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06-09-2011, 01:20 PM
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#121 |
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Special Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Kerrville, Texas
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Re: Humour Unlimited by Anjaan
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घर से निकले थे लौट कर आने को मंजिल तो याद रही, घर का पता भूल गए बिगड़ैल |
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11-09-2011, 10:57 AM
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#122 |
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Administrator
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Bangalore
Posts: 16,772
Rep Power: 137 |
Re: Humour Unlimited by Anjaan
IITian and Rickshaw-wala...nice piece of conversation
This one is delightfully interesting to read. There were two rickshaw-walas vying for our business, when we wanted to go to Sankat-Mochan temple in Benaras. I agreed to go with the one, who was about 20 years of age, seemed like a regular young rickshaw-wala, but I found something interesting about him. I was not proved wrong. He wanted Rs 50, we said Rs 30. We settled for Rs 40. Here are the highlights of the conversation that ensued, while we rode the rickshaw: "Aap kahan se aaye hain?" "Delhi." "Bijness, ya kaam karte hain?" "Naukri karte hain." "Kismein?" "Internet mein." "Humara bhi kuch wahin kaam lagwa dijiye." I just chuckled. "Main try kar raha hoon engineering padhne kee. Achchi naukri lag jaayegi tab." "Achcha?" I asked a little interested. "Haan, delhi mein Guru Gobind Singh Indraprashta University mein engineering ke liye apply kiya hai. Achchi hai woh university." "Haan, achchi hai", I agreed. "Haan, kal hee maine JEE bhi diya." "JEE matlab, IIT ka?" "Haan, Joint Entrance Examination" he pronounced it perfectly.Just to make it clear to me what JEE stood for. "Mushkil hota hai exam." "Haan, 2 saal toh log padhte hee hain uske liye, asaan nahin hai." "Delhi mein Akaash coaching institute hain na?" "Haan, hai." "Aapne kya padhai kee?" "Main engineer hoon, aur phir MBA bhi kiya." "Kahan se engineer?" "IIT Delhi se." He swung back, surprised, a little delighted, and smiled. "Ok, aapke liye Rs 30." Swati and I laughed. Swati asked "Padhai kab karte they IIT ke liye?" "Bas, rickshaw chalaane ke baad raat mein". Then he added "Kismein engineering kee aapne?" "Chemical." "Toh aapki Chemistry toh badi strong hogi." "Nahin, aisa nahin hai." He continued "Yeh bataiye....jab Mendeleev ne Periodic Table banaya tha tab kitne elements they usmein?" Now it was my turn to get surprised. He was quizzing me. I said "Shayad 70-80." "No, 63" he said sharply. "Kaunse element kee electronegativity highest hai?" Swati was laughing, and I didnt try too hard and said "Pata nahin." "Flourine", he said confidently. Without a break he asked,"Kaunse element kee electron affinity highest hoti hai?" Now I was laughing too and said "Nahin pata" "Chlorine. toh aapka kaunsa subject strong tha?" clearly having proven that my chemistry wasn't a strong point. "Physics", I said. "Achha, Newton's second law of motion kya hai?" I thought I knew this one. "F=ma", I said. "Physics is not about formula, it is understanding concept!", he reprimanded me in near perfect English. "Tell me in statement" I was shocked. Swati continued to laugh. I said "ok, Newtons second law, er....was...." " 'Was' nahin, 'is'!Second law abhi bhi hai!" he snapped at my use of 'was'. Surely, my physics wasn't impressing him either. "Yaad nahin, I said" "Force on an object is directly proportional to the mass of the object and the acceleration of the object", he said it in near perfect English. "Aapne M.Tech nahin kiya?" "Nahin, MBA kiya" "MBA waale toh sirf paisa kamana chahte hain, kaam nahin karte." "Nahin, aisa nahin hai, paisa kamaane ke liye kaam karna padta hai." Didn't think too highly of me apparently anymore. In a minute we reached our destination. We got off and I told him that he must and should definitely study more, and that I thought he was sharp as hell. He took only Rs 30, smiled and began to leave. I got my camera out and said "Raju, ek photo leta hoon tumhari". He waved me off, dismissed the idea and rode off before I could say anything more....leaving me feeling high and dry like a spurned lover. Damn, what a ride that was! India is changing, and changing fast. And so it goes !!!!! |
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18-09-2011, 10:28 AM
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#123 |
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Administrator
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Bangalore
Posts: 16,772
Rep Power: 137 |
Re: Humour Unlimited by Anjaan
Tumhare pass kya hai?
