Jokes for young generation

[mullu]

My boss asked me to start the presentation with a joke...

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I attached my payslip on the first slide

[sauravpaul12]

Originally Posted by mullu

My boss asked me to start the presentation with a joke...

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I attached my payslip on the first slide

[bindujain]

Ladkiyo ke 7 jhut?
1. I Love u.
2. Aapki kasam.
3. U r my 1st love.
4. Balance nahi hai.
5. Awaaz nahi aa rahi.
6. Parents sath mein hai.
7. Me tumhe hi yaad kar rahi thi.

[Awara]

One day my Boss will work for me.........


Introducing......................





Afzal Version 2.011

The Open-Soure Operating System

which never hangs........

[Awara]

Do you find it hard to understand engineering jargons?

Here is the guide for you

1. A NUMBER OF DIFFERENT APPROACHES ARE BEING TRIED—

We are still clueless.

2. EXTENSIVE REPORT IS BEING PREPARED ON A FRESH APPROACH TO THE PROBLEM—

We just hired three kids fresh out of college.

3. CLOSE PROJECT COORDINATION—

We know who to blame.

4. MAJOR TECHNOLOGICAL BREAKTHROUGH—

It works only so so, but looks very hi-tech.

5. CUSTOMER SATISFACTION IS DELIVERED ASSURED—

We are so far behind schedule the customer is happy just to get it delivered.

6. PRELIMINARY OPERATIONAL TESTS WERE INCONCLUSIVE—

The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch.

7. TEST RESULTS WERE EXTREMELY GRATIFYING—

We are so surprised that the stupid thing works.

8. THE ENTIRE CONCEPT WILL HAVE TO BE ABANDONED—

The only person who understood the thing quit.

9. IT IS IN THE PROCESS—

It is so wrapped up in red tape that the situation is about hopeless.

10. WE WILL LOOK INTO IT—

Forget it! We have enough problems for now.


11. PLEASE NOTE AND INITIAL—

Let's spread the responsibility for the mistake.

12. GIVE US THE BENEFIT OF YOUR THINKING—

We'll listen to what you have to say as long as it doesn't interfere with what we've already done.

13. GIVE US YOUR INTERPRETATION—

I can't wait to hear this nonsense!

14. SEE ME OR LET'S DISCUSS—

Come into my office, I'm lonely.

15. ALL NEW—

Parts not interchangeable with the previous design.

16. RUGGED—

Too darn heavy to lift!

17. LIGHTWEIGHT—

Lighter than RUGGED.

18. YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT—

One finally worked.

19. ENERGY SAVING—

Achieved when the power switch is off.

20. LOW MAINTENANCE—

Impossible to fix if broken.

[Awara]

Computer Sex


A detailed explanation of sex for the computer literate and real life illiterate.

Think of sex as a new protocol developed for real world communication and interaction between members of the opposite sex, much as TCP/IP allows all makes and models of computers to communicate and interface.

In this example, let’s represent the woman as a Windows computer. A bit flighty, fun to look at, and occasionally does something useful. In the same way, the man will be represented as a DOS system. Not impressive looking, rough around the edges, but it can get the job done as long as you’re patient.

Let’s say the DOS system wants to interface with the Windows box. In this case, the two units could be in a crowded bar, represented here as a busy toking ring.

The DOS system attempts to open communication with a simple SMPT style message, in this case, HELLO. The Windows box generates a random number via an unknown internal process, and in some instances, responds with a similar HELLO message.

At other times, the Windows box fails to respond at all, either due to the initial HELLO message being lost in the network traffic, background noise, or due to internal conflicts in the Windows box’s memory . In this case, let’s assume the initial message was received and responded to.

The next step is a simple handshake in order to verify the connection, and to exchange hostnames and the real world version of IP addresses, known as phone numbers. These IP addresses allow later connections to be established quickly.

At this point, the two computers exchange lengthy information about themselves. In this example, the DOS system has very little system information to disclose, while the Windows box has a lengthy list of system and environment information. So our example would consist of lengthy information from the Windows box to the DOS system. The Windows box will occasionally pause to inquire about system information from the DOS system.

These inquiries also serve as keep alive messages, to ensure that the constant influx of information has not overflowed the limited memory of the DOS system and caused it to time out. The DOS system will then respond with a brief message, at which point, the Windows box is free to continue it’s data transmission.

It is important to note that the DOS system must have a large amount of storage, as it will be expected to recall the transmitted information at a moment’s notice, with no errors. Any errors will cause an abrupt end to communication for a period ranging from an hour or two to forever.

Let’s assume that the initial handshaking and system information exchange proceed without incident, and no packet collisions (arguments) occur. The next step is a physical interface between the two computers. Usually, this is initiated by the DOS system.

