Punography

[internetpremi]

Smokers and cigarettes have a lung-distance relationship.

A good pun is its own reword

Why question Mark at the end of his statement?

You must be a teacher, because you've got class.

Why was the Italian chef late? Because it was already pasta dinner time.

Which US state has the smallest soft drinks? Minisoda

A book fell on my head and I only have my shelf to blame...

[internetpremi]

What is Mozart doing right now? De-composing.

What is a secret agents most common fetish? Bondage

Changing my name to DPI might be good for my image.

Some daze I just can't seem to focus.

What moisturiser do bullfighters use? Olay.

Seven days without a pun makes one weak.

[internetpremi]

What do you call someone without a body or a nose? Nobody knows.

I don't enjoy computer jokes; Not one bit .

Why can't two doctors be in the same place? Because that would be a pair-o-docs!

I wanted to be a suicide bomber but I just can't live like that.

We never got the tent up because of all the missed stakes we had.

The successful farmer was often noted as being outstanding in his field.

[internetpremi]

She's happy to make a pair of pants for you, or at least sew its seams.

What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? Bison.

I have to choose between Emma Watson and Emma Stone? I'm in a dilEmma.

What's Michelle Obama's favorite vegetable? Barackoli.

Know any jokes about Sodium? Na.

Why did I divide sin by tan? Just cos.

[internetpremi]

What do you call a fake noodle? Impasta.

Wear short sleeves. Support your right to bear arms.

If you want a pretty nurse, you've got to be patient.

After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a historian, until I realized there was no future in it.

I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.

I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way

[rajnish manga]

Originally Posted by internetpremi

What do you call a fake noodle? Impasta.

Wear short sleeves. Support your right to bear arms.

If you want a pretty nurse, you've got to be patient.

After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a historian, until I realized there was no future in it.

I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.

I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way

Humour flows out of these situational phrases like the nectar does from a ripe fruit. Thanks.

[internetpremi]

Yes, Rajneeshji.

It is a special type of humour in many cases.
Often the first time we read it, we don't understand it.
We need to read again and think a bit, before it strikes us.
Some puns will never be understood by us however much we think them over, as the situations or context are foreign Even if explained later, we will not be able to enjoy the humour. I have been careful to omit such puns.

I believe that Puns are an "intelligent form of humour", compared to jokes.

Also, I believe, there is tremendous scope for Hinglish puns, that we Desis can enjoy. I am on the lookout for them but have not found too many of them. I am sure they will be much more entertaining for us and it is my wish to have such a collection. When two languages can be combined the scope for punning is increased manifold.

Glad to note you are reading and enjoying these puns and that encourages me to continue my efforts.

I will continue "mining" the internet to unearth as many of these gems as I can and post them here. They are scattered far and wide and quite a few posted here are from obscure sites which even Google may omit to mention, or mention too far down in its list.

Regards
GV

[internetpremi]

The geologist went to the doctor because he had a loss of apatite.

While practicing the drums in the basement, the boy fell, hit his head, and got a percussion.

I tried to look up impotence on the Internet but nothing came up.

Workers in an upholstery business demanded a wage hike to cushion the high cost of living.

The coin artist promised he'll change his profession to something noteworthy.


What happened to the rich guy with the double chin? He made a four chin.

[internetpremi]

Why did the agricultural presentation go so smoothly? They planted questions.

Some doting parents are son worshipers.

A summer is a mathematician.

When the investor came home from work he was spent.

The boy who got electrocuted was unable to give a statement because he was still shocked at the incident.

The marine biology student took a math course called algae-bra.

When the rubber market bounced, it was latex news.

Always trust a glue salesman. They tend to stick to their word.

[internetpremi]

When video arcades switched to a system of tokens, there was no quarter asked or given.

The cat burglar was accused of felineous intent.

Since I've taken the job in The Everglades I've been swamped!

The crusty, ill-tempered baker was a scone's throw from becoming toast.

To make sure cargo trucks aren't too heavy, police operate on the principle that where there's a wheel there's a weigh.

The pilot was a loner but even for him flying a drone was just too remote.