Humour Unlimited

[abhisays]

Ladki ne new laptop liya....
Sham ko bhadkte hue vapis aai aur
dukan wale se boli :
ye lapy bekar he, isme purane pc ki
file paste nahi ho rahi he.
Shopkeepr : not possible ye latest
laptop he
aur isme aisa ho hi nahi sakta.

Ap jara bataegi kese kiya aap ne copy
paste ?
Ladki shop keeper ko ghar le gai ,
apne computer ko on kiya mouse se
right click karke file copy ki
fir PC se mouse nikal ke laptop me
lagaya,
aur right click karke boli :
dekho paste ka option kha he ?
Shopkeeper on the spot behosh...

[abhisays]

boy to boy :-wich laptop do u
have?
.
.
.
. . Boy :- dell i7 procssr 2.2ghz
wth led display 4gb ram 1tb hrd
disk n 2gb NVDIA
grafix card.
.
. . girl to girl-:wich laptop do u hav ?
.
Girl :- pink wala...

[abhisays]

Advice for all the Married Guys:

Kabhi bahut dukhi ho to apni shaadi ka video ulta chala ke dekhna.

Maza aa jayega.

Aapki Biwi Aapki ungli se ring utaregi.

Car se utregi aur Mayke laut jaayegi.

[abhisays]

Indian & American college principals argued dat their stdnts r fearless.

American college principal called the students and asked to jump in sea full of sharks.
They jumped
Principal said: see the guts

Indian Principal called the students & told them to jump
Students: pagal ho gaya hai kya takle??
Principal: see the guts..!!

[abhisays]

Wife (on phone) - Suniye ji, window khul nahi rahi hai.

Husband- Aisa karo thoda tel garam kar ke us par daal do.

Wife- Kya usse window khul jayegi ?

Husband- ha, Try to karo.

After 15 mins , husband calls wife.

Husband- Tumne try kiya ??

Wife- Haan kiya, par ab to computer hi band ho gaya!

[abhisays]

Dr:Kaise aana hua?
Patient: Doctor saab tabiyat theek nahi hain
Dr: Sharab peete ho?
Patient: Peeta to hoon, par chhota peg hi banana. I'm not feeling well !

[abhisays]

Chinese Man will have a Wife & a Girlfriend &
will Love his Wife more.
.
.
A African will have 2 Wives& 5 Girlfriend's &
will Love his 1st Wife more.
.
.
A English Man will have 1 Wife & 3 Girlfriend's
& will Love his Girlfriend's more.
.
.
An Indian man will have 1 Wife & 4
Girlfriend's & He still Loves his Mummy more.

[abhisays]

Teacher: hamesha kaho ki mujhe sab
pata hai...
.
Pappu at home : Papa mujhe sab pata
hai .
Papa : beta ye 50 ruppee le aur chup
rehna. Aunty to bas milne aati hain.
.
Pappu : Mummy mujhe sab pata hai
.
Mummy : beta ye 100 ruppee le aur
chup rehna. Raamu kaka to room saaf
karte hain bas.
.
Pappu (nokar se): Raamu kaka mujhe
sab pata hai .
Ramu kaka : sab jaan ne ke baad bhi
apne baap ke gale nahin lagega
pagley..

[abhisays]

Teacher: hamesha kaho ki mujhe sab
pata hai...
.
Pappu at home : Papa mujhe sab pata
hai .
Papa : beta ye 50 ruppee le aur chup
rehna. Aunty to bas milne aati hain.
.
Pappu : Mummy mujhe sab pata hai
.
Mummy : beta ye 100 ruppee le aur
chup rehna. Raamu kaka to room saaf
karte hain bas.
.
Pappu (nokar se): Raamu kaka mujhe
sab pata hai .
Ramu kaka : sab jaan ne ke baad bhi
apne baap ke gale nahin lagega
pagley..

