Share Santa and Banta Jokes - Page 6

sumit · 31-03-2010, 08:23 AM

Santa : I tried your number so many times, it always said ‘Switched Off’!”
Banta : Nahi Pape, it’s my HELLO TUNE!

Daku Mangal Singh Banta Ke Ghar Mein Ghu Ayaa..
Daku : Sona kahan hai, Jaldi Bataao..!
Banta : Pura Ghar Khali Hai Malko, Jithe Marzi So Jao!

Santa : Kaisi Sabzi Banai Hai, Bilkul Gobar Jaisa Swad Hai !
Jasmeet : Hey bhagwan! Na Jane Inhone Kya-Kya Kha Ke Dekha Hua Hai.
Gobar Ka Swad Bhi Pata Hai..!

Banta : Praji, Jab Main Paida Hua Tha To Military Walon Ne 21 Topein
Chalayeen Thi.
Santa : Kamaal Hai ! Sab Ka Nishana Kayse Chook Gaya..?

Santa meets his friend Bunta
Santa : A & B, A & B, A & B, A & B, A & B…!
Bunta : Oye, Iska Matlab ?
Santa : Kuch Nahin Yaar, I Mean Long Time No C..!

Santa : Drinking-n-Driving Dono Nalo Naal Nai Ho Sakde.
Banta : Kyoo Ji ?
Santa : Je SpeedBbreaker Aa Gaya Taa Peg Dul Jau.

Phone Ki Ganti Baji.
Santa : Phone Mere Liye Ho To Kehna Mein Ghar Pe Nahin Hoon.
Jasmeet : Wo Ghar Pe Hain.
Santa : Maine Mana Kiya Tha Ke…
Jasmeet : Phone Mere Liye Tha!

Santa : Aapne Nurse Bahut Changi Rakhi Hai, Uska Haath Lagtey Hi Mein
Theek Ho Gaya.
Doctor: Jaanta Hoon, Thappad Ki Awaaz Mujhe Bhi Sunai Di Thi.

Santa : Oh Yaar Main Badi Mushkil Mein Hoon…
Meri Biwi Mujhse Ek Pappi Ka Ek Rupeya Leti Hai..!
Banta : Oh Yaar Tu Bada Lucky Hai, Auron Se To Woh 5 Rupye Leti Hai.

Santa : Yaar! Main Apna Purse Ghar Bhool Aaya, Mainu 1000 Rs Chahide Si.
Banta : Dost Hi Dost De Kam Aunda Hai, Le 10 Rs, Riksha Kar Te Purse Le
Aa.

Banta : Wo Ladki Deaf Lagti Hai. Main Kuch Kehta Hoon, Woh Kuch Aur Hi
Bolti Hai.
Santa : Kaise?
Banta : Maine Kaha I Luv U, To Woh Boli ‘Maine Kal Hi Naye Sandal kharide
hain’

A crow shits on Banta. Preeto gives tissue paper to him.
Banta: Koi Fhayda Nahin, Kauwa Toh Udd Gaya..!

Santa : When I get mad at you,you never fight back.How do you control
your anger?
Jasmeet : I clean the toilet bowl.
Santa : How does that help?
Jasmeet : I use your toothbrush!

jitendragarg · 31-03-2010, 08:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sumit

Santa : Oh Yaar Main Badi Mushkil Mein Hoon…
Meri Biwi Mujhse Ek Pappi Ka Ek Rupeya Leti Hai..!
Banta : Oh Yaar Tu Bada Lucky Hai, Auron Se To Woh 5 Rupye Leti Hai.

nice one.

jitendragarg · 07-04-2010, 06:54 PM

Bhai log, joke khatam ho gaye kya?? koi post kyun nahi kar raha.

sony · 10-04-2010, 06:56 PM

Santa came to know about his wife's affair and decided to kill her and himself

First he pointed the gun towards himself. His wife started laughing. He said "stop laughing, next is your turn."

sony · 10-04-2010, 06:57 PM

SANTA: there is hole in my bucket
DOCTOR: why did you bring it to me?
SANTA: because you are plastic surgeon

sony · 25-06-2010, 10:09 AM

Gang of SARDARS broke a Bank.
Instead of cash they found Botles full of Chilled Red Wine,
Happily they drank & went away.
Next day Headline aai: Blood Bank lutya gya.

