Humour Unlimited - Page 129

rajnish manga · 08-02-2015, 03:17 PM

Irony of life

Lawyers hope you get into trouble, the doctor hopes you get sick, police wants you to become a criminal, the teacher hopes you are born stupid, landlord hopes you don't buy a house, the dentist hopes your tooth decays, electrician wishes your fuse box blows up, the mechanic hopes your car breaks down, the coffin maker wants u dead......

Only a Thief wishes u "prosperity in life" and also wishes u to have a sound sleep.

vindhya · 10-02-2015, 03:42 AM

lol V true

abhisays · 10-08-2015, 09:37 AM

Education in Pakistan:-

BE- Bomb Engineering

MBBS- Master of Bomb Blasting Science..

IIT- Islamabad Institute of Terrorism

UGC- University of Grenade Creation

BCom- Bomb Computerization

GATE- Gun & Armed TerrorismEntrance Exam

CBSE- Car Bomb Specialization Exam

CAT- Career in Al-qaida & Taliban

MAT- Master in Al-qaida & Taliban

MBA- Master in Bombing Actions

BBA- Bachelor of Bombing Actions

BA- Bachelor in Anti-Socialism

MA- Master in Anti-Socialism

PTC- Primary Terrorism Certificate

PGDBM- Post graduate diploma in Bomb manufacturing

abhisays · 10-08-2015, 09:40 AM

Sharing on a lighter note. --------------------------------------------------- (1)
Put your wife in a room & lock it.
Put your dog in another room & lock it !!!
Open both rooms after 2 - 3 hours & see who is Happy to see you, and who will BITE you !

(Group members are advised not to try this at home as these stunts were performed by professionals; who are now divorced; and living happily with their dog!!)

Don't laugh loud ----
The extended version says...

2)
Put your husband in a room & lock it.
Put your dog in another room & lock it !!!
Open both rooms after 2 - 3 hours & you will be happy to see your dog waiting for you.. but you'll be angry looking at your husband sleeping like he never slept before!!!

3)
Always keep your spouse’s picture as mobile screen saver.
Whenever you face a problem, see the picture & say: "if I can handle this, I can handle anything!"… Superb Attitude for Life!!

(4)
If wife wants husband’s attention, she just has to look sad & uncomfortable.
If husband wants wife’s attention, he just has to look comfortable & happy.

(5)
A Philosopher HUSBAND said:- "Every WIFE is a ‘Mistress’ of her Husband…
“Miss” for first year & “Stress” for rest of the life…"!!!!

(6)
Million Dollar Truth:
If Saturday and Sunday doesn't excite you, then change your Friends.
If Monday doesn't motivate you, then change your profession.
If Monday is too exciting, and you are dying to get to work, then you should change your spouse!!

(7)
Do you remember the tingling feeling when you took the decision to get married?
That was common sense leaving your body.

(8)
Generally a man does not go to the place again where he has been cheated once…
But many people still go to their in-laws place..?

(9)
Pappu: Dad, l got selected for a role in a play for annual day!
Dad: What role are you playing?
Pappu: A husband!
Dad: Stupid, ask for a role with dialogues!

(10)
Man outside phone booth: “Excuse me you are holding phone since 29 minutes and you haven’t spoken a word”.
Man inside: “I am talking to my wife”

(11)
A very intelligent girl was asked the meaning of marriage..
She said- “sacrificing the admiration of hundred guys, to face the criticism of one idiot”

(12)
Position of a husband is just like a Split AC, No matter how loud he is outdoor, He is designed to remain silent indoor!

(13)
Best one line ad by a married man on OLX:
"For Sale – Wedding Suit, used only once by Mistake"

abhisays · 10-08-2015, 09:51 AM

Check ur banana quotient: Mumbai estyle

1. What is banana called in hindi - kela
2. What is a single banana called - akela
3. What is a tired banana called - thakela
4. What is the banana listening to it called - pakela
5. What is a banana waiting at a signal called - rukela
7. What is a stuck up banana called - atkela
8. What is an angry banana called - satkela
9. What is a hung up banana called - latkela
10. What is a lost banana called - bhatkela.

