Punography

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A good pun is its own reword.
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I bet the butcher the other day that he couldn’t reach the meat that was on the top shelf. He refused to take the bet, saying that the steaks were too high.
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Did you hear about the optometrist who fell into a lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself?
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Where do you find giant snails? On the ends of giants’ fingers.
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Santa’s helpers are subordinate Clauses.
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[Dr.Shree Vijay]

Nice Quote................

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Animal Puns
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Biologists have recently produced immortal frogs by removing their vocal cords. They can't croak.

The best way to communicate with a fish is to drop them a line.

On the surface of things whales are always blowing it.

The marine biology seminars weren’t for entertainment, but were created for educational porpoises.

A horse is a very stable animal.

If you hear it from the horse's mouth you're listening to a neigh sayer.

There were three horses on a ship including a sick bay.

After the horse ate all of his hay he had a baleful look about him.

One horse said to another: your pace is familiar but I don't remember the mane.

Sign at a deer crossing: The Buck Stops Here.

A zoo had a camel with no humps named 'Humphrey.'

He bought a donkey because he thought he might get a kick out of it.

Male deer have buck teeth.

The best way to stop a charging bull is to take away his credit card.

When a cow gives birth she not only gives cream, she is de-calf-inated.

[rajnish manga]

One needs a great deal of AQ (Animal Quotient) to understand the above statements in letter & spirit.

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More animal/insect Puns


A cat ate some cheese and waited for a mouse with baited breath.



A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was ticketed for littering.

In the winter my dog wears his coat, but in the summer he wears his coat and pants.

One grasshopper told another about eating corn. It went in one ear and out the other.

Scientists have created a flea from scratch.

Insects that make honey are always on their best bee-hive-iour.

When a new hive is done bees have a house swarming party.

A smelly ant was expelled from the colony because he was deodorant.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

A toothless termite walked into a tavern and said, "Is the bar tender here?"

Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

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Puns on Birds and Fowl
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A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

The flock of doves decided to stage a coo.

Peacocks are meticulous because they show attention to de tail.

The duck said to the bartender, 'put it on my bill.'

It’s amazing how eagles catch their prey, they must be really talon-ted.

Birds are grouchy in the morning because their bills are over dew.

When a vulture flies, he takes carrion luggage.

An angry bird landed on a door knob. Then flew off the handle.

The chicken crossed the playground to get to the other slide.

Nature reserves are an eagle opportunity employer.

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Energizer Bunny arrested -- charged with battery.

It's OK to watch an elephant bathe as they usually have their trunks on.

Have you ever heard of an honest cheetah?

A skunk fell in the river and stank to the bottom.

An elephant's opinion carries a lot of weight.

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1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.


5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"


8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

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Men do make passes at girls who wear glasses, it depends on their frames. ~ Dorothy Parker.



I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now.

I'm inclined to be laid back.

I don't know what possessed me to attend that seance.

A rule of grammar: double negatives are a no-no. ~ Zac Hill


I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it.

A prisoner's favorite punctuation mark is the period. It marks the end of his sentence


They told me I was gullible and I believed them.

One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

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A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood!

What did Barack Obama say to Michelle when he proposed? "I don't wanna be Obama self"

For a while, Houdini used a lot of trap doors in his act, but he was just going through a stage.

When the window fell into the incinerator, it was a pane in the ash to retrieve.

If Anne hath a will, Anne Hathaway.

It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.

The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

It's raining cats and dogs. Well, as long as it doesn't reindeer.

Did you hear about the fire at the circus? The heat was in tents.

She got fired from the hot dog stand for putting her hair in a bun.

The magician got so mad he pulled his hare out.