Share Santa and Banta Jokes
 

Hi friends, I have started one thread for Santa and Banta Jokes.. Please share your favorite jokes. I am sharing some of my favorites.

Santa and Banta are riding through the desert on their horses. As they ride along, Banta smells something horrible. He stops his horse and turns around.

He says, "Hey, you shit your pants?"

Santa says, "No."

He believes him and they keep riding. As they go on, the smell gets worse. The smell is so bad, flys begin to swarm. Banta stops his horse and turns around.

He then says, "Are you sure you did not shit your pants?"

Santa, "Yes, I am sure."

They keep going and now the smell is getting to be unbearable. Santa is swatting the flys away. Banta stops his horse and gets off his horse. He then says, "Get of your horse. Pull down your pants. I thought you said you did not shit your pants?"

Santa replies, "I thought you meant today!"

Java Interview Attended by Santa Singh
 

Q. Explain 2 tier and 3 -tier Architecture ?
A. Two wheelers like scooters will have 2 tyres and autorickshaws will have 3 tyres.

Q. I want to store more than 10 objects in a remote server? Which methodology will follow?
A. Send it through courier.

Q. Can I modify an object in CORBA?
A. As you wish , I do not have any objections.

Q. How to communicate 2 threads each other ?
A. Sorry, Non living things can't communicate.

Q. Explain RMI Architecture?
A. I am a computer professional not an architect student.

Q. What is the use of Servlets ?
A. In hotels, they can replace servers.

Q. What is the dif ference between Process and Threads?
A. Threads are small ropes. Make a rope from threads is an example for process.

Q. What is JAR file ?
A. File that can be kept inside a jar.

Q. What is JINI?
A. A ghost which was Aladdin's friend.

Q. How will you call an Applet from a _Java Script?
A. I will give invitation.

Q. What is bean ? Where it can be used ?
A. A kind of vegetable. In kitchens for cooking they can be used.

Q. Write down how will you create a binary Tree ?
A. When we sow a binary seed, a binary tree will grow.

Have an Affair
 

Banta, “All of the thrill is gone from my marriage.”

Santa, “Why not add some intrigue to your life and have an affair?"

Banta, “But what if my wife finds out?”

Santa, “Heck, this is a new age we live in. Go ahead and just tell her about it.”

Banta goes home to his wife and says, “Preeto, I think an affair will help bring us closer together.”

Preeto, “Forget it, I’ve already tried that. It didn’t work.”

Banta Singh's Date
 

Banta called his friend, Santa, and told him that he recently met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do?

Santa said, "Send her some flowers, and on the card invite her for a home-cooked meal."

Banta liked the idea, so he invited the woman.

The day after the meal Santa calls Banta and asks about the meal.

Banta, "It was a flop idea."

Santa, "Didn't the girl come to your house?"

Banta, "She did, but she refused to cook!"

Santa Singh's Date
 

A cop stops his patrol car when he sees Banta and his girlfriend sitting on the curb. Banta is laying on his side with his pants pulled down, the girl has her finger in his butt, and she's reaming away with a vengeance.

The cop says, "What the hell is going on?"

The girl says, "This is my date. When I told him I wouldn't spend the night with him, he started pounding down the booze. Now, he's too drunk to drive me home, so I'm trying to sober him up by making him puke."

The cop says, "That's not going to make him puke."

She says, "Yeah? Wait till I switch this finger to his mouth."

Overnight Stay
 

Having snuck out with a very cute young woman that he met at a party, Banta, exhausted from hours of hot sex, woke up at her apartment at 3 A.M.

"Oh God!" Banta thought, "Jeeto's gonna kill me!"

Trying to figure out how he would explain this to Jeeto without getting whacked with a frying pan, inspiration struck first.

Banta dashed out to the nearest pay phone, dialed his home number quickly, and breathlessly said, "Jeeto, Jeeto! Don't pay the ransom!!! I escaped!!!"

