Funny Quotes & applications

[jai_bhardwaj]

Friends, here are few funny leave and other applications. Please enjoy them.......

[jai_bhardwaj]

An employee applied for leave as follows:

"Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave."

[jai_bhardwaj]

From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:
"as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days.."

[jai_bhardwaj]

Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:
"as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."

[jai_bhardwaj]

From H.A.L. Administration Dept:
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave."

[jai_bhardwaj]

Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave"

[jai_bhardwaj]

An incident of a leave letter:
"I am suffering from fever, please declare one-day holiday."

[jai_bhardwaj]

A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"

[jai_bhardwaj]

Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day."

[jai_bhardwaj]

Covering note:
"I am enclosed herewith..."



Another one:
"Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below..."

[jai_bhardwaj]

Actual letter written for application of leave:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".

[jai_bhardwaj]

Letter writing:
"I am well here and hope you are also in the same well."

[jai_bhardwaj]

A candidate's job application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying for the post."

[jai_bhardwaj]

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
-David Bissonette

[jai_bhardwaj]

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
-Sacha Guitry

[jai_bhardwaj]

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
-Hemant Joshi

[jai_bhardwaj]

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
-Socrates

[jai_bhardwaj]

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
-Dumas

[jai_bhardwaj]

The great question... Which I have not been able to answer... Is, "What does a woman want?
-Sigmund Freud

[jai_bhardwaj]

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
-Henny Youngman

[jai_bhardwaj]

"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
-Sam Kinison

[jai_bhardwaj]

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
-James Holt McGavran

[jai_bhardwaj]

"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't."
-Patrick Murray

[jai_bhardwaj]

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
-Nash

[jai_bhardwaj]

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

-Henny Youngman

[jai_bhardwaj]

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
-Rodney Dangerfield

[jai_bhardwaj]

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
-Milton Berle

[jai_bhardwaj]

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.

[jai_bhardwaj]

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."




First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"

Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

[rajnish manga]

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."




First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"

Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

:bravo:

Thanks for this rib-tickling collection of most funny jokes, jai ji.

[rajnish manga]

"जो आदमी सच नहीं बोलता, उसका झूठ जल्दी ही पकड़ा जाता है."

एक उपदेशक ने सभा में उपस्थित लोगों से कहा,

"भाइयो, आज मेरे उपदेश का विषय है, झूठे लोग. बताइये आप लोगों में से कितने लोगों ने गीता का उन्नीसवां अध्याय पढ़ा है?"

लगभग सभी ने हाथ उठा दिये.

"बहुत अच्छा!" उपदेशक बोला,

"ये आप ही लोग हैं जिन्हें मेरे उपदेश की आवश्यकता थी. गीता में उन्नीसवां अध्याय है ही नहीं."

(मित्रों, क्षमा करें सूत्र का ऊपर दिया गया शीर्षक हिंदी में लिखा देख कर रह नहीं सका. यही कारण है कि English विभाग में हिन्दी लिख रहा हूँ)

[Dr.Shree Vijay]

मस्त...............................

[internetpremi]

A deaf man and a blind woman would make an ideal married couple.

(Don't remember the name of the author of this quote)

[rajnish manga]

मस्त...............................






मैं अनुमान लगा सकता हूँ कि आपने गीता का उन्नीसवां अध्याय नहीं पढ़ा है, मित्र.

[rajnish manga]

A deaf man and a blind woman would make an ideal married couple.

(Don't remember the name of the author of this quote)



May I help you, Sir?

The most happy marriage I can picture or imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman.

Samuel Taylor Coleridge (http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/s/samuel_taylor_coleridge.html)

http://myhindiforum.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=29779&stc=1&d=1377194223 http://myhindiforum.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=29780&d=1377194221 (http://myhindiforum.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=29780&d=1377194221)

[aspundir]

wonderful ..................

[Dr.Shree Vijay]

Nice.............................................. .............