Funny Jokes....

[Madhu]

After becoming the CM of Bihar, Laalu ji decides to pose for a picture along with a herd of buffaloes with his elbows resting on the back of the cattle.

Next day the photo appears in
a newspaper with caption:

"Laalu ji, third from left".

[saurav]

Employment policy

In a small town in the US, there is a rather sizable factory that hires only married men. Concerned about this, a local woman called on the manager and asked him, "Why is it you limit your employees to married men? Is it because you think women are weak, dumb, cantankerous...or what?"

"Not at all, Ma'am," the manager replied. "It is because our employees are used to obeying orders, are accustomed to being shoved around, know how to keep their mouths shut and don't pout when I yell at them. Precisely the reason why we save a lot in terms of training cost."

[saurav]

Dentist

A nervous lady visited a dentist to get her tooth extracted. As the dentist leaned to extract her tooth, she suddenly became very nervous and said "I would be less scared delivering a baby than getting a tooth extracted."

To this the dentist delightfully said, "Madam, you better decide fast before I adjust the chair!"

[saurav]

Students

These three guys go down to Mexico one night and get drunk and wake up in jail. They found out that they are to be executed for their crimes but none of them can remember what they have done.

The first one is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if he has any last words. He says, "I am from the Grand Canyon College and I believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on behalf of the innocent."

They throw the switch and nothing happens, so they figure God must not want this guy to die, so they let him go.

The second one is strapped in and gives his last words. "I am from the University of Arizona School of Law and I believe in the eternal power of Justice to intervene on the part of the innocent."

The switch is thrown and again nothing happens. They figure that the law is on this guy's side, so they let him go.

The last one is strapped in and say's "Well, I'm an ASU Sun Devil Electrical Engineer, and I'll tell you right now you'll never electrocute anybody if you don't connect those two wires."

God rests his soul.

[saurav]

Salesman

A man was carrying 2 babies, one in each arm while waiting for a train. Along came this woman, seeing the 2 cute babies, started asking the man, "Aren't they cute, what are their names?" The man giving the lady an angry look replied, "I don't know."

The lady asked again, "Which is a boy and which is a girl?" The man looking angrier than before replied, "I don't know." The woman then started to scold the man, "What kind of a father are you?"

The man replied, "I am not their father, I am just a condom salesman and these are 2 complaints that I am taking back to my company."

[saurav]

Health secret

Grandpa Cartmell was celebrating his 100th birthday and everybody complimented him on how athletic and well-preserved he appeared." I will tell you the secret of my success," he cackled.

"My wife and I were married 75 years ago. On our wedding night, we made a solemn pledge. Whenever we had a fight, the one who was proved wrong would go outside and take a walk. Gentlemen, I have been in the open air day after day for some 75 years now."

[saurav]

Ambition

A guy walks into a bar with a small dog. The bartender says, "Get out of here with that dog!"

The guy says, "But this isn't just any dog... this dog can play the piano!"

The bartender replies, "Well, if he can play that piano, you both can stay... and have a drink on the house!"

So the guy sits the dog on the piano stool, and the dog starts playing. Ragtime, Mozart... and the bartender and patrons are enjoying the music.

Suddenly a bigger dog runs in, grabs the small dog by the scruff of the neck, and drags him out. The bartender asks the guy, "What was that all about?"

The guy replies, "Oh, that was his mother. She wanted him to be a doctor."

[saurav]

The "typical" husband...

After a young couple brought their new baby home, the wife suggested that her husband should try his hand at changing diapers.

"I'm busy dear," he said, "I'll do the next one."

The next time came around, and she asked again.

The husband looked puzzled. "Oh! I didn't mean the next diaper...

I meant the next baby!"

[saurav]

A matter of punctuation

An English professor wrote the words, "Woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly.

The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing."

The women wrote: "Woman! Without her, man is nothing."

[saurav]

Drink problem

A drunk walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill."

So, the bartender does just that, and hands the man the bill.

The drunk says, "I haven't got any money." The bartender slaps the guy around a few times then throws him out into the street.

The very next day, the same drunk walks into the bar and once again says, "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill."

The bartender figures that he can't possibly be stupid enough to pull the same trick twice, so he gives him the benefit of the doubt. He pours a round of drinks for the house, has a drink himself, and hands the drunk the bill.

Again, the drunk says, "I haven't got any money."

The bartender can't believe it. He picks the guy up, beats the living daylights out of him, and then throws him out into the street.

The next day, the same drunk walks back into the same bar and says, "Bartender, buy every one in the house a drink and give me the bill."

In disgust, the bartender says, "What, no drink for me this time?" The drunk replies, "Nope! You get too violent when you drink."