Sonu ne Deewar par KILL thoak k tasveer tang di
3. DIG - Paon phisal janay k wajah se Ramu farsh pe DIG gaya
4. MY - Hum ne ghar k kaam k liye ek MY rakhi hui hai

[anjaan]

http://i.imgur.com/Z3IE0.jpg?1

[anjaan]

Girlfrend khana khate hue:- ye
tumhara kutta
mujhe bahut der se ghoor q raha
hai......?? :/
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Boyfrend:- tum jaldi se kha lo, wo
apni plate
pehchan gaya hai... =D:D =))
Girlfrnd Shock - Boyfrnd RocKZ\m/


Sherlock Holmes and Mat thew
Watson were on a camping and hiking trip. They had gone to bed and were lying there looking up at the sky. Holmes said, "Watson, look up.
What do you see?
"Well, I see thousands of stars. "
"And what does that mean to you? "
"Well, I guess it means we will have another nice day tomorrow. What does it mean to you,
Holmes? "
"To me, it means someone has stolen our tent. "




Coolest doubt in 'Mahabharat'
In some remote village of India ,One Masterji is teaching the Mahabharat Katha to class 6 students.He is at the 'Krishnajanma' part of it.



Masterji : "Kansa heard the akashwani that, his sister's 8th child is going to Kill him. He was furious. He ordered to put Vasudev n devki behind the bars. First son is born, And Kansa kills him by poisoning... Second one is born And n Kansa throws him off the mountain peak. Third one is born..."

Now Ramu, who is smartest of the lot, puts up his hand.



Ramu : Masterji, I have a doubt



Masterji : "Ramu bete, whole India does not have doubt in Mahabharata then how come u have One?"



Ramu : Masterji, if Kansa knew that, Devaki's 8th child was going to Kill him, Why the hell did he put Vasudev and Devaki in the Same Cell??



Masterji fainted.........................!!!

[vinay kumar]

You All Know KBC is Good Business, Let's See How



"You All Know KBC Is Good Business.

But Have You Ever Wondered How Well? Let's See..

Airtel Is Charging Rs.6/- Per SMS Sent For This Contest.

Assuming There Are Only 100 Entries From Say 10 Cities Of Some 20 Districts And 20 States,

6(Rs. per SMS) x 100(entries) x 10(cities) x 20(districts) x 20(states) i.e. = 6 x 100 x 10 x 20 x 20 = Rs.24, 00,000/- Rs.24 Lakhs In Just 20 Minutes (From People Trying For The Rs.2 Lakhs Cash Prize).

Imagine The Scenario If 1000 Entries Try Out From 100 Cities? The Figure Simply Grows By 2 More Zeroes And Yields A Whopping Rs.24 crores!
And It Does Not Stop There.

In Practice, It Could Be Another Multiple Of 100 Or A Multiple Of 1000 On An Average. In That Case, It Is 24 x 100 Crores Earnings In Just 20 Minutes On Every Episode! And The Prize Money: Avg. Mere Rs. 2 Crores (And From Whose Pocket?)

Smart Business By Siddharth Basu! And The Best Part Of The Above Calculation Is Just The SMS Earning! What About The Ad Money?

A Rough Annual Profit Calculation Goes Like This: (2400 x 5 x 4) (episode/ month) x 12 = Rs.5,76,000 crores.

Let Even 50% Get Dissolved In Taxes And Other Payments;

Still, You Will Be Left with (Which Includes Even The Meagre Rs.480 Crores Of Prize Money, i.e., If Êvery Episode Bags Rs.2 Crores Prize)
– Rs.2,88,000/- Crores Profit! (Only From SMS).

Therefore, A Very Simple Question: "KAUN BANEGA CROREPATI?" And Your Options Are – A) SONY TV B) AIRTEL C) AMITABH BACHAN D) SIDDHARTH BASU Computerji, Iska Jawab Bataiye....

Answer: All FOUR!"

[Awara]

Lady: Do you smoke?
Man: Yes
Lady: How many packs a day?
Man: 3 packs
Lady: How much per pack
Man: Rs. 100.00
Lady: And how long have you been smoking?
Man: 15 years
Lady: So 1 pack cost Rs. 100.00 and you have 3 packs a day which puts your spending each month at Rs. 9000. In one year, it would be Rs. 1,09,500 correct?
Man: Correct
Lady: If in 1 year you spend Rs. 1,09,500 not accounting for inflation, the past 15 years puts your spending at Rs. 16,42,500 correct?
Man: Correct
Lady: Do you know that if you hadn't smoked, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 15 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?

Man: Do you smoke?
Lady: No
Man: Where's your f**king Ferrari then?

[Awara]

Ek Ladka Apne Baap Ko Viagra Ki Ek Goli Toffee Mein Daal Ke Deta Hai

Aur Kehta Hai: Daddy Sone Se Pehle Kha Lena

Baap Kehta Hai: Beta Isse Kya Hoga?

Ladka Bolta Hai: Daddy Agar Toffee Achi Lage To Mere Takiye Ke Neeche Chup Chap 100 Rupye Rakh Dena

Agle Din Ladka Apne Takiye Ke Neeche Dekhta Hai To Use 1100 Rupye Milte Hai

Aur Daddy Ke Paas Ja Ke Kehta Hai: Daddy Meine To Sirf 100 Rupye Rakhne Ko Kaha Tha

Baap Kehta Hai: Beta Meine To 100 Hi Rakhe The 1000 Teri Maa Ki Taraf Se Hain

[Awara]

What do you call a person who leaves India, and goes off to another country?
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Hindustan Lever :egyptian:

[bindujain]

majdar hai

[amol]

This Joke for only IT Professionals....