[abhisays]

Aishwarya's Baby in school
.
Teacher-who is ur grand pa?
.
Baby-Big B
.
Teacher-who is ur mother?
.
Baby-Miss World
.
Teacher-who is ur father?
.
.
.
.
.
. .
.
.
.
Baby-No Idea Sir Ji

[abhisays]

Yamraj asked to 3 ladies..
.
.
“ kabhii kiss kiya hai ??
.
1st lady: shadi se pehle
.
.
yamraj: nark me jao
.
2nd lady: shadi ke baad
.
yamraj: swarg me jao
.
.
.
.
3rd lady: kabhi nahi kiya
.
.
Yamraj: kone me aao…

[abhisays]

Boy:" Mere Paas Apne Dost Jaisi Car
To
Nahin
Par Tumhe Apni Palkon Pe Bitha ke
Ghumaunga!
.
Mere Paas Uss Jaisa Bada Bangla To
Nahin
Par Tumhe Apne Dil Mein Jagah
Dunga..
.
Mere Paas Uss ke Jitne Paise To
Nahin
Par Main Mehnat Kar ke Khilaunga .
.
Aur Tumhe Kya Chahiye.. ??
.
.
Girl:" ab bs kar pagle rulaega Kya

Apne Dost Ka Number de.

[abhisays]

Boy 2 doctor:-

Meri girlfriend pregnant hai. .
Par maine to protection li thi...

Doctor:-
Ek kahani suno
Ek shikari ek Gun ki jagah ek
umbrella le Gaya...
achanak Lion samne aaya toh usne
umbrella ka
handle khicha aur fire kiya...
Lion wahi mar Gaya...

Boy:-
Impossible...kisi aur ne goli mari
hogi...

Doctor :-
Ecaxtly ...!

[abhisays]

18 Unsaid fact About Engineers:

1. For engineers every course apart from engineering is easy.
2. An engineer has the power of getting up at 9.25 am and reaching the class at 9.30 am.
3. T-shirt and jeans are engineer's national dress and Maggi is the national food.
4. A normal person will fix the broken things but an engineer will first break a thing and then he would fix it.
5. An engineer can build a car, spaceship and they even can make time machine. However, he just can’t build a relationship with a girl.
6. An engineer doesn't care for the rise in price of petrol or gold but he gets mad when cigarette costs Rs.5.50 instead of 5.20.
7. An engineer loves to solve a problem. If there is no problem, then he will create one and would start solving it.
8. An engineer can derive any relation just give them the final expression.
9. Are you made of copper(CU) and tellurium(TE), because you’re CUTE. This is how engineers flirt.
10. An engineers’s worst nightmare is teacher taking the class but not taking the attendance.
11. An engineer can finish his syllabus in one night.
12. An Engineer knows nothing, but only an Engineer knows this.
13. An Engineer will never sleep in night and will never wake up in morning.
14. An Engineer is the most innocent person in front of his parents.
15. Never argue with an engineer because arguing with Engineers is like killing the mosquito on your cheek, you might or might not kill it, but you’ll end up slapping yourself.
16. The most common dialogue on the opening day of an engineering college is, “Bhai, iss saal bhi koi khaas ladkiya nahi hain!”
17. No one can speak better English than an engineer who is having a bottle of beer in his hand.
18. There is always a hidden folder in engineer's laptop.....

[abhisays]

Bill Gates: mera
ghar itna bada k ghar k ander
'local' train chalti h.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Rajnikanth: mera ghar itna bada h k
ghar k ek kone se dusre kone me
phone pe baat kro toh roaming lagti
hai..

[abhisays]

girls pc folder:
C\desktop\songs\romantic songs!
.
.
Boy's pc folder
.
.
.
C\windows\system32\drivers\studymaterial\important files\educational stuff\datastructure an alogrithims\SUNNYLEONE.

[abhisays]

Girl - What are you doing ?

Boy- I was doing a job with TIMES
OF INDIA..
but now I left job.
Girl-Oh God why?
.
.
.
.
.
.
Boy-kaun sala subah subah uthe
aur paper
daalne jaaye..

