Laloo Jokes

[Awara]

Laloo Jokes

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

[Awara]

Laallooo Prasad Yadav gave a speech to "pharin delegation" from Amrika. The topic of the speech was COWW

What is a Cow
HE IS THE COW. The cow is a successful animal. Also he is 4 footed, And because he is female, he give milks, (but will do so when he is got child.). He is same like - God, sacred to Hindus and useful to man. But he has got four legs together. Two are forward and two are afterwards. His whole body can be utilized for use. More so the milk. Milk comes from 4 taps attached to his basement. (Horses don't have any such attachment.)

Use of a cow
What can it do? Various - ghee, butter, cream, curd, and the condensed milk and so forth. Also he is useful to cobbler, watermans and mankind generally. His motion is slow only because he is of lazy species. Also, his other motion... (gobar) is much useful to trees, plants as well as for making Pizza that can be used for heating oneself in winter. Cow is the only animal that extricates his feeding after eating. Then afterwards she chews with his teeth who are situated in the inside of the mouth.

Tailing a cow
He has got tails also, situated in the backyard, but not like similar animals. It has hairs on the other end of the other side. This is done to frighten away the flies, which alight on his cohesive body hereupon he, gives hit with it.

I am now ending this fastly. My God blast you! Thank you and thank God I am finished. Jay Hind!"

[Awara]

Laloo becomes PM and goes to Pakistan for a one-on-one with Nawaz Sharif.They decide to meet without aides and are closeted for about 5 minutes. Laloo then emerges from the room. Reporters clamour for a statement. "Nawazbhai will make the announcement" is all Laloo will say. Nawaz Sharif comes out and drops a bombshell - Pakistan has decided to give up all claims on Kashmir, with no strings attached! The world is stunned. Laloo has achieved in 5 minutes what others had failed to in 50 years! How did you do it, what did you promise, the press clamours. "Sab akai-waalon ka kamaal hai," (All because of the Akai company people) says Laloo. "Woh kehte hain na, TV loge tho fridge doonga, video khareedein to cellphone free (They give fridge free if you buy TV, cellphone free if you buy VCR )... tho ham bhi Nawazbhai se keh diye: "aapko Kashmir chaahiye na? Le jaayie. Magar saath mein Bihar free milega, bas!" (SO, I said to Nawazbhai - "You want Kashmir, right? Take it. But you will get Bihar free with it!")

[Awara]

Once Laloo was coming out of Airport. As there was huge rush the security guard told Laloo "WAIT PLEASE" for which Laloo replied "65Kgs" and moved on...

[Awara]

Laloos family planning policy."DONT HAVE MORE THAN TWO CHILDREN IN ONE YEAR"

At a bar in New York, the man to Laloo's left tells the
bartender,"JOHNNIE WALKER,SINGLE." And the man's companion says, "JACK DANIELS, SINGLE." The bartender approaches Laloo and asks, "AND YOU, SIR?" Laloo replies: "LALOO YADAV, MARRIED."

After completing a jigsaw puzzle he'd been working on for quite Sometime, Laloo proudly shows off the finished puzzle to a friend. "It took me only 5 months to do it," Laloo brags. "Five months? That's too long." the friend exclaims. "You are a fool," Laloo replies."Read the box, It says 5-7 years."

[Awara]

Rabri Devi died and went to heaven (Don't Laugh). As she stood in front of yamraj , she saw a huge wall of clocks behind. She asked, "What are all those clocks?" Yamraj answered, "Those are LieClocks. Everyone on Earth has a LieClock.Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move." "Oh," said Rabri, "Who's clock is that?"That's Gautam Buddha's. The hands have never moved indicating that he
never told a lie. "And whose clock is that? "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have only moved twice, telling us that Abraham only told 2 lies in his entire life." Rabri asked, "Where's my Laloo's clock?" Laloo"s clock is in my office", replied yamraj, "I'm using it as a ceiling fan.

[Awara]

Laloo Prasad Yadav was hosting a Japanese Delegation for Business Development to Bihar.The Japanese Emissary was quite impressed with Bihar and he stated,`Bihar is an excellent state. Give us three years and we will turn it into an economic superpower like Japan.` Laloo was very surprised. `You Japanese are very inepicient (inefficient),` he stated.`Give me three days and I will turn Japan into the next Bihar!`

A reporter asked Laloo "What the main reason for divorce?" Laloo replies "Marriage".

[Awara]

In an interview,
Interviewer: Lalooji aapne apne beti ki shaadi ke liye zabardasti gaadi le li car showroom se. Iske baare mein aapko kya kehna kya hai?

Laloo: Arrey hum thodi zabardasti karna chaahte the. Hum prem se pooche rahe to oo boley nahi de sakte. Ab aur kouno chaara hi nahi tha ka karen

[Awara]

Once Laloo prasad yadav took some photos with a herd of buffaloes , Next day the photo appeared on the front page of a Bihari newspaper. Guess the caption!! 'Laloo,third from left!'

