Punography

[internetpremi]

City puns
========
1.Which is an odd city ?----Eccentricity


2.Which is a weak city?----Incapacity



3.Which is a measuring city?-Capacity



4.Which is the most useful but dangerous city?—Electricity



5. Which is a savage city?—Ferocity



6. Which is a very bad city?---Atrocity



7. Which is a greedy city?—Rapacity



8. Which is a very fast city?—Velocity



9. Which is a bold city?---Audacity



10. Which is a fast-developing city?—Precocity



11. Which is a happy city?—Felicity



12.Which is a quarrelsome city?—Pugnacity



13. Which is a truthful city?—Veracity



14.Which is a resilient city?—Elasticity



15. Which is genuine city?—Authenticity



16. Which is a discerning city? ---Perspicacity



17.Which is a wise city?—Sagacity



18. Which is a rural city?—Rusticity



19. Which is a false city?—Mendacity



20. Which is an advertiser’s city?—Publicity



21. Which is a homely city?—Domesticity



22. Which is a hypocritical city?—Duplicity.

[internetpremi]

After Cities, it is now the Bra
====================

Which is the striped BRA? ze*BRA*

Poisonous BRA? co*BRA*

Mathematical BRA? alge*BRA*

Zodiacal BRA? li*BRA*

Magical BRA? a*BRA*kada*BRA*

Religious BRA? *BRA*hmin!

Metallic bra? *BRA*ss

Anjelina Jolie's Bra? *BRA*d pit...

Botany BRA? *BRA*nch

Marketing BRA? *BRA*nd!

Punctuation bra? *BRA*cket

Scary bra? Gha*BRA*ahat! !!!

A room where BRA's are kept? Li*BRA*ry

Bra which became the American President and inspired the whole world? A *BRA*ham Lincoln!

Which bra is very important for any vehicle? *BRA*ke

[internetpremi]

Why are malicious male humor and murder so closely related?
One is man's laughter and the other is man slaughter.

-------------------------------------------------------------

What was the mathematician's reaction when a hidden short in his calculator made the add key subtract instead?
He was nonplussed!

------------------------------------------------------------------

Jennifer and Eric are both highly intelligent top achievers, but all six of their kids are just average. Why?
Because they're just Jenn-Eric kids!

--------------------------------------------------------------------

What would you call a lavishly catered private party where bankers dream up new ways to grab your money?
A fee-esta!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Why did the moron embed pebbles in his upper leg?
The doctor told him his metabolism was too slow, and he wanted to get some extra thigh rocks in!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
A scientist, trying to prove his theorem, was doing a large experiment with liquid chemicals when he fell into the vat and became part of the solution.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Does the minister's cow produce pastorized milk?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
In a bridal boutique: "Marry Christmas."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
"7 days without pizza makes one weak."
-------------------------------------------------------------------

At an Optometrist's Office: "If you don't see what you 're looking for, you've come to the right place."

=====================
When a monastery sells jams and jellies over the Internet, is that monk e-business?
-----------------------
I broke the world record for lying in bed. I got a-trophy.
-------------------------------
When I visited Paris, I saw the Eiffel tower. What an eyeful!
---------------------------------
We discovered asbestos in the basement; what should we do? Clean it up asbestos we can.
---------------------------
They are called contractors because their business keeps getting smaller.
------------------------------------
The gladiator was having a rough day in the arena. His opponent had sliced off both of his arms. Nevertheless, he kept on fighting, kicking and biting as furiously as he could.

But when his opponent lopped off both feet, our gladiator had no choice but to give up, for now he was both unarmed and defeated
-------------------------------

[internetpremi]

When Noah commanded the animals to multiply, two snakes refused on the grounds that they were adders. Exercising his ingenuity, Noah placed them on a table that he had constructed from a small tree. "Even adders can multiply," he said, "on a log table."

A king ordered the heads of several of his counts chopped off because they refused to reveal where they had buried their treasures. As the axes began to fall, one count decided to change his mind, but it was too late. Moral: Don't hatchet your counts before they chicken.( Dont count your chickens before they hatch)


I dislike the modern music they play on television.... saxophones with string accompaniment. I firmly believe there is already too much sax and violins on TV.


An elderly lady, renowned for her green thumb, planted some special fronds and anemones. The fronds flourished, but the anemones all died. The woman was crushed, but was comforted by a friend with these words, "With fronds like that, who needs anemones?"(with friends like that who needs enemies)


A short Czechoslovakian resistance leader fled from house to house, seeking sanctuary, but they turned him away when he asked, "Please, can you cache a small Czech?"( Can you cash a small cheque?)


