Share Santa and Banta Jokes - Page 2

rajesh · 05-01-2010, 08:19 AM

Santa took his wife and son into to the big city shopping one saturday. As they approached town, they were astonished by the sky scrapers.

Santa never having been to the big city himself decided to let the wife out at the local mall while he and the son did some sight- seeing.

They entered a large building with an enormous lobby. The son noticed this door on the wall and ask Santa what it was for?

Santa not knowing decided to get closer for better observation. A few minutes later a old lady with a cane comes over and presses a button located near the door, the door opens and the old lady enters a small room. The door proceeds to close and Santa and son stand there amazed as lights blink over the door when all of a sudden the door opens and a very beautiful young lady exits.

Astonished, Santa looks at his son while scratching his head, and say's, "Son, I don't know what just happened, but run fast and fetch your mother."

rajesh · 05-01-2010, 08:20 AM

Once Santa & Banta were travelling along with their friends Monty & Jaggi. On a road surrounded by forests on both sides, their car was attacked by robbers. Santa & his friends were pulled out of the car. The robbers blasted the car and took Santa, Banta and their friends in the middle of the forest where their boss was residing.

Now, this boss was fond of jokes. So, he put the condition that whoever tells a joke that makes every single person laugh should be left unharmed and alive, but if one single person doesn't laugh then the joke-teller would be shot to death.

Banta started telling the funniest joke he had ever heard, "One day........." and when he was finished, everybody were falling with laughter except Santa. So according to the vow, the boss shot poor Banta.

Now, it was the turn of Monty. He also told the best joke he had ever heard. Again everybody laughed including the boss & his robbers, but still Santa was quite as a statue. So the boss shot him.

Then came Jaggi. As he opened his mouth to tell the joke, Santa suddenly burst into laughter. Everyone was puzzled. Santa was laughing madly.

The boss asked him, "Why the hell are you laughing without hearing the joke?"

Santa said laughing and giggling, "Oh! How funny Banta's joke was!"

rajesh · 05-01-2010, 08:21 AM

After just a few years of marriage, filled with constant arguments, Banta and his wife Preeto decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counseling. They had been at each others throats for some time and felt that this was their last straw.

When they arrived at the counselor's office, the counselor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion.

"What seems to be the problem?"

Immediately, Banta held his long face down without anything to say. On the other hand, Preeto began talking 90 miles an hour describing all the wrongs within their marriage.

After 10-15 minutes of listening to the wife, the counselor went over to her, picked her up by her shoulders, kissed her passionately for several minutes, and sat her back down.

Afterwards, Preeto sat there - speechless. He looked over at Banta who was staring in disbelief at what had happened.

The counselor spoke to Banta, "Your wife NEEDS that at least twice a week!"

Banta scratched his head and replied, "I can have her here on Wednesdays and Saturdays."

rajesh · 05-01-2010, 08:22 AM

Banta wanted to board his horse. The first farmer he asked said he would keep it at Rs 250 a day, plus he would keep the manure.

Banta thought that was too high and went to another farmer. His price was Rs 200 per day plus he would get to keep the manure.

Then he went to Santa who asked just Rs 50 a day.

Banta asked, "Don't you want to keep the manure?"

Santa said, "At Rs 50 a day, there won't be any!"

omkumar · 05-01-2010, 10:16 PM

Santa is sitting at a bar having a few drinks when he notices a very attractive lady sit down at the other end of the bar and order a drink.

Santa calls the bartender over and says, "Whatever she is drinking give her another one and tell her it is on me."

The bartender replies, "I don't think you want to do that."

"What do you mean?" yells Santa, "Send her the drink!"

"O.K." the bartender replies, "but I don't think it is a good idea."

"And why not?" asks Santa.

The bartender leans over the bar and very softly says, "Because she's a lesbian."

"I don't care, send her the drink." says Santa

So after the lady gets her drink Santa very casually strolls down to the other end of the bar and sits down next to her and says, "So what part of Lesbia are you from?"

omkumar · 05-01-2010, 10:16 PM

Santa went to a local bar, sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne.