IT Terminologies vs. Hindi movie names

Pentium II and Pentium I - Bade Miyan Chhote Miyan
Ctrl C+ Ctrl V - Duplicate
Ctrl + Alt + Del - Aakhri Raasta
An employee who frequently changes companies - Chalti Ka Naam Gaadi
An employee who is ready to sign a bond - Dulhan Banu Mai Teri
An employee without signing bond - Kachche Dhage
An employee who works sincerely - Dil Se
An employee who is ready to leave his job - Doli Saja Ke Rakhna
An employee who left the job without informing - Nau Do Gyarah
Project Manager - Jallad
Project Leader - Khal Nayak
Super User Password - Gupt
Bill Gates - Humse Badhkar Kaun
Microsoft Corporation - Ustadon Ke Ustad
Internet - Door Gagan Ki Chhav Mein
Operator vs computer - Main Khiladi Tu Anadi
Windows 95 - Bade Dilwala
Dos & Windows - Do Raaste
Undelete - Naya Jivan
F1 - Guide
Hard disk vs Floppy Disk - Gharwali Baharwali
Mail Merge in MS Word - Sangam
Server - God father
A system infected by virus - Pyar to Hona Hi Tha
A computer for the virus - Piya Ka Ghar
Anti virus Kit - Soldier
--

[amol]

Officer : What Is Your Name ?
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : Tell Me Properly
Candidate : Mohan Pal Sir
Officer : Your Father's Name ?
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : What Does That Mean ?
Candidate : Manmohan Pal Sir
Officer : Your Native Place
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : Is It Madhya Pradesh ?
Candidate : No, Munnur Pal Sir
Officer : What Is Your Qualification?
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : (Angrily) What Is It ?
Candidate : Metric Pass
Officer : Why Do You Need A Job ?
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : And What Does That Mean ?
Candidate : Money Problem Sir
Officer : Describe Your Personality
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : Explain Yourself Clearly
Candidate : Magnanimous Personality Sir
Officer : This Discussion Is Now over, You May Go Now
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : What Is It Now
Candidate : My Performance....?
Officer : Mp !!!
Candidate : What Is That Sir..?
Officer : Mentally Punctured ........

[amol]

Ik Computer Field Ki Ladki Kya Gaali Degi?
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Saale infinite loop,
Dharti Pe undefined symbol,
Pedaishi error,
Virus ke bacche,
Bevakufi ki hardcopy,
Volatile aadmi,
Bheja blank cd,
itna marugi ki dharti se Delete ho kar,
Sidha yamraj se read ho kar
Nark me display ho jaoge

[amol]

Once upon a time Dracula decided to carry some sort of a competition to see which is the finest bat to stand on his side. So all the bats were honored to take part. The rules were simple. Whichever bat drinks more blood, will be the winner!

So the first bat goes and comes back after 10 minutes. Her mouth was full of blood.

Dracula says, "Congratulations, how did you do that?" The bat said, "Do you see that tower? Behind it there is a house. I went in and sucked the blood of all the family."

"Very good" said Dracula.

The second bat goes and comes back after 5 minutes all her face covered in blood. Astonished Dracula says, "How did you do that?"

The bat replies, "Do you see that tower? Behind it there is a school. I went in and drunk the blood of all the children."

"Impressive" said Dracula.

Now the third bat goes and comes back after three minutes literally covered in blood from top to toe. Dracula is stunned.

"How on earth did you do that????" he asked.

And the bat replies, "Do you see this tower?"

Dracula replies with a yes. And the bat says, "Well, I didn't."

[raju]

Johnny Johnny .. Yes papa !!
Corporate Job .. Yes Papa!!
Lot of tension .. Yes papa!!
Too much work .. Yes papa!!
Family life .. No Papa !!
BP.. Sugar .. High Papa!!
Yearly Bonus .. Joke Papa !!
Annual Pay Hike .. Low papa !!
Personal Life .. Lost papa !!
Promotion .. Ha Ha Ha !!

[raju]

Love Letter Of A Computer Engineer


Sweet heart,


I’ve seen you yesterday while surfing on the local train platform and realized that you are the only site I was browsing for. For a long time I’ve been lonely; this has been the bug in my life and you can be a real debugger for me now.

My life is an uncompiled program without you, which never produces an executable code and hence is useless. You are not only beautiful by face but all your ActiveX controls are attractive as well.

Your smile is so delightful; it encourages me and gives me power equal to thousands of mainframes processing power.

When you looked at me last evening, I felt like all my program modules are running smoothly and giving expected results. which I never experienced before.

With this letter, I just want to convey to you that if we are linked together, I’ll provide you all objects & libraries necessary for a human being to live an error free life.

I anticipate that nobody has already logged in to your database so that my connect script will fail.

And its all but certain that if this happened to me, my system will crash beyond recovery. Kindly interpret this letter properly and grant me all privileges of your inbox. Error free…


Regards,



Software Programmer


Today This company
Tomorrow That Company
But always want Ur Company!

[raju]

Once a smart Sales Executive and his Manager were traveling towards Ooty in a train.

Just Opposite to their seat, a beautiful girl was sitting along with her grand ma.

After some minutes, train started moving in to a tunnel and it was very dark.

Suddenly, every body heard a kiss sound followed by a sound of slapping.

Every body remained silent, when the train came out of the tunnel.


Grand ma thought that," The Guy is a rogue; how dare he is?

He has kissed my grand daughter! But my Grand daughter is genuine;

she immediately slapped that guy."


Manager thought that,

"I can't believe that this guy has kissed that girl!

But it is unfair that she slapped me by mistake"


That girl thought,"I feel happy, when that guy kissed me,

but I feel sorry that my grand ma has slapped him".


Finally, do u know what our clever Sales Executive thought?
"This one minute in my life is wonderful, It hardly comes...because,

at a time I have kissed a girl and also I have slapped my Boss”

[raju]

With the advent of computers, satellite communication and internet, our sojourn on earth is becoming increasingly complex. If we are to retain our mental poise, we have to periodically and compulsively allow time for fun and laughter. It is presumably for this reason that Humour Clubs have sprung up everywhere and their weekend laughter sessions are well attended.

Jokes are the potent tools for evoking spontaneous and infectious human laughter. Narrating a joke is also an art and you must be able to narrate it with a straight face letting your hearers laugh. It is said that irrelevance is worse than idiocy and therefore be able to pick the right joke for the right occasion. Further, Jokes should not be unduly long lest your hearers begin to yawn even before you reach the punch-line.

I remember a Korean official was addressing a small gathering outside Delhi – having at hand an interpreter for immediate voice translation. The Korean official narrated a long-winding joke lasting for a few minutes, in his native language. His interpreter translated the long story into one simple sentence and managed to evoke loud and spontaneous laughter amidst the audience. After the meeting was over, the baffled official was curious to know from the translator how he could condense such a lengthy joke into one line. The translator said: “No Sir, it was very simple. I never translated your joke. I merely told the gathering that this outlandish speaker has cracked a joke and they all must laugh and the crowd readily responded”.