Beautiful Models
 

Santa and Banta were looking at a catalog and admiring the models.

Santa says to the Banta, "Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalog?"

Banta replies, "Yes, they are very beautiful. And look at the price!"

Santa says, with wide eyes, "Wow, they aren't very expensive. At this price, I'm buying one."

Banta smiles and pats him on the back, "Good idea! Order one and if she's as beautiful as she is in the catalog, I will get one too."

Three weeks later, Banta asks Santa, "Did you ever receive the girl you ordered from the catalog?"

Santa replies, "No, but it shouldn't be long now. I got her clothes yesterday!"

Secret of Happy Married life
 

Once Banta asked Santa, "What is the secret behind your happy married life?"

Santa said, "You should share responsibilities with due love and respect to each other. Then absolutely there will be no problems."

Banta asked, "Can you explain?"

Santa said, "In my house, I take decisions on bigger issues where as my wife decides on smaller issues. We do not interfere in each other's decisions."

Still not convinced, Banta asked, "Give me some examples" Santa said, "Smaller issues like which car we should buy, how much amount to save, when to visit home town, which Sofa, air conditioner, refrigerator to buy, monthly expenses, whether to keep a maid or not etc are decided by my wife. I just agree to it"

Banta asked, "Then what is your role?"

Santa said, "My decisions are only for very big issues. Like whether America should attack Iraq, whether Britain should lift sanction over Zimbabwe, whether to widen African economy, whether Sachin Tendulkar should retire etc. Do you know one thing, my wife NEVER objects to any of these".

Vegetarian Chicken
 

Each Friday night after work, Santa would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a tandoori chicken and some meat kebabs. But, all of his neighbours were strict Catholics and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating chicken and meat on a Friday.

The delicious aroma from the grilled meats was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their Priest. The Priest came to visit Santa, and suggested that he become a Catholic.

After several classes and much study, Santa attended Mass and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, “You were born a Sikh, and raised a Sikh, but now, you are a Catholic."

Santa’s neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived. The wonderful aroma of tandoori chicken and meat kebabs filled the neighbourhood.

The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors and, as he rushed into Santa's backyard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.

There stood Santa, holding a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meats and chanted: "Oye, you waz born a chicken, and you waz born a lamb, you waz raised a chicken, and you waz raised a lamb but now yara, you are a potato and tomato"!

Santa Singh at Magic Door
 

Santa took his wife and son into to the big city shopping one saturday. As they approached town, they were astonished by the sky scrapers.

Santa never having been to the big city himself decided to let the wife out at the local mall while he and the son did some sight- seeing.

They entered a large building with an enormous lobby. The son noticed this door on the wall and ask Santa what it was for?

Santa not knowing decided to get closer for better observation. A few minutes later a old lady with a cane comes over and presses a button located near the door, the door opens and the old lady enters a small room. The door proceeds to close and Santa and son stand there amazed as lights blink over the door when all of a sudden the door opens and a very beautiful young lady exits.

Astonished, Santa looks at his son while scratching his head, and say's, "Son, I don't know what just happened, but run fast and fetch your mother."

Santa, Banta and their friends
 

Once Santa & Banta were travelling along with their friends Monty & Jaggi. On a road surrounded by forests on both sides, their car was attacked by robbers. Santa & his friends were pulled out of the car. The robbers blasted the car and took Santa, Banta and their friends in the middle of the forest where their boss was residing.

Now, this boss was fond of jokes. So, he put the condition that whoever tells a joke that makes every single person laugh should be left unharmed and alive, but if one single person doesn't laugh then the joke-teller would be shot to death.

Banta started telling the funniest joke he had ever heard, "One day........." and when he was finished, everybody were falling with laughter except Santa. So according to the vow, the boss shot poor Banta.

Now, it was the turn of Monty. He also told the best joke he had ever heard. Again everybody laughed including the boss & his robbers, but still Santa was quite as a statue. So the boss shot him.

