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Old 18-04-2015, 11:14 PM   #1
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Post मेरी कलम से.....

कभी-कभी सोचती हूँ कि क्यों चाहती हूँ तुम्हें?
तुम मेरे "हमसफर" हो इसलिये या मेरे हमसफर "तुम" हो इसलिये.....


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Last edited by Pavitra; 18-04-2015 at 11:43 PM.
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Old 20-04-2015, 06:24 PM   #2
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Default Re: मेरी कलम से.....

Jabardast hai.
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Old 20-04-2015, 11:07 PM   #3
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Default Re: मेरी कलम से.....

खुद जल के कर सकूँ तुम्हें रौशन
तुम्हारे दिये की बाती होना चाहती हूँ

तुम्हारी सुगन्ध के झोखों में बह सकूँ
पेड से टूटी वो पाती होना चाहती हूँ

तुम्हारे साँचे में ढल कर बन जाऊँ तुम्हारे जैसी
बढा सकूँ तुम्हारी वो ख्याति होना चाहती हूँ

तुम्हारे दिये की बाती होना चाहती हूँ



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Old 20-04-2015, 11:18 PM   #4
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Default Re: मेरी कलम से.....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pavitra View Post
कभी-कभी सोचती हूँ कि क्यों चाहती हूँ तुम्हें?
तुम मेरे "हमसफर" हो इसलिये या मेरे हमसफर "तुम" हो इसलिये.....


बहूत बहूत बढिया! ईसे कहते है...पहले ही बोल में छग्गा!
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Old 20-04-2015, 11:23 PM   #5
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Default Re: मेरी कलम से.....

Quote:
Originally Posted by rajat vynar View Post
jabardast hai.
Quote:
Originally Posted by deep_ View Post
बहूत बहूत बढिया! ईसे कहते है...पहले ही बोल में छग्गा!

आप दोनों का बहुत बहुत धन्यवाद .....मुझे नहीं पता कि वास्तव में मैंने अच्छा लिखा है या नहीं पर आप लोगों से मिली प्रेरणा का ही असर है कि मैंने कविता लिखने का प्रयास किया ......वरना आप भी जानते ही हैं कि कोशिश और इच्छा तो बहुत समय से थी पर इतनी योग्यता नहीं थी.....
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Old 21-04-2015, 05:24 PM   #6
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Default Re: मेरी कलम से.....

Quote:
Originally Posted by pavitra View Post
कभी-कभी सोचती हूँ कि क्यों चाहती हूँ तुम्हें?
तुम मेरे "हमसफर" हो इसलिये या मेरे हमसफर "तुम" हो इसलिये.....



Quote:
Originally Posted by pavitra View Post
खुद जल के कर सकूँ तुम्हें रौशन
तुम्हारे दिये की बाती होना चाहती हूँ

तुम्हारी सुगन्ध के झोखों में बह सकूँ
पेड से टूटी वो पाती होना चाहती हूँ

तुम्हारे साँचे में ढल कर बन जाऊँ तुम्हारे जैसी
बढा सकूँ तुम्हारी वो ख्याति होना चाहती हूँ

तुम्हारे दिये की बाती होना चाहती हूँ




दोनों रचनाओं में नवीनता और अभिव्यक्ति की तीव्रता है. धन्यवाद, पवित्रा जी.
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Old 21-04-2015, 08:35 PM   #7
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Talking Re: मेरी कलम से.....

मुझे पता था कि आपकी वापसी ज़रूर होगी और आप निःसन्देह रूप से कविता लिखना सीखने का ही प्रयत्न कर रही होंगी, क्योंकि आपको पता ही है कि आपको कविता लिखना न आने के कारण मुझे बहुत सदमा पहुँचा था! किन्तु अफ़सोस, आपको कविता लिखना अब आ गया है, किन्तु मेरा सदमा कम होने की जगह अब दोगुना हो गया है. कारण- आपकी कविता वर्ष १९५९ में लोकार्पित हिन्दी फ़ीचर फिल्म 'धूल का फूल' के गीत 'तेरे प्यार का आसरा चाहता हूँ... वफ़ा कर रहा हूँ, वफ़ा चाहता हूँ...' की धुन पर है. दिया और बाती वाला कॉन्सेप्ट मुझे पसन्द है, मगर बाती बनने से क्या होगा? दीपक में रौशनी ही कितनी होती है? पेट्रोमैक्स का फिलामेंट बनने का उदाहरण कविता में दिया जाता तो कितना अच्छा लगता? कितनी रोशनी होती और सारे संसार में प्रकाश छा जाता। चलिए कोई बात नहीं, आपकी कोशिश अच्छी है, प्रसंशनीय है. अब इस गीत के धुन पर कोई कविता लिखने का प्रयत्न करिए- 'हँस-हँस कर सहेंगे गम, ये प्यार न होगा कम, सनम तेरी क़सम.'
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Old 23-04-2015, 02:43 PM   #8
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Default Re: मेरी कलम से.....

Quote:
Originally Posted by pavitra View Post
आप दोनों का बहुत बहुत धन्यवाद .....मुझे नहीं पता कि वास्तव में मैंने अच्छा लिखा है या नहीं पर आप लोगों से मिली प्रेरणा का ही असर है कि मैंने कविता लिखने का प्रयास किया ......वरना आप भी जानते ही हैं कि कोशिश और इच्छा तो बहुत समय से थी पर इतनी योग्यता नहीं थी.....


बहुत बहुत अछि तरह आपने ये पहली कविता लिखी है पवित्रा जी एइसे ही प्रयास जारी रखियेगा लिखना न छोड़ियेगा देखना कितना सुन्दर आप आगे भी लिखोगे आपकी पहली कविता इतनी अछि है तो आगे तो आप बहुत अच्छा लिख सकते हो

बहुत बहुत अभिनन्दन इस कविता के लिए हमे इंतजार रहेगा आपकी दूसरी कविता का ...धन्यवाद और ढेर सारी बधाइयाँ स्वीकार कीजियेगा अपनी इस नवीन रचना के लिए .

Last edited by soni pushpa; 24-04-2015 at 11:22 AM.
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Old 24-04-2015, 09:06 PM   #9
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Default Re: मेरी कलम से.....

उत्साहवर्धन के लिये आप सभी का बहुत बहुत धन्यवाद.......
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Old 03-05-2015, 03:14 PM   #10
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Default Re: मेरी कलम से.....

क्या फर्क पडता है कि किस-किस की नजर तुम पर है ,
मुझे तो बस परवाह है कि तुम्हारी निगाहों में कौन बसता है ....


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