Mental Joke

jitendragarg · 14-03-2010, 01:20 AM

After hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a bathtub, the hospital director reviewed the rescuer's file and called him into his office.

"Mr. Haroldson, your records and your heroic behavior indicate that you're ready to go home. I'm only sorry that the man you saved later killed himself with a rope around the neck."

"Oh, he didn't kill himself," Mr. Haroldson replied. "I hung him up to dry."

RajuRastogi · 14-03-2010, 07:20 AM

The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist, "You are far too upset and worried about your son. I suggest you take tranquilizers regularly."

On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, "Have the tranquilizers calmed you down?"

"Yes," the boy's mother answered.

"And how is your son now?" the psychiatrist asked.

"Who cares?" the mother replied.

desiBabu · 25-03-2010, 10:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RajuRastogi

The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist, "You are far too upset and worried about your son. I suggest you take tranquilizers regularly."

On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, "Have the tranquilizers calmed you down?"

"Yes," the boy's mother answered.

"And how is your son now?" the psychiatrist asked.

"Who cares?" the mother replied.

hahaha.....

abhishek · 25-03-2010, 10:38 PM

nice one.. thanks for sharing.....

abhishek · 13-06-2010, 09:09 AM

Hope you like this...

I had a laugh of the day when I read it..........

Once PVNR (PV Narasimha Rao), L.K.Advani and Laloo Prasad Yadav were
travelling in an autorickshaw. They met with an accident and all three of
them died.

Yama Raja was waiting for this moment at the doorstep of death.

He asks PVNR and Advani to go to HEAVEN.

But, for Laloo, Yama had already decided that he should be sent to HELL.
Laloo is not at all happy with this decision.

He asks Yama as to why this discrimination is being made. All the three of
them had served the public. Similarly, all took bribes, all misused public
positions, etc.

Then why the differential treatment?

He felt that there should be a formal test or an objective evaluation before
a decision is made; and should not be just based on opinion or pre-conceived
notions.

Yama agrees to this and asks all the three of them to appear for an English
test.

PVNR is asked to spell " INDIA " and he does it correctly.

Advani is asked to spell " ENGLAND " and he too passes.

It is Laloo's turn and he is asked to spell " CZECHOSLOVAKIA ".

Laloo protests that he doesn't know English.

He says this is not fair and that he was given a tough question and thus
forced to fail with false intent.

Yama then agrees to conduct a written test in Hindi (to give another chance
assuming that Laloo should at least feel that Hindi would provide an equal
platform for all three).

PVNR is asked to write "KUTTA BOLA BHOW BHOW". He writes it easily and
passes.

Advani is asked to write "BILLY BOLI MYAUN MYAUN". He too passes.

Laloo is asked to write "BANDAR BOLA GURRRRRR....."
Tough one. He fails again.

Laloo is extremely unhappy.

Having been a student of history (which the other two weren't),he now
requested for all the 3 to be subjected to a test in history

Yama says OK but this would be the last chance and that he would not take
any more tests.

PVNR is asked: "When did India get Independence ?". He replied "1947" and
passed.

Advani is asked "How many people died during the independence struggle?".

He gets nervous. Yama asked him to choose from 3 options: 100,000 or 200,000
or 300,000.
Advani catches it and says 200,000 and passes.

It's Laloo's turn now.
'
'
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''
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''
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'
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'
Yama asks him to give the Name and Address of each of the 200,000 who died
in the struggle.
Laloo accepts defeat and agrees to go to HELL.

Moral of the story: IF YOUR MANAGEMENT HAS DECIDED TO SCREW YOU, THERE IS NO ESCAPE........

Rinu · 09-07-2010, 07:26 AM

A director in an insane asylum, as a reward for good behaviour, decides to bring some of the inmates to a baseball game. When he gets to their seats he says, "Sit nuts." So the inmates sit down. Later, a good play is made, and the director says, "Clap nuts." So the inmates stand up and clap just like normal fans. Later, the director is feeling hungry, and since the inmates were behaving he decided to leave to get a hot dog. When he returns sees a riot going on.