************************************************** ******************

Ek Sardar ne ek bachy se pucha k tum ko A,B,C Aaty hai to bachy ne keha k mujy 9 tak aty hia..
Sardar ne bachy se keha k oyee Ullu k pathy 9 A,b,c main nahe aata. yeh to Alif,, Be,,Main ata hai:

************************************************** ******************

Sardar Ne Jalte Hue Makan Se 6 Logo Ko Apni Jaan Pe Khelkar Bahar Nikala

Fir Bhi Usko Jail Ho Gayi

Kyun...

Kyun..Ki Vo Sab Firebrigade Wale The

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Santa-Oye!what R U doing?

Banta-Recording this babys voice.

Santa-Why?

Banta- When he grows up, I shall ask him what he meant by this

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Santa ki ladai apne baap se ho gayi

To usne apne baap ki photo kabristan me 1 ped pe latka diya

Aur Niche Likha

"COMING SOON”

------------------------------------------------------------------------

SARDAR:- Yar iska matlab kya hota hai, "I AM GOING"?

FRIEND:- Main jaa raha hun.

SARDAR:- Saaley, aise kaise jayega, 20 aur bhi aise ja chuke hain....answer bata ke jaa..

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Santa went to temple & saw people puting coin in box & praying

Santa: Wow! How amazing. People are talking to God through coin phone without receiver

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Waiter gives bill to Sardar

Sardar: "Take my card."

Waiter: "But sir, this is Ration Card."

************************************************** *************

SardarJi: Ghar mai Mera he Hukam chalta hai.
Mai Kehta hon, Garam paani le aao, woh le aati hai,

Dost: Garam pani Q?

Sardar: Garam pani se Bartan Achay Dhultay hain.

************************************************** ***************

A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans"..
"My father grows beans," said one student.
"My father cooks beans," said another.

Then a Little Sardarji spoke up: "We are all human beans."

************************************************** **************

Sardar k 12 bachon mein 1 alag dikhta tha:

Jab uski biwi marnay wali thi to Sardar ne poocha: Ab to bata do ye kis ka hai?

Sardarni: Sartaj, sirf yehi aapka hai.

************************************************** **************

Sardar: Mery dada ny 1857 ke jang main dushman ki tangain kaat di thin.

Dost: Gardanien q nai katin?

Sardar: Wo pehly he kati hui thin...

************************************************** *************

Sardar: Muje E-Mail bnana hy. Sardar, Sardarg, Sardar123, Sardarabc Koi bhi nhe mil rha.

Major Rohail: Tum "Akalmand_Sardar" try kro 100% mil jye ga.

************************************************** *************

Computer Lesson:

Major Rohail: Plz turn ON your computer

Sardar: OK kar liya.

Major Rohail: Now Plz click on MY Computer.

Sardar: OK! Kaha hai "AAP" ka computer?

************************************************** *************

Sardar to wife: rat ko mene 1 horror movie dekhi, 1 chudeil kabhi mere age kabhi piche aur kabhi sath chal rahi thi,
Wife: Kaun si movie thi?
Sardar: Apni shadi ki

************************************************** ************

Sardar ki wife inspecter se!
Mera husband ek hafte pehle aaloo lene gaya tha abhi tak wapis nahi aaye

Inspector bhi sardar tha bola:- to behan kuch or paka lo:

************************************************** *************

Judge: why did u shoot ur wife, instead of shooting her lover?
Sardar: Your honour, it's easier to shoot a woman once, than shooting one
man every week.

sony · 25-06-2010, 10:10 AM

Santa: Mujhe shadi me BMW mili hy,
Banta: Par tumhare pas to koi car nhi,

Santa: Aby ghadhe BMW ka matlab hy,
BOHAT MOTI WIFE.

************************************************** ****************

Maths Teacher Was Teaching Mathematical Conversions

Teacher: If 1000 Kgs = Ton. Then

For 3000 Kgs =How Much?

Santa:
Ton! Ton! Ton!

************************************************** ****************

Santa ke ghar Ladki ne janam liya..

Banta: jab ladki badi hogi to ladke ise chedenge.
Santa: Maine iska intejaam kar liye hai.
Banta: kya kiya?

Santa: Ladki ka naam DIDI rakh diya hai.

************************************************** ***************

Santa: Jail ko "Hawalaat" kyu kehte hy?