Then came Jaggi. As he opened his mouth to tell the joke, Santa suddenly burst into laughter. Everyone was puzzled. Santa was laughing madly.

The boss asked him, "Why the hell are you laughing without hearing the joke?"

Santa said laughing and giggling, "Oh! How funny Banta's joke was!"

Passionate Kisses
 

After just a few years of marriage, filled with constant arguments, Banta and his wife Preeto decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counseling. They had been at each others throats for some time and felt that this was their last straw.

When they arrived at the counselor's office, the counselor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion.

"What seems to be the problem?"

Immediately, Banta held his long face down without anything to say. On the other hand, Preeto began talking 90 miles an hour describing all the wrongs within their marriage.

After 10-15 minutes of listening to the wife, the counselor went over to her, picked her up by her shoulders, kissed her passionately for several minutes, and sat her back down.

Afterwards, Preeto sat there - speechless. He looked over at Banta who was staring in disbelief at what had happened.

The counselor spoke to Banta, "Your wife NEEDS that at least twice a week!"

Banta scratched his head and replied, "I can have her here on Wednesdays and Saturdays."

House Keeping
 

Banta wanted to board his horse. The first farmer he asked said he would keep it at Rs 250 a day, plus he would keep the manure.

Banta thought that was too high and went to another farmer. His price was Rs 200 per day plus he would get to keep the manure.

Then he went to Santa who asked just Rs 50 a day.

Banta asked, "Don't you want to keep the manure?"

Santa said, "At Rs 50 a day, there won't be any!"

Santa Singh in a Bar
 

Santa is sitting at a bar having a few drinks when he notices a very attractive lady sit down at the other end of the bar and order a drink.

Santa calls the bartender over and says, "Whatever she is drinking give her another one and tell her it is on me."

The bartender replies, "I don't think you want to do that."

"What do you mean?" yells Santa, "Send her the drink!"

"O.K." the bartender replies, "but I don't think it is a good idea."

"And why not?" asks Santa.

The bartender leans over the bar and very softly says, "Because she's a lesbian."

"I don't care, send her the drink." says Santa

So after the lady gets her drink Santa very casually strolls down to the other end of the bar and sits down next to her and says, "So what part of Lesbia are you from?"

What a coincidence
 

Santa went to a local bar, sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne.

The woman perked up and said, 'How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!'

'What a coincidence' Santa said. 'This is a special day for me. I am celebrating.'

'This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating,' said the woman.'

'What a coincidence!' said Santa.

As they clinked glasses he added, 'What are you celebrating?'

'My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynecologist told me that I am pregnant!'

'What a coincidence!' said Santa. 'I'm a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs.'

'That's great!' said the woman, 'How did your chickens become fertile?'

'I used a different cock,' he replied.

The woman smiled, clinked his glass and said, 'What a coincidence!'

Doctor Banta
 

A Doctor wanted to get off work and go hunting, so he approached his assistant, "Banta, I am going hunting tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all of our patients".

"Yes, sir!!!" answers Banta.

The doctor goes hunting and returns the following day and asks, "So, Banta, How was your day?" Banta told him that he took care of three patients.

"The first one had a Headache so I gave him Analgin."

"Bravo Mate, and the second one?" asks the doctor.

"The second one had running nose and I gave him Coldarin, sir" says Banta.

"Bravo, bravo! You're good at this and what about the third one?" asks the doctor.

"Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opens and a woman enters like a flame, she undresses herself, taking off everything including her bra and her panties and lies down on the table and shouts:

HELP ME! For 5 years I have not seen any man!!!!!"

And what did you do Banta?" asks the doctor.

"I put drops in her eyes!!!

Stupid Wives
 

Three friends were sitting in a bar, drinking Beer, and discussing how stupid their wives were.

The first guy, "I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last week she went to the market and bought meat worth 1000 bucks because it was on sale, and we don't even have a fridge to keep it in."

