Funny Jokes....

[anjaan]

All the ATMs in Punjab were jammed and not in working condition.....

Why??

Because Santa's wife put hairpins in all the ATMs when it said "Enter your PIN..."

[anjaan]

Banta singh happened to be in a queue at a railway station ticket counter with a man ahead of him.
'Ek Punjab mail dena', (Give me one for the Punjab mail) demanded the man in front. He was given a ticket.
( Punjab mail is name of the train)
Then came the turn of Banta singh ,' Ikk Punjab female dena '
'What do you mean by punjab female?' asked the clerk
'it is for my wife', replied Banta singh

[anjaan]

Santa to Banta: I kiss my wife everyday before leavin for office, what about you?
His friend replies: Me too, after you leave.
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Santa saw a beautiful gal... he went and smooched her.
Gal - What are you doing?
Santa: Law, 4th semester from Punjab University.
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Santa suffering from constipation, sitting on toilet seat: Ooonh,
oooonh, oohh.... nee aaja marjaniye main tenu khan ta ni laga
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Banta was driving down the highway past a sign that said, "Clean
Toilets 8 Kms." By the time he drove eight kms he had cleaned 14 toilets.
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Santa: I'm a proud father. My son is in medical college.
Banta: What's he studying?"
Santa: He's not studying, they are studying him!
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At a football match ground. Santa: Ye log ball nu foot kyun maar rahe ne?
Boy: Goal karan lai.
Santa: Paar ball tan pehlan hi gol hai hor kinni gol karangey
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Q: Why did Santa throw the butter out of the window?
A: He wanted to see butterfly!
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Preeto 2 maid: Oh Kanta, I hv reason 2 suspect that Banta is having an
affair with his secretary.
Kanta: I don't believe it! U r just trying 2 make me jealous.
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Once Professor Santa asked a plumber to come to his college. You know why?
Because he wanted to check from where the question paper is leaking.

[anjaan]

Four guys, one each from Harvard, Yale, MIT university and BANTA SINGH
from Punjab University were to be interviewed for a prestigious job.
One common question was asked to all 4 of them.
INTERVIEWER: WHICH IS THE FASTEST THING IN THE WORLD?
YALE guy: Its light, Nothing can travel faster than light
HARVARD Guy: It's the Thought; b'cos thought is so fast it comes
instantly in your mind.
MIT guy: Its Blink, you can blink and its hard to realize you blinked
SANTA SINGH: Its Loose motion
INTERVIEWER: (Shocked to hear Santa's reply, asked) "WHY"?
BANTA SINGH: Last night after dinner, I was lying in my bed and I got
the worst stomach cramps, and before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON
THE LIGHTS, it was over!!!!
bolo tarara tarara.....

[anjaan]

A Paki, Bangladeshi and SANTA are in a bar one night having a beer.
The Paki drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air, pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces.
He says "In Islamabad our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the same one twice. "
The Bangladeshi [obviously impressed by this drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces.
He says "In Dhaka we have so much sand to make the glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice either. "
SANTA, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the Paki and Bangladeshi.
He says "In Delhi we have so many Paki and Bangladeshi that, we don't need to drink with the same ones twice ."

[anjaan]

Once in a classroom...
The teacher says : Children, please write your fathers name in English.
Santa writes : " Beautiful Red Underwear"
Teacher says: Santa, have you gone mad ?? What is this ? what is your
father's name ?
Santa : Sunder Lal Chadda

[abhisays]

Parent : Why did you failed my child in Maths paper?
Teacher: Sir, We dont pass or fail any students purposely
Parent : You know what, i spend 10k for his tution at Chaate, I consulted an ex IITian to improve his number skills.
I bought a $10 "Maths made easy" app for his iPad. He even wrote his paper with Mont Blanc pen worth 800 rs.
My kid is very famous in society, He even keeps scores in cricket matches. And he even wear Lux Cozy Baniyaan, so he is full of confidence.
Teacher : But Sir, He wrote nothing on his paper except "I am no. 1, So you must give me 100/100"
Parent : You hate him for that but should appreciate our efforts.
Teacher : Do you happen to be producer of Ra.One?

[raju]

A blonde was sick and tired of people making fun of her for being a blonde, so she decided to hang herself.

A couple minutes later two men walk by and see her hanging by her wrists.

"What are you doing." they ask her.

So she replies "Hanging myself."

The men are confused and asked "If you are hanging youself, you put the rope around your neck."

The blond says "Duh....I tried that, I couldn't breath."

[raju]

One day these three rats were standing outside of a food store and one of the rats got an idea.

He said "OK this is what we're gonna do, we'll run inside, get as much cheese as we can and we'll meet back here."

So they do it and when they get back the first rat asks the second rat "what kind of cheese did you get?" and he says "American" which makes the rats very pleased as it's one of their favorites.

Then the second rat asks the first rat "what kind of cheese did you get?" and he replies "Cheddar", which again pleases the rats.

So then the first two rats ask the third rat "what kind of cheese did you get?" to which he replies "Nacho Cheese"

"Nacho Cheese" said the other two rats. "There's no such thing as Nacho Cheese".

And the third rat says "Well, as I was running out of the store I head the shopkeeper shouting, Hey, that's not-cho cheese"

[raju]

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle
please!

The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The first officer is stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Woman: Betcha the lying bastard told you I was speeding too.