Punography

[internetpremi]

I was tempted to push my disobedient son into a volcano, in Brat is lava.

If you want to annihilate an encampment of clowns, don’t hold back: go for the juggle lair.

Little known Russian history fact: it was after only walking into a window that Gorbachev embraced glassnosed. Years of pane followed, but he pursued it untempered. He sharded a new course.

What is an empty coffee cup called? A vacant latte.

Why are farmers unloving? Because farmers are full of hay tread.

President Ford wanted to go to China, but was accused of political Gerry Mandarin.

Weeding is a high-growth industry, but it started as a grasp roots movement. It took a hunch and a good amount of pluck, but now it has people all over the earth on their knees – and they really dig it.

Little known fact: Hallowe’en started in Holland, as a day when shoes were used to plug the dykes. That’s why we now celebrate the soles of the dammed.

[internetpremi]

Book Title Puns -19
Name of book : Author (Internetpremi's explanation, as understood by him)


Perverted Mushrooms: M. Morel (immoral)
Very Precise: Matt Ikulus (meticulous)
Weepy Movie: Maud Lynn (maudlin )
Kingdom of the Flames: M. Pyre (empire)
The TV News Anchorman: Maury Ports (more reports)
Why Cars Stop: M. T. Tank (empty tank)
Do as I Do, Not as I Say: M. U. Layte (emulate)
Pilgrim Settlers: May Flower
Continental Recipes : May O'Nez (mayonnaise)
Italian Cooking: Mac Karoni (macaroni)
Computer Memories: Meg Abight (megabyte)
Round the World: Madge Ellen (magellan)
Irish Soap Operas: Mel O'Drama (melodrama)

[internetpremi]

Book Title Puns -20
Name of book : Author (Internetpremi's explanation, as understood by him)

Caught in a Cyclone: Mel Strom
I Was a Cloakroom Attendant: Mahatma Coate (my hat my coat)
Why I Like Cantaloupe: Melanie Flavour (melony flavour)
Overcoming Nervousness On Radio: Mike Fryte (Mike (microphone) fright)
Clothes for Germ Kings: Mike Robes (microbes)
The Truancy Problem: Marcus Absen (Mark us absent)
Repent At Leisure: Marion Hayste (marry in haste)
Care For A Chop?: Marsh Larts (martial arts)
Ohh, the Pain, the Pain!: Moe N. Grone (moan and groan)
Gambling: Monty Carlos (Monte Carlo)
I Love Bullfighting: Matt Adore (Matador)
I Love Crowds: Morris Merrier (More is merrier)
Fire Me Up!: Matt Chez (Matches)
Scandinavian Photography: Matt Finnish (matt finish)
French Cars: Myra Knault (My Renault)

[internetpremi]

I was traumatized as a child when my parents forced me to play hockey. They’re the ones who drove me to rink.


If you get nostalgic about childhood camping trips you are just living in the past tents.


A pirate ship is assailing vessel.

Issues of the Journal of Poisonous Chemicals were stacked on the periodical table of ailments.


Does God have fleas? Yes, he’s the Lord, all mitey!


Let us not speak of my failure to open a jar. After all, I have pried.

Where do midget terrorists live? Halfghanistan.
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[internetpremi]

Life can be so confusing. It was only after purchasing a dolphin made of glass that I had any clarity of porpoise.

Documentary of affordable Middle Eastern housing: Low Rents of Arabia.

My garden came up crooked. It’s true what they say about the best laid plants…

What would Bernard Bernard Shaw like to call a play about pint-sized invaders: Pygmy-Alien.

When Romeo called to her on the balcony, Juliet knew he was a ledgeable bachelor.

I thought you were lost in a fog. But I was mist taken.

When faced with two different career paths, a window washer will always choose the ladder.

Farming advice: be a fallower, not a weeder.

Atrophy: the only prize for laziness.

[internetpremi]

Full garbage cans are a terrorist threat, also known as Bin Laden.

I can hear music coming out of my printer. I think the paper's jammin' again.


I'm going to buy some velcro for my shoes instead of laces. Why knot?

The scare crow got promoted to the manager at a supermarket, because he was outstanding in his field

After kissing a girl in back of the gym for several hours I said, "You know, this isn't working out."

[rajnish manga]

Puns given at Page No.284, 285 & 286 are simply out of the PUNtry on PUNjab MALE.

[internetpremi]

CHEMISTRY PUNS -1


Boy to chemistry professor :Teach us about absolute zero
Professor : OK

I realized I weighed nothing on a milligram scale and then I was like Omg

I saw my friends sucking balloons with Helium and I was like He He He

What do you do with a sick chemist? if you can't helium, you can't curium you might as will barium.

I was going to tell a Sodium and Hydrogen Pun, but NaH

Argon walks into the bar. The barman tells him "get the hell out".Argon does not react.

How often should I tell jokes about chemistry? Periodically.

Oxygen and Potassium went on a date. It went OK.
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(To be continued)
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[internetpremi]

CHEMISTRY PUNS -2

Is Silicon the same in Spanish? Si

Cats are composed of iron, lithium and neon FeLiNe

You must be full of beryllium, gold and titanium?
Why? 'cos you are Be-Au-Ti-full

Exothermic Reactions? I studied them before they were cool.

What do you call Iron blowing in the wind? Febreeze

I think all the good chemistry jokes Argon

I blew up my chemistry experiment. Oxidants happen

He threw sodium chloride at me! That's a salt!

(To be continued)
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[jitendragarg]

Originally Posted by internetpremi

Full garbage cans are a terrorist threat, also known as Bin Laden.

I can hear music coming out of my printer. I think the paper's jammin' again.


I'm going to buy some velcro for my shoes instead of laces. Why knot?

The scare crow got promoted to the manager at a supermarket, because he was outstanding in his field

After kissing a girl in back of the gym for several hours I said, "You know, this isn't working out."

Completely unheard of, and really funny.