[abhisays]

Log kehte hai ki 40,000/- ka royal
paint lagaye to ghar
rangeen dikhta he.
.
.
. . .
.
.
.
. .
. Are pagal 400/-ki ROYAL STAG piyo,
sara shehar rangeen dikhega..!...

[abhisays]

Impact of movies...
Teacher : Who is Mahatma Gandhi???
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Student : He is the one who helped
Munna Bhai to impress his girlfriend.

[Dr.Shree Vijay]

Nice.........

[abhisays]

Jor laga ke haisa...

Madhya Pradesh CM Shivraj Sinh Patil's air plane stuck on runway and they called on duty police officer to push the plane.

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-CAn6G4CLA6Q/VJiEEAs7XyI/AAAAAAAAdEk/B_4JuZrD4nk/s1600/IMG_0345-723995.jpg

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-n75bW9tEPL4/VJiEEw2mrLI/AAAAAAAAdEw/_C708PqEIG8/s1600/IMG_9293-726711.jpg

Finally, they change the direction of plane.

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-W-HGmAaxBpU/VJiEFQfV36I/AAAAAAAAdE8/Gl4uIe8cREk/s1600/IMG_4249-729314.jpg

[abhisays]

Pappu rings a technical support:
My internet is not working properly
Officer: Ok ,Double click on "My computer"
Pappu: I can't see ur computer
Officer:No no, click on "My computer" on ur computer
Pappu: How can I click on your computer from my computer?
Officer: listen , There is an icon labelled "My Computer" on your computer
Ok ,double click on it
Pappu: what the hell, what is your computer doing on my computer..?
Officer: Double click on ur computer
Pappu: On which Icon i've to click
Officer: "My Computer"
Pappu: Oh Teri……Pagal insaan
Tell me where is ur office. I'll come there and
click on ur "Computer."????

[abhisays]

Crazy whatsapp status.....!!

Someone on his status "Sleeping" since 3 Days! He's Probably dead.
Someone is "Driving" since 5 days! I guess he reached Dubai!!!
Someone's status is "Happy" since 1 Month. Living in Paradise??
Someone is always 'Available'. How free Are you??
From first day their status is, 'Hey there! I'm using WhatsApp' I Know! That's why you're on my list!
Someone writes "urgent calls only". Don't get it... Are you in the police or ambulance service?
Someone says, "Can't talk. WhatsApp only". Dude then throw away your phone.. You are not using the phone's Primary function
Someone is 'at da movies' for the past 6 weeks. Either he owns that theater or sells popcorn there..

[abhisays]

Ek aurat Bache ko liye ro rahi thi.
Ek Engineer ne rone ki wajah puchi,
Aurat ne kaha k mera bacha bimar hai or dawa k liye
paise nhi hain.
Engineer ne 1000 ka note dia or kaha jao dawa le lo..
Aur Rs.100 ka doodh bhi le lena, Baqi paise mujhe wapis
de do.
Aurat thori der baad dawa aur dudh le aayi..
Baki 650rs Engg. ko wapis kar diye.
Engg. khush hua aur sochne laga k..
Neki kabhi zaya nahi jati..
Doctor ko fees mil gayi,
bache ko dawa mil gai
aur...
.
.
.
.
.
.
mera nakli note bhi chal gaya..!!

[abhisays]

Husband: can u be the moon of my Life?

Wife: Awww Yes sweetheart..!
.
.
.
.
.
Husband: Great! then….
Stay 9,955,887.6 kms away from Me..!!

[abhisays]

Interviewer : What are your expectations?

Me : Job..

Interviewer : I mean what do you want from this job?

Me : Salary..

[abhisays]

Delhi girl: I would never marry a Gujju boy...they are so egoistic

Gujju boy with an awesome reply:
Jo Baka Gujarati ladke ke ego ke saath nahi khelne ka

Ek ko naukri nahi mili to Reliance khadi kar di..
aur dusre ko Visa nahi mila to puri Sarkar palat dali...