The second agrees that she sounds pretty thick, but says his wife is thicker.

"Just last week, she went out and spent 4 lacs on a new car," he laments, "and she doesn't even know how to drive!"

Banta nods sagely, and agrees that these two women sound like they both walked through the stupid forest and got hit by every branch. However, he still thinks his wife is dumber.

"Ah, it kills me every time I think of it," he chuckles. "My wife just left to go on a holiday in Germany. I watched her packing her bag, and she must have put about 100 condoms in there. And she doesn't even have a penis!

Horse Auction
 

Pappu attended a horse auction with his father, Santa. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs, rump, and chest.

After a few minutes, Pappu asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?"

Santa replied, "Because I'm buying horses. I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy."

Pappu looked worried, "Then I think we'd better hurry home right away."

"Why?" said Santa.

"Because Banta uncle stopped by yesterday, I think he wants to buy Mom."

Fill in the Blanks
 

Santa and son, Pappu, were always in competition with each other. One day Pappu left to take an entrance exam at a university. He wanted to major in medicine. A week later he returned from his trip looking very down in the dumps.

"How was the exam?" asked Santa.

"They asked quite a lot of 'fill in the blank' questions about first aid and stuff. I got a score of 70%. It wasn't good enough to get accepted," he replied.

"Well in that case I better take that exam myself," Santa said. So off to the university he went. A week later Santa returned from his trip looking very down in the dumps.

"How was the exam?" asked Pappu.

"They asked quite a lot of 'fill in the blank' questions about first aid and I got them all wrong but one."

"Which question was that?"

"The question was...", started Santa, "What do you do when you come across a woman which has fainted. You feel her pu_s_?"

"That's easy", Pappu replied. "The answer is pulse."

"Oh, hell," said Santa," I got that one wrong as well."

Sensuous Moves
 

Young Banta was on his way home from the market when he saw a girl from the next village and offered her a ride.

Pretty soon, they came to a clump of trees, and she asked him to stop.

Seeing that he was bashful, she took his face in her hands and kissed him. Then she asked, "Do you want to go a little farther?"

He said, "Yep, Get up Rita."

So they rode a little farther, and she asked him to pull up at another shady spot.

Then she took one of his hands and placed it inside her bosom and his other hand on her thigh, and asked, "Do you want to go a little farther?"

Again he said, "Yes, get up Rita."

So, when they stopped at the third bushy place, she reached over and opened his fly and took his pecker out.

She spread herself before Banta and asked, "Now do you want me to put it in for you?"

Banta replied, "Yes. My dad would kill me if I came home with it hanging out."

Hong Kong Dong
 

On having business trip to the Orient, Banta decided to spend his last night having wild sex with a Chinese prostitute in Hong Kong. Upon returning home three weeks later, he noticed a very weird, green, festering sore growing on his penis.

He went to Dr. Jones, who, after hearing of his Orient trip and extracurricular activities, told him he had Hong Kong Dong and the only cure was complete amputation.

Banta was horrified, and decided to get a second opinion. Banta contacted Doctor Smith and showed him the green growth.

Doctor said, "I am sorry but Doctor Jones is correct. We must amputate right away."

Banta could not accept this. His friend suggested that he visit an oriental doctor. They must deal with this all the time. He went to Doctor Chu Wong.

Doctor Wong agreed with the diagnosis of Hong Kong Dong, but said, "These Western doctors - so quick to Chop, Chop, Chop. Amputation not necessary."

Banta was relieved. Doctor Wong said, "You wait three weeks and it fall off on its

Delivery Report
 

Santa and Banta were screwing the same girl at the same time and they were greeted with the sad news one day that their girlfriend is pregnant. Having no way of knowing who's th father, they chipped in and sent her out of town to have the little bastard.

Several months passed without either of the two hearing from the girl, so Banta decided to find her and get some news about the pregnancy.

The next day, Santa got a call from Banta. "I've got some good news and some bad news," Banta said on the telephone.

