Funny Jokes....

[abhisays]

Banta on an interview for the post of detective was asked a question

Interviewer - Who killed Gandhiji ?

Banta - Thanks for giving me the job, I will investigate.

*************
Banta was fond of detective novels, he always read from the middle, why ?

Its double interesting. It builds curiosity not only about its end but also its beginning !

*************
Banta returns book to library, bangs it on table & says - What a shit ?

"I read the whole book, too many character, no story at all" ?.

Librarian : So, you are the one who took the Telephone Directory....

*************
2 Days of Powercut in India made life miserable. Worst affected was Amritsar where all the SARDARS were stuck for 48 hrs. on Escalaters.....

*************
Banta driving a Car, one puts on the indicator and asks Santa to check whether it is working.

He puts his head out and says - YES..NO..YES..NO..YES..NO

*************
Banta : Oye to har SMS ko do baar kyom bhej raha hai ?

Santa : Kyunki tujhe agar ek forward karna ho to dusra tere paas rahe !!!

[abhisays]

Santa Singh returned back from the cinema hall without watching the
cinema.what was the name of the cinema?
Ans:NO ENTRY

Santa : Which is the most painful delivery in world?
Banta : sunny deol ki maa ki.
Santa : woh kaise?
Banta : woh nikla gaddi le ke.....


Santa dials a number, A girl recieves the call
santa: who r u?
girl: sita
Banta: maine to chandigarh phone kiya tha, yeh to
yeh to ayodhya mil gaya.


SANTA : car me battery lagwane gaya, Mechanic ne poocha "EXIDE" ki
lagaun?
BANTA bole: yaar, bar-bar kaun ayega DONO SIDE KI LAGADE!

Santa Banta ko 3 live bomb mile.
Santa: Chal police ko de kar aate hain.
Banta: Agar koi bum raste main hi phat gaya to?
Santa: Jhoot bhol denge, ki 2 hi mile the.

SANTA going with his sister, Some shouts "Oye, ,mashoka le ker kahan
nikle"
BANTA gets furious & slap him & says" Oye. mashoka hogi tero. Meri to
behan hai"!

[abhisays]

At a party one of Santa Singh's friends asked him how many chappatis he could eat in an empty stomach. Santa replied "Seven".

Then his friend told him "When you eat the first chappati your stomach is no longer empty. Then how can you eat seven??"

Santa was impressed by this tricky question. So as soon as he went back home he asked his wife "How many chappatis can you eat in an empty stomach??". She replied "Five".

Then Santa said: "If only you had told seven I had a nice reply for it".

[abhisays]

A young man asked a SARDAR how he made his money.

The sardar pointed his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel.

"I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents.

"The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37."

"And that's how you built an empire?" the boy asked.

"Heavens, no!" sardar replied. "Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."

[abhisays]

Santa travelling 1st time in plane going Mumbai.

While landing he shouted "Bombay-Bombay' Airhostess said B silent.

So, Santa souted "Ombay-Ombay"

[abhisays]

Ek din SANTA master ne ladko ko class mein kaha ki...

1. kabhi daru nahi pio ge.
std: nahi

2.kabhi ladki ko nahi chedo ge.
std:nhi chedenge

3. kabhi vyasan nahi karo ge.
std: nahi karenge.

4.aapne desh k liye jan de do ge.
std: or a c jan ka kya karenge?

[abhisays]

During work, SANTA and BANTA were chatting:

SANTA: BANTA BHAI, I've been taking night courses for 5 months now and I have an exam next week.
BANTA: oh!

SANTA: For example, do you know who is Graham Bell?
BANTA: No
SANTA: He's the inventor of the phone in 1876; if you take night courses you would know this.

The next day, the same discussion took place:
SANTA: Do you know who is Alexander Dumas?
BANTA: No
SANTA: He's the author of "The 3 Musketeers", if you take night courses, you would know this.

The next day, once again:
SANTA: And do you know who is Jean Jacques Rousseau?
BANTA: No
SANTA: He's the author of "Confessions", if you take night courses, you would know this.

This time, BANTA got irritated and said: "And you, do you know who is FANTA SINGH?"
SANTA: No
BANTA: He's the guy enjoying with your wife!! If you stop night courses, you would know this !!!

[abhisays]

Santa On the Controls

Wahe Guru & Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen: This is your
Captain James' Santa Singh welcoming you to Punjab Airways. We
apologize for the two-day delay in taking off, owing to bad weather
and some overtime I had put in at the highway dhaba. This is flight
no. 9211(Nau Do Gyaraah) to Ludhiana. Landing in Ludhiana is not
guaranteed, but with luck we may even be landing directly on your
village.

Punjab Airways has a unique record for safety. In fact our safety
standards are so well known that even fully trained terrorists and
hijackers are afraid to fly with us.

It is with pleasure I announce that starting this year over 90% of
our passengers have reached their destination. For the ones that
don't quite make it, Punjab Airways staff has all the requisite
experience for consoling the next-of-kin. Our Hostess Bubbly Kaur
will be happy to brief you on our out-of-court settlement policies.

If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can
turn them off for your convenience. To make your free fall to earth
pleasant and memorable, we serve complimentary tea and biscuits.
For our religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help
you quickly find out whether God really exists.

We regret to inform you that today's in-flight movie will not be
shown as we forgot to record it from the television. But we will be
flying right next to Air India, where their movie will be visible
from the right side cabin windows. These windows have been removed
for your viewing convenience. For passengers with sight problems,
we have also put a pair of Pinoculars under your seat.


As per the rules, smoking is not allowed on all Punjab Airways
flights over Punjab. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the
early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down. Life
jackets are placed under your seats and free bathing costumes are
made available for the aunties and swimming trunks for the uncles,
for emergency water landings on any of our five rivers.


Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take off
and fasten your belts. For those of you who can't find a seat belt,
kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And for those
of you who can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with
Bubbly Kaur for your arrangement to sit on the bathroom seat. If you
do sit there, please do not flush frequently because it may result
in shortage of water we require for your tea. I won't be flying with
you today because I have to attend to my nephew's wedding. But co-
pilot Kaptan Singh will have wireless access to me in case he needs
flying instructions from time to time. For an extra 500 rupees or
two tandoori chickens, our attendant Bubbly Kaur will allow you to
come forward and occupy the captain's seat in the cockpit for 5
minutes each, for an extraordinary view. Thank you once again for
choosing to fly with Punjab Airways.

[abhisays]

A stranger was seated next to SANTA on the plane when the stranger turned to SANTA and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

SANTA, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger, "What would you like to discuss?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?"

"OK," said SANTA. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. "A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"

"Jeez," said the stranger. "I have no idea."

"Well, then," said SANTA, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"

[abhisays]

SANTA wrote this on the occasion of his exams.

When I Die , bury me deep
Ten feet down fast as leep

Place my Math's book on my head
Tell my teacher that I am dead

Place my geography book on my chest
Tell my teacher how I am at rest

Place my physics in my right hand
Tell my teacher nothing I understand

Place my English book on my left
Tell my teacher I tried my best

Also tell my teachers not to cry
For they are those who made me die.