Share Santa and Banta Jokes

[priya]

The act of unlocking

A customer arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up their car, They were told that the keys had been accidentally locked in it.
He went to the service department and found a mechanic, Mr Santa working feverishly to unlock the driver`s side door.
As the customer watched from the passenger`s side, he instinctively tried the door handle and discovered it was open.
"Hey," he announced to the technician, "It`s open!"
"I know," answered Santa.- "I already got that side."

[sony]

Santa Singh with two red ears went to his doctor.

The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear.."
"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But .. what happened to your other ear?"
"The scoundrel called back."

[shefali]

Santa and Banta boasting of their parents achievements to each other

Santa : 'Have you ever heard of the Suez Canal?'
Banta : 'Yes, I have'
Santa : 'Well, my father dug it.'
Banta : 'That's nothing, have you ever heard of Dead sea?'
Santa : 'Yes, I have.'
Banta : 'Well, my father killed it.'

[abhishek]

santa's special
by nakool » Thu Mar 04, 2010 6:56 pm



Banta: Yeh chaaku kyon ubaal rahe ho?
Santa: Suicide karne ke liye
Banta: To phir ubalne kui kya zaroorat hai?
Santa: Kahin infection na ho jaaye


Santa: Today is Sunday I wanna njoy, so I bought 3 movie tickets
Jeeto: Why 3?
Santa: For you and your parents


A man to Santa: Aao ji chess khelein
Santa: Tu chal mein sports shoes pehen kar aaya.


At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Santa: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?


Santa applied for the position of Mechanical Engineer. In interview:
Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Santa: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. ....
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Santa: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup...


Banta: Yaar teri wife ki maut ka bada afsos hua, vaise hua kya tha?
Sant: Goli lagi thi mathe main.
Banta: Bhagwan ka shukar kar ke aankh bach gayi.


Santa apni khoobsurat Bibi k saath car mein baitha.
Driver ne sheesha set kiya.
Santa gusse mein bola, meri bibi ko dekhkta hai,
piche baith, car mein chalaoonga!


Sadhu: Bachcha teri biwi ko chuddail chipak gayee hai.
Upaaye karvaao.
Banta: Upayaye? Baba, agar do behenein gale mil rahi hain to is mein harz hi kya hai?


Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Santa: George Washington's skeleton.
Tourist: Whose that smaller skeleton next to it?
Santa: That was Washington's skeleton when he was a child.


Banta: Yeh AUTOMATICALLY kya hota hai?
Santa: Oye tujhe yeh bhi nahin pata,
Jab auto mein koi ganji ladki ja rahi ho to use kehte hain AUTO-ME-TAKLI


Santa went to battery shop
and asked to change battery.
The shopkeeper asked: Exide laga du?
Santa: Dusri side tera baap lagayega kya?


Santa was busy in removing a wheel from auto
Banta asks: Why r u removing a wheel from ur auto?
Santa: Can't u read 'Parking for two wheelers only'

[abhishek]

Punch me
Santa and Banta are at work, digging a hole. Banta asks Santa other, "Why is that guy up there sitting under the tree while we do all the work?"

Santa said that he doesn't know, so he goes up and asks him why.

The guy under the tree says, "Because I have intelligence."

Santa says, "What's that?"

So the guy under the tree stands up and says, "Punch me as hard as you can."

Santa winds up and punches him, but the intelligent guy moves away and the digger punches the tree. His hand is now killing him.

Santa says, "Oh, I think I know what it is now."

He goes back down to Banta.

Banta asks, "So why are we doing all the work?"

Santa replies, "Because he has intelligence."

Banta says, "What's that."

Santa looks around for a tree, but doesn't see one, so he puts his hand in front of his face and says, "Punch my hand as hard as you can."

[abhishek]

In a Test between India and Australia, the fiery Bret Lee was sending quivers down the Indian spine. The new batsman, our Santa, walked slowly to the crease, not feeling unlike a lamb at the slaughter house.
As Lee thundered in, suddenly Santa stood up in the crease, and signalled that he wanted the sight screen adjusted. Adjustments were made and Brett Lee was ready to come in again.
Once again, in the middle of his run-up, Santa found something disturbing in the sight screen. Indeed, this went on a few times before the irritated umpire, Steve Bucknor walked up to the batsman and enquired, "Where do you want the sight screen, for God's sake?"
Santa asked, with an ounce of fear, "Could I have it between Lee and me?"

[abhishek]

Banta lost both ears in an accident. No plastic surgeon could offer him a solution. He heard of a very good one in Mumbai, and went to him.
The new surgeon examined him, thought a while, and said, " Yes, I can put you right."
After the operation, bandages off, stitches out, he goes to his hotel.
The morning after, in a rage, he calls his surgeon, and yells, "You bastard, you gave me a woman's ears."
"Well, an ear is an ear, it makes no difference whether it is a man's or a woman's."
"You're wrong, I hear everything, but I don't understand a thing!"

[abhishek]

Santa and Banta were sitting in a bar getting really drunk. After a while, just drinking gets boring, so Santa looks at the Banta and says, "Hey, you want to go up for a ride in my airplane?"

Banta says, "Wow, you have an airplane? Let's go!"

So they get some more beer and go for a tour around the city in the plane. Eventually they get bored with this too, so they decide to land. The drunk Santa starts circling around looking for a place to land, and he sees an airstrip close by.

Santa says, "Let's land here. It looks like it's as good a place as any."

So he circles around and goes in for a landing, but at the last minute he swerves and pulls back up

"sh*t!" he says, "That is the SHORTEST runway I have ever seen! How is anyone supposed to land on it?"

But since it's the only runway nearby, he decides to try again, with the same result.

Getting pretty irritated, Santa says to Banta, "All right, I'm going to try ONE more time, and if I can't land it we're just going to crash and hope we don't die."

So they end up crashing, and miraculously neither is hurt. When they crawl out of the wreckage, Santa swears and gesticulates wildly at the runway.

"I'm gonna find whoever designed this crazy runway and wring his neck! He must be total moron! No one could land on anything that short!"
Banta looks around and says "Yeah, but look how wide it is!"

[abhishek]

Santa and Banta sitting in the bar at Raja Sansi Airport, Amritsar.

"I've come to meet my brother," said the Santa. "He's due to fly in from Canada in an hour's time. It's his first trip home in forty years."

"Will you be able to recognize him?" asked the Banta.

"I'm sure I won't," said Santa, "after all, he's been away for a long time."

"I wonder if he'll recognize you?" said the Banta.

"Of course he will," said Santa. "Sure, I haven't been away at all."

[priya]

बंता: क्या यह हो सकता है कि आप 50 फुट की सीढ़ी से कूदें और आपको चोट भी न लगे?
संता: हाँ.. नीचे से पहले स्टैप से कूदो!