The woman perked up and said, 'How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!'

'What a coincidence' Santa said. 'This is a special day for me. I am celebrating.'

'This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating,' said the woman.'

'What a coincidence!' said Santa.

As they clinked glasses he added, 'What are you celebrating?'

'My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynecologist told me that I am pregnant!'

'What a coincidence!' said Santa. 'I'm a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs.'

'That's great!' said the woman, 'How did your chickens become fertile?'

'I used a different cock,' he replied.

The woman smiled, clinked his glass and said, 'What a coincidence!'

omkumar · 05-01-2010, 10:17 PM

A Doctor wanted to get off work and go hunting, so he approached his assistant, "Banta, I am going hunting tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all of our patients".

"Yes, sir!!!" answers Banta.

The doctor goes hunting and returns the following day and asks, "So, Banta, How was your day?" Banta told him that he took care of three patients.

"The first one had a Headache so I gave him Analgin."

"Bravo Mate, and the second one?" asks the doctor.

"The second one had running nose and I gave him Coldarin, sir" says Banta.

"Bravo, bravo! You're good at this and what about the third one?" asks the doctor.

"Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opens and a woman enters like a flame, she undresses herself, taking off everything including her bra and her panties and lies down on the table and shouts:

HELP ME! For 5 years I have not seen any man!!!!!"

And what did you do Banta?" asks the doctor.

"I put drops in her eyes!!!

omkumar · 05-01-2010, 10:17 PM

Three friends were sitting in a bar, drinking Beer, and discussing how stupid their wives were.

The first guy, "I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last week she went to the market and bought meat worth 1000 bucks because it was on sale, and we don't even have a fridge to keep it in."

The second agrees that she sounds pretty thick, but says his wife is thicker.

"Just last week, she went out and spent 4 lacs on a new car," he laments, "and she doesn't even know how to drive!"

Banta nods sagely, and agrees that these two women sound like they both walked through the stupid forest and got hit by every branch. However, he still thinks his wife is dumber.

"Ah, it kills me every time I think of it," he chuckles. "My wife just left to go on a holiday in Germany. I watched her packing her bag, and she must have put about 100 condoms in there. And she doesn't even have a penis!

omkumar · 05-01-2010, 10:18 PM

Pappu attended a horse auction with his father, Santa. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs, rump, and chest.

After a few minutes, Pappu asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?"

Santa replied, "Because I'm buying horses. I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy."

Pappu looked worried, "Then I think we'd better hurry home right away."

"Why?" said Santa.

"Because Banta uncle stopped by yesterday, I think he wants to buy Mom."

omkumar · 05-01-2010, 10:19 PM

Santa and son, Pappu, were always in competition with each other. One day Pappu left to take an entrance exam at a university. He wanted to major in medicine. A week later he returned from his trip looking very down in the dumps.

"How was the exam?" asked Santa.

"They asked quite a lot of 'fill in the blank' questions about first aid and stuff. I got a score of 70%. It wasn't good enough to get accepted," he replied.

"Well in that case I better take that exam myself," Santa said. So off to the university he went. A week later Santa returned from his trip looking very down in the dumps.

"How was the exam?" asked Pappu.

"They asked quite a lot of 'fill in the blank' questions about first aid and I got them all wrong but one."

"Which question was that?"

"The question was...", started Santa, "What do you do when you come across a woman which has fainted. You feel her pu_s_?"

"That's easy", Pappu replied. "The answer is pulse."

"Oh, hell," said Santa," I got that one wrong as well."