There are some jokes that can never be narrated orally but only through writing. Take the following two classic examples.

This is a telephone conversation between two Englishmen:

WILL: What’s your name?
WATT: Watt’s my name.
WILL: I asked you what’s your name?
WATT: I told you Watt’s my name.
There was a pause.
WATT: Is that James?
WILL: No, this is Knott
WATT: Please give your name.
WILL: Will Knott

After a while, both speakers hung up.

A patient wanted to know from a medical practitioner whether sexual potency decreased with age.

The doctor replied:

Between 25 to 35 years, tri-weekly
Between 35 to 45 years, try weekly
After 45 years, try weakly.

It can also happen that a person, through his sheer lack of understanding, can create a humourous situation. Here are two classic examples:

A villager from Bengal met the then Chief Minister P.C.Sen and requested him to touch his enlarged hydroceles. The Chief Minister could sense that there has been some misunderstanding. He explained to the visitor that his predecessor Dr. B.C.Roy was a medical practitioner but he was not. He advised the villager to consult a doctor. The villager was however adamant and wanted the CM to touch his hydrocele. A visibly annoyed CM politely advised the caller not to entertain superstitious beliefs and politicians including ministers were only ordinary mortals and not God-men with divine touch. The villager would have nothing of it and was firm in his request that the CM touch his hydroceles. When pressed to speak out, the villager said: “People in my village say that anything the Government touches vanishes and I therefore want the CM to oblige”.

A teenaged girl was leading the cow for crossing with the bull when she ran into the village preacher. The preacher was indeed a moralist and was aghast to know that a young girl should have been entrusted with such an undesirable errand. He advised the girl that her father should be doing such things. The girl promptly replied: “Yes, I also told father to do it, but he says it has to be the bull”.

There are a wide range of jokes – political jokes, professional jokes, Sardarji jokes, adults-only jokes.


Amongst the wide range of jokes, the most popular and commonplace in India are the Sardarji jokes. I have lot of admiration for the Sikhs. Apart from their valour, they are also gifted with sportsman-like qualities – capable of laughing not only with others but also laughing at themselves.

A Sardarji, a Bengali and a Madrasi turned up for an interview held to select a person for sending to the moon. The Sardarji demanded Rs. 10,0000 for agreeing to the offer and explained to the committee that the task was perilous, he may or may not return alive and so Rs. 10, 0000 was required for the future upkeep of his wife and son. The committee felt the expectation reasonable and asked him to wait. The Bengali interviewed next demanded Rs. 20, 0000 and explained that since his family was larger, he needed a higher compensation.

Finally the Madrasi went in and quoted a sum of Rs. 300000 and when questioned why his expectations were so high, he justified his demand saying, he needed Rs. 100000 for his family’s upkeep, the second Rs. 100 000 was required for bribing the interviewing officials lest they may not select him and the third Rs 100000 was for paying the Sardarji and sending him to the moon.

There are some practical jokes and the one I enjoyed most was when I was walking along Nungumbakkam High Road last week, I saw a big poster pasted on the compound wall of the Institute of Chartered Accountants. The Poster carried a message in big bold letters ‘Jesus Never Fails’ and underneath a disgruntled student had scribbled in pen “Ask him to appear for CA exams”.

This happened during the fag end of December 97 when a prospective assessee was rushing to the Income tax office presumably to avail benefits under VDIS scheme. A passerby pointed out to this gentleman that his fly was open – but our friend was in such tearing hurry and had no time to listen. He merely shouted back “I an going in for a voluntary disclosure”

Most people appreciate political jokes – maybe because of our natural revulsion for our politicians and their obnoxious ways. Some political jokes are true while a large number of tem are fictitious.

After becoming the General Secretary of The Communist Party of then USSR, Nikita Kruschev was strongly denouncing Josef Stalin for all his misdeeds and explained how he had brought USSR to ruins. A man from the crowd demanded to know why Kruschev did not caution Stalin. “Who asked me this question?” Kruschev thundered. Nobody got up and for a few minutes there was a deathly silence. Thereafter, Kruschev said: “Gentlemen, It is for this same reason I did not question Stalin”

Whether pressmen asked Rajiv Gandhi whether he was trying to pull down the National Front Government, he said “No, they themselves are busy doing it”
The above two are factual instances whereas there are many fabricated ones.

Nehru, who was visiting a mental hospital, spent a couple of hours going round the various wards and finally came to the ward where inmates, fully cured and waiting to be discharged, had assembled. One of them asked “Who are you?” Nehru replied “I am Jawaharlal Nehru, the Prime Minister of India” to which the inmate said somewhat sympathetically “oh! All of us were saying the same thing when we got admitted here two years ago. Anyway, do not worry. This is a good hospital and you will soon be alright”

There are any number of professional jokes – I will just offer you one. A business executive, having stayed at a star hotel, complained to the manager whilst checking out that he was harassed by bed bugs. A week later, he was surprised to receive a polite, well-worded letter stating “Sir, We are extremely sorry that you were inconvenienced by bed bugs during your stay with us. Despite the best care and attention we bestow, sometimes such things do happen. We wish to apologize profusely and assure you that such things will not recur.” The business executive was immensely pleased till he saw a small slip somebody had inadvertently put inside the envelope which read “Send this guy our usual bed bug letter”

There are a few cryptic one-liners.

Spine is a cord of limber bones – your head sits on one end and you on the other.

Bore is a fellow who has nothing to say but insists on saying it.

Middle age is the time when your memories become shorter, your experiences longer, your stamina lower and your forehead broader.

Falsies make mountains out of molehills.

Undertaker is the last man to let you down.

Here is an April fool joke. A twelve-year old boy complained to his mother that he saw their housemaid Kamala and driver Ramu making love in the kitchen. The lady of the house was understandably furious and instantly summoned Kamala and Ramu to the hall. Ramu did not turn up and a nervous Kamala politely reminded the lady that Ramu had obtained leave and already left for his village two days back. While the mother wanted to censure her son for lying, he triumphantly shouted “April Fool Mummy! April fool Mummy! It was daddy and not Ramu

[raju]

Shadi Ke 7 Sukh.
1.Subah Subah Garam Paani Milega..
(Bartan Dhone Ke Liye)
2.Pyare Pyare Bache Milenge..
(Aapko Gadha Banane Ke Liye)
3.Har Roz Biwi Aapse Pyar Se Bolegi..
(Rashan Lane Ke Liye)
4.Biwi Aapki Baahon Me Baahein Dalegi
(Kharche Pani Ke Liye)
5.Aap Gaana Gana Shuru Kar Doge
(Bachon Ko Sulane Ke Liye)
6.Vo Roz Tyaar Hokar Samne Ayegi
(Shoppin Pe Jaane Ke Liye)
7.Aapko Whisky Ka Maza Ayega
(Kuch Pal Gham Bhulane Ke Liye)....!!!

