Clean Jokes - Page 3

Madhu · 16-07-2010, 08:27 AM

In a crowded elevator, an Indian Desi wife became angry with her naughty husband, who was delighted to be pressed against a beautiful girl. The girl suddenly slapped naughty Husband and said, "This will teach you not to pinch any girl in future".

Bewildered, "naughty" Husband was on the way to parking lot with his Wife when he choked, "I... I... didn't pinch that girl."

"Ofcourse you didn't," said Wife consolingly. "I did".

Rinu · 16-07-2010, 10:20 PM

Nice jokes madhu....I am also sharing some jokes....keep laughing

Rinu · 16-07-2010, 10:21 PM

A blind man with a seeing eye dog at his side walks into a grocery store. The man walks to the middle of the store, picks up the dog by the tail, and starts swinging the dog around in circles over his head. The store manager, who has seen all this, thinks this is quite strange. So, he decides to find out what's going on. The store manager approaches the blind man swinging the dog and says, "Pardon me. May I help you with something." The blind man says, "No thanks. I'm just looking around."

Rinu · 16-07-2010, 10:23 PM

A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour. Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn't throw out the pest. "Oh, I really don't care or mind," said the waiter with a smile. "We don't even have an air conditioner."

Rinu · 16-07-2010, 10:29 PM

God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God. "Where have you been?" God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction, and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael. Look what I've made." Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, "What is it?" "It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put Life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance." "Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused. God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over there I've placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people. Balance in all things," God continued pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice." The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land area and said, "What's that one?" "Ah," said God "That's Washington State, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful mountains, rivers and streams, lakes, forests, hills, plains, and coulees. The people from Washington State are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to be found traveling the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats, and carriers of peace." Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then proclaimed, "What about balance, God? You said there would be balance." God smiled, "There is another Washington...wait until you see the idiots I put there."

Rinu · 16-07-2010, 10:30 PM

There was a man walking down the street, and a security guard came up to him and said “why is there a penguin following you”? And the man said I don’t know, he just followed me. And the security guard, “you take that penguin to the zoo right now”. And the man did. A couple of hours later, the man came out of the zoo with the penguin again and they were walking down the street again. And the security guard said “I thought I told you to take that penguin to the zoo”? And the man said, “I did, he enjoyed himself, now I’m taking him to the library”.

Rinu · 16-07-2010, 10:31 PM

"Times were hard in Russia after the cold war, but there was determined young man who wanted to buy a new car. He saved for many years until he had just the right amount. Immediately, he went to the car dealer and said, 'I want to buy a new car!' 'That's good,' replied the car dealer. We will get a car for you soon. Come back here in eight years and three months ... we'll have your car.' The man replied, 'Will that be morning or afternoon?' The car dealer was surprised. 'Does it really matter?' he asked. 'Yes,' the man said, 'it really matters. The plumber promised me that he would come that day too.'"

Rinu · 16-07-2010, 10:32 PM

Robert's investment business was expanding and as a shrewd and diligent business owner decided to hire in-house counsel to save some money. He began interviewing several young lawyers. Interviewing one of the potential applicants a Mr. M. Moody, Robert explains that "you can understand that in an investment business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question". Robert leaned forward and questioned, Mr. Moody, are you an 'honest' lawyer?" Robert "Honest" Let me tell you something about my honesty level. Why, I'm so honest that when my father lent me fifteen thousand dollars for my education .. I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case. Robert: Very impressive. And what sort of case was that? Michael squirmed in his seat and admitted that his father sued him for the money.

Rinu · 16-07-2010, 10:33 PM

Caller: Hello, I would like to speak to Annie Wan? Operator: Okie, you can speak to me then.. Caller: No, I want to speak only to Annie Wan! Operator: This is the call center! That’s what I’m saying if you want to speak to anyone. You can speak to me. By the way, who are you? Caller: Well, I'm Sam Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's an emergency. Operator: God! I understand that you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! Anyways, what's this emergency matter about? Caller: Well... just tell my wife Annie Wan that her brother Noe Wan was involved in an bad car accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent right to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on the way to the hospital. Operator: Look you someone, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I really don't have time for all these pranks! Caller: You are so rude? What's your name? Operator: I'm Saw Ree. Caller: Absolutely! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!! Operator: That's what I just said. I'm Saw Ree Caller: Oh ...God.....this is going no where. From Good Wan!

Rinu · 16-07-2010, 10:35 PM

A little boy opened the big, old family Bible with fascination. He looked at the old pages as he turned them. The Bible had belonged to his grandmother. Then something fell out of the Bible. He picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed between pages. "Momma, look what I found", the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked. With astonishment in the young boy's voice he answered, "I think it's Adam's suit!!!!!"

16-07-2010, 08:27 AM	#21
Madhu Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2010 Posts: 494 Rep Power: 18	In a crowded elevator, an Indian Desi wife became angry with her naughty husband, who was delighted to be pressed against a beautiful girl. The girl suddenly slapped naughty Husband and said, "This will teach you not to pinch any girl in future". Bewildered, "naughty" Husband was on the way to parking lot with his Wife when he choked, "I... I... didn't pinch that girl." "Ofcourse you didn't," said Wife consolingly. "I did".

