Funny Jokes....

[abhisays]

Best Goat !!

One day Santa was talking with a salesman about his goats. As they were talking the salesman noticed that one of the goats had a wooden leg. "What`s the deal with the goat with the wooden leg?" asked the salesman.
"Oh! That`s the best goat I`ve got, best goat I`ve ever had, could just be the best goat in the whole world!" said the farmer. "Six months ago, in the middle of the night our house caught fire. That goat crawled under the fence, ran to the house, beat on our bedroom window with his horns, woke us up and saved the lives of my whole family and me! That`s the best goat I`ve got, best goat I`ve ever had, could just be the best goat in the whole world!"
"Okay, okay!" said the salesman. "But what`s the deal with the wooden leg?"
"Well, heck" said Santa, "A good goat like that, you can`t eat him all at once!"

[abhisays]

Fencing!!

Three guys were trying to sneak into the Asian Games Village at Busan, South Korea to scoop souvenirs and autographs.
The first says, "Let`s watch the registration table to see if there`s a crack in the security system that we can utilize to scam our way in."Immediately, a burly athlete walks up to the table and states, "Fan Zhiyi. China. Shotput." He opens his gym bag to display a shotput to the registration attendant. The attendant says, "Very good, Mr. Fan Zhiyi. Here is your packet of registration materials, complete with hotel keys, passes to all Olympic events, meal tickets, and other information." The first guy gets inspired and grabs a small tree sapling, strips off the limbs and roots, walks up the registration table and states: "Chang Koehan. North Korea. Javelin." The attendant says, "Very good, Mr. Koehan. Here is your packet of registration materials, hotel keys, passes, meal tickets, and so forth. Good luck!"
The second guy grabs a street utility manhole cover, walks up to the registration table and states: "Hidetoshi Nakata. Japan. Discus."
The attendant says, "Terrific, Mr. Nakata. Here is your packet of registration materials, hotel keys, a full set of passes, and meal tickets. Enjoy yourself."
They scamper in, but suddenly realize that Banta is missing. They forgot to make sure he doesn`t do something stupid and blow their cover stories.
Just then Santa walks proudly up to the table with a roll of barbed wire under his arm and states: "Banta. Hoshiarpur, Punjab. FENCING."

[abhisays]

Give a ring!

Santa`s girlfriend asked Santa, "Santa Darling, if we get engaged Will you give me a ring?"
"Sure" replied Santa "What s your phone number?"

[abhisays]

Face To Face!!

Santa (tourists guide), was talking with a group of school kids at Zoo when one of the kids asked him if he had ever came face-to-face with a wolf.
"Yes, I came face to face with a wolf once. And as luck would have it, I was alone and without a weapon."
"What did you do?" the little girl asked.
"What could I do? First, I tried looking him straight in the eyes but he slowly came toward me. I moved back, but he kept coming nearer and nearer. I had to think fast."
"How did you get away?"
"As a last resort, I just turned around and walked quickly to the next cage."

[abhisays]

Thumb wipe!

Banta was driving down the street looking for a place to stop so he could go to the bathroom. He stopped at a bar and went inside.
"Bartender! Where is the bathroom, I really need to go?!" he asked.
The bartender pointed him to the bathroom. So Banta went to the bathroom and looked over to the side. There was no toilet paper!
"Oh no!"
He looked over again and saw a sign that said: If out of toilet paper use your thumb and ask the bartender for a "thumb wipe". "Bartender!" he said.
"What can I do for you?" asked the bartender.
"Um.. there was no toilet paper and I need a thumb wipe.
"Oh," said the bartender. "Put your thumb on the bar."
"On the bar?"
The bartender replied, "Yes, on the bar."
So Banta put his thumb on the bar and the bartender pulled out a hammer and slammed it hard on the Banta's thumb.
Banta's instant reaction was to put his thumb in his mouth.

[abhisays]

Santa goes for a movie. There is a scene in the movie where the actress starts removing her clothes before she gets into the river to bathe. However, just as she starts undressing, the scene is interrupted by a train passing by.
The next day, Santa goes back again, and again the next day, and again the next day.
Finally, the guard at the door is puzzled and asks Santa why he watches the movie everyday.
Santa looks at him and tells him ki "oye, dont u see? one of these days the train will be late and i'll get to watch the scene uninterrupted"!!

[abhisays]

Santa & Banta were walking in the highlands then suddenly Santa fell down a deep hole.
Banta: Are you ok?
Santa: Fine thanks!
Banta: Did you break anything?
Santa: No, there's nothing down here!

[abhisays]

santa goes to a pizza place and orders a pizza. the waiter asks him if he wants it cut into 6 pieces or 12. santa answers, "6 pieces please!! i could never eat 12".

[abhisays]

Banta loses his donkey. He starts thanking God for what happened. A passer by asks him why he was thankin God. Banta says that he is thankful coz he wasnt on the donkey when it was lost.

[abhisays]

Basic training

Santa was in Telecom deptt. before joining the army. As part of his basic training, he went out on the rifle range. He fired 99 shots at the target, and missed the target with every shot! His Drill Instructor was very upset with him.
"What`s the matter with you?" asked the Drill Instructor. "Why can`t you hit the target? What were you in civilian life?"
"I was a telephone man," replied the Bantat, "and I don`t know why I can`t hit the target. Let me see..."
Banta checked his rifle, checked his rifle again, and checked his rifle a third time. He then put his finger in front of the muzzle, pulled the trigger, and blew the end of his finger off!
"Well," Banta said, writhing in pain, "the bullets are leaving here fine. The trouble must be on the other end!"