Humour Unlimited

[anjaan]

In USA
Indian mom asked elder kid to xplain Diwali
to his bro
He said "So luk, dis dude Ram had lyk a big
kul kingdm n ppl lykd him bt, lyk his step mom
or sumthin,
was kinda bitch n she forcd her hubby 2 send
Ram 2 sum jungle or sumthin
As he was goin for 14yrs, so his wife n bro
went along (U know, just 2 chill) Bt dude
forest was real scary sh*t, really man N was
full of devil n sh*t lyk dat
Bt dis dude kild dem wid arrows.
Bt den sum bad gangsta jerk- Ravan pickd up
his babe
Dis Dude n his bro got pissd off.. So dey got
an army of monkys.. dnt ask hw.. Attackd
dem, got d babe n returnd home..
Ppl thought
atleast dey deserve sumthin. Dey had no bars
or clubs or didnt smoke.
So dey lit lamps & dis is how it all started...
MOM FAINTED..

[anjaan]

[anjaan]

A woman staying in a hotel was taking a shower after a long days work when she heard a knock on her door. She went to the door, looked through the door-hole and saw it was her friend Steve. She wrapped a towel around her and opened the door.

"I finally got my racing licence!" exclaimed Steve.

"Good for you." the woman said, and closed the door, left the towel by the door and got back in the shower. A second knock came, and she saw it was John, another friend of hers. Again she wrapped the towel around her and opened the door.

"I won the lottery!" John said, and the woman congratulated him and went back to her shower. for the third time, a knock on the door came. she looked through the peephole and saw it was Tom, her blind friend. she didn't bother putting on a towel.

"What is it Tom?! This is the third time I have been interrupted while showering!"

Tom gleefully replied: "I can see!"

[anjaan]

Ultimate punjabi:

In Eng exam, Santa made sentences of Given WORDS as:
1. WHAT - Sita ko Ram k saath dekh kar Pappu k mathay par WHAT par gaye
2. KILL - Sonu ne Deewar par KILL thoak k tasveer tang di
3. DIG - Paon phisal janay k wajah se Ramu farsh pe DIG gaya
4. MY - Hum ne ghar k kaam k liye ek MY rakhi hui hai

[anjaan]

[anjaan]

Girlfrend khana khate hue:- ye
tumhara kutta
mujhe bahut der se ghoor q raha
hai......?? :/
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Boyfrend:- tum jaldi se kha lo, wo
apni plate
pehchan gaya hai... =D =))
Girlfrnd Shock - Boyfrnd RocKZ\m/


Sherlock Holmes and Mat thew
Watson were on a camping and hiking trip. They had gone to bed and were lying there looking up at the sky. Holmes said, "Watson, look up.
What do you see?
"Well, I see thousands of stars. "
"And what does that mean to you? "
"Well, I guess it means we will have another nice day tomorrow. What does it mean to you,
Holmes? "
"To me, it means someone has stolen our tent. "




Coolest doubt in 'Mahabharat'
In some remote village of India ,One Masterji is teaching the Mahabharat Katha to class 6 students.He is at the 'Krishnajanma' part of it.



Masterji : "Kansa heard the akashwani that, his sister's 8th child is going to Kill him. He was furious. He ordered to put Vasudev n devki behind the bars. First son is born, And Kansa kills him by poisoning... Second one is born And n Kansa throws him off the mountain peak. Third one is born..."

Now Ramu, who is smartest of the lot, puts up his hand.



Ramu : Masterji, I have a doubt



Masterji : "Ramu bete, whole India does not have doubt in Mahabharata then how come u have One?"



Ramu : Masterji, if Kansa knew that, Devaki's 8th child was going to Kill him, Why the hell did he put Vasudev and Devaki in the Same Cell??



Masterji fainted.........................!!!

[vinay kumar]

You All Know KBC is Good Business, Let's See How



"You All Know KBC Is Good Business.

But Have You Ever Wondered How Well? Let's See..

Airtel Is Charging Rs.6/- Per SMS Sent For This Contest.

Assuming There Are Only 100 Entries From Say 10 Cities Of Some 20 Districts And 20 States,

6(Rs. per SMS) x 100(entries) x 10(cities) x 20(districts) x 20(states) i.e. = 6 x 100 x 10 x 20 x 20 = Rs.24, 00,000/- Rs.24 Lakhs In Just 20 Minutes (From People Trying For The Rs.2 Lakhs Cash Prize).

Imagine The Scenario If 1000 Entries Try Out From 100 Cities? The Figure Simply Grows By 2 More Zeroes And Yields A Whopping Rs.24 crores!
And It Does Not Stop There.

In Practice, It Could Be Another Multiple Of 100 Or A Multiple Of 1000 On An Average. In That Case, It Is 24 x 100 Crores Earnings In Just 20 Minutes On Every Episode! And The Prize Money: Avg. Mere Rs. 2 Crores (And From Whose Pocket?)

Smart Business By Siddharth Basu! And The Best Part Of The Above Calculation Is Just The SMS Earning! What About The Ad Money?

A Rough Annual Profit Calculation Goes Like This: (2400 x 5 x 4) (episode/ month) x 12 = Rs.5,76,000 crores.

Let Even 50% Get Dissolved In Taxes And Other Payments;

Still, You Will Be Left with (Which Includes Even The Meagre Rs.480 Crores Of Prize Money, i.e., If Êvery Episode Bags Rs.2 Crores Prize)
– Rs.2,88,000/- Crores Profit! (Only From SMS).

Therefore, A Very Simple Question: "KAUN BANEGA CROREPATI?" And Your Options Are – A) SONY TV B) AIRTEL C) AMITABH BACHAN D) SIDDHARTH BASU Computerji, Iska Jawab Bataiye....

Answer: All FOUR!"

[Awara]

Lady: Do you smoke?
Man: Yes
Lady: How many packs a day?
Man: 3 packs
Lady: How much per pack
Man: Rs. 100.00
Lady: And how long have you been smoking?
Man: 15 years
Lady: So 1 pack cost Rs. 100.00 and you have 3 packs a day which puts your spending each month at Rs. 9000. In one year, it would be Rs. 1,09,500 correct?
Man: Correct
Lady: If in 1 year you spend Rs. 1,09,500 not accounting for inflation, the past 15 years puts your spending at Rs. 16,42,500 correct?
Man: Correct
Lady: Do you know that if you hadn't smoked, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 15 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?

Man: Do you smoke?
Lady: No
Man: Where's your f**king Ferrari then?

[Awara]

Ek Ladka Apne Baap Ko Viagra Ki Ek Goli Toffee Mein Daal Ke Deta Hai

Aur Kehta Hai: Daddy Sone Se Pehle Kha Lena

Baap Kehta Hai: Beta Isse Kya Hoga?

Ladka Bolta Hai: Daddy Agar Toffee Achi Lage To Mere Takiye Ke Neeche Chup Chap 100 Rupye Rakh Dena

Agle Din Ladka Apne Takiye Ke Neeche Dekhta Hai To Use 1100 Rupye Milte Hai

Aur Daddy Ke Paas Ja Ke Kehta Hai: Daddy Meine To Sirf 100 Rupye Rakhne Ko Kaha Tha

Baap Kehta Hai: Beta Meine To 100 Hi Rakhe The 1000 Teri Maa Ki Taraf Se Hain

[Awara]

What do you call a person who leaves India, and goes off to another country?
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Hindustan Lever