[Pavitra]

Delhi girl: I would never marry a Gujju boy...they are so egoistic

Gujju boy with an awesome reply:
Jo Baka Gujarati ladke ke ego ke saath nahi khelne ka

Ek ko naukri nahi mili to Reliance khadi kar di..
aur dusre ko Visa nahi mila to puri Sarkar palat dali...


:laughing::laughing: ROFL .....gud 1

[rajnish manga]

Abhishek ji, you have been doing a splendid job on this side of the Forum and I thought you were busy elsewhere. What a pity. I have enjoyed these jokes.

[rajnish manga]

Family Planning Rewarded



God decided to encourage people to have fewer children and introduced an award scheme… during the procedure at one point, he concentrated on learning about the situation in India:

He first met Jawaharlal Nehru in heaven and asked him how many children he had during his time on earth. Nehru replied… only one!

Happy with the relatively good family planning adopted, God awarded Nehru with a Celestial Rolls Royce!

Indira Gandhi was next and God asked the same question. She replied she had two children and God thought, not too bad, so he gave her a BMW.

Dr. Radhakrishnan was next in line. God was not pleased to hear that he had six children and gave him a Morris-8 as a kind of punishment…

Sometime later, the three (Nehru, Indira and Radhakrishnan) were going around in their new cars and they saw Mahatma Gandhi on foot!!!

Wondering what went wrong; they asked him why God hadn't been merciful on him.…

The Mahatma replied in disgust, "God did not even ask me!!! Some idiots had told him that I am the father of the whole Indian nation!"

[rajnish manga]

Irony of life

Lawyers hope you get into trouble, the doctor hopes you get sick, police wants you to become a criminal, the teacher hopes you are born stupid, landlord hopes you don't buy a house, the dentist hopes your tooth decays, electrician wishes your fuse box blows up, the mechanic hopes your car breaks down, the coffin maker wants u dead......

Only a Thief wishes u "prosperity in life" and also wishes u to have a sound sleep.

[vindhya]

lol V true

[abhisays]

Education in Pakistan:-

BE- Bomb Engineering

MBBS- Master of Bomb Blasting Science..

IIT- Islamabad Institute of Terrorism

UGC- University of Grenade Creation

BCom- Bomb Computerization

GATE- Gun & Armed TerrorismEntrance Exam

CBSE- Car Bomb Specialization Exam

CAT- Career in Al-qaida & Taliban

MAT- Master in Al-qaida & Taliban

MBA- Master in Bombing Actions

BBA- Bachelor of Bombing Actions

BA- Bachelor in Anti-Socialism

MA- Master in Anti-Socialism

PTC- Primary Terrorism Certificate

PGDBM- Post graduate diploma in Bomb manufacturing

[abhisays]

Sharing on a lighter note. --------------------------------------------------- (1)
Put your wife in a room & lock it.
Put your dog in another room & lock it !!!
Open both rooms after 2 - 3 hours & see who is Happy to see you, and who will BITE you !

(Group members are advised not to try this at home as these stunts were performed by professionals; who are now divorced; and living happily with their dog!!)

Don't laugh loud ----
The extended version says...

2)
Put your husband in a room & lock it.
Put your dog in another room & lock it !!!
Open both rooms after 2 - 3 hours & you will be happy to see your dog waiting for you.. but you'll be angry looking at your husband sleeping like he never slept before!!!


3)
Always keep your spouse’s picture as mobile screen saver.
Whenever you face a problem, see the picture & say: "if I can handle this, I can handle anything!"… Superb Attitude for Life!!


(4)
If wife wants husband’s attention, she just has to look sad & uncomfortable.
If husband wants wife’s attention, he just has to look comfortable & happy.

(5)
A Philosopher HUSBAND said:- "Every WIFE is a ‘Mistress’ of her Husband…
“Miss” for first year & “Stress” for rest of the life…"!!!!