Banta: Kyu k jail me khane ko sirf

"Hawa" aur "Laat" hi milti hai.

sony · 25-06-2010, 10:10 AM

A sardar is traveling via train. On his way, he feels the urge to go to the bathroom. So he goes and opens the bathroom door, which happens to have a mirror in the front. The sardar thinks there is another sardar bhaiwaal in there, quickly shuts the door and returns to his seat. 5 minutes later he goes again, only to find the same sardar bhaiwaal. An hour passes away, he's made 20 trips to the bathroom, only to find that the same person is still there. So he finally gets ticked off, goes to the last
compartment and tells the TC (Ticket Checker) what's been going on. The TC, which also happens to be a sardar, feels bad for him and promises to throw the bum out. The TC walks down to the compartment with the troubled bathroom to get the resident bhaiwaal out. Few minutes later the TC comes back and tell the sardar "I'm
sorry, I can't do anything. The guy in there is a railway staff member".

sony · 25-06-2010, 10:11 AM

Bobby returns from his first day at school and immediately questions his father. " Dad, today we had a Spelling Class - All the other kids could only say half the alphabet, but I knew the whole thing. Is that because I am Sardar?" "No son, that's because you are intelligent. " Bobby seeming content with the answer, asks his father another question, "Dad, today we had Math class - All the other kids could only count from 1-10, I could count from 1 to 20. Is this because I am Sardar ??"
"No son, that's because you are intelligent," replies his father. Happy with the answer, Bobby poses another question to his father, "Dad, today we had Gym class. All the other boys had little small 3 inch penises, mine is at least 3 or 4 times that size. Is that because I am Sardar ??" The father replies, "No son, that's because you are 31 years old."

sony · 25-06-2010, 10:12 AM

Sardarji is selected to play for the Indian cricket team as an opening batsman. He opens the batting against West Indies. He is asked to face the very first over (with one Sunil Gavaskar as the non-striker!) from Marshall who is bowling at his fiercest...

First ball : Whizzes past Sardarji's off-stump. Sardarji doesn't move an inch. Ball goes to wicket-keeper. Second ball : Goes right over the Sardarji's bat and just over the middle stump, somehow missing both the bat and the stumps. Sardarji is again unmoved.

Third ball : Is a bouncer. Almost decapitates the Sardarji, missing his head by a fraction of an inch. Ball goes to wicket-keeper. Sardarji doesn't move a muscle.

Fourth ball : Outside the leg-stump. Sardarji again doesn't move, and the ball shoots past him to the wicket-keeper. But this time, the umpire shouts "No Ball!"

Sardarji walks up to the umpire and tells him, "So you discovered it now!You see, I know from the very beginning that the guy has no ball in his hand!"

07-04-2010, 06:54 PM	#53
jitendragarg Tech. Support Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Bangalore Posts: 2,771 Rep Power: 35	Bhai log, joke khatam ho gaye kya?? koi post kyun nahi kar raha. __________________

25-06-2010, 10:10 AM	#58
sony Member Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 243 Rep Power: 16	Sardar and unknown traveller A sardar is traveling via train. On his way, he feels the urge to go to the bathroom. So he goes and opens the bathroom door, which happens to have a mirror in the front. The sardar thinks there is another sardar bhaiwaal in there, quickly shuts the door and returns to his seat. 5 minutes later he goes again, only to find the same sardar bhaiwaal. An hour passes away, he's made 20 trips to the bathroom, only to find that the same person is still there. So he finally gets ticked off, goes to the last compartment and tells the TC (Ticket Checker) what's been going on. The TC, which also happens to be a sardar, feels bad for him and promises to throw the bum out. The TC walks down to the compartment with the troubled bathroom to get the resident bhaiwaal out. Few minutes later the TC comes back and tell the sardar "I'm sorry, I can't do anything. The guy in there is a railway staff member".

25-06-2010, 10:11 AM	#59
sony Member Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 243 Rep Power: 16	Sardar or intelligent Bobby returns from his first day at school and immediately questions his father. " Dad, today we had a Spelling Class - All the other kids could only say half the alphabet, but I knew the whole thing. Is that because I am Sardar?" "No son, that's because you are intelligent. " Bobby seeming content with the answer, asks his father another question, "Dad, today we had Math class - All the other kids could only count from 1-10, I could count from 1 to 20. Is this because I am Sardar ??" "No son, that's because you are intelligent," replies his father. Happy with the answer, Bobby poses another question to his father, "Dad, today we had Gym class. All the other boys had little small 3 inch penises, mine is at least 3 or 4 times that size. Is that because I am Sardar ??" The father replies, "No son, that's because you are 31 years old."

