Humour Unlimited

[amit_tiwari]

Nice and amazingly fresh jokes. Keep it up brother!!!

[ndhebar]

Top Ten Reasons To Go To Work Naked...

1. Your boss is always yelling, "I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00!"

2. Can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.

3. "I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants."

4. To stop those creepy guys in Marketing from looking down your blouse.

5. You want to see if it's like the dream.

6. So that with a little help from Muzak you can add "Exotic Dancer" to your exaggerated resume.

7. People stop stealing your pens after they've seen where you keep them.

8. Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work drunk.

9. Gives "bad hair day" a whole new meaning.

10. No one steals your chair.

[ndhebar]

Why Some Men Have Dogs And Not Wives:

1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.

2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.

3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.

4. A dog's parents never visit.

5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.

7. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk..

8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.

9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?"

10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.

11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.

12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.

13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.

And last, but not least:

14. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.

To test this theory:
Lock your wife and your dog in the garage for an hour.
Then open it and see who's happy to see you.

It is recommended that you NOT try this at home!!!!

[amit_tiwari]

Originally Posted by ndhebar

Why Some Men Have Dogs And Not Wives:
It is recommended that you NOT try this at home!!!![/SIZE][/FONT][/B]

:bravo :

[ndhebar]

This is the best I have read in a LONG time

Equation 1

Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy
Donkey = eat + sleep

Therefore:
Human = Donkey + Work + enjoy

Therefore:
Human-enjoy = Donkey + Work

In other words,
A Human that doesn't know how to enjoy = Donkey that works.

++++++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +
Equation 2

Man = eat + sleep + earn money
Donkey = eat + sleep

Therefore:
Man = Donkey + earn money

Therefore:
Man-earn money = Donkey

In other words,
Man who doesn't earn money = Donkey

++++++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +
Equation 3

Woman= eat + sleep + spend
Donkey = eat + sleep

Therefore:
Woman = Donkey + spend
Woman - spend = Donkey

In other words,
Woman who doesn't spend = Donkey

++++++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +
To Conclude:
From Equation 2 and Equation 3

Man who doesn't earn money = Woman who doesn't spend

So Man earns money not to let woman become a donkey!
And a woman spends not to let the man become a donkey!

So, We have:
Man + Woman = Donkey + earn money + Donkey + Spend money

Therefore from postulates 1 and 2, we can conclude

Man + Woman = 2 Donkeys that live happily together!

[amit_tiwari]

Originally Posted by ndhebar

this is the best i have read in a long time

equation 1

human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy
donkey = eat + sleep

therefore:
Human = donkey + work + enjoy

therefore:
Human-enjoy = donkey + work

in other words,
a human that doesn't know how to enjoy = donkey that works.

++++++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +
equation 2

man = eat + sleep + earn money
donkey = eat + sleep

therefore:
Man = donkey + earn money

therefore:
Man-earn money = donkey

in other words,
man who doesn't earn money = donkey

++++++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +
equation 3

woman= eat + sleep + spend
donkey = eat + sleep

therefore:
Woman = donkey + spend
woman - spend = donkey

in other words,
woman who doesn't spend = donkey

++++++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ +
to conclude:
from equation 2 and equation 3

man who doesn't earn money = woman who doesn't spend

so man earns money not to let woman become a donkey!
And a woman spends not to let the man become a donkey!

so, we have:
man + woman = donkey + earn money + donkey + spend money

therefore from postulates 1 and 2, we can conclude

man + woman = 2 donkeys that live happily together!

हेहेहे सही गणित लगाया है भाई

[ndhebar]

A little girl complained to her father, "Daddy, I wish I had a little sister!"

Trying to be funny, her father joked, "But honey, you already have a sister!"

Confused, the toddler asked, "I do?"

"Sure," her dad said, pulling the kid's chain. "You don't see her because every time you come in the front door, she scoots out the back door!"

The confused toddler thought for a moment and then beamed, "You mean just like my other daddy!"

[amit_tiwari]

Originally Posted by ndhebar

A little girl complained to her father, "Daddy, I wish I had a little sister!"

Trying to be funny, her father joked, "But honey, you already have a sister!"

Confused, the toddler asked, "I do?"

"Sure," her dad said, pulling the kid's chain. "You don't see her because every time you come in the front door, she scoots out the back door!"

The confused toddler thought for a moment and then beamed, "You mean just like my other daddy!"

चौबे जी छब्बे बनने गए और दुबे बन के आ गए

[ndhebar]

The maid did not show up for work so the house wife called her in excited, angry voice and scolded her.

"What is wrong with you? If you were not to come you should have told me."

Maid explained, "Ma'am I had already announced that on my facebook site that I am taking a trip to Mexico for a week to see my family. Ma'am you should remain updated reading Facebook. If you still had question then you should have asked."

Wife: "So you are on Facebook too?"

Maid: "Ma'am who is not? Every time I announce on Facebook your husband sends me well wishes, sympathy and help. This time he said have a nice trip home, enjoy and comeback soon as I will miss you. He pleaded, please save me from my wife's cooking."

Wife inquired: "But how did you get money to go to Mexico?"

Maid: Well husband of your neighbor was quite sympathetic when he read me on Facebook so he offered me money. He told me in two days he will also fly to Mexico where he will meet me and we go to Cancun resort together. I agreed, since your husband had done the same thing to his maid two weeks earlier, I was jealous."

[ndhebar]

MINDBLOWING: Dialogues in English



1) U can study and get any certificates. But ucannot get ur death certificate


2) U may have AIRTEL or BSNL connection but when usneeze u ll say HUTCH


3 ) U can bcome an engineer if u study inengineering college. U cannot bcom a president if u studies in Presidency College.


4 ) U can expect a BUS from a BUS stop ... ucannot expect a FULL from FULL stop


5) A mechanical engineer can bcom a mechanic but asoftware engineer cannot bcom a software



6 ) U can find tea in teacup. But cannot find worldin world cup



7) U can find keys in Keyboard but u cannot find mother in motherboard.