(6)
Million Dollar Truth:
If Saturday and Sunday doesn't excite you, then change your Friends.
If Monday doesn't motivate you, then change your profession.
If Monday is too exciting, and you are dying to get to work, then you should change your spouse!!

(7)
Do you remember the tingling feeling when you took the decision to get married?
That was common sense leaving your body.

(8)
Generally a man does not go to the place again where he has been cheated once…
But many people still go to their in-laws place..?

(9)
Pappu: Dad, l got selected for a role in a play for annual day!
Dad: What role are you playing?
Pappu: A husband!
Dad: Stupid, ask for a role with dialogues!

(10)
Man outside phone booth: “Excuse me you are holding phone since 29 minutes and you haven’t spoken a word”.
Man inside: “I am talking to my wife”

(11)
A very intelligent girl was asked the meaning of marriage..
She said- “sacrificing the admiration of hundred guys, to face the criticism of one idiot”

(12)
Position of a husband is just like a Split AC, No matter how loud he is outdoor, He is designed to remain silent indoor!

(13)
Best one line ad by a married man on OLX:
"For Sale – Wedding Suit, used only once by Mistake"

[abhisays]

Check ur banana quotient: Mumbai estyle


1. What is banana called in hindi - kela
2. What is a single banana called - akela
3. What is a tired banana called - thakela
4. What is the banana listening to it called - pakela
5. What is a banana waiting at a signal called - rukela
7. What is a stuck up banana called - atkela
8. What is an angry banana called - satkela
9. What is a hung up banana called - latkela
10. What is a lost banana called - bhatkela.

[Deep_]

Check ur banana quotient: Mumbai estyle


1. What is banana called in hindi - kela
2. What is a single banana called - akela
3. What is a tired banana called - thakela
4. What is the banana listening to it called - pakela
5. What is a banana waiting at a signal called - rukela
7. What is a stuck up banana called - atkela
8. What is an angry banana called - satkela
9. What is a hung up banana called - latkela
10. What is a lost banana called - bhatkela.

:lol: :lol: :lol:

[rajnish manga]

Pakistan has some very special degrees on offer. Wonderful !!!


Banana was never so versatile until this discovery !!!


Husband Wife jokes bring some great equations, especially the following ones. Thanks, Abhishek ji:


2)
Put your husband in a room & lock it.
Put your dog in another room & lock it !!!
Open both rooms after 2 - 3 hours & you will be happy to see your dog waiting for you.. but you'll be angry looking at your husband sleeping like he never slept before!!!


3)
Always keep your spouse’s picture as mobile screen saver.
Whenever you face a problem, see the picture & say: "if I can handle this, I can handle anything!"… Superb Attitude for Life!!


(4)
If wife wants husband’s attention, she just has to look sad & uncomfortable.
If husband wants wife’s attention, he just has to look comfortable & happy.

(5)
A Philosopher HUSBAND said:- "Every WIFE is a ‘Mistress’ of her Husband…
“Miss” for first year & “Stress” for rest of the life…"!!!!

[abhisays]

What We Can Call Hindu GOD Names In IT World ....

Brahma ... 'System Installer'.

Vishnu ... 'System Operator'.

Shiva ... 'System Programmer'.

Naradha ... 'Data Transmitter'.

Yama ... 'Deleter'.

Apsara & Rambha ... 'Virus'.

Ganapathy ... 'Anti Virus'.

Hanuman ... 'E-Mail'.

Chitragupta ... 'Hard Disc'.

Saraswathy ... 'Google'.

Parvati ... 'Mother Board'.

Lakshmi ... 'ATM'.

[abhisays]

What is a Corporate Life?

