Punography

[rajnish manga]

Matchless firework:

I hate watering the lawn. It really irrigates me.

Can ice cube trays be improved? You’ll have to undertake a freezability study.

[internetpremi]

Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.

When the doctor asked the editor how he was doing, he said he had a problem with his circulation.

I thought I packed a memory card for my camera, but I forgot it.

Some people can’t stand social media, but I say tweet his own.

French humour is so Sarkozstic

Wheat farmers always play the lottery. They want to win now.

Why do dictators speak to the masses from balconies? Haven’t they heard that no ledge is power?

Did Franklin Roosevelt smell? No, that was The odor.

Tiger Woods’ career has philandered.

Which reptile always says hello? The salaamander.

[internetpremi]

Just before getting married, women may ask their fiancés to get a preen-up.

Navy officers tend to behave admiralbly.

Wigmakers are always putting on hairs.

Feminists have high standards. They’re always razing the bra.

Knitting makes me yarn for the good old days. These days I have nothing but looming deadlines!

We believe in rights for midgets, and vigorously defend their freedom of reach.

Do computer-controlled urinals have their own I pee address?

The pirate with a parrot had a real chirp on his shoulder.

The man who could sit for hours in the steam room, outlasting all others, was crowned swelter wait champion of the world. A real tough saunafabitch.

What do gynecologists have in common with Christopher Columbus? They are all explore-hers.
=======

[DevRaj80]

बेहतरीन मित्र

[rajnish manga]

Make crime pay. Become a lawyer.

A fool and his money are soon elected.

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.

I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat.

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the fact

[rajnish manga]

America is becoming so educated that ignorance will soon be a novelty.

Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.

I bet after seeing us, George Washington would sue us for calling him "father."

It isn't what we don't know that gives us trouble, it's what we know that ain't so.

Liberty doesn't work as well in practice as it does in speeches.

[rajnish manga]

I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.

Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.

If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think he's evil. The worst you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever.

Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don't have for something they don't need.

[rajnish manga]

I never wonder to see men wicked, but I often wonder to see them not ashamed.

Men are happy to be laughed at for their humor, but not for their folly.

Politics, as the word is commonly understood, are nothing but corruptions.

We have enough religion to make us hate, but not enough to make us love one another.

When a true genius appears, you can know him by this sign: that all the dunces are in a confederacy against him.

[rajnish manga]

He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.

He would stab his best friend for the sake of writing an epigram on his tombstone.

She is a peacock in everything but beauty.

A gentleman is one who never hurts anyone's feelings unintentionally.

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.

[rajnish manga]

Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people by the people for the people.

I believe God in creating Man somewhat overestimated his ability.

Morality is simply the attitude we adopt towards people we personally dislike.

Self-denial is the shining sore on the leprous body of Christianity.

Whenever a man does a thoroughly stupid thing, it is always from the noblest motives.