Cricket Anecdotes

[internetpremi]

Thank you Rajnishji.
I have some more but they are all "non vegetarian" and I don't want to create a controversy here and am avoiding posting them.

Let me see if I can collect a few more "vegetarian" anecdotes.
Regards
GV

[internetpremi]

It was the 80s, Pakistan were making great strides forward in cricket. Albeit not completely with their skills in the game but with their poor standards in umpiring.

During one of those days,Imran Khan,the captain of the Pakistan team met Allan Border, the aussie counterpart in a pre-match meeting in Sydney.

During the chat Imran told Allan Border “Allan, give me Sunil Gavaskar and B.S.Chandra Shekhar from India, we will beat Australia..”

Allan Border replied “..Imran, just give me two Umpires from Pakistan and we will beat the whole world..” Imran Khan was left speechless.

Later, the furious Imran Khan complained to the Australian board. On pressure from Cricket Australia Allan Border tendered apologies to Imran Khan and Pakistan Cricket Board.

[rajnish manga]

बहुत खूब. इससे मिलता जुलता जोक मैं पहले भी कहीं पढ़ चुका हूँ. दोबारा पढ़ कर भी उतना ही मजा आया.

[internetpremi]

Merv Hughes & Javed Miandad

1991 Adelaide Test: Javed called Merv a fat bus conductor. A few balls later Merv dismissed Javed. "Tickets please," Merv called out as he ran past Javed.
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Shane Warne : I've waited two years for another chance to humiliate you.

Daryll Cullinan : Looks like you spent it eating.
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The sound of the ball hitting the batsman's skull was music to my ears.

Jeff Thomson
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Shane Warne's idea of a balanced diet is a cheeseburger in each hand.

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[internetpremi]

पति पत्नि रात को बिस्तर पर खामोशी से लेटे हुए थे।
आपस में कोई बातचीत नहीं...

पत्नि के मन की चिंताएं :
१) यह मुझसे बात क्यों नहीं कर रहे है?
२) क्या अब मैं पहले जैसी खूबसूरत नहीं रही?
३) कहीं मेरा वजन तो नहीं बढ गया?
४) कहीं मेरे चेहरे की झुर्रियों पे इनका ध्यान तो नहीं गया?
५) कहीं इनके जीवन में मेरे अलावा कोई और तो नहीं है?
६) कहीं यह मेरी रोज़ की किच - किच से तंग तो नहीं आ गए?

और पति के मन की चिंता:

आखिर धोनी ने इशान्त शर्मा को ओवर दिया ही क्यों?

[internetpremi]

पत्नि को क्रिकेट का बहुत शौक था और पूरे ध्यान से t20 मैच देख रही थी
पति बाहर जाने की तैयारी कर रहा था और सज धज कर अपनी पत्नि से पूछा
"कैसा लग रहा हूँ मैं?"
पत्नि का ध्यान टीवी स्क्रीन पर ही था और उत्तेजित होकर चिल्लाई "छक्का!"

[internetpremi]

अफ़्रीदी : हम सचिन को किसी भी हाल में १०० रन नहीं बनाने देंगे।
मिस्बाह: मगर हम उसे कैसे रोकेंगे? वह तो आजकल पूरा form में है।
अफ़्रीदी: हम सब १०० रन के अन्दर all out हो जाएंगे।

[internetpremi]

Hypothetical Battles: Arnab Goswami vs Navjot Singh Sidhu (in a debate of course), who wins?

By: Sudhir Srinivasan, Features Writer, Fledgling Author .

It's pretty easy really.
Arnab, all the way, but not in the traditional way you win a debate.

Let's say Navjot S. Sidhu and Arnab Goswami are debating an incident that just occurred in a India-Pakistan cricket match. Ganguly has just run Tendulkar out very evidently, and while Sidhu believes it's Ganguly's fault, Arnab doesn't think so.

Sidhu: Come on, Arnab. It's quite clear that Ganguly has thrown both ends of the rope to a drowning Sachin!
Arnab: (takes a moment to understand the analogy; doesn't, but goes on anyway) But India needs an answer, Sidhuji! India needs an answer! Is Ganguly the answer to this problem? I don't think so!
Sidhu: My point seems to have buzzed past your nose like a bumblebee breaking wind.
Arnab: (decides not to take any more time on live television to understand analogies) You're blaming this on Ganguly? Sachin needs to own up! There was no run there! He let the entire Indian population down! Poor people are watching this match on the roads, Mr. Sidhu. And Tendulkar has let them down!
Sidhu: Boss, Sachin was simply trying to make hay when things were going haywire.
Arnab: That's not the answer Mr. Sidhu! India NEEDS AN ANSWER! A billion Indians need to know why Sachin ran himself out. Will he own up to the mistake?

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Arnab: Welcome back. We have Mr. Sidhu here, and the question on all your lips, "Why did Sachin run himself out against Pakistan?" Is there an ulterior motive here Mr. Sidhu? Are things not what they seem? A billion Indians will go to bed crying tonight, Mr. Sidhu! Marriages could end tonight! Suicides could occur! Examinations will be failed! Can you imagine the disastrous repercussions this will have on the minds of the bourgeois, Mr. Sidhu? Sachin has let crores of people down. Period.
Sidhu: Sachin must have realised now that at times of prosperity, your friends know you. At times of adversity, you know your friends.
Arnab (ignores the analogy again): What about the crores of poor Indians, Sidhu? What about them? They have remained hungry, they have skipped work, they have taken time off their daily lives...
Sidhu: Men of genius are admired. Men of wealth are envied. Men of power are feared. Men of character are trusted. Sachin is a man of ...
Arnab: He should've not taken that run, Sidhu! Pakistan have won the match now! Why did he not run himself out against Sri Lanka last week, but Pakistan this week? Clearly, the situation seems much more dire and sinister, Mr. Sidhu. Even you cannot ignore the possibilities!
Sidhu: Mind is like a parachute, my -
Arnab (interrupts again): It's the sad state of affairs here, Mr. Sidhu. People spend their lives cheering for a cricket team, and this is how their God, Sachin, repays them.
Sidhu: If you throw a good character and football-
Arnab (interrupts again, and has decided not to let Sidhu have too much time): What about the lakhs of children who'll cry themselves to sleep tonight? Do the powers that be have an explanation for the massive tragedy that has gripped the nation tonight?

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Arnab: Welcome back. Mr. Sidhu is as shocked as I am by the suspicions lingering around Sachin's run out. He -
Sidhu: No, I am -
Arnab: It's all right, Mr. Sidhu. We're all as shocked as you are. This has come as a rude surprise to all the Indians. WE NEED AN ANSWER, AND WE'RE NOT LETTING THIS GO!

And so on and so forth. Sidhu will eventually become a mute spectator, with every attempt at talking being interrupted by Arnab who launches a passionate, extremely loud attack on the powers-that-be, wondering why Sachin let down crores of Indians, and demanding an answer from Sidhu! He'll wonder what sinister agenda the Government of Pakistan had in this matter. He'll DEMAND ANSWERS.
And people in the International Space Shuttle, apart from perhaps being able to see the Great Wall of China, will also be able to hear Arnab ask, "Why? Why were a billion Indians let down? WEEEE NEEEEEDDDD AAAANNNN AAAANNNSSSSWWWEEERRRR!"

[internetpremi]

The history of cricket humour goes back into the dark ages of the game, one of cricket's original wits, W.G. Grace, on being bowled stated: "Twas the wind which took the bail off, good sir."

To which the umpire replied, "Indeed, doctor, and let us hope thy wind helps the good doctor on the journey back to the pavilion."