Funny Jokes.... - Page 2

Rinu · 09-07-2010, 08:03 AM

A wedding occurred, in Austrailia. To keep tradition going, everyone got drunk and the bride's and groom's families had a humongous fight and begin wrecking the reception room and generally kicking the crap out of each other. The police get called in to break up the fight. The following week, all members of both families appear in court. The fight continues in the courtroom until the judge finally brings calm with the use of his gavel, shouting "Silence in Court." The courtroom goes silent and DANNY (the best man) stands up and says, "Your honour, I was the best man at the wedding and I think I should explain what happened."

The judge agrees and asks Danny to take the stand. Danny begins his explanation by telling the court that it is traditional in an Austrailian wedding that the best man gets the first dance with the bride. The judge says "OK."

"Well", said Danny, "After I had finished the first dance, the music kept going, so I continued dancing to the second song, and after that the music kept going and I was dancing to the third song. All of a sudden the groom leapt over the table, ran towards us and gave the bride an unmerciful kick in her privates."

The judge responded "God, that must have hurt!"

Danny replied "HURT! He broke three of my damn fingers!"

Rinu · 09-07-2010, 08:05 AM

Three friends
, one Bengali, one Pathan and one Tamil were traveling in train. After discussing many more things - one of the friends asked, " Now please let us discuss - What is the meaning of WIFE?"

First turn to tell the meaning of wife was Bengali. The Bengali started," Wife is like a book. Read it, read it; when you fed up keep aside it."

Next turn was of Tamilian. The Tamilian started, "Wife is like a rose. Smell it, smell it; when you fed up. throw it".

Third and last turn was of Pathan, "Wife is like a cassette. Listen it, listen it; when you fed up, reverse it".

Rinu · 09-07-2010, 08:06 AM

While traveling recently, a friend went into a convenience store to prepay for gasoline and returned with two plastic bottles of soda which he handed to his wife. To her dismay, it fizzed and formed all over her lap.

Several miles down the road, my friend asked for his soda. Handing it to him, his wife warned, "Be careful. These are really over carbonated."

When he opened his bottle, it barely hissed. Eyes on the road he nonchalantly said, "That's a relief. I was worried it would spray all over me.

You must have gotten the one I dropped."

Rinu · 09-07-2010, 08:09 AM

Two friends rented a boat and fished in a lake every day. One day they caught 30 fish. One guy said to his friend, "Mark this spot so that we can come back here again tomorrow."

The next day, when they were driving to rent the boat, the same guy asked his friend, "Did you mark that spot?"

His friend replied, "Yeah, I put a big 'X' on the bottom of the boat." The first one said, "You stupid fool! What if we don't get that same boat today!?!?"

Rinu · 09-07-2010, 08:10 AM

One night, a man with no voice and his friend went to a bar. The men at the bar wanted to know what he would like in a woman. He pointed to his head. His friend explained that he wanted a smart woman.

Then, he rubbed his thumb on the palm of his hand. His friend explained that he wanted a woman with money. Then, he opened his hands wide, bent his fingers, and made them cupped. He bounced them under his chest. His friend looked at him kinda wierd.

"What the heck do you want a woman with arthritis for?"

Rinu · 09-07-2010, 08:11 AM

Three best friends
are talking about problems at work. The first friend says, "I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine."

The second friend says, "I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber. The other day I found a wrench under our bed and it wasn't mine."

The third friend says, "I think my wife is having an affair with a horse!" Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief. "No I'm serious. The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed."

Rinu · 09-07-2010, 08:12 AM

Sharon tells her best friend Ruth, "I've broken off my engagement to Morris."

"Oh Sharon," says Ruth, "I'm so sorry. Why?"

"Because my feelings towards Morris have changed - they just aren't the same anymore," replies Sharon.

"So tell me," whispers Ruth, "are you giving him back the engagement ring?"

"No I'm not," replies Sharon, "my feelings towards the ring haven't changed."

Rinu · 09-07-2010, 08:13 AM

Little Tommy had been to a birthday party at a friend's house. Knowing his sweet tooth, Tommy's mother looked straight into his eyes and said, "I hope you didn't ask for a second piece of cake."

"No, but I asked Mrs. Smith for the recipe so you could make some like it, and she gave me two more pieces without asking."

Rinu · 09-07-2010, 08:14 AM

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.

One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me. I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is."

Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"

Rinu · 09-07-2010, 08:15 AM

One day, Bill and Tom went to a restaurant for dinner. As soon as the waiter took out two steaks, Bill quickly picked out the bigger steak for himself.

Tom wasn't happy about that: "When are you going to learn to be polite?"

Bill: "If you had the chance to pick first, which one would you pick?"

Tom: "The smaller piece, of course."

Bill: "What are you whining about then? The smaller piece is what you want, right?"