16-07-2010, 10:20 PM	#22
Rinu Member Join Date: Jun 2010 Posts: 150 Rep Power: 15	Nice jokes madhu....I am also sharing some jokes....keep laughing

16-07-2010, 10:21 PM	#23
Rinu Member Join Date: Jun 2010 Posts: 150 Rep Power: 15	A blind man with a seeing eye dog at his side walks into a grocery store. The man walks to the middle of the store, picks up the dog by the tail, and starts swinging the dog around in circles over his head. The store manager, who has seen all this, thinks this is quite strange. So, he decides to find out what's going on. The store manager approaches the blind man swinging the dog and says, "Pardon me. May I help you with something." The blind man says, "No thanks. I'm just looking around."

16-07-2010, 10:23 PM	#24
Rinu Member Join Date: Jun 2010 Posts: 150 Rep Power: 15	A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour. Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn't throw out the pest. "Oh, I really don't care or mind," said the waiter with a smile. "We don't even have an air conditioner."

16-07-2010, 10:29 PM	#25
Rinu Member Join Date: Jun 2010 Posts: 150 Rep Power: 15	God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God. "Where have you been?" God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction, and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael. Look what I've made." Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, "What is it?" "It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put Life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance." "Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused. God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over there I've placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people. Balance in all things," God continued pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice." The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land area and said, "What's that one?" "Ah," said God "That's Washington State, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful mountains, rivers and streams, lakes, forests, hills, plains, and coulees. The people from Washington State are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to be found traveling the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats, and carriers of peace." Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then proclaimed, "What about balance, God? You said there would be balance." God smiled, "There is another Washington...wait until you see the idiots I put there."

16-07-2010, 10:30 PM	#26
Rinu Member Join Date: Jun 2010 Posts: 150 Rep Power: 15	There was a man walking down the street, and a security guard came up to him and said “why is there a penguin following you”? And the man said I don’t know, he just followed me. And the security guard, “you take that penguin to the zoo right now”. And the man did. A couple of hours later, the man came out of the zoo with the penguin again and they were walking down the street again. And the security guard said “I thought I told you to take that penguin to the zoo”? And the man said, “I did, he enjoyed himself, now I’m taking him to the library”.

16-07-2010, 10:31 PM	#27
Rinu Member Join Date: Jun 2010 Posts: 150 Rep Power: 15	"Times were hard in Russia after the cold war, but there was determined young man who wanted to buy a new car. He saved for many years until he had just the right amount. Immediately, he went to the car dealer and said, 'I want to buy a new car!' 'That's good,' replied the car dealer. We will get a car for you soon. Come back here in eight years and three months ... we'll have your car.' The man replied, 'Will that be morning or afternoon?' The car dealer was surprised. 'Does it really matter?' he asked. 'Yes,' the man said, 'it really matters. The plumber promised me that he would come that day too.'"

16-07-2010, 10:32 PM	#28
Rinu Member Join Date: Jun 2010 Posts: 150 Rep Power: 15	Robert's investment business was expanding and as a shrewd and diligent business owner decided to hire in-house counsel to save some money. He began interviewing several young lawyers. Interviewing one of the potential applicants a Mr. M. Moody, Robert explains that "you can understand that in an investment business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question". Robert leaned forward and questioned, Mr. Moody, are you an 'honest' lawyer?" Robert "Honest" Let me tell you something about my honesty level. Why, I'm so honest that when my father lent me fifteen thousand dollars for my education .. I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case. Robert: Very impressive. And what sort of case was that? Michael squirmed in his seat and admitted that his father sued him for the money.

16-07-2010, 10:33 PM	#29
Rinu Member Join Date: Jun 2010 Posts: 150 Rep Power: 15	Caller: Hello, I would like to speak to Annie Wan? Operator: Okie, you can speak to me then.. Caller: No, I want to speak only to Annie Wan! Operator: This is the call center! That’s what I’m saying if you want to speak to anyone. You can speak to me. By the way, who are you? Caller: Well, I'm Sam Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's an emergency. Operator: God! I understand that you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! Anyways, what's this emergency matter about? Caller: Well... just tell my wife Annie Wan that her brother Noe Wan was involved in an bad car accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent right to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on the way to the hospital. Operator: Look you someone, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I really don't have time for all these pranks! Caller: You are so rude? What's your name? Operator: I'm Saw Ree. Caller: Absolutely! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!! Operator: That's what I just said. I'm Saw Ree Caller: Oh ...God.....this is going no where. From Good Wan!

16-07-2010, 10:35 PM	#30
Rinu Member Join Date: Jun 2010 Posts: 150 Rep Power: 15	A little boy opened the big, old family Bible with fascination. He looked at the old pages as he turned them. The Bible had belonged to his grandmother. Then something fell out of the Bible. He picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed between pages. "Momma, look what I found", the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked. With astonishment in the young boy's voice he answered, "I think it's Adam's suit!!!!!"