[raju]

Girl : Hi....
Boy : Hii jaan...(Sending Failed)
Girl : r u there??
Boy: Yes..I Am Here...(Sending Failed)
Girl : R u Ignorng Me Or What ??
Boy : Honey I Am Not..I Am Ryt Here..(Sending Failed)
Girl: Its Over..Dnt U Ever Talk To Me Again !!
Boy: Damn ! Oye kameenee,.. Go To Hell..(Message Sent).........!!!!

[raju]

Once Mallya Had Piles Of Cash..
Now The Cash Is Gone..
Only Piles Are Left..
So. .
Kingfisher's Re-Spelt As King-Fissure..!

[raju]

http://i689.photobucket.com/albums/vv257/rakesh15/securedownload-10.jpg

[raju]

http://images.orkut.com/orkut/photos/OgAAAEYa4uS9RqFAKr4-Mh1-dGsxViDjZCwNH6JrTP6qOFLMZWXomKPxfC_O9Xm0jZ3y94M-MaZ8xt8qWJy7Fh1zA_0Am1T1UK_dVdtL_csoaUaVedt0ui3HDg uE.jpg

[raju]

http://i689.photobucket.com/albums/vv257/rakesh15/indiatv.jpg

[raju]

http://s18.postimage.org/bqq23ffcp/image.jpg

[raju]

http://i689.photobucket.com/albums/vv257/rakesh15/55.jpg

[raju]

http://www.theunrealtimes.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/ams.gif

[raju]

1.What is the difference between Einstein and Karunanidhi?

Einstein said that everything is relative whereas Karunanidhi says that relative is everything

2.Why is Bangla Desh not sending a contingent to Olympics?

Because anyone who can run,jump or swim, has already crossed the border of the country

3. Vote for Baba Ramdev. He’ll be the PM who can help you make your
ends meet. Your head and toe, that is.

4. Some days, Digvijay Singh makes no sense. Other days, he is silent.

5. I really don’t understand why people consider alcohol to be a
problem. Chemically speaking, it’s a solution.

6. A documentary on Air India’s planes – Saare Zameen Par.

[anjaan]

santa met a lady in england

santa - what is your name?
lady- my name is carmen cuz i love car n men

lady- what is your sirname
santa- my name is darumeat

[Awara]

A Great Japanese Proverb &

‘‘If one can do it, You can do it.

If none can do it, You must do it.''

Now Indian Version &

‘‘If one can do it, let him do it.

If none can do it, why waste time doing it ?''
______________________________

[amol]

http://myhindiforum.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=22039&stc=1&d=1356416325

[Awara]

http://myhindiforum.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=22143&stc=1&d=1356612697

[omkumar]

http://i44.servimg.com/u/f44/16/44/75/91/lalloo10.jpg

[omkumar]

http://i44.servimg.com/u/f44/16/44/75/91/maa10.jpg

[omkumar]

https://sphotos.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/168845_439477479406602_1481459719_n.jpg

[omkumar]

https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/376189_10151098178522239_221536074_n.jpg

[omkumar]

https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/295187_341976799216006_1788414459_n.jpg

[omkumar]

https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/552724_341231432623876_1792180335_n.jpg

[omkumar]

https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-snc7/387034_252128521557265_2121979863_n.jpg

[omkumar]

https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/252435_10151316717927517_951273918_n.jpg

[omkumar]

https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/551970_10151064035103803_2101527965_n.jpg

[omkumar]

a wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman.

And she was upset. 'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried. 'How dare
you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm
leaving you. I want a divorce right away!'

And the husband replied, 'Hang on just a minute love, so at least I can tell you what happened.'

'Go ahead,' she sobbed,' but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!'

And the husband began -- 'Well, I was getting into the car to drive
home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down
and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the
car.

I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days.

So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I
made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're
afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.

Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she
was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I
threw them away.

Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the
designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't wear because
you say they are too tight.

I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't wear because I don't have good taste.

I found the **** blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't
wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at
the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair
the same.'

The husband took a quick breath and continued -
'She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her
to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said,
'Please .....Do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?

[omkumar]

http://i49.tinypic.com/5np5io.png

[omkumar]

ek kanjoos ki shadi me baar baar pani pesh kiya ja raha tha.

ek sahab bhhok se tadap kar chillaye:

bhai biryani milegi kya?
pani gale me atak gya hai.

[omkumar]

Somewhere in Punjab, a blind man enters a Sardar’s Bar by mistake
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, “Hey, you wanna hear a Sardar joke?”.
The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet.
In a very deep, husky voice, the man next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, Sir, I think it is just fair, giving that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a Sardar.
2. The bouncer is a Sardar.
3. I’m a Sardar with a black belt in karate.
4. The man next to me is Sardar and is a professional boxer.
5. The man to your right is a Sardar and is a professional wrestler.
Now think about it seriously. Mister do you still wanna tell that joke?”
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head and declares, “Nah. Not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times”.

[omkumar]

santa driving on the wrong side of the road. he becomes upset.
.
.
.
.
and says,
.
.
.
.
========shit======
.
.
.
.
.
aaj phir late ho gya....saare log wapis jaa rahe hain.

[omkumar]

Rajinikant got 150 questions in exam paper asking - "Solve any 100 questions"

He solved all 150 and wrote, " Rascalla!, CHECK ANY 100!"

[omkumar]

rajnikant once wrote an angry letter to all his fans:

guys all these jokes about me are great. but which asshole is spreading the lie that rajnikant eats shit and shits rotis?

[omkumar]

Gal calls a boy

trrin trrin

Gal : hello baby..

Boy : ohh jaan bolo

Gal : kaha ho yaar subah se koi ata pata nahi

Boy : arre hum to khoye huye hain aapki aankhon me

Gal : abhi kya kar rhe ho?