He asks a spectator what happened. The spectator replies, "All was going well until someone came by yelling, 'peanuts!"

Rinu · 09-07-2010, 07:29 AM

John and David were both patients in a Mental Hospital.

One day, John suddenly dived into the deep end of the swimming pool.

David jumped in and saved him, and the medical director came to know of his heroic act.

He immediately order David to be discharged from the Mental Hospital as he is OK.

Doctor: We have good news and bad news for you, David. The good news is that we are going to discharge you because you have regained your senses, since you are able to jump in and save another patient you are now a normal person. The bad news is that, the patient Mr. John, whom you have saved, hung himself in the toilet, and died.

David: Doctor, he didn't hang himself. I hung him there to dry !

Rinu · 09-07-2010, 07:32 AM

A Psychiatrist
is assessing the mental status of three patients.

He asks each of them to answer the question, 'What's three times three?'

The first patient says, '158.'

The second patient replies, 'Tuesday.'

The third patient answers, 'nine.'

The shrink turns to this last patient and asks, 'Good! but how did you came up with the correct answer?'

'Easy,' he quipped, 'Just subtract 158 from Tuesday!'

Rinu · 09-07-2010, 07:33 AM

Late one night at the insane asylum one patient shouted, "I am Napoleon Bonaparte!"

Another asked him, "How do you know?"

The first inmate said, "God told me."

A voice from another room shouted, "I did NOT!"

Rinu · 09-07-2010, 07:35 AM

A doctor
of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient's room.

He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to cut a piece of wood in half. Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.

The doctor asked patient number #1 what he was doing.

The patient replied, 'Can't you see I'm cutting this piece of wood in half?'

The doctor inquired of Patient #1 what Patient #2 was doing.

Patient #1 replied, 'Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a light bulb.'

The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2's face is going all red. The doctor asks Patient #1, 'If he's your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself.'

Patient #1 replies, 'What? And work in the dark?'

25-03-2010, 10:38 PM	#4
abhishek Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2009 Posts: 444 Rep Power: 18	nice one.. thanks for sharing..... __________________ Join this forum, it's completely free.

13-06-2010, 09:09 AM	#5
abhishek Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2009 Posts: 444 Rep Power: 18	Hope you like this... I had a laugh of the day when I read it.......... Once PVNR (PV Narasimha Rao), L.K.Advani and Laloo Prasad Yadav were travelling in an autorickshaw. They met with an accident and all three of them died. Yama Raja was waiting for this moment at the doorstep of death. He asks PVNR and Advani to go to HEAVEN. But, for Laloo, Yama had already decided that he should be sent to HELL. Laloo is not at all happy with this decision. He asks Yama as to why this discrimination is being made. All the three of them had served the public. Similarly, all took bribes, all misused public positions, etc. Then why the differential treatment? He felt that there should be a formal test or an objective evaluation before a decision is made; and should not be just based on opinion or pre-conceived notions. Yama agrees to this and asks all the three of them to appear for an English test. PVNR is asked to spell " INDIA " and he does it correctly. Advani is asked to spell " ENGLAND " and he too passes. It is Laloo's turn and he is asked to spell " CZECHOSLOVAKIA ". Laloo protests that he doesn't know English. He says this is not fair and that he was given a tough question and thus forced to fail with false intent. Yama then agrees to conduct a written test in Hindi (to give another chance assuming that Laloo should at least feel that Hindi would provide an equal platform for all three). PVNR is asked to write "KUTTA BOLA BHOW BHOW". He writes it easily and passes. Advani is asked to write "BILLY BOLI MYAUN MYAUN". He too passes. Laloo is asked to write "BANDAR BOLA GURRRRRR....." Tough one. He fails again. Laloo is extremely unhappy. Having been a student of history (which the other two weren't),he now requested for all the 3 to be subjected to a test in history Yama says OK but this would be the last chance and that he would not take any more tests. PVNR is asked: "When did India get Independence ?". He replied "1947" and passed. Advani is asked "How many people died during the independence struggle?". He gets nervous. Yama asked him to choose from 3 options: 100,000 or 200,000 or 300,000. Advani catches it and says 200,000 and passes. It's Laloo's turn now. ' ' ' ' ' ' '' ' ' ' '' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' Yama asks him to give the Name and Address of each of the 200,000 who died in the struggle. Laloo accepts defeat and agrees to go to HELL. Moral of the story: IF YOUR MANAGEMENT HAS DECIDED TO SCREW YOU, THERE IS NO ESCAPE........ __________________ Join this forum, it's completely free.