1. I learnt to operate 3 critical machines
* Scanner
* Printer
* Xerox Machine

2. I learnt to use 3 High End Software:
* Microsoft Word
* Microsoft Excel
* Microsoft PowerPoint

3. I learnt to use 3 great short cuts:-
* Ctrl+C
* Ctrl+V
* Ctrl+S

4. I learnt to say three very important words for professional life:-
* Yes sir
* Ok sir.
* I'll Just Do That sir

5. When I really wanted to quit, I learnt to: -
* Wake Up early
* Sleep late
* Continue to Work

6. I learnt to: -
* Face Monday
* Fight For next 5 Days
* Wait For Sunday

7. I learnt to give reasons to family, friends and relatives for not making
* Phone Calls
* Messages
* Mails

8. I learnt to celebrate these things far away from loved ones:-
* Birthday
* New Year
* Festivals

9. At the end, People say:-
* You Learnt...
* You Earned...
* You Enjoyed...

10. But when I compare me with my self...
* I just Sustained...
* I just Tolerated...
* I just Survived... for bucks

11. I have survived:-
* For convenience of my Family...
* To avoid blame of Society...
* To get tag of Employment...

Dedicated to all employees.

[rajnish manga]

This is an objective portrayal of the corporate life. Despite the fun, the corporate life itself is not that funny after all.

[abhisays]

Einstein & a Indian sitting next to each other on a long flight...

Einstein says:
"Let's play a game...
I will ask you a question,
if you don't know the answer,
you pay me only $5
and
if I don't know the answer,
I will pay you $500..."

Einstein asks the first question:
What's the distance from the Earth to the Moon...?

Indian doesn't say a word,
Reaches his pocket,
Pulls out a $5...

Now...
It's the indian turn...

He asks Einstein:
What goes up a hill with 3 legs
and
comes down on 4 legs..?

Einstein searches the net and asks all his smart friends...
After an hour he gives Indian $500...

Einstein going nuts and asks:
Well...
so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four..?

Indian reaches his pocket and gives Einstein $5...

Einstein fainted.....

[abhisays]

WELCOME TO 21st CENTURY
PHONES - WIRELESS
COOKING - FIRELESS
CARS - KEYLESS
FOOD - FATLESS
TYRES - TUBELESS
DRESS - SLEEVELESS
YOUTH - JOBLESS
LEADERS - SHAMELESS
ATTITUDE - CARELESS
WIVES - FEARLESS
BABIES. - FATHERLESS
FEELINGS - HEARTLESS
EDUCATION - VALUELESS
CHILDREN - MANNERLESS
RELATIONSHIPS-MEANINGLESS
EVERYTHING IS BECOMING LESS BUT OUR HOPES ARE STILL - ENDLESS
IN FACT I'M -SPEECHLESS

[rajnish manga]

WELCOME TO 21st CENTURY
PHONES - WIRELESS
COOKING - FIRELESS
CARS - KEYLESS
FOOD - FATLESS
TYRES - TUBELESS
DRESS - SLEEVELESS
YOUTH - JOBLESS
LEADERS - SHAMELESS
ATTITUDE - CARELESS
WIVES - FEARLESS
BABIES. - FATHERLESS
FEELINGS - HEARTLESS
EDUCATION - VALUELESS
CHILDREN - MANNERLESS
RELATIONSHIPS-MEANINGLESS
EVERYTHING IS BECOMING LESS BUT OUR HOPES ARE STILL - ENDLESS
IN FACT I'M -SPEECHLESS

Amazing lessfulness everywhere. Very interesting. Thanks.

[abhisays]

Motivational message of the year

1) "If you don't love your job ..
Take a home loan ".


U will start loving it...


Addition to the above one... take another car loan, you will start loving your boss as well..

[internetpremi]

Quotes for Software developers to keep in mind.

1) A complex program that does not work is invariably found to have evolved from a simple program that worked.

2)The first place to look for information, is in the section of the manual where you least expect to find it

3) The root cause of computer problems is computer solutions.

4) A computer program will always do what you tell it to do but not what you want it to do.

5) When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it is obsolete.