Boy : tumhari pic dekh rha hu,kahi aur man hi nhi lag rha.

Gal : maine to tumhe koi pic di hi nhi

Boy : are mere dil me chapi hai barso se.

Gal : bt hum to parso hi mile hai pehli bar

Boy : tumhare bina ek pal bhi barso ke samaan hai pinky

Gal : pinky?ye pinky kaun hai main to nisha hu

Boy : lagta hai tumse baat karke sab bhul jata hu.

Gal-: Tum prashant ho na?

Boy : gharwale to ashish bolte hai,bt wo galat ho skte hai tum nhi

Gal : ye 9622000000 hai na.

Boy : Tha to nhi bt abse hai

[omkumar]

result agar accha ho to
teacher - hoshiyar baccha hai.
maa -- bhagwan ki kripa hai.
papa - beta kiska hai
dost - chal daru pite hain

result agar bura ho to.
teacher - padhai mein dhyan hi nahi.
maa -- aag lage is mobile mein.
papa - laad pyaar ka nateeja hai.
dost - chal daru pite hain

birthday par,
maa -- jug jug jiyo mere laal
papa - hamesha aaage bade
dost - chal daru pite hain

pyaar mein fail hone par,
maa - beta bhul ja usko
papa - mard ban.
dost - chal daru pite hain

MORAL OF THE STORY - duniya badal jati hai par dost kabhi nahi badalte.

[omkumar]

Swarg k dwar pe 3 log khade the.

God : Sirf 1 hi andar ja sakta hai....

1st : Main Brahmin hu, sari umar aapki seva ki hai. Swarg pe mera hak hai....

2nd : Main Doctor hu, sari umar logo ki seva ki hai. Swarg pe mera haq hai....

3rd : Maine IT MEIN JOB KI HAI.... ......

God : aage kuch mat bol.... Rulaayega kya pagle..? Andar aa ja......... Tera forwarded mails, follow-ups, bench pe 2years, night shifts, PM se panga, CTC se zaada deductions, pick-up drop ka lafda , Ladki na milne ki frustrations, client meetings, delivery dates, weekends mein kaam etc etc.... mere ko senti kar diya yaar.....aja jaldi andar aja.....

[omkumar]

Q. Ek aadmi ki 6 fingers thi. Log use Hanuman bulate the. Batao kyun?
A. Kyunki uska naam Hanuman tha

Q. 3+3 = 8. Batao kaise?
A. Arre galti se !! )

Teacher: A for Apple
Class: A for Apple
Teacher: Zor se bolo
Class: Jai Mata Di !

[omkumar]

A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet dachshund along for company. One day, the dachshund starts chasing butterflies and before long the dachshund discovers that he is lost.

So, wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having him for lunch. The dachshund thinks, "OK, I'm in deep trouble now!" Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by, and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dachshund exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here." Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees. "Whew," says the leopard. "That was close. That dachshund nearly had me." Meanwhile, a monkey, who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes.

But the dachshund saw him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figured that something must be up.

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine." Now the dachshund sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back, and thinks, "What am I going to do now?" But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet ... and, just when they get close enough to hear, the dachshund says..................

"Where's that darn monkey? Sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard."

[omkumar]

Two Christians were lost in the Sahara desert. One is David, the other is Michael. They were dying of hunger and thirst when they suddenly came upon an oasis, with what looked like an emirate of a mosque in the middle.

David said to Michael : "Look, let's pretend we are Muslims, otherwise we'll not get any food or drink. I am going to call myself Mohammed."

Michael refused to change his name, he said : "My name is Michael, and I will not pretend to be other than but what I am...Michael."

The Imam of the mosque received both well and asked about their names.

David said : "My name is Mohammed."

Michael said : "My name is Michael."

The Imam turned to the helpers of the mosque and said : "Please bring some food and water for Michael only."

Then he turned to the other and said: "Well Mohammed, Ramzan Mubarak!"

[omkumar]

Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother' s house.
Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served.
When little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away.
"Johnny wait until we say our prayer."
"I don't have to," The boy replied.
"Of course, you do," his mother insisted. "We say a prayer, before eating, at our house."
"That's our house," Johnny explained. "But this is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook."

[omkumar]

There was once a great actor, who had a problem. He could no longer remember his lines. Finally after many years he finds a theater where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again.
The director says, "This is the most important part, and it has only one line, you must walk on to the stage carrying a rose, you must hold the rose with just one finger and your thumb to your nose, sniff the rose deeply and then say the line 'Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.'"
The actor is thrilled. All day long before the play he's practicing his line over and over again. Finally the time came.
The curtain went up, the actor walked onto the stage, and with great passion delivered the line; "Ah, the sweet aroma of my
mistress."
The theater erupted, the audience was screaming with laughter and the director was steaming!
"You bloody fool!" he cried, "You have ruined me!"
The actor was bewildered, "What happened, did I forget my line?"
He asked. "No!" the director screamed, "You forgot the bloody rose!"

[omkumar]

A teacher in class...

Students.. batao.. saamne ke AAM ke pedh pe Sitaphal kitne hain??

Pappu : 12

Teacher : Kaise??\

Pappu : Kyuki aaj maine mere tiffin mein poha laya hain!

[omkumar]

1 ENGINEER, 1 MBA Student and RajniKant
Kashti Me Ja Rahe They,
1 JINN Aaya Or Bola,
"Samandar Me Koi Chez Feko
Agr Mene Dhund Li To Me Tumhe Mar Dunga,
Or Na Dhund Paya To Me Tumhara Ghulam"
Engineer Ne Needle Feki
JINN Ne Dhund Li Or Use Maar Diya,
MBA Student Ne Memory Card Feka, JINN Ne Dhund Liya Or Use Bhi Maar Diya,
Rajnikant Ne Disprin Feki,
Wo Pani Me Ghul Gayi..
RajniKant Bola : Chal Beta, Ghar Chal, Bohat Kaam Pada Hai.

[omkumar]

Aries: "Okay, let's do it again!"

Taurus: "I'm hungry--pass the pizza."

Gemini: "Have you seen the remote?"

Cancer: "When are we getting married?"

Leo: "Wasn't I fantastic?"

Virgo: "I need to wash the sheets."

Libra: "I liked it if you liked it."

Scorpio: "Perhaps I should untie you."