14-03-2010, 01:20 AM	#1
jitendragarg Tech. Support Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Bangalore Posts: 2,771 Rep Power: 35	Mental Joke After hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a bathtub, the hospital director reviewed the rescuer's file and called him into his office. "Mr. Haroldson, your records and your heroic behavior indicate that you're ready to go home. I'm only sorry that the man you saved later killed himself with a rope around the neck." "Oh, he didn't kill himself," Mr. Haroldson replied. "I hung him up to dry." __________________

14-03-2010, 07:20 AM	#2
RajuRastogi Member Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 77 Rep Power: 15	The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist, "You are far too upset and worried about your son. I suggest you take tranquilizers regularly." On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, "Have the tranquilizers calmed you down?" "Yes," the boy's mother answered. "And how is your son now?" the psychiatrist asked. "Who cares?" the mother replied. __________________ Baba Ranchhod das ki jay.........

09-07-2010, 07:26 AM	#6
Rinu Member Join Date: Jun 2010 Posts: 150 Rep Power: 15	A director in an insane asylum, as a reward for good behaviour, decides to bring some of the inmates to a baseball game. When he gets to their seats he says, "Sit nuts." So the inmates sit down. Later, a good play is made, and the director says, "Clap nuts." So the inmates stand up and clap just like normal fans. Later, the director is feeling hungry, and since the inmates were behaving he decided to leave to get a hot dog. When he returns sees a riot going on. He asks a spectator what happened. The spectator replies, "All was going well until someone came by yelling, 'peanuts!"

09-07-2010, 07:29 AM	#7
Rinu Member Join Date: Jun 2010 Posts: 150 Rep Power: 15	John and David were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day, John suddenly dived into the deep end of the swimming pool. David jumped in and saved him, and the medical director came to know of his heroic act. He immediately order David to be discharged from the Mental Hospital as he is OK. Doctor: We have good news and bad news for you, David. The good news is that we are going to discharge you because you have regained your senses, since you are able to jump in and save another patient you are now a normal person. The bad news is that, the patient Mr. John, whom you have saved, hung himself in the toilet, and died. David: Doctor, he didn't hang himself. I hung him there to dry !

09-07-2010, 07:32 AM	#8
Rinu Member Join Date: Jun 2010 Posts: 150 Rep Power: 15	A Psychiatrist is assessing the mental status of three patients. He asks each of them to answer the question, 'What's three times three?' The first patient says, '158.' The second patient replies, 'Tuesday.' The third patient answers, 'nine.' The shrink turns to this last patient and asks, 'Good! but how did you came up with the correct answer?' 'Easy,' he quipped, 'Just subtract 158 from Tuesday!'

09-07-2010, 07:33 AM	#9
Rinu Member Join Date: Jun 2010 Posts: 150 Rep Power: 15	Late one night at the insane asylum one patient shouted, "I am Napoleon Bonaparte!" Another asked him, "How do you know?" The first inmate said, "God told me." A voice from another room shouted, "I did NOT!"

09-07-2010, 07:35 AM	#10
Rinu Member Join Date: Jun 2010 Posts: 150 Rep Power: 15	A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient's room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to cut a piece of wood in half. Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet. The doctor asked patient number #1 what he was doing. The patient replied, 'Can't you see I'm cutting this piece of wood in half?' The doctor inquired of Patient #1 what Patient #2 was doing. Patient #1 replied, 'Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a light bulb.' The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2's face is going all red. The doctor asks Patient #1, 'If he's your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself.' Patient #1 replies, 'What? And work in the dark?'