Deep_ · 10-08-2015, 11:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by abhisays

Check ur banana quotient: Mumbai estyle

1. What is banana called in hindi - kela
2. What is a single banana called - akela
3. What is a tired banana called - thakela
4. What is the banana listening to it called - pakela
5. What is a banana waiting at a signal called - rukela
7. What is a stuck up banana called - atkela
8. What is an angry banana called - satkela
9. What is a hung up banana called - latkela
10. What is a lost banana called - bhatkela.

rajnish manga · 11-08-2015, 11:14 AM

Pakistan has some very special degrees on offer. Wonderful !!!

Banana was never so versatile until this discovery !!!

Husband Wife jokes bring some great equations, especially the following ones. Thanks, Abhishek ji:

2)
Put your husband in a room & lock it.
Put your dog in another room & lock it !!!
Open both rooms after 2 - 3 hours & you will be happy to see your dog waiting for you.. but you'll be angry looking at your husband sleeping like he never slept before!!!

3)
Always keep your spouse’s picture as mobile screen saver.
Whenever you face a problem, see the picture & say: "if I can handle this, I can handle anything!"… Superb Attitude for Life!!

(4)
If wife wants husband’s attention, she just has to look sad & uncomfortable.
If husband wants wife’s attention, he just has to look comfortable & happy.

(5)
A Philosopher HUSBAND said:- "Every WIFE is a ‘Mistress’ of her Husband…
“Miss” for first year & “Stress” for rest of the life…"!!!!

abhisays · 17-08-2015, 09:05 AM

What We Can Call Hindu GOD Names In IT World ....

Brahma ... 'System Installer'.

Vishnu ... 'System Operator'.

Shiva ... 'System Programmer'.

Naradha ... 'Data Transmitter'.

Yama ... 'Deleter'.

Apsara & Rambha ... 'Virus'.

Ganapathy ... 'Anti Virus'.

Hanuman ... 'E-Mail'.

Chitragupta ... 'Hard Disc'.

Saraswathy ... 'Google'.

Parvati ... 'Mother Board'.

Lakshmi ... 'ATM'.

abhisays · 16-10-2015, 08:56 PM

What is a Corporate Life?

1. I learnt to operate 3 critical machines
* Scanner
* Printer
* Xerox Machine

2. I learnt to use 3 High End Software:
* Microsoft Word
* Microsoft Excel
* Microsoft PowerPoint

3. I learnt to use 3 great short cuts:-
* Ctrl+C
* Ctrl+V
* Ctrl+S

4. I learnt to say three very important words for professional life:-
* Yes sir
* Ok sir.
* I'll Just Do That sir

5. When I really wanted to quit, I learnt to: -
* Wake Up early
* Sleep late
* Continue to Work

6. I learnt to: -
* Face Monday
* Fight For next 5 Days
* Wait For Sunday

7. I learnt to give reasons to family, friends and relatives for not making
* Phone Calls
* Messages
* Mails

8. I learnt to celebrate these things far away from loved ones:-
* Birthday
* New Year
* Festivals

9. At the end, People say:-
* You Learnt...
* You Earned...
* You Enjoyed...

10. But when I compare me with my self...
* I just Sustained...
* I just Tolerated...
* I just Survived... for bucks

11. I have survived:-
* For convenience of my Family...
* To avoid blame of Society...
* To get tag of Employment...

Dedicated to all employees.

rajnish manga · 17-10-2015, 12:23 AM

This is an objective portrayal of the corporate life. Despite the fun, the corporate life itself is not that funny after all.

08-02-2015, 03:17 PM	#1281
rajnish manga Super Moderator Join Date: Aug 2012 Location: Faridabad, Haryana, India Posts: 13,293 Rep Power: 242	Re: Humour Unlimited by Anjaan Irony of life Lawyers hope you get into trouble, the doctor hopes you get sick, police wants you to become a criminal, the teacher hopes you are born stupid, landlord hopes you don't buy a house, the dentist hopes your tooth decays, electrician wishes your fuse box blows up, the mechanic hopes your car breaks down, the coffin maker wants u dead...... Only a Thief wishes u "prosperity in life" and also wishes u to have a sound sleep. __________________ आ नो भद्रा: क्रतवो यन्तु विश्वतः (ऋग्वेद) (Let noble thoughts come to us from every side)

