Humour Unlimited

[abhisays]

[abhisays]

Height of insult-
Professor to a student in the class- Hey wake up ur neighbour..
student- tune sulaya to tu hi utha....
**************************************
AIEEE RESULTS WERE DECLARED <<
A boy messaged his rank to his friend...
Friend replied :
'abey naya number liya hai kya?'
*****************************************
girl to her blind bf: kash tum dekh sakhte mein kitni khoobsurat hun
boy: itni khubsurat hoti toh kya aakh wale tujhe mere liye chod jate...andha hun pagal nahi..........
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After looking at her result:
Girl: Kya ?? Mai english me fail hogyi??
...
...
...
UNPOSSIBLE !!!!
*****************************************
Mehbooba ke pyar me mar gaya peter..
mehbooba ke pyar me mar gaya peter..
1 meter = 100 centimeter.
******************************************
Babulal started a college. All students were confused while taking admission
Bcoz,
Name of d college is
"Babulal's Medical College of Engineering for Commerce & arts and Science"
******************************************
Girl (Romantically) to Rajnikant- Ek chutki sindoor ki kimat tum kya jano Rajni babu...
Rajanikant-
0.00000000000000000000007892724576 Rs/gram. Mind it
**********************************************
Figure Freak Bhikharin ?
Babu Ji.... 1 Rupaiya de do.... 3 din se bhukhi hun.. ?
Babu Ji ? 3 din se bhukhi hai toh 1 rupaiya ka kya karegi ... ? ?
Bhikharin ? Vajan dekhungi ... kitna kam hua hai.... ?
********************************************
Pappu goes 4 an interview :
Interviewer - Tumhara janm kahan hua tha?
Pappu - Tiruvananthpuram.
Interviewer - Spelling bolo?
Pappu - mazaak kar rah tha GOA me hua tha
********************************************
Santa: Aj mere paas paisa hai, business hai, bangla hai... Tere paas kya hai??
Banta: Mere paas bhi paisa hai, business hai, bangla hai...
Santa: Abey saale!!! Fir hamari maa kiske paas hai??
*********************************************

[abhisays]

[abhisays]

40 really dumb things to do in Mumbai

1.Get into a Virar train if you are going to Borivali
2.Buy 100 buck windcheaters from Churchgate, they are all the ones recycled by the Bhandiwalis
3.Eat Bhel at Kailash Parbat
4.Call a cop ‘Pandu’
5.Argue with a Koli Fisherwoman
6.Get a 11 rupee massage at Girgaum Chowpatty
7.Bet against India in a game, Australia is the safest option
8.Buy enhancement medicines from Van – Travelling Hakims who are the desi versions of the flying doctors
9.Call up 26407383 Beanbags thinking it’s an escort service
10.Avoid asking the Sandwich wallah on Dalal Street for market tips
11.Stand in front of Amitabh/Shah Rukh/Salmaan’s house -- you look stupid and it's a waste of time
12.Go to work when a Shiv Sena bandh is on
13.Visit sleazy video parlours and get caught in a raid
14.Get excited and start jumping when someone offers you Paanch ka Dollar, it’s just a tiny 5 rupee coin
15.Go for a Shiv Sena rally in hope for a Free Vada Pav and Shiv Sena Banian
16.Call a Maharastrian guy Bhaiya, no matter how respectful you meant it
17.While commuting, don’t tease people defecating near the tracks, they throw stones back at the train
18.Hang outside the train, poles might hit you before the crowds will
19.Tease a Hijra
20.Bribe a porter to grab a seat in V.T., chances are he might run off with your money
21.Get conned at Fountain from guys selling cheap mobiles. They mesmerize and wrap soap bars
22.Pronounce Sandhurst correctly, Sandas Rd makes more sense
23.Donate money to the Crying Cab driver. He has conned thousands
24.Invite Brass Polishwalas into your house
25.Assume that booksellers in Fountain are dumb, they know their Pulitzers and Man Booker winners more than us
26.Give 100 bucks to a conductor and expect him to give you change, he will sadistically torment you till the last stop
27.Have lassi outside Dadar Station (west), they add Tissue Paper while preparing it
28.Throw stones at monkeys in Borivali National Park
29.Loiter around in Shivaji Park on Dec 6th
30.Ask for a bargain at the Maharastrian Cloth store in Dadar
31.Go for midnight mass at Mahim church thinking you can pick up girls
32.Buy fire crackers from Essabhai, Crawford Market and travel in train
33.Go to Mondegar and ask for a Jain Pav Bhaji
34.Look straight and walk, We have open manholes
35.Wear Brown Khakis shirts, People will mistake you for BMC staff
36.Ask for Warranty & Guarantee from the Mallu Electronic stalls in Fountain area
37.Search for the Kala Ghoda in Kala Ghoda
38.Ask why statues in Mumbai have one finger pointed like umpires
39.Apply Rai ka Tel on your head and travel by public transport
40.Go to Haji Ali during high tides

[abhisays]

[abhisays]

[abhisays]

[abhisays]

JOB APPLICANT: 'I'd like to accept the post, sir, but the last place I worked for paid me a much higher salary.'

BOSS: 'But they didn't have a generous pension scheme like us, did they?'

JOB APPLICANT: 'Oh, yes - in fact it was much more generous.'

BOSS: 'And bonus payments and overtime?'

JOB APPLICANT: 'Certainly.'

BOSS: 'And six weeks' paid holiday a year?'

JOB APPLICANT: 'Yes.'

BOSS: 'Then why on earth did you leave?'

JOB APPLICANT: 'They went bankrupt .

[abhisays]

[abhisays]