Punography

[internetpremi]

If you step onto a plane and recognize a friend of yours named Jack don't yell out Hi Jack!

Did you hear about the crime that happened in a parking garage? It was wrong on so many levels.

The trampoline was on sale for fifty per cent off. Needless to say I jumped on the offer.

Did you hear about these new reversible jackets? I'm excited to see how they turn out.

I was arrested after my therapist suggested I take something for my kleptomania.

Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat says to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'.

I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I forgot how it goes.

[Dr.Shree Vijay]

Nice...........

[internetpremi]

The store keeps calling me to come back and buy more bedroom furniture, but all I really wanted was one night stand.

Pencils could be made with erasers at both ends, but what would be the point?

I finally got rid of that nasty electrical charge I've been carrying. I'm ex-static!

I don't think I need a spine. It's holding me back.

It's a lengthy article on Japanese Sword Fighters but I can Samurais it for you.


I didn't have the faintest idea as to why I passed out.

If a judge loves the sound of his own voice, expect a long sentence.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

If Apple made a car, would it have Windows?

[jitendragarg]

Few completely unheard puns! Great work finding these.

[internetpremi]

Thanks Jitendra, for sharing my interest in puns.
I have hunted all over the net for these puns.
I thought I was done with this thread and was planning to close it.
But I then located some more from some obscure sites.
I will keep hunting and continue to post whatever I am able to find.
If even a single reader is able to enjoy these puns as much as I am doing, I consider it worth the effort.

Regards
GV

[internetpremi]

After hours of waiting for the bowling alley to open, we finally got the ball rolling.

Astrology pisces me off.

Atheists don't solve exponential equations because they don't believe in higher powers.

What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine.

Make little things count. Teach midgets math.

[internetpremi]

Two men walk into a bar. The first man says ill have some H2O. The second man says ill have H2O too. The second man dies

A noun and a verb were dating but they broke up because the noun was too possessive.

I'm bad at math, so the equation 2n+2n is 4n to me.

He said I was average - but he was just being mean.

A man walks into a zoo, and the only animal there is a dog. It was a Shitzu.

A cardboard belt would be a waist of paper.

Never lie to an x-ray technician. They can see right through you

5000 hares have escaped from the zoo. The police are combing the area.

No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

When the Dalmatian ran away, he was spotted two blocks from home.

Calves take well to bottle feeding because one nipple is as good as an udder.

[internetpremi]

When William joined the army he disliked the phrase 'fire at will'

I should have been sad when my flashlight batteries died, but I was delighted.

Alcohol and calculus don't mix so don't drink and derive.

It is tough to do inventories in Afghanistan because of the tally ban.

I think Santa has riverfront property in Brazil. All our presents came from Amazon this year.

I had a little bird, her name was enza, I opened up the window and influenza.

[Dr.Shree Vijay]

Nice Pun...........

[internetpremi]

My wife tells me I'm a skeptic - but I don't believe a word she says.

There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils

Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.

I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.

Velcro - what a rip off!

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

How do you organize a party in space? You planet.

To some - marriage is a word ... to others - a sentence