25-06-2010, 10:12 AM	#60
sony Member Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 243 Rep Power: 16	Sardarji and cricket match Sardarji is selected to play for the Indian cricket team as an opening batsman. He opens the batting against West Indies. He is asked to face the very first over (with one Sunil Gavaskar as the non-striker!) from Marshall who is bowling at his fiercest... First ball : Whizzes past Sardarji's off-stump. Sardarji doesn't move an inch. Ball goes to wicket-keeper. Second ball : Goes right over the Sardarji's bat and just over the middle stump, somehow missing both the bat and the stumps. Sardarji is again unmoved. Third ball : Is a bouncer. Almost decapitates the Sardarji, missing his head by a fraction of an inch. Ball goes to wicket-keeper. Sardarji doesn't move a muscle. Fourth ball : Outside the leg-stump. Sardarji again doesn't move, and the ball shoots past him to the wicket-keeper. But this time, the umpire shouts "No Ball!" Sardarji walks up to the umpire and tells him, "So you discovered it now!You see, I know from the very beginning that the guy has no ball in his hand!"

31-03-2010, 08:23 AM	#51
sumit Member Join Date: Feb 2010 Posts: 41 Rep Power: 0	Santa : I tried your number so many times, it always said ‘Switched Off’!” Banta : Nahi Pape, it’s my HELLO TUNE! Daku Mangal Singh Banta Ke Ghar Mein Ghu Ayaa.. Daku : Sona kahan hai, Jaldi Bataao..! Banta : Pura Ghar Khali Hai Malko, Jithe Marzi So Jao! Santa : Kaisi Sabzi Banai Hai, Bilkul Gobar Jaisa Swad Hai ! Jasmeet : Hey bhagwan! Na Jane Inhone Kya-Kya Kha Ke Dekha Hua Hai. Gobar Ka Swad Bhi Pata Hai..! Banta : Praji, Jab Main Paida Hua Tha To Military Walon Ne 21 Topein Chalayeen Thi. Santa : Kamaal Hai ! Sab Ka Nishana Kayse Chook Gaya..? Santa meets his friend Bunta Santa : A & B, A & B, A & B, A & B, A & B…! Bunta : Oye, Iska Matlab ? Santa : Kuch Nahin Yaar, I Mean Long Time No C..! Santa : Drinking-n-Driving Dono Nalo Naal Nai Ho Sakde. Banta : Kyoo Ji ? Santa : Je SpeedBbreaker Aa Gaya Taa Peg Dul Jau. Phone Ki Ganti Baji. Santa : Phone Mere Liye Ho To Kehna Mein Ghar Pe Nahin Hoon. Jasmeet : Wo Ghar Pe Hain. Santa : Maine Mana Kiya Tha Ke… Jasmeet : Phone Mere Liye Tha! Santa : Aapne Nurse Bahut Changi Rakhi Hai, Uska Haath Lagtey Hi Mein Theek Ho Gaya. Doctor: Jaanta Hoon, Thappad Ki Awaaz Mujhe Bhi Sunai Di Thi. Santa : Oh Yaar Main Badi Mushkil Mein Hoon… Meri Biwi Mujhse Ek Pappi Ka Ek Rupeya Leti Hai..! Banta : Oh Yaar Tu Bada Lucky Hai, Auron Se To Woh 5 Rupye Leti Hai. Santa : Yaar! Main Apna Purse Ghar Bhool Aaya, Mainu 1000 Rs Chahide Si. Banta : Dost Hi Dost De Kam Aunda Hai, Le 10 Rs, Riksha Kar Te Purse Le Aa. Banta : Wo Ladki Deaf Lagti Hai. Main Kuch Kehta Hoon, Woh Kuch Aur Hi Bolti Hai. Santa : Kaise? Banta : Maine Kaha I Luv U, To Woh Boli ‘Maine Kal Hi Naye Sandal kharide hain’ A crow shits on Banta. Preeto gives tissue paper to him. Banta: Koi Fhayda Nahin, Kauwa Toh Udd Gaya..! Santa : When I get mad at you,you never fight back.How do you control your anger? Jasmeet : I clean the toilet bowl. Santa : How does that help? Jasmeet : I use your toothbrush!

