Humour Unlimited

[abhisays]

What MEN / WOMEN Says and What their actual Meanings.


WOMEN'S WORDS

1. Yes = No

2. No = Yes

3. Maybe = No

4. We need = I want

5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry

6. We need to talk = you're in trouble

7. Fine, go ahead = you better not

8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later

9. I am not upset = of course I am upset, you idiot!

10. You're very attentive tonight = is s@x all you ever think about?



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MEN'S WORDS


1. I am hungry = I am hungry

2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy

3. I am tired = I am tired

4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!

5. I love you = let's have s@x now

6. I am bored = Do you want to have s@x?

7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have s@x with you

8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have s@x with you

9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have s@x with you

10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have s@x with you

[abhisays]

Love Lust & Marriage

LOVE - When your eyes meet across a crowded room.


LUST- when your tongues meet across a crowded room.


MARRIAGE - When you try to lose your spouse in a crowded room.

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LOVE - When intercourse is called "making love."


LUST - When intercourse is called "screwing."


MARRIAGE - When intercourse is a town in Pennsylvania. There really is one.

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LOVE - When you argue over how many children to have.


LUST - When you argue over who gets the wet spot?


MARRIAGE - When you argue over whose idea it was to have kids.

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LOVE - When you share everything you own.


LUST - When you steal everything they own.


MARRIAGE - When the bank owns everything.

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LOVE - When it doesn't matter if you don't climax.


LUST - When the relationship is over if you don't climax.


MARRIAGE - When . . . Uh . . . what's a climax?

[abhisays]

Distinction between "Guts " and "Balls"

Medical Distinctions

We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them?

In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below...


GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"


BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say: "You're next."


I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.

Medically speaking , there is no difference in the outcome, since both ultimately result in death.

[abhisays]

The KGB had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists — two men and one woman. For the final test, the KGB agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

"We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. You have to kill her."

The first man said."You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife,"

The agent replies, "Then you're not the right man for this job."

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes.

Then the agent came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent replies, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."

Finally, it was the woman's turn. Only she was told to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman.

She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, "You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. So I had to beat him to death with the chair."

[abhisays]

This could happen to you.

I was barely sitting down in the bathroom when I heard a voice from the other stall saying:

"Hi, how are you?"

I'm not the type to start a conversation in the restroom but I don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed,

"Doin' just fine!"

And the other person says: "So what are you up to?"

What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say:

"Uhhh, I'm like you, just traveling!"

At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question.

"Can I come over?"

OK, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell them ,

"No........I'm a little busy right now!!!"

Then I hear the person say nervously...

"Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions."

[abhisays]

[abhisays]

Biwi vo hoti hai jo,

Shaadi ke baad apne husband ki

ki saari aadadto

ko badal deti hai,

aur baad me kehti hai ki,

"aap pehle jaise nahi rahe".

[abhisays]

7 days before exam.. DAY 1-itne easy exam me itni
chuttiyaan...haha...aaram se ho jayega..! DAY 2-abhi toh 6...6 din pade h..huh! DAY 3-aaj toh yaar uske ghar jana
tha ..yahan jana tha vahan jana tha..kal
padhenge.. DAY 4-aaj padhunga..puri raat...10
baje...off to sleep..kal pakka.. DAY 5-bhai syllabus bta-- bs itna sa
main yun hi tension le ra hun...! DAY 6-kya padhu kuch samajh nahi aa
rha..ye karta hun..nahi ye karta
hun...ye ..vo ..ye .,,vo...."GHANTA padhu
ab" DAY 7-abey tune kitna kar liya....? kuch bhi ni bhai tune kitna ? abey lagi padi h...bhai paper ka
jugaaad kar lo paise mila k.. kar lo bhai bol ra hun..
.
.
.
.
. .
"ON EXAMINATION DAY" "kaash ek din aur mil jata..faad deta
subject..!!" xD xD

[abhisays]

[abhisays]