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Old 29-04-2012, 05:31 PM   #321
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Most Wanted


A man walks into the sheriff's office... "I want to become a deputy!"

"Good, I want to you to catch this man" says the sheriff handling the man a wanted poster.

The poster reads : 'Last seen wearing a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper pants, and brown paper boots.'

"What's he wanted for?" asked the hopeful young man.

"Rustling."

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Old 29-04-2012, 05:31 PM   #322
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Signs of the Times


- At restaurant-gas stations throughout the nation: "Eat here and get gas."

- At a Sante Fe gas station: "We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container."

- In a New Hampshire jewelry store: "Ears pierced while you wait."

- In an New York restaurant: "Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager."

- In a Michigan restaurant: "The early bird gets the worm! Special shoppers' luncheon before 11:00 AM."

- On a delicatessen wall: "Our best is none too good."

- On the wall of a Baltimore estate: "Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law -- Sisters of Mercy"

- On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaning store: "Thirty-eight years on the same spot."

- In a Los Angeles dance hall: "Good clean dancing every night but Sunday."

- On a movie theater: "Children's matinee today. Adults not admitted unless with child."

- In a Florida maternity ward: "No children allowed!"

- In a New York drugstore: "We dispense with accuracy."


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Old 29-04-2012, 05:31 PM   #323
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It was the First Republic Day January 26th 1950. The First President of India, Dr. Rajendra Prasad was taking the salute. Prime Minister Jawahar Lal Nehru and his council of ministers were in the VIP enclosure. Sardar Baldev Singh was seated next to Pandit Nehru.

Suddenly the Indian Air Force fleet of bombers flew overhead.

Sardar Baldev Singh was excited. He jumped up and down like a child shouting gleefully, "Bomber, Bomber".

Pandit Nehru was embarrassed. He sternly told Sardar Baldev Singh, "Be Silent."

Sardar Baldev Singh continued to jump up and down, but started shouting, "Omber, Omber",

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Old 29-04-2012, 05:31 PM   #324
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It was becoming unbearable. Pandit Nehru was at his wits end. Every time the cabinet met, there was a foul smell in the room and the ministers instead of discussing important matters of state, held their hankies to their noses and tried to escape as early as possible.

Pandit Nehru hit upon a plan. One by one he called each of his colleauges to his study, individually. When Sardar Baldev Singh walked, the foul odour wafted into Panditji's nostrils. A little enquiry revealed that Sardar Baldev Singh had only one pair of socks which he never washed.

Pandit Nehru admonished him and said , "Baldev get yourself at least pairs of socks. And every day use a fresh pair. Put the old one to wash, so that it is cleaned and fresh for use again."

Next day once again when Sardar Baldev Singh walked in, the foul odour was there. Pandit Nehru upbraided him, "Baldev, did not get a new pair of socks?"

"Of course Panditji, I got it and am waring it." He lifted up his trousers and showed the new pair to Pandit Nehru.

"Then why is the foul smell still there?" asked Pandit Nehru.

"I was sure, you would not believe me, if I said so. So I have brought the old pair with me," said Sardar Baldev Singh and took out the old pair from his pocket and placed on Pandit Nehru's Table.

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Old 29-04-2012, 05:32 PM   #325
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Sardar Baldev Singh was in Bihar on tour. An urgent session of the Parliament was suddenly summoned. On receiving instructions from Pandit Nehru, he took the Deluxe Express to New Delhi. When the train entered Agra, it was time for the news and Sardar Baldev Singh switched on the radio. "This is All India Radia, Delhi. The news read by Pearson Surita....."

As the train steamed to a halt, Sardar Baldev Singh, hurriedly got down and went to the exit. he hailed a taxi. "Take me to Parliament House". The taxi driver was also a Sardar. He recognized Sardar Baldev Singh. So he said, "Sardar Baldev ji, I will take you. This is Agra and not Delhi, but we will reach before the deluxe reaches Delhi. I will ask you a question? If you can answer it I will not charge you anything, but otherwise you have topay me Rs.300/-."

Sardar Baldev Singh agreed. The taxi driver said, "My name is Ram Singh. I am my father's only son. What is my father's son's name?"