05-01-2010, 08:19 AM	#11
rajesh Member Join Date: Dec 2009 Posts: 76 Rep Power: 15	Santa Singh at Magic Door Santa took his wife and son into to the big city shopping one saturday. As they approached town, they were astonished by the sky scrapers. Santa never having been to the big city himself decided to let the wife out at the local mall while he and the son did some sight- seeing. They entered a large building with an enormous lobby. The son noticed this door on the wall and ask Santa what it was for? Santa not knowing decided to get closer for better observation. A few minutes later a old lady with a cane comes over and presses a button located near the door, the door opens and the old lady enters a small room. The door proceeds to close and Santa and son stand there amazed as lights blink over the door when all of a sudden the door opens and a very beautiful young lady exits. Astonished, Santa looks at his son while scratching his head, and say's, "Son, I don't know what just happened, but run fast and fetch your mother."

05-01-2010, 08:20 AM	#12
rajesh Member Join Date: Dec 2009 Posts: 76 Rep Power: 15	Santa, Banta and their friends Once Santa & Banta were travelling along with their friends Monty & Jaggi. On a road surrounded by forests on both sides, their car was attacked by robbers. Santa & his friends were pulled out of the car. The robbers blasted the car and took Santa, Banta and their friends in the middle of the forest where their boss was residing. Now, this boss was fond of jokes. So, he put the condition that whoever tells a joke that makes every single person laugh should be left unharmed and alive, but if one single person doesn't laugh then the joke-teller would be shot to death. Banta started telling the funniest joke he had ever heard, "One day........." and when he was finished, everybody were falling with laughter except Santa. So according to the vow, the boss shot poor Banta. Now, it was the turn of Monty. He also told the best joke he had ever heard. Again everybody laughed including the boss & his robbers, but still Santa was quite as a statue. So the boss shot him. Then came Jaggi. As he opened his mouth to tell the joke, Santa suddenly burst into laughter. Everyone was puzzled. Santa was laughing madly. The boss asked him, "Why the hell are you laughing without hearing the joke?" Santa said laughing and giggling, "Oh! How funny Banta's joke was!"

05-01-2010, 08:21 AM	#13
rajesh Member Join Date: Dec 2009 Posts: 76 Rep Power: 15	Passionate Kisses After just a few years of marriage, filled with constant arguments, Banta and his wife Preeto decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counseling. They had been at each others throats for some time and felt that this was their last straw. When they arrived at the counselor's office, the counselor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion. "What seems to be the problem?" Immediately, Banta held his long face down without anything to say. On the other hand, Preeto began talking 90 miles an hour describing all the wrongs within their marriage. After 10-15 minutes of listening to the wife, the counselor went over to her, picked her up by her shoulders, kissed her passionately for several minutes, and sat her back down. Afterwards, Preeto sat there - speechless. He looked over at Banta who was staring in disbelief at what had happened. The counselor spoke to Banta, "Your wife NEEDS that at least twice a week!" Banta scratched his head and replied, "I can have her here on Wednesdays and Saturdays."

05-01-2010, 08:22 AM	#14
rajesh Member Join Date: Dec 2009 Posts: 76 Rep Power: 15	House Keeping Banta wanted to board his horse. The first farmer he asked said he would keep it at Rs 250 a day, plus he would keep the manure. Banta thought that was too high and went to another farmer. His price was Rs 200 per day plus he would get to keep the manure. Then he went to Santa who asked just Rs 50 a day. Banta asked, "Don't you want to keep the manure?" Santa said, "At Rs 50 a day, there won't be any!"

05-01-2010, 10:16 PM	#15
omkumar Diligent Member Join Date: Dec 2009 Posts: 869 Rep Power: 16	Santa Singh in a Bar Santa is sitting at a bar having a few drinks when he notices a very attractive lady sit down at the other end of the bar and order a drink. Santa calls the bartender over and says, "Whatever she is drinking give her another one and tell her it is on me." The bartender replies, "I don't think you want to do that." "What do you mean?" yells Santa, "Send her the drink!" "O.K." the bartender replies, "but I don't think it is a good idea." "And why not?" asks Santa. The bartender leans over the bar and very softly says, "Because she's a lesbian." "I don't care, send her the drink." says Santa So after the lady gets her drink Santa very casually strolls down to the other end of the bar and sits down next to her and says, "So what part of Lesbia are you from?"

