Punography

[internetpremi]

My new smartphone thinks I’m a good photographer. I took one photo with the camera, and it asked me if I want to open a gallery.
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Someone has been stealing t-shirts locally in order of size. Apparently he’s still at large.

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Out shopping and disappointed with the changing room in this shop. I’ve gone in to it five times now and it’s still the same.

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I was going to dump all my socks, but I got cold feet.

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Saw a pirate standing in a pile of gold that came part way up his legs. He learned that his booty was only shin deep.

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An accountant friend of mine has borrowed six books now and not given any of them back. I think he’s a professional bookkeeper.

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A friend of mine asked me if I had seen his collection of Agatha Christie novels. I think he’s lost his Marples.
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[rajnish manga]

The experts have failed to vanquish fiends;
There's urgent need to arrest these trends;
We should go to find an amicable solution
That powers the powers that be my friends.

[internetpremi]

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

10. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

[rajnish manga]

All are superb and all are equal,
We're crazy about their sequel;
Following ones are outstanding
Despite being simple n colloquial.

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

3. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

[internetpremi]

Declining Knead. Corner Bakeries to shut down.

We’ll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.

A pessimist’s blood type is always b-negative.

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

He used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?

Sea captains don’t like crew cuts.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.

A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.

Without geometry, life is pointless.

When you dream in color, it’s a pigment of your imagination.

Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.

A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

When two egotists meet, it’s an I for an I.

[internetpremi]

You feel stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.

He often broke into a song because he couldn’t find the key.

Every calendar’s days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted. ‘Taint yours and it taint mine.

Once you’ve seen one shopping center, you’ve seen a mall.

When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she’d dye.

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

[internetpremi]

A backward poet writes inverse.

In a democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism, it’s your Count that votes.

A chicken crossing the road is pure poultry in motion.

If you don’t pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I’ll show you A-flat miner.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

The guy who fell into an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.

Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!

[internetpremi]

To err is human, to moo bovine.

Energizer Bunny arrested—charged with battery.

If life gives you llamas, make llamanade.

My wife really likes to make pottery, but to me it’s just kiln time.

Practice safe eating—always use condiments.

Did Noah keep his bees in archives?

I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way.

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

I used to be a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the axe.

If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?

[Dr.Shree Vijay]

All are superb.................

[internetpremi]

What is the difference between a cat and a comma?

Answer:- A cat has claws at the end of its paws, and a comma a pause at the end of its clause.
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If a two-wheeled transportation device is called a bicycle
and a three-wheeled transportation device is called a tricycle, what do you call a five-wheeled transportation device?

Answer:- A *V-hicle*.
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What is the difference between a man going upstairs and a man looking upstairs?

Answer:- One is stepping up the stairs and the other staring up the steps
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How can a small space make a man die laughing?

Answer:- Removing the *small space* can turn *mans laughter* into *manslaughter*