10-04-2010, 06:56 PM	#54
sony Member Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 243 Rep Power: 16	Santa came to know about his wife's affair and decided to kill her and himself First he pointed the gun towards himself. His wife started laughing. He said "stop laughing, next is your turn."

10-04-2010, 06:57 PM	#55
sony Member Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 243 Rep Power: 16	SANTA: there is hole in my bucket DOCTOR: why did you bring it to me? SANTA: because you are plastic surgeon

25-06-2010, 10:09 AM	#56
sony Member Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 243 Rep Power: 16	Gang of SARDARS broke a Bank. Instead of cash they found Botles full of Chilled Red Wine, Happily they drank & went away. Next day Headline aai: Blood Bank lutya gya. ************************************************ ************** Ek Sardar ne ek bachy se pucha k tum ko A,B,C Aaty hai to bachy ne keha k mujy 9 tak aty hia.. Sardar ne bachy se keha k oyee Ullu k pathy 9 A,b,c main nahe aata. yeh to Alif,, Be,,Main ata hai: ********************************************** ************** Sardar Ne Jalte Hue Makan Se 6 Logo Ko Apni Jaan Pe Khelkar Bahar Nikala Fir Bhi Usko Jail Ho Gayi Kyun... Kyun..Ki Vo Sab Firebrigade Wale The ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Santa-Oye!what R U doing? Banta-Recording this babys voice. Santa-Why? Banta- When he grows up, I shall ask him what he meant by this ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Santa ki ladai apne baap se ho gayi To usne apne baap ki photo kabristan me 1 ped pe latka diya Aur Niche Likha "COMING SOON” ------------------------------------------------------------------------ SARDAR:- Yar iska matlab kya hota hai, "I AM GOING"? FRIEND:- Main jaa raha hun. SARDAR:- Saaley, aise kaise jayega, 20 aur bhi aise ja chuke hain....answer bata ke jaa.. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Santa went to temple & saw people puting coin in box & praying Santa: Wow! How amazing. People are talking to God through coin phone without receiver ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Waiter gives bill to Sardar Sardar: "Take my card." Waiter: "But sir, this is Ration Card." ********************************************** ********* SardarJi: Ghar mai Mera he Hukam chalta hai. Mai Kehta hon, Garam paani le aao, woh le aati hai, Dost: Garam pani Q? Sardar: Garam pani se Bartan Achay Dhultay hain. ********************************************** *********** A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans".. "My father grows beans," said one student. "My father cooks beans," said another. Then a Little Sardarji spoke up: "We are all human beans." ********************************************** ********** Sardar k 12 bachon mein 1 alag dikhta tha: Jab uski biwi marnay wali thi to Sardar ne poocha: Ab to bata do ye kis ka hai? Sardarni: Sartaj, sirf yehi aapka hai. ********************************************** ********** Sardar: Mery dada ny 1857 ke jang main dushman ki tangain kaat di thin. Dost: Gardanien q nai katin? Sardar: Wo pehly he kati hui thin... ********************************************** ********* Sardar: Muje E-Mail bnana hy. Sardar, Sardarg, Sardar123, Sardarabc Koi bhi nhe mil rha. Major Rohail: Tum "Akalmand_Sardar" try kro 100% mil jye ga. ********************************************** ********* Computer Lesson: Major Rohail: Plz turn ON your computer Sardar: OK kar liya. Major Rohail: Now Plz click on MY Computer. Sardar: OK! Kaha hai "AAP" ka computer? ********************************************** ********* Sardar to wife: rat ko mene 1 horror movie dekhi, 1 chudeil kabhi mere age kabhi piche aur kabhi sath chal rahi thi, Wife: Kaun si movie thi? Sardar: Apni shadi ki ********************************************** ******** Sardar ki wife inspecter se! Mera husband ek hafte pehle aaloo lene gaya tha abhi tak wapis nahi aaye Inspector bhi sardar tha bola:- to behan kuch or paka lo: ********************************************** *********** Judge: why did u shoot ur wife, instead of shooting her lover? Sardar: Your honour, it's easier to shoot a woman once, than shooting one man every week.