Advice

“My boy,” said the magnate to his son, “there are two things that are vitally necessary if you are to succeed in business.”

“What are they, Dad?”

“Honesty and sagacity.”

“What’s honesty?”

“Always – no matter what happens or how adversely it may affect you – always keep your word once you’ve given it.”

“And sagacity?’

“Never give it.”


Who’s Idiot?


"If there are any idiots in the classroom, will they please stand up," said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.

"Now then, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" inquired the teacher with a sneer.

"Well, actually I don’t," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."


No brains


A college student was in a philosophy class which had a discussion about God’s existence. The professor presented the following logic:

"Has anyone in this class heard God?" Nobody spoke.

"Has anyone in this class touched God?" Again, nobody spoke.

"Has anyone in this class seen God?" When nobody spoke for the third time, he simply stated, "Then there is no God."

One student thought for a second, and then asked for permission to reply. Curious to hear this bold student’s response, the professor granted it, and the student stood up and asked the following questions of his classmates:

"Has anyone in this class heard our professor’s brain?" Silence.

"Has anyone in this class touched our professor’s brain?"
Absolute silence.

"Has anyone in this class seen our professor’s brain?" When nobody in the class dared to speak, the student concluded, "Then, according to our professor’s logic, it must be true that our professor has no brain!"

(...The student received an "A" in the class.)

Bills

Bill Clinton, Bill Gates, and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed. They’re up in heaven, and God’s sitting on the great white throne.

God addresses Al first. "Al, what do you believe in?" Al replies, "Well, I believe that the combustion engine is evil and that we need to save the world from CFCs and that if anymore Freon is used, the whole earth will become a greenhouse and we’ll all die."

God thinks for a second and says "Okay, I can live with that. Come and sit at my left."

God then addresses Bill Clinton. "Bill, what do you believe in?" Bill Clinton replies, "Well, I believe in power to the people. I think people should be able to make their own choices about things and that no one should ever be able to tell someone else what to do. I also believe in feeling people’s pain."

God thinks for a few second and says, "Okay that sounds good. Come and sit at my right."

God then address Bill Gates. "Bill Gates, what do you believe?" Bill Gates said, "I believe you’re in my chair."

Celebs In Heaven

Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells him, "You look like Einstein, but you have no idea the lengths some people will go to sneak into Heaven. Can you prove you’re Albert Einstein?"

Einstein ponders for a few seconds and then asks, "Can I have a blackboard and some chalk?" Saint Peter snaps his fingers and a blackboard and chalk instantly appear.

Einstein proceeds to describe, in arcane mathematics and symbols, his theory of relativity. Saint Peter is suitably impressed. "You really ARE Einstein!" he says. "Welcome to heaven!"

The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again, Saint Peter asks for credentials. Picasso asks, "Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?" Saint Peter says, "Go ahead."
Picasso erases Einstein’s equations and sketches a truly stunning mural with just a few strokes of chalk. Saint Peter claps. "You are definitely the great artist you claim to be!" he says. "Come on in!"

Then Saint Peter looks up and sees George W. Bush. Saint Peter scratches his head and says, "Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity. How can you prove yours?"

Dubya looks bewildered and says, "Who are Einstein and Picasso?"

Saint Peter sighs and says, "Come on in, George."

Lot Of Sins

Once Salman Khan, Shahrukh Khan and Aamir Khan died and all of them went to hell. After a few days Hrithik Roshan went to pay a visit to hell to meet them.

First he went to Salman. He saw that Salman was with a girl with one eye, one leg and no nose. Hrithik was surprised to see this. He asked God, “Why did you punish Salman like this?”

God said that he had committed a lot of sins.

Then he went to Aamir. He also had the same kind of girl. Again Hrithik asked the same question and God also gave the same answer back.

In the end he went to Shahrukh and was surprised to see that Shahrukh Khan was with Cindy Crawford.

He asked God that why did he gave Cindy to him and God replied, ’ Cindy committed a lot of sins.’

Re: Funny Jokes....
 

very funny ... :lol::laughlaugh::rolling:

Re: Funny Jokes....
 

the name of thread.....

i think jokes are always funny....:):)

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Q. What is Education ?

Ans. Education is an organized system through which we waste half of our life to learn how to waste the remaining half of our life.

Re: Funny Jokes....
 

jokes are always funny... nice job hehehe

Re: Funny Jokes....
 

शिक्षा की इतनी सुन्दर परिभाषा ! काश मैँ कल्याण जी के संपर्क मेँ पहला आया होता तो शायद मेरा आधा जीवन बरबाद होने से बच जाता ।

Re: Funny Jokes....
 

Re: Funny Jokes....
 

Re: Funny Jokes....
 

बहुत सुन्दर पंक्ति उद्धृत कर दी कि जब हमारा सीखना खत्म होता है तब जीने के लिए वक्त नहीँ रह जाता । ...........क्योँकि सीखना एक सतत् प्रक्रिया है ।

Re: Funny Jokes....
 

इसमें क्या शक है ?? सीखना तो मरते दम तक चलता है. उस पल आदमी को जीवन की सबसे बड़ी सच्चाई पता चलती है.