Sagittarius: "Don't call me--I'll call you."

Capricorn: "Do you have a business card?"

Aquarius: "Now let's try it with our clothes off!"

Pisces: "What did you say your name was again?"

[anjaan]

research confirms that drinking alcohol gives you the same benefits yoga does.....

Savasana
Position of total relaxation....

http://myhindiforum.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=23380&stc=1&d=1358609758

[anjaan]

Balasana
Position that brings the sensation of peace and calm....

http://myhindiforum.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=23381&stc=1&d=1358609779

[anjaan]

Setubandha sarvangasana
This position calms the brain and heals tired legs...


http://myhindiforum.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=23382&stc=1&d=1358609791

[anjaan]

Maurjyasana
Position stimulates the midriff area and spinal column...



http://myhindiforum.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=23383&stc=1&d=1358609800

[anjaan]

Dolphin asana
Excellent for the shoulder area, thorax, legs and arms....


http://myhindiforum.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=23384&stc=1&d=1358609822

[anjaan]

Salambhasana
Great exercise to stimulate the lumbar area, legs and arms....


http://myhindiforum.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=23385&stc=1&d=1358610030

[anjaan]

Anandabalasana
This position is great for massaging the hip area....




http://myhindiforum.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=23386&stc=1&d=1358610030

[anjaan]

Malasana
Position for ankles and back muscle....


http://myhindiforum.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=23387&stc=1&d=1358610030

[anjaan]

Customer Support: "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"

Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

CS: "What sort of trouble?"

C: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

CS: "Went away?"

C: "They disappeared."

CS: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

C: "Nothing."

CS: "Nothing?"

C: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

CS: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"

C: "How do I tell?"

CS: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"

C: "What's a sea-prompt?"

CS: "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"

C: "There isn't any cursor, I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

CS: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

C: "What's a monitor?"

CS: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"

C: "I don't know."

CS: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"

C: "Yes, I think so."

CS: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."

C: ".......Yes, it is."

CS: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

C: "No."

CS: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

C: ".......Okay, here it is."

CS: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."

"I can't reach."

CS: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"

C: "No."

CS: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"

C: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."

CS: "Dark?"

C: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

CS: "Well, turn on the office light then."

C: "I can't."

CS: "No? Why not?"

C: "Because there's a power outage."

CS: "A power... A power outage? Ah, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"

C: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

CS: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."

C: "Really? Is it that bad?"

CS: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."

C: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

CS: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."

[anjaan]

http://img534.imageshack.us/img534/7918/loljb.jpg

[anjaan]

http://i87.photobucket.com/albums/k131/kfcizzle/FunnyToilet.jpg

[anjaan]

Some funny Tech Support conversations: :laughing:

1. Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer: "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer "No."
Tech Support:: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."


2. Customer:: "Do I need a computer to use your software?"
Tech Support:: ?!%#$


3. Tech Support:: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen,can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?


4. Tech Support: "What's on your screen right now?"
Customer: "A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at the grocery store."


5. Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print document, but the computer won't boot properly."

Tech Support:"What does it say?"

Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk."

Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"

Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."

[anjaan]

Ek Ladki, ek din Art Gallery dekhne Jati Hai Aur Ek Tasveer Dekhkar,
Gallery Ke Malik Se Kahti Hai:

Ladki : iss Bhayanak Tasveer Ko Aap Modern
Art Kehte Ho !?

Maalik : Meri Maa Tu Dimag Mat Laga, Ghar Jaa,

Ye Aaina ( mirror ) Hai.

[anjaan]

Man was smoking in a bus. Conductor: No Smoking ka board nahin dikhta ?
Man: Uske side mein 'Always Wear Condom' ka board hai, ab vo bhi laga ke baithoon?


A man married a Lady Traffic police Inspector
Friend: How was ur first night?
Man: She charged Rs 100 from me for Overspeed, 200 for wrongside entry
and
Rs 500 for no helmet


Jab tumahara rape hua to tumne kya mehsoos kiya?
Girl: Ladoo agar zabardasti bhi khilaya jaye to bhi lagta to meetha hi hai


A lady from 2nd floor asking a bananawala: Kaise diye?
Bananawala: Memsaab Aath mein Bara
Lady: Saat mein Tera deta hai to oopar aaja


My Favourite one:
Hindi class mein master ki pant ki zip khuli dekh Ladkiyan zor se hasne
lagi Masterji bole: Zyada hehe ki to bahar nikaal kar khada kar doonga

[anjaan]

Birthday Present

A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday.

They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
"Oh, no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,"How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"

"She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says "Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"

Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.

The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real b*tch tonight, Dave."

[anjaan]

Boys ki 2 baate Bahut achi hai.
.
.
.
.
.
1) Kisi Parayi Ladki Par Nazar Nahi
Dalte,
.
.
.
.
.
.
2) Kisi Ladki Ko Parayi Nahi Mante

[anjaan]

http://cdn.lulztruck.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/I-Need-to-Have-my-Priorities-Straight-.jpeg

[anjaan]

If Vijay Mallya gets into film
production..,
Kingfisher Productions (Films of Good Times)
Presents:
1) Soda Akbar
2) Rab Ne Pila di Thodi
3) Rum de basanti.
4) Hum tight ho chuke sanam
5)Beer Zaara
6)Bevde Zameen par..
7)kabhi whisky,kabhi rum
8)brandy rathore
10)3 drunkards
11)Ek tha kingfisher
&
12)Whisky donor

[anjaan]

http://1.media.dorkly.cvcdn.com/42/49/c27ff67ea73ad20d71c8afd5752389d1.jpg

[anjaan]

HINDI SONGS & THEIR MEDICAL INTERPRETATIONS

Jiya Jale jaan jale,
Raat bhar dhuan chale
-FEVER

Tadap tadap ke is dil se aah nikalti rahi
-HEART ATTACK

Suhani raat dhal chuki ...naa jaane tum kab aoge
-CONSTIPATION

Bidi jalayle jigar se piya jigar ma badi aag he
-ACIDITY

Tujhme rab dikhta hai ..yaara main kya karoo
-CATARACT

Tuje yaad na meri aayi kisi se ab kya kahna
-ALZHEIMER'S

Mann dole mera tann dole
-VERTIGO

Tip tip barsa paani,
paani ne aag lagayee
-URINARY INFECTION

Dil Dhadak Dhadak ke keh raha he..
-HYPERTENSION

Aaj Kal Paaon Zameen par nahi padte mere..
-CORN ON FEET

Haay re
haay Neend nahin aaye..
-INSOMNIA

Batana bi nahi aata, Chupana bi nahi aata..
-PILES
And Above All

Lagi Aaj Saawan ki phir woh Zadi he..
-LOOSE MOTION

[anjaan]

Employees of a Company are all worried. Some are roaming around.
Some are in loud discussions during office time.....
Some Trainees, who had just joined, notice this and enquire about what happened to a senior employee, they ask,

"What's going on?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped our Boss"
They're asking for Rs.10 Crores (2 MILLIOn US $) ransom,
otherwise they're going to douse him with petrol and set him on fire.
We're going from desk to desk, taking up a collection." One Trainee asks,
"How much is everyone giving, on average?
.