10-02-2015, 03:42 AM	#1282
vindhya Junior Member Join Date: Feb 2015 Location: Rajasthan Posts: 6 Rep Power: 0	Re: Humour Unlimited by Anjaan lol V true

10-08-2015, 09:37 AM	#1283
abhisays Administrator Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Bangalore Posts: 16,772 Rep Power: 137	Re: Humour Unlimited Education in Pakistan:- BE- Bomb Engineering MBBS- Master of Bomb Blasting Science.. IIT- Islamabad Institute of Terrorism UGC- University of Grenade Creation BCom- Bomb Computerization GATE- Gun & Armed TerrorismEntrance Exam CBSE- Car Bomb Specialization Exam CAT- Career in Al-qaida & Taliban MAT- Master in Al-qaida & Taliban MBA- Master in Bombing Actions BBA- Bachelor of Bombing Actions BA- Bachelor in Anti-Socialism MA- Master in Anti-Socialism PTC- Primary Terrorism Certificate PGDBM- Post graduate diploma in Bomb manufacturing __________________ अब माई हिंदी फोरम, फेसबुक पर भी है. https://www.facebook.com/hindiforum

10-08-2015, 09:40 AM	#1284
abhisays Administrator Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Bangalore Posts: 16,772 Rep Power: 137	Re: Humour Unlimited Sharing on a lighter note. --------------------------------------------------- (1) Put your wife in a room & lock it. Put your dog in another room & lock it !!! Open both rooms after 2 - 3 hours & see who is Happy to see you, and who will BITE you ! (Group members are advised not to try this at home as these stunts were performed by professionals; who are now divorced; and living happily with their dog!!) Don't laugh loud ---- The extended version says... 2) Put your husband in a room & lock it. Put your dog in another room & lock it !!! Open both rooms after 2 - 3 hours & you will be happy to see your dog waiting for you.. but you'll be angry looking at your husband sleeping like he never slept before!!! 3) Always keep your spouse’s picture as mobile screen saver. Whenever you face a problem, see the picture & say: "if I can handle this, I can handle anything!"… Superb Attitude for Life!! (4) If wife wants husband’s attention, she just has to look sad & uncomfortable. If husband wants wife’s attention, he just has to look comfortable & happy. (5) A Philosopher HUSBAND said:- "Every WIFE is a ‘Mistress’ of her Husband… “Miss” for first year & “Stress” for rest of the life…"!!!! (6) Million Dollar Truth: If Saturday and Sunday doesn't excite you, then change your Friends. If Monday doesn't motivate you, then change your profession. If Monday is too exciting, and you are dying to get to work, then you should change your spouse!! (7) Do you remember the tingling feeling when you took the decision to get married? That was common sense leaving your body. (8) Generally a man does not go to the place again where he has been cheated once… But many people still go to their in-laws place..? (9) Pappu: Dad, l got selected for a role in a play for annual day! Dad: What role are you playing? Pappu: A husband! Dad: Stupid, ask for a role with dialogues! (10) Man outside phone booth: “Excuse me you are holding phone since 29 minutes and you haven’t spoken a word”. Man inside: “I am talking to my wife” (11) A very intelligent girl was asked the meaning of marriage.. She said- “sacrificing the admiration of hundred guys, to face the criticism of one idiot” (12) Position of a husband is just like a Split AC, No matter how loud he is outdoor, He is designed to remain silent indoor! (13) Best one line ad by a married man on OLX: "For Sale – Wedding Suit, used only once by Mistake" __________________ अब माई हिंदी फोरम, फेसबुक पर भी है. https://www.facebook.com/hindiforum

10-08-2015, 09:51 AM	#1285
abhisays Administrator Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Bangalore Posts: 16,772 Rep Power: 137	Re: Humour Unlimited Check ur banana quotient: Mumbai estyle 1. What is banana called in hindi - kela 2. What is a single banana called - akela 3. What is a tired banana called - thakela 4. What is the banana listening to it called - pakela 5. What is a banana waiting at a signal called - rukela 7. What is a stuck up banana called - atkela 8. What is an angry banana called - satkela 9. What is a hung up banana called - latkela 10. What is a lost banana called - bhatkela. __________________ अब माई हिंदी फोरम, फेसबुक पर भी है. https://www.facebook.com/hindiforum

