Funny Jokes....

[abhisays]

Santa was driving car zigzag & rashly.
Traffic cop caught him.
Santa sir I am learning driving.
Cop:without instructor?

Santa: ye correspondance course hai bhai.

[abhisays]

After just a few years of marriage, filled with constant arguments, Banta and his wife Preeto decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counseling. They had been at each others throats for some time and felt that this was their last straw.

When they arrived at the counselor's office, the counselor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion.

"What seems to be the problem?"

Immediately, Banta held his long face down without anything to say. On the other hand, Preeto began talking 90 miles an hour describing all the wrongs within their marriage.

After 10-15 minutes of listening to the wife, the counselor went over to her, picked her up by her shoulders, kissed her passionately for several minutes, and sat her back down.

Afterwards, Preeto sat there - speechless. He looked over at Banta who was staring in disbelief at what had happened.

The counselor spoke to Banta, "Your wife NEEDS that at least twice a week!"

Banta scratched his head and replied, "I can have her here on Wednesdays and Saturdays."

[abhisays]

Santa and Banta had this mule that was a very hard worker. The only problem was every time they went to put the mule back in his stall, his ears would brush the top of the entrance and then the old mule would go nuts and kick everything.
One day, the Santa and Banta decided to cut a opening in the top to prevent this from happening.While they were working, a neighbor stopped by and asked what they were doing,so they explained the problem. The neighbor suggested that they could save a lot of work and time if they simply took a shovel and dug the entrance down a little bit.They thanked their neighbor and he drove off. Then Santa said to Banta, "Some stupid neighbor we have, it`s not his feet that`s too long, it`s his ears!"

[abhisays]

The teacher says : Children, please write your fathers name in English.
Santa writes : " Beautiful Red Underwear"
Teacher says: Santa, have you gone mad ?? What is this ? what is your father's name ?
Santa : Sunder Lal Chadda

[abhisays]

sardars son was filling application form. in form it was asked about mother tounge.

son asked dad wat shld i write here?

dad says write VERY LONG.

[abhisays]

Banta's driving along the highway one evening when all of a sudden
nature calls. He sees a little bar up the way and he pulls into the
parking lot.

When he gets inside, he finds the place is packed! The bar is crowded
with people trying to get drinks, ladies are dancing on the tables
and there's hardly standing room anywhere.

Banta scans the place a couple of times to find the restrooms, but to
no avail. Finally, he spots a small stairway and scrambles up.

When he gets to the top, he discovers that all the doors are locked.

All but one. When he opens the door, all he sees is a big hole in the
floor. Desperate, he drops his pants and dumps the biggest load he's
ever had right there in the hole.

Relieved, he calmly walks down the stairs. The once crowded barroom
is completely empty, not a soul was in sight. Slowly, a bartender
rises from behind the bar.

"What happened!?!" says Banta.

The bartender responds "Where were you when the shit hit the fan?!"

[abhisays]

Santa Singh: Sorry I’m late. I got stuck in an elevator for 4 hrs. because of a power failure.
Banta Singh: Thats alright, me too…I got stuck on the escalator for 4 hrs.

[anjaan]

Kesto Mukherjee had a little too much to drink one day. He was driving home from the bar one night and, of course, his car was weaving violently all over the road.
A hawaldar pulls him over and asked, "kahan se aa rahe ho?"

"Iiiizzzzze! daru khane se! izzzeezzzeh!" slurs Kesto.

"Lagta hai ke aapne bahot pee rakhi hai"

"Hehheha. Lekin mai thik hu!" Kesto says in his usual style.

"Lekin aapko pata hai," says the hawaldar, "kuchh der pahle pahle aapki biwi car se gir gayi?

"Iiizzzzzezzzeeh! Tab to sab thik hai" sighs Kesto, "thodi der ke liye to apne ko laga...izzzezze...ke apun behra ho gaya hun....hehhehe".

[anjaan]

John Abraham was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting
and couldn't find a parking place.

Looking up toward heaven, he said "Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I
will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up tequila."
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

John looked up again and said, "Never mind. I found one.

[raju]

Sir

This letter is from Banta Singh from Punjab. We have bought a computer for our home and we found problems, which I want to bring to your notice.

1. After connecting to internet we planned to open e-mail account and whenever we fill the form in Hotmail in the password column, only ****** appears, but in the rest of the fields whatever we typed appears, but we face this problem only in password field. We checked with hardware vendor Santa Singh and he said that there is no problem in keyboard. Because of this we open the e-mail account with password *****. I request you to check this as we ourselves do not know what the password is.

2. We are unable to enter anything after we click the 'shut down ' button.

3. There is a button 'start' but there is no "stop" button. We request you to check this.

4. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friend clicked 'run ' has ran up to Amritsar! So, we request you to change that to "sit", so that we can click that by sitting.

5. One doubt is that any 're-scooter' available in system? As I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.

6. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot for tracing the key with this ' find', but unable to trace. Is it a bug??

7. Every night I am not sleeping as i have to protect my 'mouse' from CAT, So i suggest u to provide one DOG to kill that cat.

8. Please confirm when u are going to give me money for winning 'HEARTS' (playing cards in games) and when are u coming to my home to collect your money.

9. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when u will provide that?

10. Hey ye kya hi, I brought computer, cpu, mouse and keypad lekhin there is only one icon with 'MY Computer', remaining ka kya huwa? wat abt my CPU, M Y Mouse, MY Keypad.

11. Are ye to kamal hi aap bole raha hi ki 'MY Pictures' lekhin there is not even single photo of mine, So when u will keep my photo in that.

12. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME'

Thanking you,

Yours
Banta Singh