TOP 100 funniest one-liners on the internet!

[dipu]

Good going

[internetpremi]

That reminds me about the statistician who stated that if you put your head in an oven and your feet in a refrigerator, on an average you should be quite comfortable.

[internetpremi]

Originally Posted by internetpremi

That reminds me about the statistician who stated that if you put your head in an oven and your feet in a refrigerator, on an average you should be quite comfortable.

That was with reference to the following quote on page 3

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?

[internetpremi]

Originally Posted by bindujain

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Reminds me the old quote:

A hospital is a place where the nurse wakes you up to give you a sleeping pill.

[internetpremi]

Originally Posted by bindujain

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are ****.

Reminds me of the old joke about bald men.
There are three groups of bald men.
1)Those who are are bald in the front. They think.
2) Those who are bald at the back. They are ****.
3) Those who are bald in the front and at the back. They think they are ****.

[internetpremi]

Here are some more one liiners
I received this from a friend by email with subject "Punography"

· I changed my iPod name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

· I tried to catch some fog. I mist.

· When chemists die, they barium.


· A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

· I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

· How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

· I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

· This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

· I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.

· I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

· They told me I had type A blood, but it was a type-O.

· A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

· PMS jokes aren't funny, period.

· Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.


· I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

· Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

· When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

· What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.

· Broken pencils are pointless.

· What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

· England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

· I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

· I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

· All the toilets in New York 's police stations have been stolen. Police have nothing to go on.

· I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.


· Velcro - what a rip off!

· Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.

· Venison for dinner? Oh deer!

· Earthquake in Washington obviously government's fault.

· I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.