. .

. . .

. . . . .

. . . . . . .

.. . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . .. . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . "About 1 liter."

[anjaan]

http://i34.tinypic.com/vfa651.jpg

[anjaan]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-d-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/226756_10151303055194300_496249478_n.jpg

[anjaan]

http://d32usnt9hdn16.cloudfront.net/pictures/4d5b995358e7798bc7e9d9db83c612a5.jpg

[anjaan]

http://imageshack.us/a/img546/6236/25476262073370795288919.jpg

[anjaan]

Sardar returns book to library, bangs it on table
says - What a s**t ?
"I read the whole book, too many character, no story
at all" ?.
Librarian : So, you are the one who took the Telephone
Directory....

Judge: Don't U have shame? It is d 3rd time U R coming to court.
Sardar to judge: U R coming daily, don't U have shame?

A sardarji photographer is focusing
a dead bodys face in a funeral function,
suddenly all dead persons relatives beat him.
why? He said SMILE PLEASE

A sardarji Doctor falls in Love with a Nurse.He writes a love letter to the Nurse :- I Love U sister....

[anjaan]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-b-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/215795_458140237584220_1311367806_n.jpg

[anjaan]

Girl : hipnotize karna kya hota he?

Boy: kisi ko apne bas me karke usse apni marzi ke saare kaam krwana.

Girl:-
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
chal jhoothe, usko to boyfriend banana kehte he

[anjaan]

Is registan mein phool kaise khilega
Is registan mein phool kaise khilega

Dhondo abhijeet dhondo kuch na kuch saboot jarur milega!!!




Ladies ke Sath kaun kaise Badtameeji karta hai.

Bank wala: Madam Aap So-So ke Lengi?

Fruit wala: Zara Kele ke Size To Dekho, Dil Khush Ho Jayega.

Petrol Wala: Kitna Dalun?

Dhobi: Bhabhiji Aap Kapde Nikalo, Mai Abhi Aata Hun.

Photocopy Wala : Madam Aage Piche dono Taraf Se Karun Ya Sirf ek Side Se .

[Awara]

Programming based songs (In Hindi)

* DO loop
Sau saal pehle, mujhe tumse pyaar tha Aaj bhi hai, aur kal bhi rahega

* IF THEN ELSE
Tum agar mujhko na chaaho to koi baat nahin Magar kisi aur ko chaahogi to mushkil hogi.

* RETURN statement
aa laut ke aaja mere meet tujhe mere geet bulaate hain

* Procedure call
aaja re ab mera dil pukaara

* malloc()
Yaad kiya dilne kahan ho tum?

* exit(), suspend
Ruk jaa o jaane waali ruk jaa

* for the infinite loop
hum tum, yug yug se ye geet milan ke gaate rahe hain, gaate rahenge hum tum...

* [remote login:]
tumse kuchh kehna hai, gar tum kuch kehne do

* [ network busy ]
suno - kaho, kaha - suna, kucha huwa kya? abhee to nahin...

* Two Recursive functions calling each other
muze kuch kahana hein, muze bhee kuch kahena hein pahle tum, pahle tum.....

* extern variable
hum hein rahee pyaar ke, humse kucha bhee na boliye jo bhee pyar se mila hum usike ho liye

* static/local variable
Jeena yahaan, marna yahaan iske siwa jaana kahan

* SUBROUTINE
Akela hoon mai, es duniya mein, na koi sathee hai......

* Mental state after a CLEAN COMPILE
Ek punjaban dil churake le gayee, hai...... sona sona ...... dil mera sona.....

* Completion of DESIGN SPECIFICATION
Chanda se hoga woh pyara, phoolon se hoga woh nyara, nachega aangan mei chamcham, nanha sa munna hamara.....

* FILE NOT FOUND
Na tum hame jano, na hum tumhe jane, magar lagta hai kutch aisa......

* Global application
Mera juuta hai japanee, yeh patloon enlishtani, sar pe lal topy roosi phir bhi dil hai hindustani......

[Awara]

A dictionary for software engineers


Alpha: Software undergoes alpha testing as a first step in getting user feedback. Alpha is Latin for "doesn't work."

Beta: Software undergoes beta testing shortly before it's released. Beta is Latin for "still doesn't work."

Error message: Terse, baffling remark used by programmers to place blame on users for the program's shortcomings.

Reference Manual: Object that raises the monitor to eye level. Also used to compensate for that short table leg.

Help: The feature that assists in generating more questions. When the help feature is used correctly, users are able to navigate through a series of Help screens and end up where they started from without learning anything.

User-Friendly: Of or pertaining to any feature, device or concept that makes perfect sense to a programmer.

- Novice Users: People who are afraid that simply pressing a key might break their computer.

- Intermediate Users: People who don't know how to fix their computer after they've just pressed a key that broke it.

- Expert Users: People who break other people's computers.

