You know you work for the Government when...
 

- When someone asks about what you do for a living, you lie.

- You get really excited about a 2% pay raise.

- Your supervisor doesn't have the ability to do your job.

- You sit in a cubicle smaller than your bedroom closet.

- It no longer amazes you that computer security is more important than having computers.

- Your office computer was just upgraded to a 200 MHz Pentium this year.

- Computer specialists know less about computers than your teenager.

- Lunch is like another scheduled meeting, only shorter.

- You and your coequals always consume the free food left over from VIP meetings.

- It's dark when you drive to and from work.

- You're forced to park your car a mile from the office because of all the commanders, customers, designated contractor, VIP's, employees of the month/quarter/year and visitor, parking spaces by the main entrance.

Water in the Carburetor
 

WIFE: "There's trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor."
HUSBAND: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous."
WIFE: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor."
HUSBAND: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. I'll check it out. Where's the car?" WIFE: "In the pool."