The Dishwasher
A man went to visit his 90-year-old grandfather and while eating the breakfast of eggs and bacon prepared for him, he noticed a film-like substance on his plate. So he says, "Grandfather, are these plates clean?" His grandfather replies, "Those plates are as clean as coldwater can get them, so go on and finish your meal"
That afternoon, while eating the hamburgers his grandfather made for lunch, he noticed many little black specks around the edge of his plate, so again he asked, "Grandfather are you sure these plates are clean?" Without looking up from his burger, the grandfather says, "I told you those dishes are as clean as coldwater can get them, now don't ask me about it anymore".
Well, later that day, they were on their way out to get dinner. As he was leaving the house, grandfather's dog that was lying on the floor started to growl and would not let him pass. "Grandfather, your dog won't let me out".
Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching, his grandfather shouted, "Coldwater, get your butt out of the way!"
The Devil
A woman was fed up of her husbands drinking habits. So one day she decided to dress up like a devil and frighten her husband. When the husband came home she jumped from behind the couch dressed as a devil and made horrible noises.
For a moment, he thought it was the real devil. But then he simply saw her with drunken eyes and said, "you don't frighten me anymore because I married your sister years ago."
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