[abhisays]

http://myhindiforum.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=26695&stc=1&d=1366658960

[abhisays]

Ladka sensitive hona chahiye emotions toh wtsap main bhi hai
.
Admi ko limit mai rehna chahiye....unlimited toh mera data plan bhi h...
.
Ladka smart hona chahiye.....ameer to Mukesh Ambani ka beta bhi hai..
.
Laadki me sense of humor hona chahiye.....SUSHIL toh SHINDE bhi hota hai !!!
.
Relationship me trust aur pyaar hona chahiye Loyal toh kutte bhi hote hai...
.
Girlfriend passionate honi chahiye...Caring toh nurse b hai!
.
Ladki andar se achi honi chahiye.....bahari nikhar tho fair n lovely bhi deti hai
.
Wife ek best frnd jaisi honi chahiye... life companion toh s4 bhi hota hain !!
.
Ladkiyan foreigner honi chahiye...local toh mumbai ki trains bhi hai
.
Ladki Mein Attitude hona chaiye..Angry Toh Aaj kal birds bhi hote hai
.
Air condition cooling dena chahiye.......hava tho lays ke packet me bhi hoti hai
.
Cable ho toh tata sky jaisa .... Dish toh har ghar k kitchen me hote he
.
Cement to pure honi chahiye strong to apni dosti bhi hai
.
Zindagi suljhi hui honi chahiye...Uljhe hue toh baal bhi hai !!
.
Ladki sweeet honi chaiye....tikhi toh ramdev ki mirchi bhi hoti hain
.
Ladki asli me ladki honi chahiye...Mahela toh jaywardane bhi hai..

Baal Swing honi chahiye, Shiny toh Ahuja bhi hai..
.
Ladkiya hamesha khush honi chahiye kyuki rotlu toh shreeshanth bhi hai
.
Bachha .ek hi paida hona chaiye...twins toh tower b hai..
.
Exams mei fail hona chaiye..pass to train ka bhi hai
.
Insan me atma sanman hona chahie, jaan to aaj kal cement me bhi hai

[abhisays]

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https://fbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/580730_561855057190708_1124684820_n.jpg

[Awara]

https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/576726_562049023837978_1351403331_n.jpg

[abhisays]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-g-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xaf1/v/t1.0-9/10620789_714707508578093_6390565888101674701_n.jpg ?oh=6c66c1d5424d8e75e9f6217c96ef1052&oe=54B7A9FD&__gda__=1421892172_a9b4a47355d08c199c9ed0bc5f40053 f

[abhisays]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-b-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xap1/v/t1.0-9/10600577_714700061912171_8177685663208685525_n.jpg ?oh=864e8f251c2946fbf85ec4d8056eb527&oe=548A2360&__gda__=1421651644_a729a9db61d11670369a675aed56951 e

[abhisays]

https://scontent-b-ord.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xap1/v/t1.0-9/10599205_714388755276635_2795959907633553283_n.jpg ?oh=78838002462eaef8eeac7db3ad4e1dbb&oe=54CC859E

[abhisays]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-a-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xaf1/v/t1.0-9/10616567_714387711943406_1314014527764495436_n.jpg ?oh=d7b315e2d78ca5e6f87302aecbc27f8a&oe=5482D781&__gda__=1422631472_c3f09f13a007706d94256cb6ed949b1 c

[abhisays]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-c-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpa1/v/t1.0-9/10622880_714383791943798_4068718724495062833_n.jpg ?oh=a8f0e0d28c5d04eb8c7803f83aaeb2eb&oe=548B1E70&__gda__=1417992392_c7ecec020889f7fce2551b764e67531 e

[abhisays]

https://scontent-b-ord.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpa1/v/t1.0-9/1555504_713991188649725_5178859659853071249_n.jpg? oh=a8ae06a57bed85a34b705a493e9dc5f5&oe=548B7C58

[rajnish manga]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-b-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xap1/v/t1.0-9/10600577_714700061912171_8177685663208685525_n.jpg ?oh=864e8f251c2946fbf85ec4d8056eb527&oe=548A2360&__gda__=1421651644_a729a9db61d11670369a675aed56951 e

:bravo:

:cheers:

objection sustained.

[abhisays]

Girls save her Boy-Friends name as :-
1. My luv
2. Sweetu
3. Darling
4. Swthrt
5. Honey baby
6. Jaanu
.
.
Husband Save his Girl-Friend name like:
1. Sonu halwai
.
2. Rashid Plumber
.
3. Bhola foji
.
4. Sarpanch
.
5. Hawaldar
.
6. Bittu langda
.
7. Pappu mistri
.
8. Customer care
.
9. Battery Low

.
10. Kamina Padosi..

[abhisays]

Different Illness by Songs :-

1. Jiya Jale Jaan Jale, Raat bhar Dhuwaan Chale= FEVER.

2. Tadap Tadap K Is Dil Se Aah Nikalti Rahi= HEART ATTACK

3. Bidi Jalayile Jigar Se Piya Jigar Ma Badi Aag Hai= ACIDITY.

4. Tujhme Rab Dikhta Hai Yaara Main Kya Karu= MOTIYABIND.

5. Tujhe Yaad Na Meri Aayi Kisi Se Ab Kya Kahna= MEMORY LOSS.

6. Mann Dole Mera Tann Dole=MIRGI.

7. Juda Hoke Bhi TU Mujhme Kanhi Baaki Hai= LOOSEMOTION

[abhisays]

A man got 2 wishes from God.
He immediately wished for the
best DRINK and the best WOMAN.

He got...
Mineral Water
and
Mother Teresa.

Moral: Investment is subject to market risks.
Please read the offer document carefully before investing!

[abhisays]

An Economist explains his reason for having two wives..!

First..
Monopoly should be broken..
..&..
Second..
Competition Improves Service!!!

[abhisays]

MBA ki wife : Eji , Yeh inflation kya hai ?

MBA : Phele tu 36-24-36 thi , ab tu 42-40-48 hai! Ab tere pass sab kuch pehle se jyada hai par phir bhi teri value kam hai.

Yahi INFLATION hai !!!

[abhisays]

The most neglected fact of century?

.
.
Sachin tendulkar's mother's
Name is RAJANI tendulkar nd his coach is ramaKANTH.!
.
.
do we need more explanation?

[abhisays]

Angry Husband sends SMS to his mother-in-law
"Your product not cooking food properly"

Smart Mother-in-law replied "Product sold, Seal opened, Warranty expired,
Manufacturer not responsible

[abhisays]

Male criteria for life partner...

They expect their women to Look like "Miss Universe" and
Work like"Shanta Bai..."

Females' criteria for life partner.... They expect their man to earn like ...Ambani & behave like Manmohan Singh.

Dedicated to all couples !

[abhisays]

Santa & his wife went for Divorce at court.

Judge : U have 3 kids ..
How wil u divide them?

Santa had long discussion his wife & said

.

.

.

.

.

"ok, sirji We will come next year with 1 more"