Punography

[internetpremi]

The geologist went to the doctor because he had a loss of apatite.

While practicing the drums in the basement, the boy fell, hit his head, and got a percussion.

I tried to look up impotence on the Internet but nothing came up.

Workers in an upholstery business demanded a wage hike to cushion the high cost of living.

The coin artist promised he'll change his profession to something noteworthy.


What happened to the rich guy with the double chin? He made a four chin.

[internetpremi]

Why did the agricultural presentation go so smoothly? They planted questions.

Some doting parents are son worshipers.

A summer is a mathematician.

When the investor came home from work he was spent.

The boy who got electrocuted was unable to give a statement because he was still shocked at the incident.

The marine biology student took a math course called algae-bra.

When the rubber market bounced, it was latex news.

Always trust a glue salesman. They tend to stick to their word.

[internetpremi]

When video arcades switched to a system of tokens, there was no quarter asked or given.

The cat burglar was accused of felineous intent.

Since I've taken the job in The Everglades I've been swamped!

The crusty, ill-tempered baker was a scone's throw from becoming toast.

To make sure cargo trucks aren't too heavy, police operate on the principle that where there's a wheel there's a weigh.

The pilot was a loner but even for him flying a drone was just too remote.

[internetpremi]

I suspected our new house guest was a terrorist. He asked to sleep on a blow up mattress.

When my granddaughter lost her baby molar she was demolarised and brushed the tooth fairy claim.

Back in the days when the guillotine was first used, people wondered, is this what we may beheaded for in the future?

I told the psychiatrist that I was afraid of strangers talking about the founder of stoicism. He said I had zenophobia.

Getting this job managing a country estate has put me off fried eggs. I'm a gamekeeper turned poacher.

A tennis exponent always has a gut feeling beforehand that he will beat his opponent.

[internetpremi]

I can't drink milk. I lactose genes required to digest it.

I love you mower today than yesterday, but not as mulch as tomorrow.

Did you hear about the man who was jabbed in the back with a set of keys? His back locked up.


The international jewel thieves were hard to catch because they had a good ring leader.

After hours of waiting for the bowling alley to open, we finally got the ball rolling.

Finding all possible logical relations between a finite collection of sets is not a matter of If but Venn.

Vertical living is flat dwelling.

[internetpremi]

I was struggling to figure out how lightning works then it struck me.

I had a novel idea for a new book but got in a bind so I shelved it. It's time to start a new chapter now.

The origami artist won the court case because he was good with paperwork.

When the town removed billboards, they told people that's how it was designed.

During the trial, a lawyer objected to the audiologist's testimony, calling it hearsay.

To me the end result of a can-do attitude is positively candid.
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[internetpremi]

The shoemaker did not deny his apprentice anything he needed. He gave his awl.

A pun spun with a good yarn gets fabricated!

Dentists on death fill their last cavity.

His job in the city sewers ended when he got smell shock and succumbed in the stenches.


Surprises is the knight in charge of awards.

I heard Einstein got along well with his parents ... relatively speaking.

What kind of flooring do alligator hunters use? Reptiles!

[internetpremi]

It's tough to know exactly what some philosophers looked like. Sometimes the only way might be to ex-Hume them.

Did you hear about the farmer who got attacked by a cow? He milked it for all it was worth.

The trampoline was on sale for fifty per cent off. Needless to say I jumped on the offer.

Conjoined twins aren't the only twins with special connections.

The mother kangaroo tried to instill good financial habits in her baby. She told him to pocket all his allowance.

I went to a buffet dinner with my neighbor, who is a taxidermist. After such a big meal, I was stuffed.

[internetpremi]

Tying up a circle may take a lot of chords.

'Because' is a word to the whys.

I tried my first soft drink. It was sodalicious!

Soup operas were the big winners at the Cans Film Festival.

Podiatrists like legumes and tomatoes!

The portrait artist made extra money as a census taker. He was good at canvasing people.

[internetpremi]

My skiing skills are really going downhill.

Deaf mathematicians communicate through sin language.

Have you heard the joke about the bomb? It had no impact.

I hate people who don’t have all their digits. I am lack-toes intolerant.

I can’t eat breakfast without a couple slices of wheat on the side because I’m lack-toast intolerant.

People with guns who say "Give me your money " , You've got to hand it to them.


What did the pencil say to the pencil sharpener?
Stop going around in circles and get to the point!