Humour Unlimited

[abhisays]

[abhisays]

[abhisays]

[abhisays]

[abhisays]

[abhisays]

[abhisays]

[abhisays]

How to take care of your wife:


In the world, one single rule applies to the men: Make the Woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points.

Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry,

that's the way the game is played.





Here is a guide to the point system:





SIMPLE DUTIES



-- You make the bed (+1)

-- You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)

-- You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)

-- You go out to buy her what she wants (+5)

-- In the rain (+8)

-- But return with Beer (-5)

-- You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)

-- You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)

-- You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)

-- You pummel it with iron rod (+10)

-- It's her pet (-10)



SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS




-- You stay by her side the entire party (0)

-- You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy (-2)

-- Named Tina (-4)

-- Tina is a dancer (-10)





HER BIRTHDAY







-- You take her out to dinner (0)

-- You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)

-- Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)

-- And it's all-you-can- eat night (-3)

-- It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can- eat night, and your face is painted the colours of your favourite team (-10)








A NIGHT OUT







-- You take her to a movie (+2)

-- You take her to a movie she likes (+4)

-- You take her to a movie you hate (+6)

-- You take her to a movie you like (-2)

-- It's called 'DeathCop' (-3)

-- You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)








YOUR PHYSIQUE







-- You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)

-- You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)

-- You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)

-- You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)








ENJOY THE 'BIG' QUESTION







-- She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) [Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT]

-- You hesitate in responding (-10)

-- You reply, "Where?" (-35)

-- Any other response (-20)





COMMUNICATION







-- When she wants to talk about a problem , you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned _____expression (0)

-- You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)

-- You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)

-- She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000)

[abhisays]

[abhisays]

These are real life anecdotes shared by IT people.
__________________________________________________ ___________
Bhavik

I once left home to go to the market wearing my ID card
and did not realize till my friend asked me why I was wearing it !!!!

__________________________________________________ ___________

Bhabani

Once I was flashing my ID card instead of unlocking the house door with keys.

__________________________________________________ ________

Ashok

Few days back I slept at 12:00 in the night and woke up in the morning
at 7:00 and suddenly thought that I haven't completed 8 hours and
laughed at myself when I realized that I am at home.

__________________________________________________ ________

Jyotsna

Me and my friends went out for dinner in one of the best restaurants. .
And as I finished.. I started walking towards the wash basin with Plates in my hand..
__________________________________________________ _________

Kiran

Once I was on call with my father and mom was not around.
I went on to ask, "Why is she not attending the status call?"
__________________________________________________ _______

Bipul

I don't login to orkut, yahoo, gmail, youtube, etc..
at my personal internet connection at home...
thinking it will be blocked any way.
Till I realize - I am at home.
__________________________________________________ __________

Rohit

Yeah sometimes it do happens with me also.
keeping hands in front of tap for waiting
water to drop by itself is very frequent with me.
I just forget that we have to turn on and off the tap....
__________________________________________________ __________

Nidhi

Once after talking to one of my friends
I ended the conversation saying,
" Ok bye...in case of any issues will call u back"
__________________________________________________ _________

Nisha

Sometimes when I mistakenly delete a message
from my mobile, I hope for a second, maybe it’s in the recycle bin

__________________________________________________ _____________

Nisha

I gave my office mail id and password to access Gmail and
wondered when they became invalid???

__________________________________________________ ________

Sandeep

Once I went to a pharmacy n asked for a tab....
pharmacist asked whether I want 250mg or 500mg.....
I replied 256mb....thank god he didn't notice.
__________________________________________________ __________

Ashwin

Me getting a thought of doing an Alt+Tab while switching
from a news channel to the DVD while watching TV.
__________________________________________________ ___________

Vidyarthi

And I - after a forty hour marathon in Bhubaneshwar with Powerbuilder,
decided to take a break and went to a movie. In the middle of the movie,
when I wanted to check the time,
I kept repeatedly glancing at the bottom right corner of the theatre screen!




........Dont know if they are real but a couple of them happened with me