Re: Humour Unlimited by Anjaan
 

Re: Humour Unlimited by Anjaan
 

Re: Humour Unlimited by Anjaan
 

Re: Humour Unlimited by Anjaan
 

Re: Humour Unlimited by Anjaan
 

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A ship sank close to a deserted island and a group of passengers made it alive on the island. In the group there were:
2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
2 German men and 1 German woman
2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman
2 Mexican men and 1 Mexican woman
2 American men and 1 American woman
2 Indian men and 1 Indian woman
One month later, on various parts of the island, the following was observed:

The Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman (y)

The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of when they alternate with the German woman:>

The two Greek men are sleeping together, and the Greek woman is cooking & cleaning for them :s

The two Mexican men are talking to all the other men on the island trying to sell them the Mexican woman =D

The two American men are contemplating suicide. The American woman is bitching about her body being fat. 8-|

The 2 Indian men are still waiting for someone to introduce them to the Indian woman..

Re: Humour Unlimited by Anjaan
 

Bihari Independence Day Speech.. !!

A Schoolmaster from a remote rural area in Bihar was transferred to a new School in Mumbai.

He reported for duty two days before August 15 and, as was the practice in the school, was asked to address the school assembly on Independence Day.
Here's his dynamite speech :

Leddies and Gentulmens, Contemporaries, Children, "This is my first maiden speech. If small mistakes get inside my speech, I ask pardon.

Stickly speaking, I wanted to joint your school more fastly, but for the following reason. Too much time lost in getting slipper reservation in three-tyre compartment. The clerk rejected to give ticket. I put complaint on stationmaster. He said me to go to lady clerk. At first she also rejected. I then pressed her for long time and at last with great difficulty she gave a birth only to my son. Anyway I thanked the stationmaster because he was responsible for getting birth of my son.

We got independent because of great leadersz linke Gundhiji who get-outted all angrezi peoples from India. Tilak said Swaraj is our birth rate and we shall halve it.

Today we all have our birth-rate.You children are future dynamic generators of the Nation. Look into future time only. No backside looking, or looking at your behind.

Be like great like X' raj Ranjan of Germany or Presidents like Loosebelt, Dim Butter, Lipton etc. You know genius, no? It is one per cent perspiration and ninety seven percent evaporation.

They became great by reading great books. After we finish you off here in the school, you can go to college and get B.A., M.A., M.A.M.A and other decrease.

Then you can become great liars in the supreme courts, shattered accountants, or lecherers in college.

The school is like a garden. You are the seeds, classroom is the soil. We will bury you in this soil, pour water of knowledge on your heads and one-day you all will become great phools.

Many vacancy job come in papers. Only yesterday I saw in paper "Wanted for refuted engineering firm: - Generators, highpower condensors" so and so forth, etc. These jobs may be teknickel, but you can shine.

If you have flare in English, you can become teacher.

I am now ending this fastly.

My God blast you!

Thank you and thank God!

Re: Humour Unlimited by Anjaan
 

Re: Humour Unlimited by Anjaan
 

Baba mere FACEBOOK par LIKE
or COMMENT nahi aate
Nirmal Baba : FB last time kab
khola tha
Boy : Baba kal khola tha
Nirmal Baba : 1 din mein kitni
baar FACEBOOK kholte ho
Boy : 2-3 baar
Nirmal Baba : Browser konsa USE
karte ho ?
Boy : Baba GOOGLE CHROME
Nirmal baba : bas yahi se kirpa
ruki hai jao or PASSWORD badal
kar account ko MOZILLA browser
se kholo sab theek hoo jaega

Re: Humour Unlimited by Anjaan
 

Married couples having their first baby were invited to make use of a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's Labour pains to the baby's biological father. Both were happy to try it. The pain transfer was set to 10 percent but the husband felt nothing. So the doctor increased it to 20 percent. The father said he still felt fine and his blood pressure was normal. He invited the doctor to kick it up to 50 percent. Still no reaction. The doctor was amazed and slowly transferred all the pain until the wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband and the doctor were ecstatic. When they got home, the gardener was lying almost dead at the gate...

Re: Humour Unlimited by Anjaan
 

Dont mean to offend anyone whether directly and Indirectly.
Do understand that I have not made this joke
I am a Bihari btw.

Bengali
One Bengali = poet.
Two Bengalis = a film society.
Three Bengalis = political party.
Four Bengalis = two political parties.
More than four Bengali's = Countrywide agitation to bring Ganguli into Team .

