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Old 18-09-2011, 12:31 PM   #141
abhisays
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Default Re: Humour Unlimited by Anjaan

Daddy Internet laga dein......



Dil ka connection miladein,
Daddy Internet laga dein ,
Mujhe aaya mail dostoun ka,
Kab lagay Ga itna Bata dein


Homework pura hota nahi,
Raat ko mein sota nahi,
Jab mood ho parhai ka,
Homework koi hota nahi.


Net bhi hai kamaal cheez,
Bas aati ho agar chalani keys,
Waisay to bohot hai kaam is Kay,
Par chatting pe lagti nahi fees.


Aap kehte hain mein shor machaon Ga,
Try karo mein naraz na kar paon Ga,
Mein god promise karta Hun,
Net aap ke saunay ke baad lagaun Ga.


Saheli nahi meri,haan dost hi hotay hain,
Who saray ke saray school mein hi sotay hain,
Raat to guzarti hai net par typing kartay,
Subha bhi chat room mein hi hotay hain.


Ladkian bhi kamaal hoti hain,
Ghar pe apni misaal hoti hain ,
Saara kaam khatam karkay,
Das bajay saday naal hoti hain.


Ab to mujhe Internet lagadein,
Meri bhi mauj karadein ,
Mein bhi dhondta Hun cyber bahoo,
Aap bas nikah dot com karadein

********
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Old 18-09-2011, 12:34 PM   #142
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Default Re: Humour Unlimited by Anjaan

If Statue of Liberty was in India.....



If Statue of Liberty was in India.
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Old 18-09-2011, 12:34 PM   #143
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Default Re: Humour Unlimited by Anjaan

Quote:
Originally Posted by abhisays View Post
IITian and Rickshaw-wala...nice piece of conversation

India is changing, and changing fast.


It takes time but India will change.
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Old 18-09-2011, 12:40 PM   #144
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Default Re: Humour Unlimited by Anjaan

Marriage and Phones



Life before marriage is AIRTEL
" u can express ur self ".


During honeymoon is RELIANCE-
" Always get in
Touch ".


After Honeymoon is HUTCH
" Wherever u go ur
wife network follows".
After one year Life is IDEA
" ur wife can
change ur life ".





After 10 years Life is BSNL
" Subscriber is not
reachable "?????????
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Old 18-09-2011, 01:02 PM   #145
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Default Re: Humour Unlimited by Anjaan

If Restaurants Functioned Like Microsoft....


Patron: Waiter!

Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I'll be your Support Waiter. What seems to be the problem?

Patron: There's a fly in my soup!

Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won't be there this time.

Patron: No, it's still there.

Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup; try eating it with a fork instead.

Patron: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there.

Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl; what kind of bowl are you using?

Patron: A SOUP bowl!

Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it's a configuration problem; how was the bowl set up?

Patron: You brought it to me on a saucer; what has that to do with the fly in my soup?!

Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in your soup?

Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!

Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day?

Patron: You have more than one Soup of the Day each day??

Waiter: Yes, the Soup of the Day is changed every hour.

Patron: Well, what is the Soup of the Day now?

Waiter: The current Soup of the Day is tomato.

Patron: Fine. Bring me the tomato soup, and the check. I'm running late now.

[waiter leaves and returns with another bowl of soup and the check]

Waiter: Here you are, Sir. The soup and your check.

Patron: This is potato soup.

Waiter: Yes, the tomato soup wasn't ready yet.

Patron: Well, I'm so hungry now, I'll eat anything.

[waiter leaves]

Patron: Waiter! There's a gnat in my soup!
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Old 18-09-2011, 01:02 PM   #146
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Default Re: Humour Unlimited by Anjaan

Why a student fails ???


It's not the fault of the student if he fails, because the year has
ONLY 365' days.

Typical academic year for a student.

1. Sundays-52, Sundays in a year, you know Sundays are for rest.
Days left 313.

2. Summer holidays-50 where weather is very hot and difficult to study.
Days left 263.

3. 8 hours daily sleep-means 130 days.
Days left 141.

4. 1 hour for daily playing-(good for health) means 15 days.

Days left 126.

5. 2 hours daily for food & other delicacies (chew properly & eat)-means
30days.

Days left 96.

6. 1 hour for talking (man is a social animal)-means 15 days!

Days left 81.

7. Exam days per year at least 35 days.
Days left 46.

8. Quarterly, Half yearly and festival (holidays)-40 days.

Balance 6 days.

9. For sickness at least 3 days.

Remaining days 3.

10. Movies and functions at least 2 days.

1 day left.

11. That 1 day is your birthday. "How can you study at that day?"
Balance days 0
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Old 18-09-2011, 01:03 PM   #147
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Default Re: Humour Unlimited by Anjaan

Don't mess with Engineers


7 Engineers and 7 Doctors are going from PUNE to Mumbai.So both groups gather at Pune Station.

Both groups are desperately trying to prove their superiority .

SCENE 1 (PUNE- MUMBAI):
-------------------------------------- ------------------------------------------------- -
7 engineers take only 1 Ticket and 7 doctors buy all 7 tickets..
Doctors are desperately waiting for TC to come......
When TC arrives,
All 7 Engineers get in one toilet so when TC knocks, one hand come out with the ticket and the TC goes

Away....

NOW on return Journey All of them don't get a direct Train to PUNE. So they all decide to take a Passenger till Lonavala, from there they can easily get a LOCAL to PUNE



SCENE 2 (MUMBAI - LONAVALA):
---------------------------------- ------------------------------ ------------- -----------
Doctors decided, "this time we will prove that we too are equal"....All 7 Doctors take 1 Ticket Engineers don't buy any ticket at all!!!!!..

TC arrives....

ALL DOCTORS IN ONE TOILET.ALL ENGINEERS IN THE OPPOSITE.

