Funny Jokes....

[abhisays]

COVERING YOUR TRACKS

An editor once wrote: 'Don't be surprised if you find mistakes in this editorial newsletter. We print something for everyone. And some people are always looking for mistakes.'

[abhisays]

HONOURABLE POLITICS?

A man saw an epitaph in a cemetery which read: 'Here lies an honest man and politician.'

'Shame,' he cried, 'two people in the same grave!'

[abhisays]

ONE FOR IMAMDIN

Subedar Lehna Singh and Subedar Imamdin were in the same regiment in the British Indian Army. They were inseparable friends and spent their evenings drinking together. The partition separated them as Subedar Imamdin was absorbed in the Pakistan Army.
To keep his friend's memory alive Subedar Lehna Singh always filled two glasses with rum and water and sipped from each alternately!
When somebody asked him why he did so, he explained: 'This glass is Imamdin's; this one is mine. So I take a sip from each — one on behalf of Imamdin, the other for myself.'
Suddenly one evening Subedar Lehna Singh was seen with only one glass on his table. He was asked what had happened. He replied, 'You see, I have given up drinking but Imamdin has not. So I have put away my glass and drink only on behalf of my friend.'

[abhisays]

CAREER PLANNING

Banto took her son Ghanta to the headmaster and said, 'Masterjee, my Ghanta thinks about a lot of things but when it comes to work, he does nothing. What should we do for his career?'
The headmaster replied, 'Get him to apply for a job in the Planning Commission.'

[abhisays]

WHODUNIT?

I hree men applied for the job of a detective: Santa from India, Marc Grayberg, a Jew; and Tom Silanti, an Italian.
The chief decided to ask each applicant just one question and base his decision upon the answer. When Grayberg arrived for his interview, the chief asked him, 'Who killed Jesus Christ?' He answered without hesitation, 'The Romans killed him.' The chief thanked him and he left.
When Silanti arrived for his interview, the chief asked him the same question. He replied, 'Jesus was killed by the Jews.' The chief thanked him also and he left.
Finally, Santa arrived for his interview and was asked the same question. He thought for a long time, before saying, 'Could I have some time to think about it?' The chief said, 'Ok, but get back to me tomorrow.'
When Santa arrived home, his wife asked, 'How did the interview go?' Pat came the reply, 'Great, I got the job, and I'm already investigating a murder!'

[abhisays]

TONGUE OF SLIP

An Akali leader was fulminating against the Congress. Addressing a crowded university meeting, he thundered, 'The Congress wallahs are all waters of the first rogue.'
The audience burst into laughter over his lapse of tongue. The Akali leader realised he had made a mistake. He joined the palms of his hands to ask for pardon, T am very sorry, it is a tongue of slip.'
This time the laughter was louder than before. The gentleman that he was, the Akali leader was genuinely contrite, 'You must pardon me. I am always limiting the cross.'

[abhisays]

FAIR EXCHANGE

When I was a youngster,' complained the frustrated father Ujaagar, I was disciplined by being confined to my room and not allowed to play with friends. But my son has his own colour TV, telephone, computer, and CD player to keep himself amused.'

'So what do you do?' asked his friend.

I send him to my room!'

[abhisays]

OH GOD!

A disciple went to his Guru asking for tips to attain enlightenment. The Guru advised, 'Take a mala (rosary) and go up into the Himalayas and meditate.' The disciple went away.
Several months later, the Guru paid him a visit and asked, 'How do you like it up here in the snows?'

'Just fine,' replied the disciple.
'And what about the weather? Don't you freeze?'

'As long as I have my mala and my chillum (bowl full of tobacco), I don't care how cold it is.'
T am glad to hear it. Can I also have a chillum for myself right now,' asked the Guru, shivering with cold.
'Why not!' said the disciple. 'Mala! Would you bring us two chillumsl

[abhisays]

ALIVE OR DEAD

Banta and Ram Lai were working on a roof, when Banta slipped and fell to the ground. Ram Lai leaned over and called out: 'You dead or alive, Banta?'

'Alive,' moaned Banta.
'You're a liar. I don't know whether to believe you or not,' said Ram Lai.

'Then I must be dead,' said Banta, 'because you wouldn't dare call me a liar if I were alive.'

[abhisays]

SPEAKER Vs MP
Two dogs were discussing their masters.

The first said, 'My master is the speaker of the House, when I start barking, he cannot stand it and keeps saying, "please, please, please ..." to stop me from barking.'
The other, belonging to an MP, said, 'At least your master is polite. Mine is a most devious man. After abusing everyone in the house he has the audacity to put a signboard on his gate, "Beware of the dog"