Forwarded ईमेल का सूत्र

[teji]

A man and his wife were spending the day at the zoo. She was wearing
a loose-fitting pink dress, sleeveless with straps. He was wearing
his usual jeans and t-shirt.

As they walked through the ape exhibit, they passed in front of a
large, silverback gorilla. Noticing the wife, the gorilla immediately
went crazy. He jumped on the bars and, holding on with one hand and 2
feet, he grunted and pounded his chest with his free hand. He was
obviously very excited by the pretty lady in the pink dress.

The husband, noticing the excitement, thought this was funny. He
suggested that his wife tease the poor fellow some more by puckering
her lips and wiggling her bottom. She played along and the gorilla
got extremely excited, now making noises that would wake the dead.

Then the husband suggested that she let one of her dress straps fall
to show a little more skin. She did ... and the gorilla was about to
tear the bars down!

"Now, show your thighs and sort of fan your dress at him," he said.
This drove the gorilla absolutely crazy, and he started doing flips
and charging the bars!

Then the husband grabbed his wife, ripped open the door to the cage,
flung her in with the gorilla, slammed the cage door shut and
said, "Now, tell him you have a headache and you are not in the mood now”

[teji]

The Resignation Letter
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Boss looking through his Mail Box was astonished to see a mail from an
Employee who was supposed to be busy working at Client side on a critical
project. It had the subject - "TaTa - Bye Bye". With the worst premonition
he opened the mail and read the content with trembling hands:-

Dear Sir,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you, but I'm leaving the
job. The offer was too lucrative and attractive for me to turn down. I had
to abscond because I wanted to avoid a scene with the HR and you. I am sorry
but I had no choice.

The project is working fine. There are only 108 issues pending, out of which
only 38% issues are High Priority. Hence I am sure there is no need to worry
about. The next Phase of major enhancements I have been working upon, have
been completed halfway. I am sure the new person who would replace me would
not understand what all I had done so far. Hence, for his and your
convenience, I have taken care to remove all the work that I had been doing
this far for nearly 3 months now. I am sure you will appreciate my insight
and "big heart".

I am of course retaining the Originals that I had retrieved for the purpose
of Passport verification with me, considering it as a parting gift from you.
Of course, I will not pay the bond amount that I owe the company (since I Am
breaking the bond). But I will consider this as a parting gift from our Dear
company. I moving out of town since the new company is situated in another
City.

Also, I have changed my contact number. So you will not be able to get in
touch with me, to congratulate me. But I know your blessings are always with
me. Last but not the least. I also have the Rs 12000 entrusted to me by our
company's cultural events group, for the upcoming movie event. I am sure you
would have wanted me to keep it with myself as an added bonus from our
company. I respect you very much, hence your wish is my command.

Don't worry sir. I am 2 years experienced now, learning so much from your
company. So I will surely use this knowledge to write better programs for
the new company. Someday I'm sure we will meet sometime in the future. If
you wish, I will surely be glad to give my employee reference for you to
apply for a job in the new company which I am joining.

Your faithful employee,
S. W. Engineer

At the bottom of the page were the letters "PS". Hands still trembling, the
Boss read:

PS: Dearest Boss, none of the above is true. I'm am still busy working at
client side. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life
than my "Request to reconsider my Salary Appraisal" attached with this mail.
Please approve it and call when it is safe for me to come to our Office to
discuss this.

My respect and Best Regards to you!

[teji]

The following is the transcript of an actual radio conversation in
October 1995, between a US Navy ship off the coast of England, and the British
authorities.

The transcript was released by the MoD on 10/10/95.

BRITS: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South, to avoid a collision.
AMERICANS: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North, to avoid a collision.
BRITS: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
AMERICANS: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
BRITS: Negative. I say again. You will have to divert your course.
AMERICANS: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN. THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES ATLANTIC FLEET. THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS ACCOMPANY US.
I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH. THAT'S 15 DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.



BRITS: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

[teji]

Two Nuns

One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM),
and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).

It is getting dark and they are still far away from
the convent.

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us
for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder
what he wants.
SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.
SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15
minutes at the most! What can we do?
SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk
faster.
SM: It's not working.
SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only
logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.
SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach
us in one minute.
SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go
that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us
both.

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.
Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is
worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.
Then Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here!
Tell me what happened!
SL: The only logical thing happened.
The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me
SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?
SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run
as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he
could.
SM: And?
SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.
SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?
SL: The only logical thing to do.
I lifted my dress up.
SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?
SL: The only logical thing to do.
He pulled down his pants.
SM: Oh, no! What happened then?
SL: Isn't it logical, Sister?

A nun with her dress up can run faster than man
with his pants down.

And for those of you who thought it would be dirty,
say two Hail Marys!

[teji]

[teji]

Got as a forward in my email today:

Bewde Zameen Par...!!
Sabhi Bewdon ko samarpit...
Every glass is special

Main Kabhi Batlata Nahin
Bar main dailyy jaata Hoon Main Maa ...
Yun To Main, Dikhlata Nahin
Daru peekar roz aata hun Main Maa ....
Tujhe Sab Hai Pata, Hain Na Maa...
Tujhe Sab Hai Pata, Meri Maa...

Theke pe Yun Na Chhoro Mujhe ,
Ghar Laut Ke Bhi Aa Naa Paoon Main Maa...
Pauwa lene Bhej Na Itna Door Mujko Tu,
Ghar bhi bhool jaun main Maa...
Kya Itna Bura Hoon Main Maa...
Kya Itna Bura...Meri Maa..

Scotch main ,itna peeta nahi,
Peg Se Seham Jaata Hoon Main Maa
Chehre Pe Aane Deta Nahin
Lekin kabhi ludak jaata Hoon Main Maa
Tujhe Sab Hai Pata...Hai Naa Maa
Tujhe Sab Hai Pata, Meri Maa ...

[teji]

A lady approaches her priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem.
I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one
thing."

"What do they say?" the priest inquired.

"They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Want to have some
fun?"'

"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a solution to
your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I
will put them with my two male talking parrots. I have taught them to
pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop
saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will also learn to
praise and worship."

"Thank you!" the woman responded.

The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the priest's
house. His two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in
their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male
parrots. Immediately, the female parrots say, "Hi, we're prostitutes,
want to have some fun?"

One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put
the beads away, Jack. Our prayers have been answered!"

[teji]

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