09-07-2010, 08:03 AM	#11
Rinu Member Join Date: Jun 2010 Posts: 150 Rep Power: 15	A wedding occurred, in Austrailia. To keep tradition going, everyone got drunk and the bride's and groom's families had a humongous fight and begin wrecking the reception room and generally kicking the crap out of each other. The police get called in to break up the fight. The following week, all members of both families appear in court. The fight continues in the courtroom until the judge finally brings calm with the use of his gavel, shouting "Silence in Court." The courtroom goes silent and DANNY (the best man) stands up and says, "Your honour, I was the best man at the wedding and I think I should explain what happened." The judge agrees and asks Danny to take the stand. Danny begins his explanation by telling the court that it is traditional in an Austrailian wedding that the best man gets the first dance with the bride. The judge says "OK." "Well", said Danny, "After I had finished the first dance, the music kept going, so I continued dancing to the second song, and after that the music kept going and I was dancing to the third song. All of a sudden the groom leapt over the table, ran towards us and gave the bride an unmerciful kick in her privates." The judge responded "God, that must have hurt!" Danny replied "HURT! He broke three of my damn fingers!"

09-07-2010, 08:05 AM	#12
Rinu Member Join Date: Jun 2010 Posts: 150 Rep Power: 15	Three friends , one Bengali, one Pathan and one Tamil were traveling in train. After discussing many more things - one of the friends asked, " Now please let us discuss - What is the meaning of WIFE?" First turn to tell the meaning of wife was Bengali. The Bengali started," Wife is like a book. Read it, read it; when you fed up keep aside it." Next turn was of Tamilian. The Tamilian started, "Wife is like a rose. Smell it, smell it; when you fed up. throw it". Third and last turn was of Pathan, "Wife is like a cassette. Listen it, listen it; when you fed up, reverse it".

09-07-2010, 08:06 AM	#13
Rinu Member Join Date: Jun 2010 Posts: 150 Rep Power: 15	While traveling recently, a friend went into a convenience store to prepay for gasoline and returned with two plastic bottles of soda which he handed to his wife. To her dismay, it fizzed and formed all over her lap. Several miles down the road, my friend asked for his soda. Handing it to him, his wife warned, "Be careful. These are really over carbonated." When he opened his bottle, it barely hissed. Eyes on the road he nonchalantly said, "That's a relief. I was worried it would spray all over me. You must have gotten the one I dropped."

09-07-2010, 08:09 AM	#14
Rinu Member Join Date: Jun 2010 Posts: 150 Rep Power: 15	Two friends rented a boat and fished in a lake every day. One day they caught 30 fish. One guy said to his friend, "Mark this spot so that we can come back here again tomorrow." The next day, when they were driving to rent the boat, the same guy asked his friend, "Did you mark that spot?" His friend replied, "Yeah, I put a big 'X' on the bottom of the boat." The first one said, "You stupid fool! What if we don't get that same boat today!?!?"

09-07-2010, 08:10 AM	#15
Rinu Member Join Date: Jun 2010 Posts: 150 Rep Power: 15	One night, a man with no voice and his friend went to a bar. The men at the bar wanted to know what he would like in a woman. He pointed to his head. His friend explained that he wanted a smart woman. Then, he rubbed his thumb on the palm of his hand. His friend explained that he wanted a woman with money. Then, he opened his hands wide, bent his fingers, and made them cupped. He bounced them under his chest. His friend looked at him kinda wierd. "What the heck do you want a woman with arthritis for?"

09-07-2010, 08:11 AM	#16
Rinu Member Join Date: Jun 2010 Posts: 150 Rep Power: 15	Three best friends are talking about problems at work. The first friend says, "I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine." The second friend says, "I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber. The other day I found a wrench under our bed and it wasn't mine." The third friend says, "I think my wife is having an affair with a horse!" Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief. "No I'm serious. The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed."

09-07-2010, 08:12 AM	#17
Rinu Member Join Date: Jun 2010 Posts: 150 Rep Power: 15	Sharon tells her best friend Ruth, "I've broken off my engagement to Morris." "Oh Sharon," says Ruth, "I'm so sorry. Why?" "Because my feelings towards Morris have changed - they just aren't the same anymore," replies Sharon. "So tell me," whispers Ruth, "are you giving him back the engagement ring?" "No I'm not," replies Sharon, "my feelings towards the ring haven't changed."

09-07-2010, 08:13 AM	#18
Rinu Member Join Date: Jun 2010 Posts: 150 Rep Power: 15	Little Tommy had been to a birthday party at a friend's house. Knowing his sweet tooth, Tommy's mother looked straight into his eyes and said, "I hope you didn't ask for a second piece of cake." "No, but I asked Mrs. Smith for the recipe so you could make some like it, and she gave me two more pieces without asking."

09-07-2010, 08:14 AM	#19
Rinu Member Join Date: Jun 2010 Posts: 150 Rep Power: 15	Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me. I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is." Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"

09-07-2010, 08:15 AM	#20
Rinu Member Join Date: Jun 2010 Posts: 150 Rep Power: 15	One day, Bill and Tom went to a restaurant for dinner. As soon as the waiter took out two steaks, Bill quickly picked out the bigger steak for himself. Tom wasn't happy about that: "When are you going to learn to be polite?" Bill: "If you had the chance to pick first, which one would you pick?" Tom: "The smaller piece, of course." Bill: "What are you whining about then? The smaller piece is what you want, right?"