Punography

[internetpremi]

Important Disclaimer

None of these puns are composed by me.

I have always loved this form of humour and I have collected them from a large number of web sites, books, magazines and conversations.
It is not possible to give credit to the authors of these puns as nearly all of them are anonymous.

It is also not practical to give credit to any particular web site or publication for any of these puns as almost all of them have been found on more than one web site and I have no way of knowing who has copied from whom, or who was the first to put them on the web. Besides the web sites have themselves received these puns as contributions from netizens all over the world.

In case any one feels that they own the copyright to any of these puns, and have an objection to those particular puns being part of my collection and being shared here on this forum, please let me know and I will remove those puns.

Thanks and regards
G Vishwanath

[rajnish manga]

Originally Posted by internetpremi

What's the difference between a nicely dressed man on a tricycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle? A tire


In the room the curtains were drawn but the rest of the furniture was real.

Fantastic and outstanding ones of the whole lot.

[internetpremi]

The primary responsibility for child's education is apparent.

For a while Houdini used a lot of trap doors in his act but he was just going through a stage.

An electrician is a bright spark who knows what's watt

When she told me I was average, she was just being mean.

A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender "How much for a beer?" The bartender replies "For you, no charge."

Two atoms are walking down the street and they run into each other. One says to the other "Are you all right?" "No, I lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I'm positive!"

A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree and reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest and writers cramp.

[rajnish manga]

Hungry lion was average but mean to have devoured the reader because he had faith in 'readers digest'.

[internetpremi]

The best ways to communicate with a fish are:
a) to worm your way into the conversation
b) to drop it a line

Did you hear about the optometrist who fell into a lens grinding machine and made a spectacle of himself?

What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoilt milk

What do you call a country where everyone drives a red car? A red carnation.

How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans.

What do you get when you pour cement on a burglar? A hardened criminal

What happens when a marathon runner has ill fitting shoes? He suffers from the agony of defeat
===

[internetpremi]

Where did Noah keep his bees? In the ark hives

What time is it when it is necessary to go to the dentist? Tooth hurty

What lies on the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck

What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs Bunny

What is a mouse’s favorite game? Hide and squeak

How did I escape Iraq? Iran

To err is human, to moo bovine.

[internetpremi]

Do ducks hook up TVs with quaxial cables?

If a cannibal were to attend a political convention, would it be as a del-leg-ate?

The part of Africa that supplies novice gamers is Noobia.

"Yes, I agree to smell like a donkey," Tom assented.

If a dumb student is a moron, is a boring chemistry prof a boron?

A company that makes really large wind chimes could be called "Gong with the Wind".

[internetpremi]

If a good cannibal dies, does s/he go to the Garden of Eaten?


What's the difference between a philanthropist and an orthopedist? A philanthropist foots the bill, while an orthopedist bills the foot.

The motto of the International Timekeeper's Union is "The world is hours".

How about the cannibal who complained about the price of gas, saying it cost an arm and a leg to fill the tank?

Would a picture of a clown removing his/her clothes be a comic strip?

Kleptomaniacs take things literally.

[internetpremi]

When a male snake charmer married a female mortician, their bath towels read Hiss and Hearse.

One of the things funeral home trainees have to practice is loading and unloading a casket from the transportation vehicle. Except it isn't called "practice", it's "re-hearsal".

Are the streets of the capital of Afghanistan paved with Kabul-stones?

Joe: "I am a proponent of birth control for goats!" Moe: "No kidding?"

Is an audience of traitors, turncoats and quislings a sell-out crowd?

The mathematician needed a friend to cosine his loan application.

I was at an ATM yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over.

I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.

When do cannibals leave the table? When everyone's eaten.

[Dr.Shree Vijay]

Originally Posted by internetpremi

When a male snake charmer married a female mortician, their bath towels read Hiss and Hearse.

One of the things funeral home trainees have to practice is loading and unloading a casket from the transportation vehicle. Except it isn't called "practice", it's "re-hearsal".

Nice.........................