Sardar Baldev Singh thought for a long time while the taxi proceeded towards Delhi. They crossed Mathura and Sardar baldev Singh gave up.

He took out Rs.300/- and gave it to the taxi driver. The taxi driver thanked him and said, "My father's son's name is Ram Singh."

After the Parliament session for the day, the members were relaxing after dinner and Pandit Nehru said, "Let us have some entertainment. Any jokes, puzzles, any thing light hearted."

Sardar Baldev Singh said, "I have a question for you all to answer. I am my father's only son. What is my father's son's name?"

Naturally everyone replied Baldev Singh.

Sardar Baldev Singh said, "No all of you are wrong. The name of father's only son is Ram Singh the taxi driver."


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Old 29-04-2012, 05:33 PM   #326
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It was the Commonwealth Meeting and Sardar Baldev Singh was in London as India's Foreign Minister. King Gearge VI felt that his heir apparent Princess Elizabeth should get wel acquainted with the leaders of the new members of the Commonwealth. He accordingly asked to entertain Sardar Baldev Singh.

Princess Elizabeth had some very interesting hobbies and one was a beautiful colection of ducks. She took Sardar Baldev Singh round the Palce Gardens and in the lakes therein showed off her beautiful ducks. Sardar Baldev Singh was very impressed and wanted to complement her on her hobby and the beautiful ducks. Unfortunately the Rustic Sardar from Punjab did not know the English word for duck,
Manfully he complimented Princess Elizabeth and said: "Princess your 'bathaks' are very beautiful".


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Old 29-04-2012, 05:33 PM   #327
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On another occasion Sardar Baldev Singh was shown the Royal Gardens wherein in the front of the Palace, Princess Elizabeth had had the best colection of rose bushes in full bloom. Sardar Baldev Singh was wonerstruck. She then took him around the Palace and near the kitchen at the rear of the Palace showed him a well strocked kitchen garden. She said,"Whenever Philip and I stay here with our children, we get our entire requirement of vegetables from this garden. We don't buy any vegetables from the town market. Sardar Baldev Singh was really impressed and complimented her,"Princess, Your Highness. I don't have words to tell you of my feelings. Madame, your front side is very beautiful but your back side is very useful."


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Old 29-04-2012, 05:34 PM   #328
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Sardar Dara Singh, the great wrestler turned actor, was one day stroling along Juhu beach. Suddenly he was set upon by half a dozen street urchins, who beat him black and blue, and stole his wallet. Sardar Dara Singh did not mind, since the walet contained only a few hundred rupees.

He came home with a torn shirt, swollen lips and a black eye. The Sardarni very worriedly asked him:"Sardar, kya hua? Itni chot kaise?"

Dara Singh told her the full episode. The Sardarni was stunned. She said, "But you are a world class wrestler. Those urchins could not have been a match for you. Why did you let them go?"

Sardar Dara Singh: "Arre - I charge Rs.25,000/- to knock out a person - I was not going to do it for free."


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Old 29-04-2012, 05:34 PM   #329
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Excuses, excuses


The following were all found in notes written by parents to excuse their children's absences from school.

- My son is under the doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.

- Please excuse Mary for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.

- Please eckuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.

- Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.

- Pleazse excuse Roland from P.E. for a few day. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

- John has been absent because he had two teeth taken off his face.

- Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.

- Mary could not come to school because she has been bothered by very close veins.



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Old 29-04-2012, 05:34 PM   #330
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Letter of the Law


On October 13, 1944, the Durham N. C. Sun Reported that a Durhamite had been brought before a Judge Wison in traffic court for having parked his car on a restricted street right in front of a sign that read "No Stoping."

Rather than pleading guilty, the defendant argued that the missing letter in the sign meant that he had not violated the letter of the law. Brandishing a Webster's dictionary, he noted that stoping means:

"Extracting ore from a stope or, loosely, underground."

"Your Honor", said the man, "I am a law-abiding citizen and I didn't extract any ore from the area of the sign. I move that the case be dismissed."

Acknowledging that the defendant hadn't done any illegal mining, the judge declared the man not guilty and commented, "Since this is Friday, the 13th, anything can happen, so I'll turn you loose."



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