"Well, give me the good news first," replied Santa.

"The good news is that she's fine, and she had twins," came the reply.

"And the bad news?"

"Mine died."

Santa in Library

http://liveajoke.files.wordpress.com.../cartoon-1.jpg

Santa's License.

http://www.interestingmails.com/imag...ry/sardar1.gif

Cricket Match Bet
 

ATM Password
 

Pets
 

Barack Obama

http://smsjokes.co.in/wp-content/upl...es-300x242.jpg

Name of the father
 

Santa's Wife
 

really hilarious man......:bakar:

mast hai yaar.....:iagree:

Some more jokes

http://i297.photobucket.com/albums/m...es/jokes07.jpg

:iagree:
:iagree::iagree:
:iagree::iagree::iagree:

I Agree

Once it was announced on a railway platform that rajdhani express is coming on platform One, Suddenly Santa Singh jumped on the train tracks.

A man shouted to Santa "what the hell are you doing?".

Santa Singh said to the man that you are going to die as the train is comming on the platform and not on the railway track.

:lol::lol::lol:

Each Friday night after work, Santa Singh would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a tandoori chicken and some meat kebabs. But, all of his neighbours were strict Catholics ... and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating chicken and meat on a Friday.

The delicious aroma from the grilled meats was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their Priest.
The Priest came to visit Santa, and suggested that he become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Santa attended Mass ... and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You were born a Sikh, and raised a Sikh, but now dear, you are a Catholic."

Santa's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived.
The wonderful aroma of tandoori chicken and meat kebabs filled the neighborhood. The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors and, as he rushed into Santa's backyard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.

There stood Santa, holding a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meats and chanted:
"Oye, you waz born a chicken, and you waz born a lamb,
you waz raised a chicken, and you waz raised a lamb
but now dears.... you are a potato and tomato"!

INTERVIEWER: give me the opposite words.
SARDAR: ok.
INTR: made in india.
SARDAR: destroyed in pakistan.
INT: gud keep it up.
SARDAR: bad put it down.
INT: maximum.
SARDAR: minidad.
INT: enough, take ur seat.
SRDAR: insufficient, dont take my seat.
INT: idiot! take ur seat.
SARDAR: clever, dont take my seat.
INT: i say u get out!
SARDAR: u didnt say i come in.
INT: i reject u!
SARDAR: U appoint me.

Letter to Bill Gates from Banta Singh
 

Dear Mr Bill Gates

This letter is from Banta Singh from Punjab. We have bought a computer for our home and we found problems, which I want to bring to your notice.

1. After connecting to internet we planned to open e-mail account and whenever we fill the form in Hotmail in the password column, only ******appears, but in the rest of the fields whatever we typed appears, but we face this problem only in password field. We checked with hardware vendor Santa Singh and he said that there is no problem in keyboard. Because of this we open the e-mail account with password *****. I request you to check this as we ourselves do not know what the password is.

2. We are unable to enter anything after we click the 'shut down ' button.

3. There is a button 'start' but there is no "stop" button. We request you to check this.

4. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friend clicked 'run ' has ran up to Amritsar! So, we request you to change that to "sit", so that we can click that by sitting.

5. One doubt is that any 're-scooter' available in system? As I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.

6. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot for tracing the key with this ' find', but unable to trace. Is it a bug??

7. Every night I am not sleeping as I have to protect my 'mouse' from CAT, So I suggest u to provide one DOG to kill that cat.

8. Please confirm when u are going to give me money for winning 'HEARTS'(playing cards in games) and when are u coming to my home to collect your money.

9. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when u will provide that?

10. Hey what is this, I brought computer, cpu, mouse and keypad, but there is only one icon with 'MY Computer', what happened to the remaining?

11. There is not even single photo of mine in the 'MY Pictures'.. when u will keep my photo in that.

12. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME'

Thanking you,

Yours
Banta Singh