TOP 100 funniest one-liners on the internet!

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If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

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Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

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We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

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War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

[bindujain]

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

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Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.

[bindujain]

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

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My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.

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Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

[bindujain]

The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.