==========
GV
(Not my quotes. Sharing what I received over the net)

[abhisays]

YOU THINK MUKESH AMBANI DOESN'T HAVE PROBLEMS. ....

Mukesh bhai gets up from his bed room on 15th floor,

takes a swim in the swimming pool on 17th floor,
has breakfast on the 19th floor, dresses up for office on 14th floor, collects his files and office bag from his personal office on 21st floor, wishes bye to Nita bhabhi on 16th floor, says ‘see you’ to his children on 13th floor and goes down on 3rd floor to self drive his 2.5 Crore BMW to office, but then he finds out that he has forgotten the car keys upstairs.
But on which floor?
15th,17th,19th,14th,21st,16th or 13th? He phones all his servants, cooks,
maids, secretaries, pool attendants, gym
trainers, lift attendants etc. on all the floors.
There is a hectic search and lot of running around on all the floors, but the key is not traceable. Fed up, after half an hour of frantic search, Mukesh bhai leaves in a huff in a
chauffeur driven Ikon car.
At 3.30 pm late in the afternoon it is discovered that 4 days back, a temporary replacement maid had washed Mukesh bhai's pant and hung it to dry on a string in the
balcony of 16th floor, with car keys in the pant pocket.
The key was blown away
somewhere by the high winds at 16th floor
level and was never found.

This was detected because of Nita bhabhi’s
habit of checking clothes given for ironing personally.

Meanwhile, after 3 days of the incident, Nita bhabhi with all irritation writ large on her face, complained to Mukesh bhai asking him where he was roaming till 3 am last night.

Mukesh replied that he was at home all night. “Then why did the helicopter land in the terrace at 3 am? I was so worried. I could not sleep whole night," quizzed Nita bhabhi.

"Oh that helicopter”.. That helicopter came from Germany, sent by guys from BMW to deliver the duplicate car key... mumbled Mukesh.

Moral of The Story :
A two bed room flat is better. So guys, be happy in ur two BHK flat....it saves lots of hassles!!!

[rajnish manga]

YOU THINK MUKESH AMBANI DOESN'T HAVE PROBLEMS. ....

Mukesh bhai gets up from his bed room on 15th floor,

takes a swim in the swimming pool on 17th floor,
has breakfast on the 19th floor, dresses up for office on 14th floor, collects his files and office bag from his personal office on 21st floor, wishes bye to Nita bhabhi on 16th floor, says ‘see you’ to his children on 13th floor and goes down on 3rd floor to self drive his 2.5 Crore BMW to office, but then he finds out that he has forgotten the car keys upstairs.
But on which floor?
15th,17th,19th,14th,21st,16th or 13th? He phones all his servants, cooks,
maids, secretaries, pool attendants, gym
trainers, lift attendants etc. on all the floors.

>>>>>>

Moral of The Story :
A two bed room flat is better. So guys, be happy in ur two BHK flat....it saves lots of hassles!!!

Very interesting. Enjoyed reading it. Thanks for sharing the story. Moral of the story remains of paramount importance.

[abhisays]

Absolute Classic!!!

Astrologer: Do u want to know about your husband's future?

Wife: Rubbish, I will decide his future ! you tell me his past.

[rajnish manga]

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said "Stop! Don't do it!"
"Why shouldn't I?" he said.
"Well, there's so much to live for!"
"Like what?"
"Well... are you religious?" He said yes.
I said, "Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?"
"Christian." "Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant ?
"Protestant." "Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"
"Baptist"
"Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?"
"Baptist Church of God!"
"Me too! Are you original Baptist Church of God, or are you reformed Baptist Church of God?"
"Reformed Baptist Church of God!"
"Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915?" He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915!" I said, "Die, heretic scum", and pushed him off. (courtesy: Emo Philips)

[abhisays]

Whatsapp Group admin: Hi guys, adding Radha to the group. Radha is new to town as well. So...*

Radha: Hi all....*

Member # 1: Hiiiii....*

Member # 2: Hi Radha... How are you?*

Member # 3: Hey Radha... Let me know if you need any help, OK.*

Member # 4: Hi..*

Member # 5: what's your full name Radha?