Father Justin Thyme was not only beloved by his flock, but was the best clock repairman in the diocese. So when the Bishop's fine old grandfather clock began to gain a few minutes per hour, it was only natural that he should send for Father Thyme. The trouble was soon found to be that the weights were too heavy and needed to be replaced. But Father Thyme steadfastly refused to remove them. Why? Well, you see, Thyme untied weights for no man(time and Tide wait for no man)


Madame Ferenc, a famous pianist, was about to make her American debut. The world renowned piano tuner Oppernockety was engaged to tune her piano. After he finished, she tried it out and declared it sounded splendid. Unfortunately, her manager believed that it was out of tune and hired the great Moluar to tune it again. When Madame Ferenc discovered this perfidy, she was enraged, and demanded that the piano once again be tuned by Oppernockety. But, alas, Oppernockety only tunes once.(opportunity only knocks once)

Jack, the butcher's son, was sent to town to sell a fine liver sausage. On the way, he met a young bird-catching woman, who was selling the Terns she had entrapped that morning. She was so charming, and Jack was so entranced, that they swapped, and Jack took a Tern for the Wurst.(Turn for the Worst( Wurst is sausage in German and tern is a bird))


A farmer kept a horse in a field. Birds repeatedly built nests in the horse's mane. Their chirping drove the poor horse insane. So the farmer took the horse to the Veterinarian, who suggested putting yeast in the mane to keep the birds out. And it worked. After all, Yeast is yeast, and nest is nest, and never the mane shall tweet.

The English Zoo at Mersey is famous for its collection of Koala bears. As you know, Koalas eat only eucalyptus leaves. But one day the painters working on the cages spilled paint on the leaves, and the Koalas refused to eat them. The painter finally found a solvent which removed the paint without killing the leaves, and reported proudly, "The Koala Tree of Mersey is not stained." (The quality of mercy is not strained - Shakespeare quotation from The Merchant of Venice)

A gentleman gambler imported 25 Basques to teach Jai Alai at his training camp in Australia. One day, while they were all eating at the dining barracks, a fire broke out but there was panic, and many died trying to get out through the only door from the barracks. The moral: Don't put all your Basques in one exit.(basques are a Spanish race) (Don't put all your eggs in one basket)

Three native American mothers sat around the campfire. One, seated on deer skin, boasted that her son weighed 140 pounds. A second, seated on her mountain lion skin, claimed that her son weighed 160 pounds. The third, seated on a hippopotamus skin, said, "I don't have any sons, but I myself weigh 300 pounds." Which proves that the squaw on the hide of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws on the other two hides.(Pythagoras theorem)

Sammy Stein was walking down a narrow alley late one night when a rapidly moving vehicle entered the alley. As the vehicle approached Sammy, it proceeded faster and faster. Sammy realized he could not outrun it, but found at the last moment a niche in the wall, backed into it, and was saved. "Thank heavens," he said, "A niche in time saved Stein."( a Stitch in time saves nine)
===========================

[internetpremi]

Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive

[rajnish manga]

Wonderful !!!

Anjelina Jolie's Bra? *BRA*d pit...
**
Bra which became the American President and inspired the whole world? A *BRA*ham Lincoln!
**
A scientist, trying to prove his theorem, was doing a large experiment with liquid chemicals when he fell into the vat and became part of the solution.

**
Where would you find two BRAs side by side =
aBRAcadaBRA

A male cricketer's BRA is always known as BRAdman.

[internetpremi]

When the head of the consulting team suggested that the canal around the castle be filled up with cement, he was demoted.

I finally got rid of that nasty electrical charge on my electric iron . Its ex-static!

He was kicked out of math class for one too many infractions

There was a big crowd as the fisherman were returning.I went to see what was the catch.

When asked whether or not I was bilingual, I was about to say I knew sign language, but I figured it was sort of a mute point.

The patient was asked to be ready for the organ transplant. He said, he had changed his mind.

The race dogs got a bad case of the fleas - they had to be scratched.
================================

[internetpremi]

Q: Why can't Chinese couples have white babies?

A: Because two Wongs don't make a white!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?

A: "Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I used to be a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My wife really likes to make pottery, but to me it's just kiln time
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The math professor went crazy with the blackboard; he did a number on it
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I get my large circumference from too much pi.
--------------------------------------------------------

He wears glasses during math because it improves division.

The research assistant couldn't experiment with plants because he hadn't botany.
========================

[rajnish manga]

इस प्रकार के मजेदार भाषाई प्रयोग कौन प्रस्तुत किया करेगा? जिन्हें इनकी आदत पड़ चुकी है, उनका क्या होगा- ब्रेक के दौरान?

[internetpremi]

धन्यवाद रजनीशजी।
ब्रेक तो केवल दो दिन का होगा
कल रात को रवाना हो रहे हैं।
शनिवार दोपहर (local time) को कैलिफ़ोर्निया पहुँच जाएंगे।
आशा करता हूँ कि रविवार को फ़िर से आप सब लोगों से जुड जाऊँगा।
पर, जब हम सक्रिय होंगे, तो आप सब सो रहे होंगे and vice versa.