[Awara]

STATE OF BIHAR DRIVING LICEN APPLIKASON PHA-RUM

NOTE: If you dont know the answers, please capi fram another applikason pharum and submit. For further instruktions, see battum
applikason.

Please do not shoot the person at the applikason kounter. He will give
you the lisen immediately.

(Check appropriate box)

Last name:
(_) Yadav
(_) Sinha
(_) Pandey
(_) Mishra
(_) do not know


First name:
(_) Ramprasad
(_) Lakhan
(_) Sivaprasad
(_) Jamnaprasad
(_) Dont know

Age:
(_) Less than zero
(_) Zero
(_) Greater than zero
(_) Don't know

Sex:
____ M _____ F _____ not sure _____ not applicable

Chappal Size:
____ Left ____ Right

Occupasion:
(_) Politician
(_) Doodhwala
(_) Pehelwaan
(_) House wife
(_) Un-employed

Number of children living in household:
___
Number tha t are yours: ___
Mother\'s Name: _______________________
Father\'s Name: _______________________
(If not sure, leave blank)

Ejjucason:
1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)

Do you bathe?

(_) Yes (_) No Not applicable

If yes, how often do you bathe?
(_) Weekly
(_) Monthly
(_) Yearly
Color of teeth:
(_) Yellow
(_) Brownish-Yellow
(_) Brown
(_) Black
(_) Others - Give exact color (call nearest Asian Paints dealer if U
dont know the color of your teeth)

How far is your home from a paved road?
(_)1 mile (_)2 miles (_)don\'t know

_________________________
(Your thumb imparesson)
....contd....

[Awara]

.....contd..

* If you are capying from another applikason pharom, please do nat
capy thumb impression also.


* Please provide your own thumb impression.
PLEASE DO NAT USE FINGERS OF YOUR LEGS. Use thumb on your
lefthand only. If you dont have
left hand, use your thumb on right hand.
If
you do nat have right
hand,
use thumb on left hand.

NOTE : IF YOU DONT HAVE BOTH HANDS, YOU
CANNOT DRIVE

[Awara]

Laloo, Rabri and his son were returning from south by train.

Laloo was ccupying the lower berth, Rabri the middle berth and
his son the top most berth in the train compartment.

The train stopped at one of the stations on the way back and the
son asked Laloo to bring him a Cadburys chocolate. When Laloo
and his son returned they found that a South Indian who couldn't
understand Hindi had occupied his son's berth.

Upset and angry, Laloo called the Ticket checker & asked him to
help. The Ticket checker said that he could not understand
Hindi or Bihari so it would be nice if Laloo explained the whole
situation
to him in English.

So Laloo explained, "That man sleeping on top of my wife is not giving
birth
to my child."

[Awara]

Laloo Prasad Yadav talks to his son.

Laloo: I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son : "I want to choose my own bride".
Laloo : "But the girl is Ambani's daughter."
Son : "Well, in that case...... Yes"


Next Laloo approaches Mukesh Ambani

Laloo : "I have a husband for your daughter."
Ambani : "But my daughter is too young to marry."
Laloo : "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Ambani : "Ah, in that case.....Yes"


Finally Laloo goes to see the president of the World Bank.

Laloo : "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President :"But I already have more vice-presidents than I need."
Laloo : "But this young man is Ambani's son-in-law."
President : "Ah, in that case.......Yes."

[Awara]

three scientists, an american, a german and an indian, were talking and bragging about the technological advances their respective countries have achieved in the field of medicine.

the american said "in washington, there was a baby boy born without arms so we attached artificial arms on him. and he grew up and became an olympic professional boxer and a gold medallist!"

the german said, "thats nothing to what we have achieved. back in berlin, there was a baby girl born without legs so we attached a pair of artificial legs on her. now she is an olympics marathon gold medallist!"

the indian smirked: "is that all you have achieved? just gold medallists? in patna, bihar, we had a baby boy born without a head! we attached a coconut and called him Laloo and he grew up to become the chief minister of Bihar!"

[Awara]

Laloo Prasad's wife is off to England for a 2-week training program, and he is seeing her off at the airport.

'Have a good trip Rabri', says Laloo.

Rabri answers, 'Thank you ji! What would you like me to bring for you?'

Laloo laughs and says, 'An English girl!!!

Rabri is quiet and leaves contemplating the meaning of his words.

Two weeks later Laloo picks her up in the airport and asks, 'Haanji, so how was the trip?'

'Very good, very very good ji!'

Laloo laughs and asks, 'And so, what happened to my present?'

'Which present?'

'What I had asked for, the English girl?!'

'Oh haanji, that! Well, I've done what I could. Now we will just have to wait a few months to see if it's a English boy or a girl!!!