Radha: Radhakrishna Chaudhary


(Group remained silent for next 2 days)

[abhisays]

Wife - RAEES Dekhne chalein ?
Husband - Main us KAABIL nahi

Wife- Toh KAABIL chalein
Husband- Main Utna RAEES nahi
..........
Baad mein ghar me bacchon ne DANGAL dekha

[abhisays]

Socio-Economic classification simplified

Lower class - Biskut
Middle class - Biskit
Upper class - Cookies

Lower class - Roomal
Middle class - Hankie
Upper class - Kerchief

Lower class - tamaatar
Middle class - Ta'may'to
Upper class - Toh'mah'toh

Lower class - Sauce
Middle class - Ketchup
Upper Class - Toh'mah'toh dip

Lower class - Lifafa
Middle class - En've'lope
Upper class - On'vo'lup

Lower class - Nimbu Paani/Shikanji
Middle class - Lemonade
Upper class - Virgin Mojito

Lower class - Jean pant
Middle class - Jeans
Upper class - Denims

Lower class - Chasma
Middle class - Goggles
Upper class - Shades

Lower class - chaddi
Middle class - underwear
Upper class - lawn-juh-Ray

Lower class : Do cutting chai leke aa bé Pintu.
Middle class : Can I have two cups of tea.
Upper class : May I have two chai lattes please. Regular.

[abhisays]

A hyderabadi Kanjoos Husband on a day out with Wife...

Wife: meraku bohat pyaas lagri, ek pani ka bottle khareed do miya...

Husband: Biryaani khatey kya ?

Wife: Yummmm , naam sunkar muh mein paani aa gaya miya...

Husband: To phir woich paani peele, bottol kaiku...

[abhisays]

An unemployed engineer graduate was looking out for a suitable job in his stream. He attended several exams and many personal interviews, only to be rejected. . . . .
Being fed up after so many months of his job hunt, he decided to get into any job that can satisfy his food and daily needs. . . . . .
He visited a circus group and asked for a job. But the owner said that there wasn't any job for his education level. Also he said that there is a vacancy to act as a monkey and perform funny actions. The unemployed youth accepted the offer since he can at least afford his daily food. . . . . .
So he dressed up as a monkey and entertained the audience. One day while he was performing the monkey skills, he accidentally fell into the lion's ring. . . . .
Everyone was shocked as the monkey fell into lion's ring. No one knew that he was a man dressed up as a monkey. The man himself was dreadful and feared for his life. He felt pity for himself as he going to be a victim of unemployment. . . . . . . . . .

The lion came closer to him but didn't attack. He was surprised. The lion whispered, "Are Abdul....ghabra nakko...!! main pasha. 2008 batch... Electronics.." ("hey! Abdul.. Don't be afraid..!! I am pasha. 2008 Electronics Batch").

[abhisays]

HR - There is a 2 years gap on your CV!
Candidate - I was in jail
HR - Why?
Candidate:- I killed the guy who told me : "we'll call you back"
HR :- Welcome on board, you have the Job

[rajnish manga]

Trial To Avoid An Error

A Texan paid a visit to Galway, Ireland. He enters a pub and raises his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He shouts, 'I hear you Irish are a bunch of drinkin' fools. I'll give 500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back to back.'

The room is quiet and no one takes of the Texan's offer.

Paddy Murphy gets up and leaves the bar. Thirty minutes later, he shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. Is your bet still good?' asks Paddy.

The Texan answers, 'Yes, 'and he orders the barman to line up 10 pints of Guinness.

Immediately, Paddy downs all 10 pints of beer, drinking them all back to back. The other pub patrons cheer and the Texan sits down in amazement. The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and asks, 'If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?'
Paddy Murphy replies, 'Oh................... I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first.'