Bihari
One Bihari = Laloo Prasad Yadav.
Two Biharis = booth-capturing squad.
Three Biharis = caste killing.
Four Biharis = entire literate population of Patna .

Punjabi
One Punjabi =100 kg hulk named Pinky.
Two Punjabis = Pinky with his bigger brother Twinky.
Three Punjabis = assault on the McAloo Tikkis at the local McDonalds.
Four Punjabis = combined IQ equal to one.

Mallu
One Mallu = coconut stall.
Two Mallus = a boat race.
Three Mallus = Gulf job racket.
Four Mallus = oil slick.

Gujju
One Gujju = share-broker in a Bombay train.
Two Gujjus = rummy game in a Bombay train.
Three Gujjus = Bombay 's noisiest restaurant.
Four Gujjus = stock market scam.

Andhraite
One Andhraite = chili farmer.
Two Andhraites = software company in New Jersey.
Three Andhraites = Naxalite outfit.
Four Andhraites = song-and-dance number in a Telugu movie.

Kashmiri
One Kashmiri = carpet salesman.
Two Kashmiris = carpet factory.
Three Kashmiris = terrorist outfit.
Four Kashmiris = shoot-at-sight order.

Tamil-Brahmin
One Tam-Brahm = priest at the Vardarajaperumal temple.
Two Tam-Brahms = Maths tuition class.
Three Tam-Brahms = Queue outside the U.S consulate at 4 a.m.
Four Tam-Brahms = Thyagaraja music festival inSanta Clara .

Mumbaikar
One Mumbaikar = footpath vada-pav stall.
Two Mumbaikars = film studio.
Three Mumbaikars = slum.
Four Mumbaikars = The number of people standing on your foot in the train at rush hour.

Sindhi
One Sindhi = currency racket.
Two Sindhis = papad factory.
Three Sindhis = duplicate goods shop in Ulhasnagar .
Four Sindhis = Hong Kong Retail Traders Association.=))

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Re: Humour Unlimited by Anjaan
 

HEIGHT OF BADLUCK

Boy: Marry Me.. ?
Girl: Do You Have A House.. ?
Boy: No..
Girl: Do You Have A BMW Car.. ?
Boy: No..
Girl: How Much Is Your Salary.. ?
Boy: No Salary.. But,..
Girl: No But. You Have Nothing.. How Can I Marry You.?? Leave Please.!!

Boy: (Talks To Himself) I Have One Villa,
3 Property Lands,
3 Ferrari, 2 Porsche..
Why I Still Need To Buy BMW.?!
How Can I Get The Salary When Actually I'm The BOSS.

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Re: Humour Unlimited by Anjaan
 

One morning at a doctor's clinic a patient arrives complaining of serious back-pain.

The doctor examines him and asks him" OK, what happened to your back?" The patient replies "You know that I work for a local night club? This morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my bedroom. On entering I knew someone had been with my wife and the balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did not find anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and he was dressing himself. I grabbed the fridge and threw it at him, That's how I strained my back.

"The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck. The doctor said "My previous patient looked bad, but you look terrible.. What the hell happened to you?" He replied, "You know I have been unemployed for a while now .Today was the first day at my new job. I forgot to set my alarm and was running late.. I was running out of the building, getting dressed at the same time, and you won't believe it but I was hit by a fridge.

"The 3rd patient arrives; he looks even worse than the other two patients do. The doctor is shocked. Again asks, "What the hell happened to you.?"

"Well I was sitting in a fridge & someone threw it from the 3rd floor" =D

Re: Humour Unlimited by Anjaan
 

A Newly Wedded Girl On fone:
Maa, 2day v had a Fight
Mother: O Dear,
Pati Patni Mein dis Happens Smtimes
Girl: k I Undrstand Par Ab LAASH Ka Kya Karu ?

Re: Humour Unlimited by Anjaan
 

Superman's had a hard week of fighting crime in Metropolis and is ready for some R&R. So Friday afternoon he looks up his pals Batman and Spiderman to see if they're up for going on the prowl that evening. Both turn him down on account of prior commitments and Superman is pretty ticked. As he's flying around the stratosphere letting off steam, he spots Wonder Woman lying on her back stark naked sunbathing on the beach.

"Hey," he thinks, "I'm Superman and I don't need those two clowns to have a good time. I can just fly down there at the speed of light, catch a quickie and fly away before she knows what happened."

So, Superman zips down, takes advantage of the situation and flies away at the speed of light.

Wonder Woman says, "What the hell was that?"