[Awara]

Once Laloo wanted to know the time difference between Bihar and Las Vegas. So he called up the Tourist department and asked them "Ji could you tell me the time difference between Patna and Las Begas...".
The man at the other end replies "One second sir ..." and Laloo immediately replies "thank you" and puts the phone down.

[Awara]

JACK AND JILL POEM IN LALOO STYLE

jack and jilwa gaye upar hilwa pe, pani bhari ka vaste.
jekwa gir gawa, uka khopdi fut gawa
and jilwa aawat ludkan pura raste
********************

An air hostess to laloo- "You are vegetarian or non vegetarian?"
Laloo- " I am Indian."
Air hostess- "No, no sir you are shakahari or masahari?"
Laloo- "I am Bihari."
*******************

Laloo to P.A.- Why are so many players kicking the football?"
P.A.- "Sir goal karne ke liye."
Laloo- "Sasura ball to pahile hi gol haui aur kitwa gol arenge."

[Awara]

Saddam Hussain approached God and asked him, "When will peace return to my country?" God answered, "You can never see peace in your country during your lifetime." Saddam wept bitterly and walked away.
Nawaz Sharif approached God and asked,"When can I see a united Pakistan with Kashmir?" God said,"You can never annex Kashmir during your life time." Sharif wept and walked away.
Laloo Prasad approached God and asked, "When will Bihar become a civilised state?" God wept bitterly and said,"I can never see that happening during my life time."

[Awara]

Once Laloo Yadav, Sonia Gandhi, a saint and a schoolboy were travelling by a private plane. Suddenly the engine caught fire and the pilot came out shouting,"This plane is going to crash! And we have only four parachutes and there are five of us in the plane. Since I am a very important Indian Airlines pilot I am taking one parachute and getting out of here." Saying this he rushed to the luggage area grabbed one parachute and jumped off the plane. Sonia Gandhi said,"Since I am the future Prime Minister of India I am very important and have to live!" She also grabbed a parachute and jumped. Laloo Yadav said,"I am the king-maker of this country, the most honest politician of India and above all the most intelligent person living in this country, and the most intelligent person must live!" Saying so Laloo went to the luggage area, grabbed one and jumped off the plane. The old saint said to the school boy,"There is only one parachute left, and there are two of us. I am an old man and don't need to live any more. You take the last parachute and jump." The school boy said,"Don't worry! There are still two parachutes left with us! The most intelligent person, Laloo Yadav, jumped off the plane with my school bag!"

[Awara]

Laloo Hamara Neta: What would be changed if Laloo Prasad becomes India's Prime Minister:
(i) National Anthem : Khana Pina Adhik Zaroorat hai...
(ii) National Attire : Dhoti & Kurta
(iii) National Drink : Fresh Buffalo Milk
(iv) National Animal : Buffalo, from Bihar
(v) National Sport : Milking Buffalo (morning) Buffalo Race (evening)
(vi) Corporate Language : Enlish-va
(vii) National Toy : A. K. 58
(viii) National Family Planning Policy : Hum Do, Humare Dozen
(ix) National Documentry Film : Laloo Ban Gaya Gentleman
(x) National Vehicle : Buffalo Cart
(xi) National Recreation : Pro-creation
Laloo's Slogan:
Jab Tak Rahega Samosa Me Aloo, Tab Tak Rahega Hamara P.M. Laloo

[Awara]

Laloo Yadav suspects Rabri Devi of cheating on him. He thinks : "I have been so busy in politics. I hardly get any time make love. How come we have so many children. Rabri must be making it out with others. "So he goes unexpectedly to his bungalow one afternoon and sure enough he opens the door to find Rabri Devi in the arms of his chowkidaar. Well, Laloo sure is angry. He takes out the gun from the pocket in his kurta. But as he does so, he is overcome with grief. He takes the gun and points to his head, ready to pull the trigger. Rabri yells "Nahin! aisa gazab mat karo! (No don't do this) Laloo replies "Chup kar kal-muhi agli goli ka shikar tu hogee!" (shut-up you are taking the next bullet)

******************************************

Excerpts from a Laloo Prasad Yadav Speech " I Thank You All For Coming Here From The Bottom Of My Heart And Also From My Wifes Bottom"

[Awara]

http://myhindiforum.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=21849&stc=1&d=1355981930


lalu as chanawaala....

[Awara]

http://myhindiforum.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=21850&stc=1&d=1355981930


lalu as police officer.

[Awara]

http://myhindiforum.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=21851&stc=1&d=1355981930


lalu as business man

[Awara]

http://myhindiforum.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=21852&stc=1&d=1355981930


lalu as villager.

[Awara]

http://myhindiforum.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=21853&stc=1&d=1355981930


lalu as coolie no. 1

[anjana]

अछि वाट लगा रहे हो भाई