Tumhare pass kya hai? Manager working in an MNC, as usual after lunch goes to the cafeteria for coffee. He relaxes in canteen. He sees a canteen boy cleaning tables there. To Kill time he decides to have fun with him. He calls him. Manager Asks canteen boy: How much do you earn? Canteen boy smiles. Manager: What are your future plans? Canteen boy keeps quiet. Manager: Where do you see yourself 10 years down the line? Canteen boy gives a cold stare. Manager: Jab mai Bangalore aaya tha tab mere paas bhi kuch nahi tha. Aaj mere paas kya nahin hai. naam hai... shohrat hai... paisa hai... Izzat Hai... tumhare paas kya hai? (Scroll down to find out his answer) .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. Don't think that he answered like Shashi Kapoor of Deewar ki 'Mere paas Maa hain' .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. Canteen boy - Sa'ab mere paas bahut KAAM hai... Jo Tumare pass naheen hai! Manager leaves the cafeteria silently. |
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18-09-2011, 11:02 AM
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#124 |
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Administrator
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Bangalore
Posts: 16,772
Rep Power: 137 |
Re: Humour Unlimited by Anjaan
Kalyug Ka Mathematics 1.) SSC + HSC + BMS + MBA = UNEMPLYOMENT . 2.) An Idea + An Idiot = A Dot com. 3.) Sushmita Sen - 1.2 feet = Salman Khan. 4.) 4 weeks in Switzerland + London + New Zealand + Canada = 5 minute song in Hindi movie. 5.) Rona dhona x Bewafai x Badle ki aag = Your mum's favourite serials. 6.) Amitabh Bachchan + Jaya Bachchan = Abhishek Bachchan - Talent. 7.) Any actor + Any actress + many movies = David Dhawan 8.) 1 smile + 32 teeth = Govinda 9.) 1 person - shirt = Salman Khan 10.) 1 person + straight hair + unstraight walk = Sanjay dutt 11.) 1 hand + 10 kg weight = Sunny Deol 12.) One engagement + Two weddings + Three wedding songs + Four hundred Relatives + A house bigger than Buckingham Palace = One Sooraj Barjataya'sFilm. 13.) One man + one woman = Isha Deol 14.) Time waste - time = Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 15.) Boring songs + heavy dialogues + Bogus dressing = Devdas 16.) New heroes + New heroins = a flop movie 17.) Old heroes + new heroins = a blunder 18.) Old heroes + old heroins = timepass 19.) action - suspense + comedy - thrill - story - clothes = Indiansuperhit movie 20.) Do aur do paanch = Indian algebra 1 Lady - 1 Brain = Aishwarya Rai 1 Lady - 1/2 Clothes = Mallika Sherawat 1 Lady + 1 Buffalo = Yana Gupta |
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18-09-2011, 11:04 AM
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#125 |
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Administrator
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Bangalore
Posts: 16,772
Rep Power: 137 |
Re: Humour Unlimited by Anjaan
How to identify a Software engineer?
