Punography

[Dr.Shree Vijay]

Originally Posted by internetpremi

I am back in India now
I just got my internet connection from BSNL, restored at my house.
I hope to resume my postings shortly.

Regards to all
GV

आपका अपनों के बिच हार्दिक सुस्वागतम :

[jitendragarg]

This thread is now like Fevicol.

[internetpremi]

Why did Obama need to go shopping for nylons?
Because – he lost the support of the hose.

The dyslexic experimental farmer couldn’t believe they caught the guy behind Kiwi-leeks.

So what if I wear jeans every day. Don’t denim grade me! Leave I alone.

The boat maker was taken hostage, and held for transom.

I thought Star Trek had made its last movie. I Spock too soon.

When I die, please skip the embalming. I’m not one for empty formaldehydes. These are my final odours.

Those with amputated feet have no soles.


If you need someone to park your bicycle, look for a man with a handle bar must-stash.

I can’t help but stare at large mansions, especially since my wife always tells me to watch my manors.

I rent rowboats: I’m from new oar liens

Is Rowan Atkinson’s career over yet? They should call him Mr. Been.


This Football World Cup was one for the Guinness Book of Redcards.

====================

[internetpremi]

Shakespeare’s works have recently been climbing up the bestseller charts. It’s a sonnet boom!

I wish telemarketers would take ban-call a days.

Bored? Try dissecting a testicle. You’ll halve a ball.

The kid who microwaved his toy construction blocks ended up with Legoo.

If it weren’t for half its population, Belgium would have an unFlemished reputation.

Sleeping pills are art. They have anaesthetic quality.

If you can drink away your hurts, it must have been champagne.

Divorce is measured by the ex-change rate.

[internetpremi]

When invited to attend a scientists' ball:

Pierre and Marie Curie were radiating enthusiasm.
Einstein thought it would be relatively easy to attend.
Volta was electrified and Archimedes, buoyant at the thought.
Ampere was worried he wasn't up to current research.
Ohm resisted the idea at first.
Boyle said he was under too much pressure.
Edison thought it would be an illuminating experience.
Watt reckoned it would be a good way to let off steam.
Stephenson thought the whole idea was loco.
Wilbur Wright accepted, provided he and Orville could get a flight.
Dr Jekyll declined -- he hadn't been feeling himself lately.
Morse's reply: "I'll be there on the dot. Can't stop now. Must dash."
Heisenberg was uncertain if he could make it.
Hertz said in the future he planned to attend with greater frequency.
Henry begged off due to a low capacity for alcohol.
Hawking said he'd try to string enough time together to make a space in his schedule.
Darwin said he'd have to see what evolved.
Schrodinger had to take his cat to the vet, or did he?
Mendel said he'd put some things together and see what came out.
Descartes said he'd think about it.
Newton was moved to attend.
Gauss was asked to attend because of his magnetic personality.

[internetpremi]

I sang my children to sleep. Does that make me a kid napper?

I must write a new blog entry, post haste!

I find the most unmotivated people live in Lackawanna, New York.

If you sketched of all my worst qualities, it would make quite a poor trait.

Happy Pi Day! You all look radians.

For a man to be teased by a flightless bird is rather emusculating.

If Shakespeare were alive today, he’d write Oil Wells that End Well.

A declawed cat has limited paws abilities.

[internetpremi]

Creating genetic hybrids of a species is known as animalgamation.

Which Greek philosopher was great at football? Soccerates [or was it Peléto?].

I hate math. And when I think about integers divisible by two, I feel even number.

Passing gas takes courage, aka intestinal fartitude.

My friend Amy gained weight by eating her husband! They charged her with Big Amy.

I am comforted by porcelain gnomes. In a way they’re like my garden angels.

Do data miners work at the query?

[internetpremi]

During a tornado, there is always a column before the storm.

I hate watering the lawn. It really irrigates me.

There is a clothes laundering shop in India that sells prosthetic phalanges: A dhobi faux toe shop

With the iPad, the sun is setting on dusktop computing.

Hitler in France: “Veni vidi Vichy“?

The first manual transmission cars were make shift.

Can ice cube trays be improved? You’ll have to undertake a freezability study.

Japanese shoguns were not allowed to carry concealed weapons.

[internetpremi]

For relief during cosmetic surgery they use an aesthetic.

One day my friend asked me, how do you take such good care of your saxophone. I responded with tenor, love and care.

Is the training given to expectant parents apparenticeship?

Studying earthquakes rocks, but sometimes it is not always what it is cracked up to be.

Neuter your dog - an ounce of prevention is better than a pound of curs.

The owner of the hair salon had to make cuts on his staff.

What part of the United States produces the largest number of cardiologists? The heartland.

'I got lost in the streets of Paris,' he said ruefully.

Why are all businessmen fat? Must be all the inflation.

[Dr.Shree Vijay]

Thanks for Nice updating.........