Clean Jokes

Madhu · 16-07-2010, 07:09 AM

hey friends,

Just have look into these Jokes.....

Madhu · 16-07-2010, 07:10 AM

1. Laloo's Son: Dad, how much does it cost to get married.

Funny Laloo: I never calculated, I am still paying for it.

2. A Haryanvi bought a car on loan from a bank. He didn't pay the dues, the bank took away his car.

Funny Haryanvi: If I knew this, I'd have taken a loan for my marriage also!

Madhu · 16-07-2010, 07:11 AM

Husband: I want divorce. My wife hasn't spoken to me in six months.

Lawyer: Think about it once again. Wives like that are hard to get!

Madhu · 16-07-2010, 07:12 AM

American Girl: When my grandfather died he left 10 million dollars.

Indian Girl: When my grandfather died he left 20 million dollars.

Pakistani Girl: That’s nothing, When my grandfather died he left the whole world.

Madhu · 16-07-2010, 07:13 AM

Manager: Sorry, but I can't give u a job. I don't have any more work.

Santa: That's all right, sir. In fact I'm just the right person in this case. You see, I won't ask you to give me work anyway!!

Madhu · 16-07-2010, 07:14 AM

Chemistry Teacher: What is the chemical formula of water?

Student: HIJKLMNO.

Chemistry Teacher: What are you talking about?

Student: Yesterday you said H to O.

suman · 27-08-2010, 09:42 PM

A neatly dressed salesman stopped a man in the street and asked - "Sir, would you like to buy a bottle of this mouthwash for $200.00?"
Aghast, the man said, "are you NUTS? that's robbery!"
The salesman seemed hurt and then tries again - "Sir, since you are a bit irate, I'll sell it to you for 1/2 price at $100.00?
Again, the man replies bluntly - "you must be crazy pal, now go away!"
The salesman then reaches into his briefcase and pulls out 2 brownies and begins munching away on one of them. He tells the irate guy - "Sir, please share one of my brownies since I have annoyed you so much".
Unwrapping the brownie, the guy takes a bite; suddenly, the guy spits it out and says: "HEY," he snarled, "this brownie tastes like crap!"
"It is," replied the salesman. "Wanna buy some mouthwash?"

suman · 27-08-2010, 09:43 PM

Modern Art Museum

Once, visiting the modern art museum an old lady turned to an attendant standing nearby.
"This", she said, "I suppose, is one of those hideous representations you call modern art?"
"No madam." replied the attendant. "That one's called a mirror."

Bridge to Hawaii!

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie said "OK, OK. You released me from the lamp, blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish!"

The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?"

The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible. Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete...how much steel! No-think of another wish."

The man said OK and tried to think of a really good wish. Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women...know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment...know why they're crying, know what they really want when they say 'nothing'...know how to make them truly happy.... "

The genie said, "You want that bridge two lanes or four?"

suman · 27-08-2010, 09:44 PM

The Dishwasher

A man went to visit his 90-year-old grandfather and while eating the breakfast of eggs and bacon prepared for him, he noticed a film-like substance on his plate. So he says, "Grandfather, are these plates clean?" His grandfather replies, "Those plates are as clean as coldwater can get them, so go on and finish your meal"

That afternoon, while eating the hamburgers his grandfather made for lunch, he noticed many little black specks around the edge of his plate, so again he asked, "Grandfather are you sure these plates are clean?" Without looking up from his burger, the grandfather says, "I told you those dishes are as clean as coldwater can get them, now don't ask me about it anymore".

Well, later that day, they were on their way out to get dinner. As he was leaving the house, grandfather's dog that was lying on the floor started to growl and would not let him pass. "Grandfather, your dog won't let me out".

Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching, his grandfather shouted, "Coldwater, get your butt out of the way!"

The Devil

A woman was fed up of her husbands drinking habits. So one day she decided to dress up like a devil and frighten her husband. When the husband came home she jumped from behind the couch dressed as a devil and made horrible noises.

For a moment, he thought it was the real devil. But then he simply saw her with drunken eyes and said, "you don't frighten me anymore because I married your sister years ago."

suman · 27-08-2010, 09:45 PM

Manager & Engineer

A man is flying a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, "Excuse me. Can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am." The man below says, "Yes, You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees N. Latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees W. longitude".

"You must be an engineer," says the balloonist. "I am," replies the man. "How did you know?" "Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost."

The man below says, "You must be a manager." "I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?" "Well," says the man below, "you don't know where you are, or where you are going, You have made a promise, which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem.

The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now it is somehow my fault."

16-07-2010, 07:09 AM	#1
Madhu Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2010 Posts: 494 Rep Power: 17	Clean Jokes hey friends, Just have look into these Jokes.....