1. He/She never bargains... No wonder things have become so costly! 2. When a cab/bus passes by and you see all the commuters in it are sleeping like they haven't slept for years... 3. Dilbert or Calvin is their favorite cartoon... 4. Words like issues, tracker, raising requests, buzz/ping, compile, delete [unlike erase or rub it off], onsite [n not abroad is what 'foreign land' is called] are the ones that would be used by 'default'... 5. Weekends are holy words... they are like a salvation one seeks for... 6. "Wazzzup", "Hows life?", are few obvious questions one will be greeted with which would be immediately followed by "how's work?" 7. Salaries, work etc are always better or in good shape in other companies than the one he/she is currently in... 8. They don't send or take things... they always forward them! 9. Drinking coffee is the most pleasurable thing they think they do in the entire day... 10. They seek a search engine in just almost everything they do... When I forget where I have kept my things at home the first thing that comes to my mind is "I wish there was a Google search for my room". 11. Mondays are always blue... 12. All of them will have a dream to do something in life and that something would never be what they are doing right now. |
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18-09-2011, 11:06 AM
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#126 |
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Administrator
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Bangalore
Posts: 16,772
Rep Power: 137 |
Re: Humour Unlimited by Anjaan
Lessons of Life
If your father is a poor man, it is your fate but, if your father-in-law is a poor man, it's your stupidity. ............ .......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ..... I was born intelligent - education ruined me. ............ ......... ......... ......... ......... .......... ......... ...... Practice makes perfect..... But nobody's perfect..... . so why practice? ............ ......... ......... ......... .......... ......... ......... ...... If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for? ............ ......... ......... ......... ......... .......... ......... ...... Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak. ............ ......... ......... ......... .......... ......... ......... ...... How come "abbreviated" is such a long word? ............. ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ...... Money is not everything. There's Mastercard & Visa. ............ ......... ......... ......... ......... .......... ......... ...... One should love animals. They are so tasty. ............ .......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ...... Behind every successful man, there is a woman And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two. ............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .......... ...... Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life. ............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ...... The wise never marry. and when they marry they become otherwise. ............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ...... Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives. ............ ......... ......... ......... .......... ......... ......... ...... Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today. ............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ...... "Your future depends on your dreams" So go to sleep ............ ......... ......... .......... ......... ......... ......... ...... There should be a better way to start a day Than waking up every morning ............ ......... ......... ......... .......... ......... ......... ...... "Hard work never killed anybody" But why take the risk ............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ...... "Work fascinates me" I can look at it for hours ............ .......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ...... God made relatives; Thank God we can choose our friends. ............ ......... ......... ......... ......... .......... ......... ...... The more you learn, the more you know, The more you know, the more you forget The more you forget, the less you know So.. why learn. ............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .......... ...... A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk I have a work station what more can I say........ ............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .......... ...... |
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18-09-2011, 11:08 AM
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#127 |
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Administrator
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Bangalore
Posts: 16,772
Rep Power: 137 |
Re: Humour Unlimited by Anjaan
Here i am sitting in my office at night Thinking hard about life....
Here i am sitting in my office @ night… Thinking hard about life How it changed from a maverick collage life to strict professional life…... How tiny pocket money changed to huge monthly paychecks but then why it gives lesss happiness…. How a few local denim jeans changed to new branded wardrobe but then why there are less people to use them How a single plate of samosa changed to a full Pizza or burger But then why there is less hunger….. Here i am sitting in my office @ night… Thinking hard about life How it changed….. How a bike always in reserve changed to bike always on but then why there are less places to go on…… How a small coffee shop changed to cafe coffee day but then why its feels like shop is far away….. How a limited prepaid card changed to postpaid package but then why there are less calls & more messages…… Here i am sitting in my office @ night… Thinking hard about life How it changed…... How a general class journey changed to Flight journey But then why there are less vacations for enjoyment…. How a old assembled desktop changed to new branded laptop but then why there is less time to put it on………. How a small bunch of friends changed to office mate But then why we always feel lonely n miss those college frnz.…. Here i am sitting in my office @ night… Thinking hard about life How it changed….. How it changed…….. |