One engineer gets out and knocks the door of Doctors toilet, One hand comes with the tickets, he takes the
ticket and comes in Engg. Bathroo! m... TC DRIVES out ALL the doctors from the toilet and they are heavily fined.


SCENE 3 ( LONAVALA): !
-----------------------------------------
SO now both the group r on LONAVALA station. Doctors planning their move for last chance, they board the local to Pune.

This time doctors decide that they will play the same (1 ticket) trick.

ALL Doctors take 1 tickets...Engineers BUY all 7 tickets this time...
SO TC Comes.. All Engineers showed their tickets ................... ....

Doctors are still searching for toilet in the LOCAL train...........



Conclusion: Technically intelligent people are geniuses, don't mess with Engineers.
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Old 18-09-2011, 01:03 PM   #148
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Default Re: Humour Unlimited by Anjaan

If Bollywood Film star work for call centers........ Imagine the calls


Amitabh: Thank you for calling customer care... rishte mein to hum tumhare baap lagate hian filhaal ek customer care hain...
Customer: (angrily) I NEED YOUR MANAGER
Amitabh: Jaao pehle uske manager ko laao jisne mere baap ko chor kaha tha.. Jaao pehle uske manager ko laao jisne meri maa ko gaali dekar naukri se nikaal diya tha.. Jaao pehle uske manager ko laao jisne mere haath pe yeh likh diya tha... uske baad uske baad mere bhai.. Tum jis manager ko kahoge main laaonga.


Dharmendra: Thank you for calliiiiingg..
Customer: I need help
Dharmendra: main aaraahoon maa.......
Customer: I am unable to use your product... its waste and worthless
Dharmendra: Kutte mein tera khoon peejaaonga..
Customer: What!!! I need your manager
Dharmendra: (To his manager) Manager is customer ke saamne nahi naachna


Shatru : Aaaaaiiin Kis ullllu ke patthe ne call kiya hai...
Customer : How dare you speak like that
Shatru : Khaaaamoshhhhh... seedhi tarah bolde issue kya hai warna... haaaaaaaaa!!!


Asrani: hahhaaaaaaa naya kabutar ne call kiya
Customer: I lost my invoice
Asrani : Hahhaaaaaaaa hamare jasoos kone kone mein phaile hue hain miljayegi hum angrezon ke zamaane ke rep hain..haahhaaa


Kestu Mukherji: Iiiiiihhhhye....
Customer: hi
Kestu Mukherji : iiiihhhyeee tumko ....tumko kya problem hai
Customer : I have not received my product
Kestu Mukherji : To saale (hicup) main kya karoon.. Police mien report likha...


Bindu: Shabnam naam hai mera... pyar se log shabbo bolte hain..bolo main tumhare kis kaam aasakti hoon.
Customer: Hmmmmmmmmmmm.....


Shakti: AAAuuuuuu...mera naam hai balllllllllma. Thank you for calling aaauuuuu
Customer: I need your manager
Shakti: Mujhse baat karona.. Main ek chhota sa, nanha sa, pyarasa...rep hooon..


Mehmood: Ayyo Dyevi ... thank youji for calling ji.. Ayyo
Customer : I am not devi
Mehmood : Ayyo muruga... ye dyevi nai ji ... ye to dyeva hai...


Ajit: Saara shehar mujhe Lion ke naam se jaanta hai..... May I know your name please
Customer : Mona
Ajit: Mona darling... tumne hamein call kyun kiya
Customer : (Angrily) I WANT YOUR MANAGER
Ajit: Mona dear.. Agar hum tumhe hamara manager de denge to hamein manage kaun karega....


Gabbar : HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ....Jo dargaya wo maraga... batao tumhen kya chahiye
Customer : I want to buy a product from your company
Gabbar: Kitne paise hai re
Customer : $ 10.00
Gabbar: Suvvar Ke baccho ... sirf... $10.00...dhikkaar hai

Prem Chopra: Prem...Prem naam hai mera.. Prem chopra...
Customer : I lost my invoice I need one
Prem Chopra: Kar bhalaa to ho bhalaa..jaa apni invoice khud dhoondle

Rajkumar : Jaani ..... Tumhara ye call bahut keemti hai.. Ise cut mat karna
Customer: I lost my invoice
Rajkumar: Jaani... ye invoice hai.. Bacchon ke khelne ki cheez nahi
Customer : shut up.. I need my invoice sent to me in 10 minutes... otherwise I will speak to your manager
Rajkumar : Dhamki kisi aur ko jaakar dena... manager humko darasake manager mein itna dum nahi... humse hai manager... manager se hum nahi...
And at last ..................


Sharukh: Thank you for kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
Customer hung up the phone.......
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Old 18-09-2011, 01:04 PM   #149
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Default Re: Humour Unlimited by Anjaan

Newtons Laws on Love


Universal law: Love can neither be created nor be destroyed, only it can transfer from
one girlfriend to another girlfriend with some loss of money.

First law: A boy in love with a girl, continue to be in love with her and a girl in love with a boy, continue to be in love with him, until or unless any external agent(brother or father of the gal) comes into play and break the legs of the boy.

Second law: The rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is directly proportional to the instantaneous bank balance of the boy and the direction of this love is same to as increment or decrement of the bank balance.

Third law: The force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and opposite to the force applied by the girl while using her sandals!
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Old 18-09-2011, 06:00 PM   #150
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Default Re: Humour Unlimited by Anjaan

An Airline Introduced
A Special Package For Business Men.
Buy Ur Ticket Get Ur Wife’s Ticket Free

After Great Success,
The Company Sent Letters To All The Wives
Asking How Was The Trip.
All Of Them Gave A Same Reply…

“Which Trip ?”
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