The initial connection is known as a SMOOCH. (Simple Male Offering Of Carnal Happiness) Assuming the connection is accepted, it will be returned many times by the Windows box, to ensure that this critical signal is acknowledged. If it is not accepted, the Windowsbox will respond with a SLAP (Stop Leering and Pawing)

In the case of a SLAP message, the connection is abruptly closed — Permanently !!!

In the case of a returned SMOOCH message, the two systems must be relocated to a private peer to peer network, where more secured communication will take place.

The first step is the removal of all encumbering software in order to ensure more fluid communication. The two systems then merge. There are several steps to this.

First, because both systems have been communicating freely for a while, appropriate anti-virus software must be used to ensure no infection of the opposite system. Once this software is installed, the DOS system mounts the Windows box’s read-write. A high flow of data occurs, until the DOS box’s buffers overflow, and the connection is terminated. (Note: The DOS system’s buffer will not overflow as quickly if the speed of reading and writing is reduced. This allows a more prolonged communication.)

Finally, the DOS system unmounts. For some reason, the DOS system’s hard drive has been transformed into a floppy at this point. We are still researching this phenomenon. Perhaps more robust systems will be able to maintain the hard drive status, but for now, this is beyond our reach.

At this point, the Windows box will attempt to reestablish low level communication, however, the DOS system is usually overloaded, and so within half an hour, both systems will enter a low power sleep mode.

[Awara]

Facebook wants to know- "Whats on my mind...?"


Twitter wants to know- "What's happening...?"


Foursquare wants to know- "Where I am...?"


Orkut wants me- "To say something..."


DAMN! The INTERNET is turning into a CRAZY WIFE!

[Awara]

A promising young software engineer was killed in a horrific car accident and arrived in Heaven, protesting to St. Peter at the pearly gates. "St. Peter, I'm only 35. I'm much too young to die. I have a wonderful wife and family, so much to live for. Why in the world am I here?"

St. Peter looked through a huge stack of papers, looked over the top of his glasses and said, "Well, according to all of these hours on your time sheets, you've got to be at least 108."

[Awara]

You've Been In Corporate America Too Long When…

1. You ask the waiter what the restaurant's core competencies are.

2. You decide to re-organize your family into a "team-based organization."

3. You refer to dating as test marketing.

4. You can spell "paradigm."

5. You actually know what a paradigm is.

6. You understand your airline's fare structure.

7. You write executive summaries on your love letters.

8. Your Valentine's Day cards have bullet points.

9. You think that it is actually efficient to write a ten page presentation with six other people you don't know.

10. You celebrate your wedding anniversary by conducting a performance review.

11. You believe you never have any problems in your life, just "issues" and "improvement opportunities."

12. You calculate your own personal cost of capital.

13. You explain to your bank manager that you prefer to think of yourself as "highly leveraged" as opposed to "in debt."

14. You end every argument by saying "let's talk about this off-line."

15. You can explain to somebody the difference between "re-engineering", "down-sizing", "right-sizing", and "firing peoples arses."

16. You actually believe your explanation in number 15.

17. You talk to the waiter about process flow when dinner arrives late.

18. You refer to your significant other as "my Co-CEO."

19. You refer to your previous life as "my sunk cost."

20. You like both types of sandwiches: ham and turkey.

21. You start to feel sorry for Dilbert's boss.

22. You believe the best tables and graphs take an hour to comprehend.

23. You account for your tuition as a capital expenditure instead of an expense.

24. You insist that you do some more market research before you and your spouse produce another child.

25. At your last family reunion, you wanted to have an emergency meeting about their brand equity.

26. Your "deliverable" for Sunday evening is clean laundry and paid bills.

27. You use the term "value added" without falling down laughing.

28. You ask the car salesman if the car comes with a white board and internet connection.

29. You give constructive feedback to your dog.

[Awara]

When the Software industry had badly gone down, three giants Sun, SCO(UNIX) and Microsoft started producing condoms and named them Java-condo, CondomiX and MS-Condom respectively.

A customer using Java-condo complained to Sun that the condom doesn't fit correctly.

Sun replied: "Wait till we get the ISO standard". They boasted that it will fit to any size irrespective of underlying structure.

Well, the customer switched to CondomiX and found that by the time he finishes reading the instructions, given along with CondomiX, his wife was sleeping and he himself forgetting why he is using CondomiX.

Finally he switched to MS-Condom.

To his surprise it was so good........and comfortable!. He used it happily.

Six months later he found that his wife was pregnant. He got angry and complained to Microsoft.

He got his reply from Microsoft:
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. What do u think was Microsoft's reply...........???
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A PATCH IS COMING SOON...!