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18-09-2011, 11:08 AM
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#128 |
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Administrator
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Bangalore
Posts: 16,772
Rep Power: 137 |
Re: Humour Unlimited by Anjaan
Software engineer and his wife
Husband - hey dear, I am logged in. Wife - would you like to have some snacks? Husband - hard disk full. Wife - have you brought the saree. Husband - Bad command or file name. Wife - but I told you about it in morning Husband - erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel. Wife - Oh God !forget it where's your salary. Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time. Wife - at least give me your credit card, i can do some shopping. Husband - sharing violation, access denied. Wife - i made a mistake in marrying you. Husband - data type mismatch. Wife - you are useless. Husband - by default. Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning? Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to Reboot. Wife - what is the relation between you & your Receptionist? Husband - the only user with write permission. Wife - what is my value in your life? Husband - unknown virus detected. Wife - do you love me or your computer? Husband - Too many parameters.... Wife - i will go to my dad's house. Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will Close. Wife - I will leave you forever. Husband - close all programs and log out for another User. Wife - it is worthless talking to you. Husband - shut down the computer. Wife - I am going Husband - Its now safe to turn off your computer |
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18-09-2011, 11:49 AM
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#129 |
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Administrator
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Bangalore
Posts: 16,772
Rep Power: 137 |
Re: Humour Unlimited by Anjaan
One Line Humor
[1] Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving. [2] Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee. [3] Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband! [4] I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash. [5] A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms. [6] Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent. [7] Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, you'll regret it later. [8] You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it. [9] Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote. [10] Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired. [11] Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway. [12] My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me. [13] Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others. [14] Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner. [15] A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. [16] You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them. [17] It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss. [18] Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books. [19] Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you. [20] Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something [21] They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak! [22] Man: Is there any way for long life? Dr: Get married. Man: Will it help? Dr: No, but then the thought of long life will never come. [23]Why do couples hold hands during their wedding? It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins! [24]Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do? Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes. [25]It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged. It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered. [26]There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it. [27]There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbor has it! |
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18-09-2011, 11:51 AM
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#130 |
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Administrator
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Bangalore
Posts: 16,772
Rep Power: 137 |
Re: Humour Unlimited by Anjaan
कौन बनेगा crorepati Santa Singh has answered 12 out of the 15 questions correct and has used all his lifelines except for "50-50" and "Phone a Friend".. Santa Singh is playing the 13 th Question now which is for 25 Lacs. Let's see what happens next... :-) Amitabh Bachchan: Apka 13 th question 25 lakh ke liye, yeh raha aapke saamne aapki Computer Screen par... Santa Singh gets Tense.... Amitabh Bachchan: Who is the father of Abhishek Bachchan? Your options are... A: Amitabh Bachchan B: Dharmendra C: Amzaad Khan D: Sanjeev Kumar Amitabh Bachchan: To Santa Singh Jee kya Jawaab hai aapka? [He's quite sure that Santa will opt for option A] But Santa is surprisingly still confused.... Amitabh Bachchan: Aapke paas abhi bhi do life line baaki hai... 50-50 and phone a friend.. Agar aap chahe to unhe use kar sakte hain. Wo aap hi ke liye banaayi gayee hai. Santa Singh: I think it is A, but I'm not sure. Amitabh Bachchan: Not sure, Hmmm... Aap kya karna chahenge? Santa Singh: I would like to use 50-50... Amitabh Bachchan: Ok Computer Jee, Kripya 2 galat javab mita deejiye… Computer deletes two names, and leaves the following options: B: Dharmendra D: Sanjeev Kumar Now Amitabh Bachchan gets confused and worriedly thinks if the Computer is actually right or has got some bug!. Santa Singh gets all the more Confused after the 50-50 Lifeline... Santa Singh: I would like to use my last life line too - Phone A Friend... Amitabh Bachchan: Aap kisse baat karna chahenge!? Santa Singh: Main aapki Misej [Mrs.] Jaya Bachan Ji ko phone karna chahoonga... Amitabh Bachchan Faints !!! But the Call gets connected to Jaya Bachchan [Thanks to AirTel :-) ].... Santa Singh: "Jayaji, Who is the father of Abhishek Bachchan!?" receiving reply from JAYA Santa faints.. GUESS WHY????????? ?? Scroll Down | | | | V | | | | V | | | | V | | | | V | | | | V | | | | V | | | | V | | | | V | | | | V Options kya hai ? |
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