27-08-2010, 09:42 PM	#7
suman Member Join Date: May 2010 Posts: 19 Rep Power: 0	The Salesman. A neatly dressed salesman stopped a man in the street and asked - "Sir, would you like to buy a bottle of this mouthwash for $200.00?" Aghast, the man said, "are you NUTS? that's robbery!" The salesman seemed hurt and then tries again - "Sir, since you are a bit irate, I'll sell it to you for 1/2 price at $100.00? Again, the man replies bluntly - "you must be crazy pal, now go away!" The salesman then reaches into his briefcase and pulls out 2 brownies and begins munching away on one of them. He tells the irate guy - "Sir, please share one of my brownies since I have annoyed you so much". Unwrapping the brownie, the guy takes a bite; suddenly, the guy spits it out and says: "HEY," he snarled, "this brownie tastes like crap!" "It is," replied the salesman. "Wanna buy some mouthwash?"

16-07-2010, 07:10 AM	#2
Madhu Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2010 Posts: 494 Rep Power: 17	1. Laloo's Son: Dad, how much does it cost to get married. Funny Laloo: I never calculated, I am still paying for it. 2. A Haryanvi bought a car on loan from a bank. He didn't pay the dues, the bank took away his car. Funny Haryanvi: If I knew this, I'd have taken a loan for my marriage also!

16-07-2010, 07:11 AM	#3
Madhu Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2010 Posts: 494 Rep Power: 17	Husband: I want divorce. My wife hasn't spoken to me in six months. Lawyer: Think about it once again. Wives like that are hard to get!

16-07-2010, 07:12 AM	#4
Madhu Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2010 Posts: 494 Rep Power: 17	American Girl: When my grandfather died he left 10 million dollars. Indian Girl: When my grandfather died he left 20 million dollars. Pakistani Girl: That’s nothing, When my grandfather died he left the whole world.

16-07-2010, 07:13 AM	#5
Madhu Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2010 Posts: 494 Rep Power: 17	Manager: Sorry, but I can't give u a job. I don't have any more work. Santa: That's all right, sir. In fact I'm just the right person in this case. You see, I won't ask you to give me work anyway!!

16-07-2010, 07:14 AM	#6
Madhu Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2010 Posts: 494 Rep Power: 17	Chemistry Teacher: What is the chemical formula of water? Student: HIJKLMNO. Chemistry Teacher: What are you talking about? Student: Yesterday you said H to O.

27-08-2010, 09:43 PM	#8
suman Member Join Date: May 2010 Posts: 19 Rep Power: 0	Modern Art Museum Once, visiting the modern art museum an old lady turned to an attendant standing nearby. "This", she said, "I suppose, is one of those hideous representations you call modern art?" "No madam." replied the attendant. "That one's called a mirror." Bridge to Hawaii! A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie said "OK, OK. You released me from the lamp, blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish!" The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?" The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible. Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete...how much steel! No-think of another wish." The man said OK and tried to think of a really good wish. Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women...know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment...know why they're crying, know what they really want when they say 'nothing'...know how to make them truly happy.... " The genie said, "You want that bridge two lanes or four?"

27-08-2010, 09:44 PM	#9
suman Member Join Date: May 2010 Posts: 19 Rep Power: 0	The Dishwasher A man went to visit his 90-year-old grandfather and while eating the breakfast of eggs and bacon prepared for him, he noticed a film-like substance on his plate. So he says, "Grandfather, are these plates clean?" His grandfather replies, "Those plates are as clean as coldwater can get them, so go on and finish your meal" That afternoon, while eating the hamburgers his grandfather made for lunch, he noticed many little black specks around the edge of his plate, so again he asked, "Grandfather are you sure these plates are clean?" Without looking up from his burger, the grandfather says, "I told you those dishes are as clean as coldwater can get them, now don't ask me about it anymore". Well, later that day, they were on their way out to get dinner. As he was leaving the house, grandfather's dog that was lying on the floor started to growl and would not let him pass. "Grandfather, your dog won't let me out". Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching, his grandfather shouted, "Coldwater, get your butt out of the way!" The Devil A woman was fed up of her husbands drinking habits. So one day she decided to dress up like a devil and frighten her husband. When the husband came home she jumped from behind the couch dressed as a devil and made horrible noises. For a moment, he thought it was the real devil. But then he simply saw her with drunken eyes and said, "you don't frighten me anymore because I married your sister years ago."

27-08-2010, 09:45 PM	#10
suman Member Join Date: May 2010 Posts: 19 Rep Power: 0	Manager & Engineer A man is flying a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, "Excuse me. Can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am." The man below says, "Yes, You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees N. Latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees W. longitude". "You must be an engineer," says the balloonist. "I am," replies the man. "How did you know?" "Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost." The man below says, "You must be a manager." "I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?" "Well," says the man below, "you don't know where you are, or where you are going, You have made a promise, which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now it is somehow my fault."