05-01-2010, 10:16 PM	#16
omkumar Diligent Member Join Date: Dec 2009 Posts: 869 Rep Power: 16	What a coincidence Santa went to a local bar, sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne. The woman perked up and said, 'How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!' 'What a coincidence' Santa said. 'This is a special day for me. I am celebrating.' 'This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating,' said the woman.' 'What a coincidence!' said Santa. As they clinked glasses he added, 'What are you celebrating?' 'My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynecologist told me that I am pregnant!' 'What a coincidence!' said Santa. 'I'm a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs.' 'That's great!' said the woman, 'How did your chickens become fertile?' 'I used a different cock,' he replied. The woman smiled, clinked his glass and said, 'What a coincidence!'

05-01-2010, 10:17 PM	#17
omkumar Diligent Member Join Date: Dec 2009 Posts: 869 Rep Power: 16	Doctor Banta A Doctor wanted to get off work and go hunting, so he approached his assistant, "Banta, I am going hunting tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all of our patients". "Yes, sir!!!" answers Banta. The doctor goes hunting and returns the following day and asks, "So, Banta, How was your day?" Banta told him that he took care of three patients. "The first one had a Headache so I gave him Analgin." "Bravo Mate, and the second one?" asks the doctor. "The second one had running nose and I gave him Coldarin, sir" says Banta. "Bravo, bravo! You're good at this and what about the third one?" asks the doctor. "Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opens and a woman enters like a flame, she undresses herself, taking off everything including her bra and her panties and lies down on the table and shouts: HELP ME! For 5 years I have not seen any man!!!!!" And what did you do Banta?" asks the doctor. "I put drops in her eyes!!!

05-01-2010, 10:17 PM	#18
omkumar Diligent Member Join Date: Dec 2009 Posts: 869 Rep Power: 16	Stupid Wives Three friends were sitting in a bar, drinking Beer, and discussing how stupid their wives were. The first guy, "I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last week she went to the market and bought meat worth 1000 bucks because it was on sale, and we don't even have a fridge to keep it in." The second agrees that she sounds pretty thick, but says his wife is thicker. "Just last week, she went out and spent 4 lacs on a new car," he laments, "and she doesn't even know how to drive!" Banta nods sagely, and agrees that these two women sound like they both walked through the stupid forest and got hit by every branch. However, he still thinks his wife is dumber. "Ah, it kills me every time I think of it," he chuckles. "My wife just left to go on a holiday in Germany. I watched her packing her bag, and she must have put about 100 condoms in there. And she doesn't even have a penis!

05-01-2010, 10:18 PM	#19
omkumar Diligent Member Join Date: Dec 2009 Posts: 869 Rep Power: 16	Horse Auction Pappu attended a horse auction with his father, Santa. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs, rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Pappu asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?" Santa replied, "Because I'm buying horses. I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy." Pappu looked worried, "Then I think we'd better hurry home right away." "Why?" said Santa. "Because Banta uncle stopped by yesterday, I think he wants to buy Mom."

05-01-2010, 10:19 PM	#20
omkumar Diligent Member Join Date: Dec 2009 Posts: 869 Rep Power: 16	Fill in the Blanks Santa and son, Pappu, were always in competition with each other. One day Pappu left to take an entrance exam at a university. He wanted to major in medicine. A week later he returned from his trip looking very down in the dumps. "How was the exam?" asked Santa. "They asked quite a lot of 'fill in the blank' questions about first aid and stuff. I got a score of 70%. It wasn't good enough to get accepted," he replied. "Well in that case I better take that exam myself," Santa said. So off to the university he went. A week later Santa returned from his trip looking very down in the dumps. "How was the exam?" asked Pappu. "They asked quite a lot of 'fill in the blank' questions about first aid and I got them all wrong but one." "Which question was that?" "The question was...", started Santa, "What do you do when you come across a woman which has fainted. You feel her pu_s_?" "That's easy", Pappu replied. "The answer is pulse." "Oh, hell," said Santa," I got that one wrong as well."