11-08-2015, 11:14 AM	#1287
rajnish manga Super Moderator Join Date: Aug 2012 Location: Faridabad, Haryana, India Posts: 13,293 Rep Power: 242	Re: Humour Unlimited Pakistan has some very special degrees on offer. Wonderful !!! Banana was never so versatile until this discovery !!! Husband Wife jokes bring some great equations, especially the following ones. Thanks, Abhishek ji: 2) Put your husband in a room & lock it. Put your dog in another room & lock it !!! Open both rooms after 2 - 3 hours & you will be happy to see your dog waiting for you.. but you'll be angry looking at your husband sleeping like he never slept before!!! 3) Always keep your spouse’s picture as mobile screen saver. Whenever you face a problem, see the picture & say: "if I can handle this, I can handle anything!"… Superb Attitude for Life!! (4) If wife wants husband’s attention, she just has to look sad & uncomfortable. If husband wants wife’s attention, he just has to look comfortable & happy. (5) A Philosopher HUSBAND said:- "Every WIFE is a ‘Mistress’ of her Husband… “Miss” for first year & “Stress” for rest of the life…"!!!! __________________ आ नो भद्रा: क्रतवो यन्तु विश्वतः (ऋग्वेद) (Let noble thoughts come to us from every side)

17-08-2015, 09:05 AM	#1288
abhisays Administrator Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Bangalore Posts: 16,772 Rep Power: 137	Re: Humour Unlimited What We Can Call Hindu GOD Names In IT World .... Brahma ... 'System Installer'. Vishnu ... 'System Operator'. Shiva ... 'System Programmer'. Naradha ... 'Data Transmitter'. Yama ... 'Deleter'. Apsara & Rambha ... 'Virus'. Ganapathy ... 'Anti Virus'. Hanuman ... 'E-Mail'. Chitragupta ... 'Hard Disc'. Saraswathy ... 'Google'. Parvati ... 'Mother Board'. Lakshmi ... 'ATM'. __________________ अब माई हिंदी फोरम, फेसबुक पर भी है. https://www.facebook.com/hindiforum

16-10-2015, 08:56 PM	#1289
abhisays Administrator Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Bangalore Posts: 16,772 Rep Power: 137	Re: Humour Unlimited What is a Corporate Life? 1. I learnt to operate 3 critical machines * Scanner * Printer * Xerox Machine 2. I learnt to use 3 High End Software: * Microsoft Word * Microsoft Excel * Microsoft PowerPoint 3. I learnt to use 3 great short cuts:- * Ctrl+C * Ctrl+V * Ctrl+S 4. I learnt to say three very important words for professional life:- * Yes sir * Ok sir. * I'll Just Do That sir 5. When I really wanted to quit, I learnt to: - * Wake Up early * Sleep late * Continue to Work 6. I learnt to: - * Face Monday * Fight For next 5 Days * Wait For Sunday 7. I learnt to give reasons to family, friends and relatives for not making * Phone Calls * Messages * Mails 8. I learnt to celebrate these things far away from loved ones:- * Birthday * New Year * Festivals 9. At the end, People say:- * You Learnt... * You Earned... * You Enjoyed... 10. But when I compare me with my self... * I just Sustained... * I just Tolerated... * I just Survived... for bucks 11. I have survived:- * For convenience of my Family... * To avoid blame of Society... * To get tag of Employment... Dedicated to all employees. __________________ अब माई हिंदी फोरम, फेसबुक पर भी है. https://www.facebook.com/hindiforum

17-10-2015, 12:23 AM	#1290
rajnish manga Super Moderator Join Date: Aug 2012 Location: Faridabad, Haryana, India Posts: 13,293 Rep Power: 242	Re: Humour Unlimited This is an objective portrayal of the corporate life. Despite the fun, the corporate life itself is not that funny after all. __________________ आ नो भद्रा: क्रतवो यन्तु विश्वतः (ऋग्वेद) (Let noble thoughts come to us from every side) Last edited by rajnish manga; 17-10-2015 at 05:04 PM.