The Invisible Man says, "I don't know but it hurt like hell"

Re: Humour Unlimited by Anjaan
 

Did you hear about the woman who was married to a succession of three Microsoft employees and still died a virgin?

Her first husband was in Training, and kept teaching her how to do it herself.

The second was in Sales, and kept telling her how good it was going to be.

And the third was in Tech Support, and kept saying “Don’t worry, it’ll be up any minute now…”

Re: Humour Unlimited by Anjaan
 

Mom and Dad were taking young Billy for a walk through the park one sunny afternoon when all of a sudden, in the bushes a short distance away, Billy spots two dogs going at it. Billy says, "Daddy, what are they doing?" The dad responds after some quick thinking, "Why son, their making a puppy."

Later that night Billy was thirsty and got out of bed to get a glass of water. As he walked by his mom and dad's room, he heard a noise and looked in only to find them going at it. Billy shouts, "Daddy what are you doing?" The father, quite embarrassed, replies "Why Billy, we're making a baby." "Quick, turn her over..." declares Billy, "...I want a puppy!"

Re: Humour Unlimited by Anjaan
 

AMERICAN MOVIES TEACH US:

1. Chinese have nothing better to do than teaching or practice Kung Fu.
2. More than 50% of U.S. population are FBI/CIA agents, working undercover.
3. The purpose of school system of U.S. is to promote basketball.
4. Aliens have special interest in attacking U.S.
5. U.S. is a place where you can meet all mythical creatures like warewolves and vampires.

INDIAN MOVIES TEACH US:
1. At least one of the identical twins is born evil.
2. While defusing a bomb, do not worry, whichever wire you cut you"always choose the right".
3. A hero will show no pain, while getting beaten up; but will show pain when a girl cleans up his wound.
4. A detective can solve a case only when he is suspended from duty.
5. If you decide to start dancing on the street, everyone you meet will know the steps...

Re: Humour Unlimited by Anjaan
 

If you're going on the road.. and is a Cat crosses your path... What does it mean..?????

.
.
.
.
.
.

.
.
.
.
.
.

It means the cat's going somewhere as well

Re: Humour Unlimited by Anjaan
 

Re: Humour Unlimited by Anjaan
 

Ladki wale - bete kuch boori aadat hai?

Ladka - nahin

Ladki wale - bete, boori aadat matlab, kya sharab pite ho?

Ladka - nahin

Ladki wale - bete, kya cigarette pite ho?

Ladka - nahin

Ladki wale - bete, kya jua / satta khelte ho?

Ladka - nahin

Ladki wale - bete, kya ladkiyo ke paas jaate ho?

Ladka - nahin

Ladki wale - bete, aaj kal to tumhare jaisa accha ladka milna bahoot mushkil hai...

Ladka - lekin mere paas ek boori aadat hai..

Ladki wale - are bete, aap itne acche ho..ek boori aadat se koi farak nahin padta...btw..oh buri aadat kya hai...

Ladka - Main ziyada jhoot bolta hoon..

Re: Humour Unlimited by Anjaan
 

Boy- Tumhari kameez Fati Hui Hai....
Girl- Nahi, Ye Fashion hai.
Boy- Achchha, Khud Faado toh Fashion,
.
.
.
.
.
.
Hum Faade Toh POLICE
STATION ??

Re: Humour Unlimited by Anjaan
 

Re: Humour Unlimited by Anjaan
 

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Re: Humour Unlimited by Anjaan
 

On the set of KBC..
A guy got stuck on a Rs.1 crore question.,
He uses phone-a-friend Lifeline and chooses his girl friend to ask da answer.
...
Amitabh - Hey you've got 30seconds to answer and your time starts now.
Boy reads out the question and options.
.
.
.
.
.
Girl - Mil gaya time tumhe phone karne ka
mujhe tumse koi baat ni
karni.....bye.. !!!!

Re: Humour Unlimited by Anjaan
 

What do you call a deeply burnt food item in your lunch that is not recogonizable?
UFO: Unidentified Fried Object


A woman went to the Doctor and said "When I looked in the mirror this morning, I saw my hair was frizzy, my skin wrinkly, my eyes bloodshot – what is wrong with me?".
The Doctor replied "Well the good news is that your eyesight is fine".


Wife to her husband: Wake up. Some thieves have broken into our house. I think they are now eating the food I made last night.
Husband: Oh! Let's better call the ambulance then.

Re: Humour Unlimited by Anjaan
 

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Knock knock!
Who's there?
Max.
Max who?
Max no difference to you, just open up and let me in!

Re: Humour Unlimited by Anjaan